Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything.

Hell Hath No Fury

[Scene: On the road in Piper's car. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole are in it. Cole is driving, Prue's in the passenger seat, and Piper and Phoebe are in the backseat. The car screeches around the corner.]

Piper: Okay, turn left up here. And can you step on the gas a little?

(Cole screeches around the corner, nearly hitting a taxi. Phoebe lets out a yelp, and the taxi driver honks his horn.)

Phoebe: Off the gas! Off the gas!

(Phoebe pats Cole on the shoulder.)

Cole: Does somebody else want to drive here?

Piper: People, the demon is not waiting around for us to come and vanquish him.

Phoebe: We shouldn't be going after random evil in the first place. Scrying tells us nothing.

Piper: It tells us where the demons are, and since we vanquished two already this week, I say it's working pretty well.

Prue: Yeah, thanks to me and Cole for saving our butts. We should be focusing on training Paige. That is the entire reason that I quit my job to become a full-time witch. Not to hunt for random fiends.

Piper: So what are we supposed to do? Sit around and wait for them to pick us all off? If we weren't going after them, they'd be coming after us. And I would think that you, Prue, of all people, would be on board with me.

Cole: They're coming after you anyway, Piper. The Source is coming after you.

Phoebe: And we won't be ready for him because instead of teaching Paige how to be a witch, like Prue said, we're out hunting for every Tom, Dick, and Beelzebub in San Francisco.

Cole: Speaking of, do we have any kind of plan here or….?

Piper: The plan is to vanquish the demon.

Cole: Great. Any chance you've mastered your powers, or are you still freezing and exploding at random?

(Prue hits him lightly on the shoulder.)

Piper: Random, but you know what they say, there's nothing like field practice. Turn here! (Cole screeches around another corner and drives down an alley.) Stop! (Cole slams on the breaks. A bald demon is in the middle of strangling a man. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole get out of the car.) Hey. Big scary demon.

(The demon turns around and the man escapes from his grip and runs away. The demon's eyes glow bright red. Piper uses her power and the demon bloats up. His face turns red.)

Cole: He's gonna blow!

(Prue, Phoebe, and Cole quickly jump back in the car and shut the doors. The demon explodes and green goo splats on the front of the car and Piper. Cole turns on the windscreen wipers. Piper walks over to the car and opens the back door.)

Piper: Next!

(Piper grins and gets in the car. Prue, Phoebe, and Cole all look at each other, then at Piper, who is still grinning.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is at her desk reading a Witches and Witchcraft book.]

Paige: (in her head) Throughout history, witches have been misunderstood, persecuted, and destroyed. The public hanging, drowning, and burning of women suspected of witchcraft is a far more recent chapter of our history than most people realize.

Mr. Cowan: Paige.

(Paige quickly puts down the book and picks up a folder.)

Paige: Yeah?

Mr. Cowan: What's the hold up on the O'Brien application?

Paige: Well, at the moment, the only holdup is my boss, who's standing over me distracting me from my work.

(She smiles awkwardly.)

Mr. Cowan: Nice teeth. Have it on my desk by noon.

(He walks away. Paige whispers to an employee standing across the room.)

Paige: Lila! What's the O'Brien application?

Lila: Adam O'Brien? The foster kid we're trying to get into boarding school.

Paige: Oh my god.

Lila: The scholarship application is due, like, today.

Paige: I am so lame. (Billy, a young guy with bad acne, pushes the mail cart in front of Paige's desk. He puts her mail on her desk.) Aw, Billy, I thought I told you to throw anything from creditors in the trash.

(He smiles. A man (Donnie) approaches him.)

Donnie: Hi, Pizza-face. Look, I understand how difficult it is to tear yourself away from the cleavage in this section. (Looks at Paige.) But I'm gonna need my mail sometime today. Okay?

Billy: No problem.

Donnie: Go, go, go.

(Billy walks away. Donnie gives Paige a sleazy look and walks across the room.)

Paige: Nice rug.

(Donnie's toupee orbs off his head and into Paige's hand, revealing his bald spot.)

Donnie: What the hell?!

(Donnie looks around. Paige is shocked and drops the toupee in a trash can. Employees laugh and giggle at Donnie. He covers his head with a sheet of paper and walks away. Paige quickly leaves her desk.)

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole are there. Piper crosses out The Kevmay page in the Book of Shadows while Prue and Phoebe look on.]

Phoebe: Oh, I know that you're happy that we got him Piper, but is it entirely necessary to disfigure the book?

Piper: Hmm, this one could incinerate human flesh with his eyes. That must sting.

