A/N: I want to say thank you to any who have come back to read more, and as always, I'm grateful for feedback. Please keep reviewing and letting me know how I'm doing - I hope that you readers enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it!
Chapter Three
Stags and Sorrow
"I'm fine." Harry blinked the spots from his eyes, gritting his teeth. His mother's face slowly came into view, looking concerned. Glancing at his father, who hadn't moved from his chair, Harry realized that James looked as though his head were about to explode.
"My son defeated Voldemort twice, and escaped him yet another time?" James asked incredulously.
"Escaped him two more times, actually," Ron corrected him. Harry glared at him, but Ron merely shrugged and said, "Hermione's right, mate. They need to know."
"You've suffered broken bones before, and probably even worse injuries?" James continued. "And that's only tidbits of the whole story, casually mentioned? How much more is there?"
"Listen, someone's coming," Harry told Lily. "My arm will be healed up in a moment."
A few seconds later, two people entered the room: a wizard, looking gray and tired, with heavily patched robes, and a red-haired, plump witch.
"Remus!" James shouted, jumping to his feet.
"James." Remus Lupin strode across the room and hugged his old friend tightly. "At first, I thought Dumbledore was telling us some kind of joke... but he's never led us astray before. And it's you, I can tell from your eyes."
James hugged him back. "You've no idea how good it is to see your face!"
They let go, and then Remus hugged Lily.
"Hello, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said to Ron's mother, who was still hovering near the door. "It's good to see you."
"It's good to see you, too, dear," Mrs. Weasley murmured, coming over to him. "I can fix your arm for you, it'll only take a minute. Dumbledore should have let me fix it the moment you got here, but - "
"It's all right," Harry mumbled, still feeling dizzy.
Mrs. Weasley slowly moved her wand up and down the length of Harry's forearm, murmuring quietly. Harry could feel the pieces of bone gently repositioning themselves until they were back in place, and then, with a light tap of her wand, Mrs. Weasley fused the pieces back together. Gingerly, Harry stretched out his arm and bent his elbow a few times. The pain was entirely gone.
"Thank you," Harry said gratefully, and when he stood up, Mrs. Weasley embraced him quickly.
"We should get downstairs," she said after releasing him. Harry could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes for a moment, but before he could be sure, she turned away and headed for the door. "Dumbledore wants everyone to meet in the kitchen now, you know, to see..."
"Wait," James said. "Before we go, there's one more thing I'd like to know, Harry. How were you so sure that it was really me after seeing my Animagus form? You never did explain."
"My Patronus takes the form of a stag," Harry said. "The same exact stag that you become."
"Really? Can I see?" James asked excitedly.
"In a moment," Remus hinted. "Actually, I think Dumbledore intends for Harry to perform the charm in front of everyone."
The seven of them made their way out of the room. Harry was almost out when Remus called from behind, "Harry, a quick word, please."
Remus waited until the others were out of earshot before speaking again.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm here," he said gently, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder. "You've had an incredible shock today and I imagine that you want nothing more right now than to go lie down somewhere. But if you ever need help with anything - anything at all - I hope you'll come to me."
"Sirius," Harry blurted out. He hadn't dared to say a word yet, but alone with Remus, he felt that it was the only chance he would get to address his growing apprehension. "They don't know yet. About what happened. I think my dad's probably guessed that this is his house, but... he'll want to know where he is."
"I can tell them, Harry, you don't have to -"
"No, I should do it," Harry said, taking a deep breath. "After all, so much of what happened was my fault. I was just wondering if maybe... you'd be there when I tell them?"
"Of course. But Harry, none of that was your fault, you know that."
Harry left without answering.
The others had been waiting for them outside the kitchen door. Remus took his place next to Mrs. Weasley, and Harry fell in at the back beside Ron and Hermione. As a large group, they entered the kitchen. Harry heard several gasps and then absolute silence when Lily and James passed through the door. Glancing around, Harry realized he'd never seen the kitchen at Grimmauld Place as full as it was that night - it seemed to him that nearly every Order member he'd met was present, including all of Ron's family except Ginny and Percy, Mad-Eye Moody and Nymphadora Tonks, and even Professor McGonagall, his Hogwarts Transfiguration teacher.
"At last we are all together," Dumbledore said, breaking the silence. "I think it would be best if we allowed everyone to see the likeness between Harry's Patronus and James's Animagus form. James, if you would transform, please..."
"Sir, doesn't it matter that I'm doing underage magic?" Harry asked, ignoring the sounds of several more sharp intakes of breath as his father turned into a stag.
"I think you'll find that the Ministry is more than willing to make a few allowances for you, Harry," Dumbledore told him, his eyes twinkling. "And as I told you a few months ago, while you're here, the Ministry will not know. As your Headmaster, I give you my - er - official permission, just this once."
