Fuck. Fucking fuck fuck fuck. Fuck!
That seems to be the only thing that Beca can think of today. They are currently riding in the car, just about to arrive at the hotel. Besides saying each other's names, neither Chloe nor Beca has said a word. Aubrey and Jessie are in the front, talking quietly amongst themselves. Beca has to admit that they are cute together. They're holding hands over the gear shift, and every now and then, Beca can see Jessie run his thumb over her hand.
Chloe is sitting on the far side of the back seat with her, looking out her window. Her face is pinched, and her body is tense. Beca knows that when they finally do get to the hotel, they have to sit and have the dreaded conversation. Speaking of, they are pulling into the valet now.
Sighing, Beca steps out of the car and silently grabs her bags. She falls behind as she follows the group to the check in desk. She is so into her thoughts, that she doesn't pay attention to the conversation her friends are having at the reception desk. It isn't until she hears a loud protest, that she finally focuses in on what is happening.
"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Beca looks up to see it's Chloe, of all people, who is freaking out. She doesn't know what is going on, but from Chloe's expression as well as her stance, she knows Chloe is fucking pissed!
"No way in fucking hell, Brey!"
Aubrey has the decency to flinch in response and look apologetic. Jessie, just looks downright nervous. Confused on what's going on, Beca steps forward.
"What's going on? Where's the key to my room?"
"Well..you see Beca..." Jesse starts, but doesn't continue. Beca knows something is definitely wrong when he starts rubbing the back of his neck and looks sheepish.
Chloe is still glaring at Aubrey but remains silent.
"For fucks sake, will someone tell me what's going on?"
Beca's blood goes cold with the next words that is spoken.
"Well, turns out we were only able to get two rooms instead of three due to some convention in town." Aubrey starts off nervously. Biting her lip, she looks between Chloe and Beca before continuing. "So, uh, that means you have to room with Chloe..."
Oh fucking shit.
No way. No fucking way in hell that will happen. One, Chloe hates her. Two, Chloe hates her and might try to murder her in the night. Three, Chloe fucking hates her!
"I-I'll just go to another hotel and try rent a room there." Yeah, that should work. She has money now. Even if it's a five star hotel, it'll be better than this. Fuck, anything would be better than this.
"No luck Beca. The convention took all the available lodging in the city." Jesse replies sheepishly. She can easily tell by his tone, as well as Aubrey's guilty face that this wasn't planned at all. They didn't set her and Chloe up for this. This was an honest mistake. Fuck.
Sighing, Beca looks up to the ceiling and lets out a loud groan. This is gonna be fan-fucking-tastic. Her and Chloe together in the same room...after three years apart...after she broke Chloe's heart. Yeah, what could possibly go wrong?
"Fuck. Fine. Whatever." Snatching the keys out of Aubrey's hand, Beca starts stomping her way over to the elevator. She knows she might be overreacting, but she should be allowed to, dammit! She can still hear Chloe arguing with Aubrey behind her, but she doesn't care to listen. She knows nothing isn't going to change.
Heading up to their room, Beca tries to think of what to say to the redhead once she arrives. Now that they'll be staying in the same room, they'll definitely have to get through that conversation and talk things out. Sighing again, for probably the millionth time that day, Beca opens the door and steps into the room.
Fucking fuck fuck fuck. FUCK!
One bed. One queen size bed. One fucking bed. There isn't even a couch. Yup. Beca Mitchell will be killed tonight. May she rest in peace. Suddenly, she hears someone step up behind her in the doorway and freeze.
"Fuck."
Of course, this had to happen. Chloe Beale is known for her happiness and sunshine, but for some reason today, the world is just against her. First she finds out she has to see the girl who broke her heart at her best friend's wedding. Then, she finds out she has to spend a couple weeks with the girl who broke her heart, because they were both in the wedding. Next, she finds out they have to stay in the same room together for those two weeks. Now, they have to share a bed! What the fuck!
Don't get her wrong. Despite common belief, Chloe isn't mad that Beca is here, or that she has to see her. It's not even close to being angry. No, Chloe is scared. Till today, as much as she wants to deny it to others and herself, Chloe is still very much in love with one Beca Mitchell. She loves her, and she knows she always will. But she can't open herself up like that again. She can't get hurt again. Now, being here, and now knowing she has to share a bed with her, Chloe knows she's screwed. There's no way she'll be able to keep her closed off. Especially, if Beca starts acting like Beca. The closed off, trying to be badass, lovable idiot.
Sighing, Chloe scoots past the frozen form of one Beca Mitchell, and enters into the room. They have to talk, and as much as she wishes they didn't, she knows its best to do it now before anything else happens. They can't keep holding this tension between them. Especially with the wedding coming up. It's not fair to Aubrey and Jesse. This is their time, and it's not fair for them to tiptoe around her and Beca when they should be focusing on themselves and their wedding.
