I own nothing. It's been a hectic few weeks so I should be updating a little more now that its over. This chapter is based on the song "Dirty Little Secret" by The All American Rejects. Review!
Note: This is told in a flashback to Helen Donnelly's funeral.
"It all started when Jenny called Bridgette to tell her that Mrs. Donnelly had died…."
I don't even know how I got to New York. I can't remember anything since that phone call. Helen Donnelly was dead. The woman I grew up with had died. My mother was just as bad as I was but she was in no way up to coming home. Every limb was numb like I was in some sort of alternate universe. I stood in front of my old neighborhood church. It looked as if the whole neighborhood came. I couldn't bring myself to walk in. I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around and saw Kate Farrell. She embraced me instantly. Kate was a neighbor of mine and my mother had always taken care of Matthew. She pulled away and I saw Matthew. I bent down to his level and he embraced me. I thought he would be more reluctant but he wasn't.
"Are you ok, sweetie?" Kate asked. I noticed how nervous Matthew seemed so I pulled a toy car out of my bag. It seemed weird that I had a toy car but my mother had wanted me to give this to him. I gave the car to Matthew and he smiled. Kate smiled graciously at me.
"I'm more worried about the boys." I said to her returning to the conversation. She squeezed my arm and grabbed Matthews's hand.
"I going to get Matthew settled. Funerals are hard on him." She said.
"I understand." We embraced again and she walked inside. I looked around and my eyes caught Jenny. She was talking to some people in the neighborhood. I made my way towards her. She looked as bad as I did. As soon as she saw me she ran towards me and embraced me. We both didn't want to let go but we did. When we pulled away we both had tears pouring out.
"You being here is going to make it easier on all of us." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
"I just wish the last time I saw her wasn't so long ago. It's just- "
"It wasn't like you didn't talk to her every week. You were like a daughter to her. You and I were the only girls Helen actually liked." Jenny and I laughed. There was a silence when we were done. I looked around quickly and spotted the boys next to the hearse. I than looked back at Jenny.
"Jenny, do the boys know that you called me?" I said nervously.
"Tommy does. He wants you to sit with us." I turned back. I didn't want to make my way toward them but Jenny pulled me along. All the boys were huddled together. They looked horrible. As soon as Tommy saw me he stopped talking lowly to Kevin. All the boys turned their attention to me. I didn't need to say any words my eyes were doing all the talking. I still had tears tattooed on my cheeks. Tommy was the first to pick me up into his arms.
"She really would have loved that you're here." He whispered in my ear. He pulled away and I turned my self to Jimmy. He did the same thing and so did Sean. Lastly, I turned to Kevin. He and I just stared at each other until his six foot frame fell into me. I felt his tears spilling down my shoulder and I couldn't help but cry too. Kevin was never one to show emotion but when it came to his mother it was totally different story. It was hard on Jenny and I but we would never understand how they felt. He pulled away and held my hand.
"I asked Bridgette to sit with us." Jenny said to Tommy. He nodded and went over to the casket. Kevin let go of my hand and followed Tommy. Jenny and I walked into the church and waited for the casket to pass us.
The Funeral went past in a blur. Kevin and I sat next to each other. His arm was laid across my shoulder. He pulled me closer whenever his mother was mentioned. Tommy got up and made one of the most heartfelt speeches. All of us were sobbing. I swear Kevin and I stopped breathing for a few moments but we held on to one another to make it go away. I don't believe Kevin and I would have made it through the mass without each other. I believe that Helen wanted it that way.
The wake was of course at the Firecracker. Kevin and I slipped out after a few minutes. He and I walked in silence for a few moments until he's words flew out.
"I killed Dokey." I squeezed his hand tighter.
"I know." I whispered. Kevin and I sat and talked about everything that had happened. Kevin thought I would be scared.
"I'm not the same person that you left a year ago. I don't have a conscience." I grabbed his face.
"Kevin, you have a conscience." I said reassuringly.
"Even that. Why would you still want to be near me?" He turned away. I threw my hand around his neck and made him look at me.
"Kevin, I always wanted you near me. I just needed to be away. I needed to go to a place where I didn't have the Donnelly's protecting me." Kevin smiled. I let my hand fall away from his neck but he caught it and placed it back. He came closer until his lips caught mine. I swear all sense was lost as soon as Kevin's lips touched mine. I felt his hand sliding down my back. I pushed him off quickly. He took it as rejection and began to walk away.
"Kevin, No- I mean just not here." Kevin ran back towards me. His apartment was just up the street. We both ran as quickly as possible. I didn't even expect us to get up the stairs but we did and bolted the lock. It wasn't good if one of the boys saw us. Both are clothes were gone in a matter of seconds. His body was pressed up against mine. I could feel both are hearts racing in time. I just looked into his eyes and knew it was the right thing to do.
Kevin and I walked back to the bar in silence. The door swung open. Only the Donnelly's and their girls were in the bar. The place was an absolute mess. I sighed. I don't think I can handle this. I grabbed Kevin's hand and pulled him out of the bar. I leaned up and caught his lips. I pulled away when his lips hungered for ore.
"I love you." I said and walked back into the bar. Kevin and I didn't talk for the rest of the night. I played with the ring upon my finger. I wish it had never come to this. Jenny noticed my hand and glared at me. She pulled me aside.
"Please, tell me that-this" She grabbed my hand. "Is an old family heirloom..."
"I'm leaving tonight. I need to figure some things out." I felt the tears pouring out again. I looked over to Kevin. He smiled at me. "I can't hurt him. I can't hurt myself." I grabbed a napkin and pen and began to jot down a few things. "Please give this to him but wait until I leave." I stayed for a few more hours than I walked home. I also walked out of Kevin's life.
"We thought she would be gone for good but it only lasted a month. I never did find out what she wrote on that napkin but after Jenny gave it to Kevin. He barely even got out of bed. All I know is that this was the pinnacle of their relationship." Joey stopped and looked up at another prison guard standing there.
"You know some people are trying to sleep." The officer said. Joey laid his head down and tried to go to sleep but he knew that he couldn't with all the images flowing through his brain when his life made sense.