"Right," said Harry, grinning a little. He pulled out his wand, and thought, something happy... He didn't need to look far. Harry didn't think that the type of ecstasy he felt when he saw his father's Animagus form for the first time could measure up to any other happy memories he had. "Expecto Patronum!"
A huge silvery-white stag burst from the tip of his wand, cantered around the room once, and then came to rest next to James. For several seconds it remained there, motionless, while the wizards and witches in the room leaned forward, craning their necks to compare the two figures. They were completely identical in every way. Then Harry's Patronus vanished and James transformed back to his normal state.
"Did you see, Lily? It was exactly the same!" James said excitedly. There was some chuckling throughout the room.
"Yes, I saw," said Lily, looking impressed as well as amused. "Harry, when did you learn to do a Patronus Charm? That's a powerful spell, and to have such a clear shape like that..."
"Remus taught me, in my third year," Harry said, feeling uncomfortable with so many people listening in.
"You were thirteen? Why on earth - "
"I can tell you later," Harry muttered, feeling more awkward still.
"Yes, at the moment, I think several people would like to ask you some questions," Remus said to Lily.
As various members of the Order began to pelt James and Lily with inquiries, Harry found a bit of wall to lean against and closed his eyes.
He tried listening for a few minutes. but no one seemed to be getting any important information he hadn't already heard from his parents, and his attention soon began to waver. How was he supposed to break it to James that his best friend was dead? Harry felt that he should be celebrating, but he couldn't stop worrying about what his father's reaction would be.
Opening his eyes, Harry noticed that Hermione appeared to be deeply absorbed in the conversation. Probably memorizing every word, Harry thought, torn between irritation and amusement with her. Ron, on the other hand, looked very bored and was fiddling with the collar of his shirt. Harry tried again to focus on the conversation. Hestia Jones was asking his parents something about their will... Harry lost his concentration when his eyes found Lily and James again. After all these years of being absolutely certain that they were dead, and yearning to know what they would say to him if they could, here they were. Hungrily, he stared intently at them, surprised at how closely his father's face resembled his, even after seeing photographs and years of people telling him so. He also couldn't stop watching the way his mother's green eyes - his eyes - widened and narrowed while she spoke, the way her hair wavy hair fell across her shoulders and bounced gently as she turned her head. He took it all in, gazing at them as if he'd never get to do so again.
Some part of Harry still insisted that it was impossible, and that he must be dreaming. But mostly Harry had accepted that they were back, though he couldn't fathom how it had happened. Hadn't Dumbledore specifically told him that no spell could truly reawaken the dead? Surely Dumbledore would know, if something like this were possible, but he seemed as baffled as everyone else. Harry felt as though finding as answer was hopeless. Normally, in this type of situation, he would turn to Dumbledore, who always seemed to know everything...
"Now then," Moody said loudly, clapping his hands and pulling Harry away from his thoughts. The Order had finished questioning Lily and James. "An update on Voldemort, I think, before Potter explodes?" He pointed a gnarled finger at Harry, who suddenly felt very silly. For a few minutes, he'd actually forgotten completely about Voldemort, as he hadn't been able to for at least the past year.
"Yeah, what's he - er - doing now?" Harry asked.
"The information at the present time indicates that Voldemort has been lately been working on a new kind of weapon," Dumbledore said.
"Another one?" Ron blurted out, looking apprehensive. Harry didn't blame him - he couldn't bear the thought of another weapon like the last one had been; one prophecy was bad enough.
Dumbledore smiled at him. "A different sort of weapon altogether, this time. Unfortunately, we have no clues as to what it is. Whatever Voldemort has been working on has been his project alone; he refuses to trust any of his followers with knowledge about it. In the meantime, all of the dementors have given him their allegiance, and he provides them with a steady stream of wizards, witches, and Muggles to feast on... only those whom aren't killed immediately, or believed to hold useful information, of course."
"He's in control of Azkaban, then?" Harry asked, shuddering.
"Yes. I think that will do for now," Dumbledore finished.
"It's time for dinner," Mrs. Weasley agreed. "Albus, stay, won't you?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Molly," said Dumbledore with a kind smile. "I have to return to Hogwarts."
Most of the other Order members left as well, having their own families to go home to. Finally the only ones left were the Weasleys, Remus, the Potters, Moody, Tonks, and a few others that Harry barely knew, including Hestia Jones and Emmeline Vance. Mrs. Weasley began to bustle about the kitchen, giving orders to those standing around.