Cole: You think that's funny? You could have gotten yourself killed. Do you understand that?

(He walks over to Piper.)

Piper: Yes, Cole, I understand.

Cole: Then why would you want to keep risking your life, and your sisters', not to mention mine? There's a legion of bounty hunters on my ass, and Prue's. We should be laying low, but instead, we're out protecting you guys.

Piper: You know what, Cole? Next time, you two can stay home.

Prue: If you insist on doing what you're doing, you force us to be there because (the doorbell rings) there's no way in hell I'm about to lose a sister.

(Cole goes over to Prue and touches her shoulder.)

Prue: Can you go see who's at the door for us, Cole?

Cole: Sure. If it's the Source, I'll just ask him to come back later. (to Prue and Phoebe) We need to talk.

(He leaves the attic.)

Phoebe: Piper, we have a system for fighting demons, and it's worked pretty well for the last three years.

Piper: I think, uh, Prue going missing counts as a pretty big glitch in the system.

Prue: If you're angry at me-

Piper: W-why are you fighting me on this? Wh-what is the problem with getting a little proactive?

Phoebe: Just dealing with our everyday normal lives is hard enough.

Piper: That is precisely the point. The faster we get rid of these demons, the faster we can get back to our everyday normal lives, or at least what is left of them.

(The attic door opens and Paige walks in.)

Paige: Knock knock. I, uh…. I'm sorry to just... drop by without calling.

Phoebe: Uh, it's okay. Don't worry about it.

Paige: I don't know exactly why I'm here. I'm just kind of having a hard time being surrounded by people and…

Prue: And not being able to tell them that you can move things with your mind?

Paige: It does not exactly roll off the tongue.

(Piper picks up a map and a crystal.)

Prue: Yeah, well, being a witch is tough on relationships with others. That's why the whole sister thing comes in so handy. (to Piper) What are you doing?

Piper: Um, it's a little chatty up here, so I'm going to go scry for evil in my room.

Paige: Scry?

(Piper heads for the door.)

Piper: Yeah, uh, Prue and Phoebe will explain. I'll see you later.

(She leaves the attic.)

Phoebe: It's kind of like a, um, supernatural LoJack.

Paige: Well, why don't you just use that big book? I mean, it is a book of spells, right?

(Paige walks over to the Book.)

Phoebe: Oh, it's a lot more than that. It's kind of hard to explain.

Paige: It looks so old.

Phoebe: Yeah. It has survived a lot. Fortunately, it protects itself from evil.

Paige: It protects itself. How?

Phoebe: Magic.

Paige: May I?

Prue: Yeah. I mean, technically it's yours too. We would walk you through it right now, but we have to go talk to Cole.

Paige: Well, maybe I can just take it back to my office.

Prue: Oh, no, no, no, no. It doesn't leave the house.

Phoebe: But just feel free to thumb through it and then we'll be back in a few minutes.

(Prue and Phoebe leave the attic. Paige flips through the Book and stops at an Instant Karma Spell.)

Paige: This could solve a lot of problems.

(She gets out some Post-its and a pen and starts writing down the spell.)

[Cut to the conservatory. Prue, Phoebe, and Cole are waiting there. Leo orbs in.]

Leo: What? What is it? What's wrong?

Cole: You've got to talk to your wife.

Prue: Okay, Cole, remember what I said about being gentle?

Leo: What about my wife?

Cole: She's out of control.

Prue: Cole!

Leo: What?

Phoebe: It's just…. We're very worried about her.

Leo: What happened?

Prue: She's very, very angry, and if she were punching walls, I would happily call a repairman, but….

Cole: The problem is she prefers to punch demons.

Leo: Well, I'll talk to her.

(Cole moves closer to Leo.)

Cole: She has no regard for her life, or anyone else's. She's Charles Bronson, cubed.

Leo: I said I'd talk to her.

(Phoebe stands in between the two.)

Phoebe: Guys, guys. Who is Charles Bronson? (Leo and Cole, and even Prue, give her a look.) Never mind.

Prue: (to Cole) Can we please just have a minute alone?

Cole: Sure.

Prue: Thank you.

(Cole leaves the room and Prue, Phoebe, and Leo walk in the living room.)

Phoebe: It's not just that she's violent, Leo. She's acting nothing like herself. She's completely dismissive of Paige and we don't know what to do anymore.

Leo: I'll talk to her.

Phoebe: Thanks, Leo. (The three hug.) And not to rush this tender moment, but she's already started scrying.

(Leo orbs out and Prue and Phoebe fall into each other and hit their heads against each other.)

Prue/Phoebe: Ow!