She pulls her bags into a corner quietly, before sitting down on the bed. Beca is still standing frozen at the door, but now she is looking at Chloe. Chloe knows every single one of Beca's expressions. She knows Beca like the back of her hand. Beca is cautious, but she is nervous as well. Her face is furrowed but keeps biting her lower lip. Knowing that Beca won't do anything first, Chloe beckons her to the bed to take seat so they can talk.
This is it. Beca follows Chloe's prompt and sits next to her on the bed. She was looking at her earlier, but now that this conversation is actually happening, she can't seem to find the confidence to look her in the eye. She knows exactly what she wants to say, but she's scared to do so. Jesse's words ring in her ears though. She's the one who fucked things up, she's the one who needs to fix things. Looking down at her hands, Beca starts softly.
"Chloe..I..There are no words I can say to you right now that will make what I did okay, nor to express how much I regret it. I panicked, and I freaked out, and I hurt you." Beca can feel the tears building up in her eyes. Usually, she's ashamed to be caught crying, but this is Chloe, and this needs to happen.
"I never wanted to hurt you. You are...you were my best friend." Wiping the tears running down her cheeks, Beca takes a deep breath before looking up into crystal blue eyes. Chloe is also silently crying, but she is holding the eye contact. "I am so sorry Chloe. I wish I could take it back. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I do. I wish I wasn't an idiot, I wish I didn't hurt you. These past few years, I was empty. There were so many times something happened, and I wanted to pick up the phone to tell my best friend. There were so many times when something went wrong, and I needed my best friend to tell me everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't, and it fucking kills me to know it was because of me that I couldn't do that. Because I was a fucking scared little girl, I lost my best friend. I lost you, and I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry Chloe!" Beca finishes her rant in sobs.
Chloe doesn't know what to say. Beca is sitting there with her face in her hands sobbing. Part of Chloe wants to pull her in and hold her like she used to. Help soothe her and calm her down. Another part of her continues to remain cautious around the young brunette. Wiping her tears, Chloe looks up to the ceiling and tries to gather her thoughts. She knows Beca is being honest about her regret. She knows Beca. But it still doesn't help how she feels.
Clearing her throat, Chloe attempts to speak. "I..You..Maybe..." Sighing, Chloe scoots closer and grabs Beca's hands, removing them from her face. Despite the red rimmed eyes, the tear soaked face, and messy hair, Beca continues to be beautiful. She is so beautiful. Chloe carefully raises her hand and gently wipes away the tears from Beca's face before holding her hands once again.
"I won't lie and say that you didn't hurt me. You did, extremely so. But I also knew why you did and why you ran. You forget that I know you Beca. I know you. And because of that, I could never hate you, let alone be mad at you. I was hurt, yes, but I couldn't ever find myself angry, and I hated that about myself. For a while, I hated myself because of how I felt towards you. I became very destructive and I was in a bad place for a long time."
More tears leak out of Beca's eyes at Chloe's words. When Aubrey finally did find her, she told Beca all about Chloe's depression phase, and she did not hold back any details. Fuck, hearing what Chloe was doing to herself, because of what she had done, had killed her. To hear about it again from Chloe herself ... Beca felt the knife digging in more deeply.
"But Aubrey pulled me out of it, and I am doing so much better now. Beca, you broke my heart that day, and it fucking hurt. But I am still here, and I am still living." Taking a breath, Chloe looks down at their hands briefly. Just like they used to, they fit together perfectly. Once again wiping the tears from Beca's face, Chloe continues.
"I forgive you. I forgive you Beca." With those words, Beca breaks down again, squeezing Chloe's hands tighter. She doesn't deserve her. She doesn't deserve Chloe Beale in her life. "I miss my best friend Beca. And I'm not saying we jump right back to where we used to be, but can we at least try? I miss you Becs."
Catching her breath, Beca looks up. Chloe is so beautiful. She hasn't changed. She is so forgiving, and she surely doesn't deserve her in her life. But here she is, forgiving Beca, and asking to return into her life. Beca knows she will never mess this up again. She can't. She knows she doesn't deserve to be anywhere near Chloe, let alone be her friend again, but she is going to damn well try her best.
"I don't know how you can forgive me for what I did to you. I can't even forgive myself, nor do I think I ever will. But I've missed you too Chlo. So much. I don't deserve you, but if you do give me a second chance, I'll promise you to never fuck up again. I promise to try my fucking hardest to be what you need me to be. Whatever that may be, I'll be it, I'll do it. Just tell me."
Smiling softly, Chloe once again wipes the tears off Beca's face. "Beca, we're human. We are supposed to make mistakes, or as you say it, fuck up. I get that, and like I said, I know exactly why you did what you did. That is why I can forgive you. And Becs, please don't ever let me hear you say you don't deserve me, again. You do deserve me. You are an amazing woman and I am proud to be in your life. Don't you get it Beca? I am proud to know you, to be in your life, and to have you as a friend. Despite what happened, I am so proud, and I always will be."
Chloe pulls Beca into a hug and holds her softly. Smiling, Beca wraps her arms around Chloe's waist and buries her face into her neck. They fit so well, it feels like they've never stopped.
This right here, Beca thinks, as she squeezes tighter. This is home. Chloe is home.
