"You stupid idiot, why did you do this?"
Chloe didn't get an answer, just another whine and more shivering. Lucifer's pale skin was wet and cold, but at least his breathing had become more relaxed.
"I should take care of this...but I have no idea how to treat such a wound." She mumbled mostly to herself while she continued to stroke his hair and check the wound from time to time to see if it had stopped bleeding.
After a while she heard another sob.
"Don't worry, Detective, just leave me here. It will get better in a few hours, then I'll take care of the other one."
If the first one hadn't grown back by then, but he didn't add that thought.
His hoarse voice brought her out of her thoughts.
"What? NO! I won't let this happen, Lucifer."
He laughed and it was so full of self hate, she didn't know whether to hug or slap him. But she could also hear the fear in there. Fear? Of what? That she would leave? That she wouldn't? That she would actually take care of him? Why should she do this anyway?
"I'm a grown up Devil, I can take care of myself."
"This is not taking care of yourself." She stroked her hand again through his blood caked hair. His mind was coming back - his body, on the other hand, was still in a very bad state.
"Do you want to risk an infection? Or die of blood loss? Is that even possible for you?"
"Why not?" Nobody would miss me anyway was another thought he didn't add.
"You are an idiot."
"No, I'm the Devil."
"You are an idiotic Devil. I don't want your death."
"But...I scared you, I disgust you."
When she didn't reply he tried to get off her lap, but as weak as he was, it didn't work and Chloe wouldn't let him.
"Maybe, but still, I don't want you to die."
Lucifer sneered. "Don't lie to me Detective, don't forget who you are talking to."
How could she forget?
"It wasn't a lie, I want you healthy and happy."
This time the hurt angel snorted. How could he be happy? There was no happy end for the Devil.
"Go, be with Ca...Pierce, like you want to be, but please be careful around him."
That was it? That was all it took for Lucifer to act like this? Just because her boss had faked a date which was surprisingly good and they had gone on other dates afterwards? But why? he had no right to be hurt, especially not with his behaviour over the last few weeks.
"Who said that?"
Another snort.
"What is it that you desire, Lucifer?"
For the first time since she had sat down, his head moved and she could see the look in his eyes as the drug-induced fog cleared. His eyes were watery; it was just a question, a question he asked several times a day, but it seemed like nobody had ever asked him that before. Was she really the first and only one? Emotional baggage, broken and scared... Linda had told her, and it was true.
It was so unreal - an angel, a scared archangel and she was his anchor. "I...I…"
"Please tell me, just one time, no half truths, no evasion - what is it that the Devil desires, Lucifer? Deep in his heart, because I know you have one."
Chloe smiled at him. She could see the little boy he was behind all the walls, the boy he was inside behind all the masks, trying not to get hurt again.
Walls she had managed to tear down.
"You…" Lucifer closed his eyes, too ashamed to look at her. Ashamed... him. The Devil.
Hilarious. He could already hear her laugh, but none came. And he couldn't understand her anyway. The Devil and a happy end? How ridiculous.
Chloe started stroking his hair again. It was such a pleasant experience that it felt like...well, heaven.
He wished she would never stop.
And the Detective? Her head was empty after hearing this, for after Candy she had thought everything was back to normal with him. He acted like it - he had even stopped the flirting, and he pushed her away whenever they started coming closer.
Because of fear of rejection or who and what he was.
Of course, it was better to keep their partnership than risking losing her, at least in his eyes.
And now that she could understand, she reacted badly, really badly. She was still not over this, but again, the hurt reaction after he told her his desire shook her. His eyes were still pressed closed, like he was just waiting for her to run, to leave, to punch or shoot him...? Probably all of it.
"Let's get you clean, okay? We need to take care of your back."
"What?" Okay, that seemed to be the last thing he had expected.
"Let's clean you up, and let me take care of your wound - please." She stroked his cheek, a move he hadn't expected either and he flinched away before he leaned into it.
"Do you think you can stand up? Come on, let's try, shall we?"
Chloe used her 'worried mom' voice right now; Lucifer needed it, like Trixie did when she was sick or hurt. And he was both at the moment.
The Devil sat up, very slowly, the wing moving with him. It was fascinating, even if it looked painful and was like a horror movie scene.
"See? That wasn't that hard, was it?"
Lucifer shook his head. "No, but you really don't need to stay, or pretend to care for me."
"But I do, you idiot. Okay this is something big - I need to get over it, but I care for my friend and partner. Even if he is a celestial, dense idiot!"
If he hadn't been injured or had a kicked puppy look, she totally would have slapped him now, but instead she pulled him onto his feet.
It felt weird for Lucifer. The drugs were mostly flushed out by his metabolism by now, but his head was still spinning and his legs wobbly. He leaned onto his detective so he wouldn't fall.