"Fred, go and fetch Ginny, would you, she's probably throwing fits about being left upstairs alone - No, Tonks, dear, those pots go on this side - "
"No word from Percy?" Harry asked Ron quietly. Ron shook his head.
"No, Mum and Dad were really hoping he'd come around now that everyone knows about You-Know-Who, but no one's heard a peep from him - Dad says he hasn't even seen him at the Ministry since it all happened."
"Harry, I'm sorry, I know you're tired, but we're dying to know more," Lily called to him from where she and James had sat down at the table. "Tell us about how you learned the Patronus Charm."
Sighing, Harry went over and sat down across from them. Ron and Hermione placed themselves on either side of him.
"In my third year, Remus came to Hogwarts and taught Defense Against the Dark Arts," Harry began, and then hesitated. How could he explain about the dementors without talking about Sirius? He decided to simply avoid that part of the story. "That year there were dementors at Hogwarts, and -"
"Dementors at Hogwarts?" James repeated, looking aghast. "Why in the name of Merlin were they there? How could anyone focus on classes?"
"Dumbledore wouldn't let them inside the castle grounds," Harry said, preferring not the answer the other question and speaking quickly to avoid getting interrupted again. "But anyway, they got near me a couple of times and I always - I always fainted when they got too close. Once, they came to a Quidditch match, and I fell off my broom, from fifty feet in the air - "
Lily and James both gasped.
" - so I talked Remus into teaching me how to fight them. It took a long while for me to get it right, but I did, eventually."
"So you've used it on dementors, and driven them away?" Lily asked, looking even more impressed.
"He certainly has." Remus had come up behind Harry, and was smiling. "In fact, at the end of that same year, Harry drove away about a hundred dementors by himself."
"I had to!" Harry protested. "And anyway, if we hadn't used the Time-Turner, I never would have been able to, they nearly got me the first time, by the lake."
"The Time-Turner," James repeated, sounding rather faint.
"But Harry, you never said what dementors were doing at Hogwarts in the first place - " Lily began, but Harry was saved from answering her by Ginny, who had just returned to the kitchen with Fred.
"Hello, Harry! I wondered what was going on, I heard you all go downstairs... Fred tried telling me some stupid story about your parents - It's true?" She gasped and froze, staring.
"Maybe that'll teach you to not to call me a lying git next time," Fred told his sister sternly, before winking at Harry and going to help his mother.
"It's true," Harry said to Ginny. "No one knows how, but it is."
"Ginny, I need you to set the table, dinner's nearly ready," Mrs. Weasley called from across the kitchen.
"Harry, I've been thinking, this house - isn't it Sirius's old place?" James said suddenly.
"Yes, yes it is," Harry said quietly.
"Where is he? After you, he and Remus are the first people I wanted to see, but - "
Just then, though, Fred, George, Mrs. Weasley, and Tonks brought several dishes of food to the table, and James stopped. For several minutes, there was a lot of confusion while all of the food was placed onto the table and everyone struggled to finds seats without bumping into each other. Lupin sat between James and Mr. Weasley, and began a loud discussion on the Ministry's list of recommended ways for protection against Voldemort that they had recently printed in the Daily Prophet. James listened closely, and when he was looking at his plate, Remus quickly winked at Harry, who smiled gratefully in return. Looking away, though, Harry briefly met his mother's eyes and realized that she had been watching the whole thing with a slight frown. She said nothing, however, and ate in silence.
"Harry, what do you think of this color?" Tonks said from a few seats away.
Glancing over, Harry saw that Tonks had changed her hair color from her favorite bubble-gum pink to an almost painfully bright yellow. It was rather like looking directly at the sun on a cloudless day.
"It's very - er - cheerful, Tonks."
"Do you think I could pass as a blond in the Muggle world?" she asked him eagerly. "I mean, I know it's a bit bright, but they have all shades of blond - "
"I've never seen a Muggle hair color quite like that," Harry said, not wanting to lie.
Looking disappointed, Tonks frowned for a moment, and her hair changed suddenly to a fire engine red. "I think I like this better, anyway... "
"A Metamorphmagus?" Lily asked, interested.
Harry felt a sudden, searing pain shoot through his scar as though someone had pressed a hot wire to his forehead. Harry's scar had continued to twinge throughout the summer, as it had for the past year, and it still gave him particular pain whenever Voldemort experienced a strong emotion. Harry was mostly used to the small stings, which had been occurring all day, but this one hurt so much that he couldn't help putting a hand to it and wincing, while at the same time he felt a brief, inexpressible fury.
"What is it?" Lily asked him at once.
"It's - it's nothing," said Harry, putting his hand down and hoping that no one else had noticed. Ron and Hermione were watching him warily.
"Is it You-Know-Who?" Ron asked, clearly oblivious to Harry's desire for discretion. "What's going on?"
