Sakura stood and simply looked at it for a moment. Sure, it was the most old and ugly piece furniture she had ever seen, but it looked exactly like the day she had first seen it. Slowly and carefully, as though afraid of destroying the atmosphere around it, she sat down and just let herself sink back into it and take a deep breath, taking in the wonderful scent.
Yes. This is it, she thought with a big clutch of sorrow inside. This is as close as it gets.
She had placed it in her living-room, which was practically the same room as her kitchen, only parted with half a wall. In the most eye-catching spot, just beneath the bigger window with the low coffee table which she always hit her leg on in front of it.
She wasn't sure if she was allowed to do something like that, but obviously she didn't care.
When she had seen the undefined-brownish sofa from Kakashi's apartment again, it was just outside his block. Someone had been moving out his furniture and left the sofa unguarded on the street. That was one thing they should not have done and Sakura had seen her chance.She had gotten Shikamaru to help her moving it, not because he was the best helper one could get, and definitely not because he was easily persuaded, but he was too lazy to bother telling anyone that she was stealing her old sensei's sofa, which would be considered strange by a lot of people. Which was why she hadn't asked Ino. If she had, they would know it in Suna by now.
She closed her eyes and massaged her temples—one of the new little annoying things she had begun doing lately—and before she knew it she was back in another dream involving silvered hair.
It had always been completely dark before sunrise in Konoha. Today however, the sky was dark grey, and she could see the last morning stars. Sakura cuddled into her pillows again. She had made the center of her little home the sofa, where she slept, ate, and wrote her reports.
To Sakura's dismay it had begun smelling more like her than Kakashi, although that was only to be expected seeing as she practically camped there.
She had been zapping through the channels like a dozen times and eaten like a dozen pizzas, and the boxes were all stacked on each other on the coffee table. Except of one, which she had taped to the corner of the table, as a protection for her leg which had gotten so many blue marks she couldn't count them anymore.
She hadn't slept much since the day Tsunade told her about Kakashi.
She hadn't talked with Tsunade since, either. Or anyone else for that matter.
She couldn't keep doing that. At some point it had to end. It was not like they had been married or anything. Maybe she should come to grips with it, and get over herself.
Other people went through much worse things without getting themselves killed, and there was no reason why she was being so silly about such a small thing.
Mrs. Pentre on the floor above her had her husband die last month, for example. Her kids had left her about a year ago, and then her cat died yesterday.
How did Sakura know that? She had met her in the stairs. Mrs. Pentre wasn't sleeping either.
Sakura stared up at the ceiling, tired of watching bad videos and macabre documentaries.
She hadn't been eating pizza for a while either. She silently counted the days on her fingers. Four days.
Training was a great deal easier however. When she trained she could forget the world around her and just concentrate on her own heartbeat and the rush of adrenalin. Sakura sighed. She had been training a lot.
The funeral had been great. She didn't go.
She didn't know why, it just didn't feel like it wasn't necessary. She had taken her umbrella out for a walk instead, and held her own memorial, in her own way.
Maybe she should have been there, it was expected of her, and if she had, then maybe she wouldn't have kept on wasting the days like she did. Maybe she could have gone on like nothing happened.
She left the house with some coffee at 5 a.m. ready to take the night-shift from a very tired Akari, the enormous disaster of a nurse who always left the hospital upside down, which was why Sakura got the shift after her. After checking the pulse on several patients, she made herself comfortable with a coffee in the small hospital-office.
She had gone on like that many nights. Since Kakashi's death she had begun only taking the night-watches, and staying in bed all day. Somehow she felt it wouldn't do any good to go out. It was not just because Kakashi had died. It was also because of the fact that ninjas were on life-endangering missions almost every day, and if everyone died anyway it didn't make sense to try meet new people. She knew it was a silly reason.
Hopefully she would get over the crisis—it sure felt like a real crisis, like the ones that were serious. She had always thought people over-exaggerated crises, but now… it was pathetic that she would rather not meet anyone mortal, who could die at any time, than to enjoy spending time with them in the spare time they were there for her.
Ino had already hit her for it several times.
"Get on that stupid red dress of yours and get your cute ass out partying tonight!"
Of course she had somehow managed to follow Ino's advice, get insanely drunk and snog both some innocent "older-than-her-("Stupid-drunk-forehead!")-jonin", and an innocent Shikamaru, who she pulled away from his chess-game—he only struggling weakly and framing himself when he added "how troublesome," as Ino slapped him.
"Innocent little Sakura! You're a bloody fucking idiot to take advantage of her state! I'm not going to forget this. Ever. And I'm not done with you yet, damn jerk!" and a lot of other things Sakura did not recall because she chose that particular time to throw up the cherry cocktails instead (the expensive ones). All on one night.
Ino had then finally dragged her home, leaving her on her bed with a: "I'll come get you again when you are less stupid. Till then, stay in your bed and answer your goddamn phone!" She had then pulled it from its place on the wall and thrown the thing at him.
Sakura sighed. That was what she had done the last month. Staying in bed, sometimes meditating, training sometimes at night too, feeling sorry for herself while sipping her tea and not answering her phone. She tried to ignore the little innocent 'not', even if she did think she wouldn't be able to ignore it anymore when Ino came banging on her door, which she would definitely be doing someday soon.
Even her family, who hadn't called her once since she moved out, had begun leaving her weird messages.
Sakuras' answer-machine: (A couple of days ago. Probably filled up since last checked.)
"Hey Sakura-Chan. I just got a little worried; we all are, in fact, so call me. Us. Umm. Come eat some ramen, I'll drop by tomorrow yeah? Go Sakura-Chan!" Beep.
"Hey again. Just forgot, it was me, Naruto you know." Beep.
"Me again. Shikamaru's not angry you know…" There was a bit of laughing from Ino, Choji and Shikamaru in the back of the room "… Ino-pig isn't either." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "She just pretends to be because she's in love with Shika." Slaps were heard in the background. Beep.
"Hey Honey! It's your birthday soon! So call us! Your dad and I planned a surprise party! Isn't that exiting? ('Great you remember to inform the one that should be surprised') Just call us Sweetie." Beep.
Sometimes she was really embarrassed by her mother, even when no one else was around. It was like a constant reminder that she had been her cute, little, totally humiliated Sakura once. All mothers were probably like that.
Silence. "Hey Sakura… Naruto told me to call." There was a pause again, where Sasuke probably considered saying something more. But he didn't. "Don't call me back." He then signed of. Beep.
When even Sasuke was worried she should probably call somebody, she thought to herself. Then she lay back on her bed, snuggling into the blankets and going over her memories with Kakashi again. Or not.