And something else was just strange - his whole body felt weird and out of balance, but okay, he had never needed to stand with one wing, not to mention"'walk" in this state.
Walking wasn't exactly the term, for he was mostly swaying on his feet while Chloe dragged him to his bathroom and his ridiculously big shower. She avoided even looking at the cruel scene on the balcony. The thought alone was enough to make her want to run again.
She helped Lucifer sit down on the floor comfortably enough since he couldn't lean against the wall.
"You still didn't tell me why you are doing this." Lucifer sighed.
So did Chloe. "Like I said, I care for you, and I won't leave you here in this state. Trix is with a babysitter, so we have all night. Oooooh no, don't even think of getting rid of me tonight. I won't let you hurt yourself again with the other...wing."
Lucifer huffed like a three year old while she tested the water temperature.
Pretty warm, so it should be enough. She started to get rid of the blood.
She started on his wing, well, as good as she could, for the feathers stayed red and stuck together - this would take some time. She would take care of those later - other stuff was more important right now.
Chloe carefully washed as much blood as possible out off his hair and face. He still couldn't look directly at her, but she could see he was in pain. His body still shivered, despite the warm water.
"I need...your back needs to be cleaned." She could hardly speak. The thought of this injury alone made her nauseous, so she cleaned his back as much as possible, avoiding the nasty wound before she started splashing water on it carefully and slowly.
Lucifer's body tensed, but he didn't allow himself to make any pained noise.
Maybe he was restraining himself? Chloe had to hurry, for her best friend was hurting.
"Do you have a first aid kit?"
Lucifer snorted. "What for?" And as if he could feel her 'mom look' he sighed a little. "If I own such a thing, it would be behind the bar."
"Okay, I'll look for it later. Now we have to get you out of here and into your bed."
"Why are you still here, Detective? Don't you have places to be? Lieutenants to date and everything?"
If Lucifer hadn't been injured that badly… Chloe lost count on her urge to slap him today.
"Becau-"
"Don't tell me because we are friends or because you care. My memories are pretty jumbled because of the best trip ever, but don't lie to me."
"What are you expecting me to say, Lucifer? I totally didn't want to walk into your little self mutilation gore party."
Chloe grabbed a towel and dabbed it softly over Lucifer's back. She did it to cause as little pain as possible and because it was caring - she always did that with Trixie when she grazed her knee.
The remaining wing on his back twitched a little, which startled her, but Chloe didn't allow herself to react. She would need a lot of time to get used to this.
"I'm here because I wanted to know why you acted so strangely. You lying in your own blood was the least I expected."
Lucifer tensed again when the towel touched the base of his cut-off wing. She was still asking herself how he could do this. Why? Cutting off a limb? This was really extreme and yet he tried to play it down?
Something was fundamentally wrong with him or something big must have thrown him off track.
After his back was dry, she threw the towel aside and helped the Devil back on his feet.
He was still very wobbly and she needed to support him to get him to his bed.
It was an exhausting mission, but she made it. Her nausea was back when they passed the blood on the floor where Lucifer had dragged himself towards her.
Damn, she was a trained and experienced cop. She saw crime scenes every day, but this here was so completely different.
The Devil winced when he was lowered onto his mattress. His eyes were still a little unfocused, but it wasn't a surprise. What worried her more was his silent manner. Normally Lucifer couldn't shut up for 5 minutes to save his life. But now?
Chloe threw a blanket over his lower half. She'd had enough naked Devil for one day and after the struggle to get him out of his trousers and boxer shorts for the shower, she was too drained to fight with him again. Instead she went to grab the first aid kit. It was indeed behind the bar, dusty and old, probably from the time he got this bar built in. Maybe she would ask him later.
Now she had a big wound to take care of. The bandages, gauze and band aids looked good so far.
She grabbed a bottle from his shelf to disinfect the wound, which made her partner squirm away a little.
Badass Lucifer Morningstar could slice off his wing, but not stand a little alcohol? Unbelievable! Okay, it wasn't funny, but it helped bring some normality to this situation.
She also placed the gauze on the injury. It wasn't bleeding that badly anymore, which should have been impossible, but maybe it was some supernatural stuff?
At the moment she was glad for it. Chloe wrapped him in bandages afterwards and looked at her fine work.
"Should I get you any painkillers? Do you have some?" She hesitated, for he had done so many drugs that it maybe was dangerous for him to take more.
Lucifer snorted again. "Detective, I can eat those pills like smarties, so no."
"But you are in pain."
"I'm used to it, don't worry." And again she used her 'mom look' and the devil rolled his eyes and whined a little. "Fine! There is something I can take. In my dressing room is a suitcase on the table - my private stash - go and get the little clear bag for me. The white pills, not the capsules or the greenish ones."