"It's nothing," Harry said firmly. "Hermione, you don't know when our exam results are going to come, do you?"
It was a question that Harry regretted having to ask, but he was hoping that it would distract Hermione, and any others who had been paying attention from his scar. It worked.
"Oh, no, I'm so worried! Professor McGonagall said that it would probably be mid-July, and it's nearly that now, I was hoping they'd come early. I'm sure I did well in Arithmancy, but after those translations that I confused in Ancient Runes, I'll be lucky to pass, and in Defense Against the Dark Arts, I messed up that practical bit... "
She continued in this vein for at least ten minutes, and by the time Hermione finished her panicky speech, no one was paying them any attention whatsoever. Harry made some forced conversation with a few of the Order members, but mostly he kept quiet, watching everyone carefully and trying to figure out how he was going to get through the rest of the evening. Despite his worries, though, he couldn't help noticing that Mrs. Weasley was much quieter than usual as well.
Finally, after three helpings of dessert (which Mrs. Weasley had dished onto Harry's plate without a word), several of the adults cleaned up the kitchen, and the Order members except for the Weasleys and Remus departed.
"Molly, there's more that we need to discuss tonight," Remus said. "It would probably be easiest to do it here."
Mrs. Weasley nodded. "Out," she ordered her children. "Upstairs, go on..."
"You don't have to stay," Harry said to Ron and Hermione, who were watching him uncertainly. "I don't think you'll learn anything new."
Soon only Harry, Remus, Lily, and James were left in the room. For a few minutes they sat in silence, until suddenly Lily said, "Out with it, whatever it is. I let you avoid us all through dinner, Harry, now just say it."
Harry took a deep breath. "Sirius - " he began, but something stuck in his throat. He swallowed and tried again. "See, there's this veil thing, in the Department of Mysteries, it looks like you could walk right through it, but you can't - " Harry had to stop again. His heart was thumping painfully in his chest, and his hands were shaking. Remus squeezed his shoulder tightly from behind. The pressure calmed him slightly, and Harry finally said, "Sirius was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange a month and a half ago."
Lily grabbed James's arm with one hand, while her other hand shot to her mouth. James just stared at Harry, his eyes wide and horrified.
"He - he's dead?"
Harry nodded, his throat too tight to speak. Remus was still squeezing his shoulder tightly.
"Why - how - ?" was all that James managed to say. A few tears spilled from Lily's eyes.
"Sirius was on Order business," Remus told him gently. "It came down to a duel with several Death Eaters, and it just happened."
"It wasn't just Order business," Harry said, his voice very low. "Sirius came because of me. I'm so sorry - it was all my fault, I led all those people there, I made him come - he was your best friend - "
"Harry, no, it was not your fault. Look at me. No one can foresee something like that, no one!" Remus stared into Harry's face as though hoping his gaze could change Harry's mind.
"It was my fault," said Harry. "Everyone warned me that Voldemort would try to trick me, that he would plant something false in my mind, but no, I was so sure I was right - "
"You can't blame yourself for what happened!" Remus insisted.
Harry, about to argue his point further, paused when he glanced at his parents. They were clutching each others' arms as though afraid of losing one another; there were tears on both of their faces now, and they were looking back and forth from Remus to Harry as though expecting a duel to break out.
Before anyone could say anything else, though, a colossal BOOM sounded from outside, one which made the windows rattle as the house shook. Harry didn't stop to think - he knew only that is he hesitated, he'd never get to see what had happened because he wouldn't be allowed to go outside.
"No, Harry!" Remus shouted from behind him, but Harry ran from the room as quickly as he could, speeding up the stairs and down the hall to the front door, ignoring the shrieks coming from the portrait of Mrs. Black as well as the thumps and shouts from upstairs. He paused for just a moment after throwing open the door, knowing that his parents and Remus were only seconds behind him, and observed two things. The first was that the Muggles had not heard or felt anything: there were few lights on in the houses that Harry could see from where he stood, and the area was now just as quiet as it was on any other night. The second was a lone, dark shape in the center of the grassy area which stood opposite Grimmauld Place. In the light of the streetlamps, Harry could just make out a tangle of long, black hair and the outline of a familiar face.
Then Harry was running again, even faster than he had been before. Some part of Harry's brain knew he was being stupid, running out into the open, but he didn't care. He didn't know whether he was excited or terrified, only that his heart was beating so loudly he was sure the whole neighborhood would hear. Eventually, after what seemed like ages, Harry reached the heart of the grassy area, not even hearing the shouting and arguing coming from behind him. He looked down at his feet, at the figure, at the unmistakeable face.
The body of Sirius Black lay motionless on the ground.
