Luckily, the bald princess was still alive and yet still comatose, and they continued on their journey. The third princess was said to a maiden of the ocean, and a kiss was supposed to make her able to walk on land.

"So you have to kiss a fish," said Grantaire as he pulled Prince Marius's horse with the bald princess tied clumsily atop it. She... he... had taken a tumble off of it five times already today, and Marius worried that the princess would eventually perish, or suffer from severe head trauma when or if he ever awoke.

"You don't believe in mermaids?"

"I don't believe you're having much luck with women so far. Plus, you're a piss poor kisser. Maybe that's the problem! Should I try kissing this one?"

"No."

"You are right. For it may be my kiss that breaks this poor sap's spell, but I am afraid he could not break mine."

"How do you know?"

"He is not my one true love!"

Marius rolled his eyes.

After another two days of travel, they finally reached the raging shores of lore. Grantaire immediately began to ramble about Triton, and Marius left him and the bald princess behind to scout for the maiden of the ocean.

His father's advisor had been unclear on this part of the journey. Was there a call Marius was supposed to use to lure the maiden?

Before he could try a song he learned from childhood, a huge wave crashed and pulled Marius into the deep of the water. He flailed; he did not know how to swim. Before the lack of oxygen could overtake him, he felt two arms wrap around him and pull him to the surface and then to the shore.

When he opened his eyes, he saw a naked man staring down upon him. Marius shot up, nearly head butting the man in the nose.

"Where am I?" he cried, but the scenery around him was that of a beach with waves rolling upon the sand. He looked down and saw that he still wore his trousers, and he sighed in relief.

Then, next to him, he saw the tail of a rather large fish. He yelped and jumped to the side. The wider angle of view allowed him to see that the tail of the fish was attached to the man.

Marius gaped. The merfolk were real after all!

"Forgive me, monsieur," said the merman as he scratched his nose. "I hope I did not spread my illness to you. I have come down with the most awful cold, but I could not float by as a man of the land drowned to his death."

"I... thank you, I suppose," said Marius warily. How does one talk to a merman?

"You suppose? Surely you did not mean to kill yourself!"

"No! No, that is not what I meant. I, ah, really do truly appreciate you saving my life."

The merman smiled. "What were you doing so close to these shores anyway?"

"I was, uh, looking for a maiden of the ocean, if you perhaps know who... she is...?"

"A maiden of the ocean? I am the merman of the ocean! Do you perhaps mean me?"

"No, a maiden. That is what my father's advisor said. I am to rescue a maiden of the ocean in order to help bring peace to my father's kingdom."

"There is no maiden of the ocean. I am a merman of the ocean in desperate need of rescuing, however! And I will certainly repay you by helping you bring peace."

Marius frowned. "There is no maiden?"

"No maiden."

Grantaire laughed from behind Marius. "Looks like you have another man to kiss, Marius!"

Marius and the merman balked, but it was the merman who protested.

"No, no, no! That is not how I am to be rescued! I am in need to recover from my cold, but I cannot do that in the ocean, you see! And yet, I will not survive long on land like this. If you could help me grow legs, perhaps I have a chance to become healthy once more!"

"Well, Marius, you did say you needed to help someone from the ocean be able to walk on land."

"Yes, but..."

"If he kisses me, he might catch my cold!"

Grantaire grabbed the bald princess and gently placed him on the ground. "Then kiss him! He's in a coma. He will not be able to catch your cold."

"I don't think that's how it works..."

"What's the harm in trying?"

And so the merman sighed and kissed the bald princess. To Marius's surprise, the bald princess opened his eyes.

"You," said the bald princess. "You are my one true love!"

And the merman, Marius noticed, was no longer a merman but a stark-naked human man. He smiled down upon the bald princess, who smiled widely back.

"And you are mine!" the merman cried. "I am Joly."

"And I am Bossuet."

"What is happening?" Marius moaned.