Phoebe: I didn't mean you couldn't use the stairs!

[Cut back to the attic. Paige has Post-its stuck over the Book of Shadows. She runs out of Post-its and looks around. She gets an idea, closes the Book and carries it to the window.]

Paige: Okay, book, protect yourself. (Paige opens the window and drops the Book of Shadows out. It lands on the grass.)

Phoebe: (from downstairs) Paige! We'll be right up!

(Paige heads for the door.)

[Cut to the stairs. Prue and Phoebe are nearly to the top and Paige comes around the corner, nearly bumping into them.]

Phoebe: Whoa! (She giggles.) Where's the fire?

(The three walk downstairs.)

Paige: Uh, you know, work. Lunch break's over. Gotta go.

Phoebe: But we didn't even get to talk.

Paige: Uh, yeah, it's all right. Don't worry.

Phoebe: Will you come by later?

Paige: Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Bye.

(She waves and leaves.)

Prue/Phoebe: Bye.

(Prue and Phoebe look suspiciously up the stairs.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is scrying.]

Leo: Look, honey, it isn't just that it's dangerous.

Piper: Leo, Whitelighters are supposed to guide. Not judge. Just because I'm doing things a little bit differently doesn't mean that there is a problem.

(She drops the crystal.)

Leo: Piper, I am your husband, not just your Whitelighter. When you speak to me like that, there is a problem. I can't help you unless you talk to me. Honestly, I think you're doing all of this because it's easier than confronting what you're really feeling.

(Piper starts scrying again and the crystal points to a place on the map.)

Piper: Demon.

Leo: What?

Piper: I have work to do. (She walks out of her room.) Prue, Phoebe, Cole! Let's go!

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is in the copy room trying to copy the Book of Shadows. Donnie walks in, checks out Paige's butt, and fixes his toupee.]

Donnie: Nothing like a copy room with a view. (He pours himself some coffee. Paige straightens up. Billy walks in.) Hey, Clearasil, what's popping?

(Donnie laughs and leaves the room.)

Paige: Don't worry about him, Billy. He's a jerk to everybody.

Billy: Yeah, I know. That's why his mail gets lost... frequently.

(Paige smiles.)

Paige: Hey, is there something wrong with this copier?

Billy: The copier? I don't think so. I just ran off a whole bunch.

Paige: Everything keeps coming up blank.

Billy: Are you trying to copy a book?

(She pushes the lid of the copier down trying to hide it.)

Paige: Nah, it's nothing. It's cool.

Billy: Well, if you need me to do it for you, just say the word.

Paige: Thanks. You're sweet. (He smiles shyly and pours some coffee. Paige turns over the Book of Shadows and reads a Vanishing Spell.) "Let the object of objection become but a dream/As I cause the seen to be unseen." (Billy groans and magical light surrounds his face.) You okay, Billy?

Billy: Yeah. I-I just, uh, got a little head rush.

(He turns around to face Paige and she sees that his acne has cleared up.)

Paige: Oh my god, it worked. (She closes the Book.) Oh my god.

(She picks up the Book and goes over to Billy.)

Billy: Paige, is, uh, everything okay?

Paige: It will be from now on.

(She kisses him on the cheek and leaves. Billy smiles.)

[Scene: Alley. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole are walking down it.]

Phoebe: Piper, we do not support you in this. If you insist on doing it, you are going in alone.

Piper: Okay. I'll see you at home.

Phoebe: (to Cole) I told you that wouldn't work.

Cole: It was worth a shot.

Prue: Wait a minute. Do you smell smoke?

(They stop walking.)

Piper: It's in there.

(Piper points to a large wooden door. There is smoke rising out from under it.)

Man: (from inside) What is that? What is it? Stop, Stop! (Cole walks over to the door.) Who is th- What are you?

Piper: Get back, I'll blow it up. Go on.

(Cole backs away from the door and Piper freezes Cole and the smoke.)

Phoebe: Uh, Piper….

Piper: Yeah, yeah. Crap. Okay.

(Piper takes off her coat and throws it on the ground. She wiggles her arms to relax herself then uses her power. The door blows up, sending Cole flying across the alley, landing on a car and falling off on the ground.)

Prue: Piper!

(She runs over to Cole.)

Piper: What? Oh!

(A man runs outside, knocking Piper over. Three furies follow. Prue helps Cole up. Piper gets ready to use her power.)

Cole: Piper, let them go!

(Piper blows up a car in front of the furies. They turn around.)

Piper: Uh-oh. (Piper tries to freeze them but only freezes Cole.) They're-they're-th-th-they're immune to my powers.

Prue: Unfortunately, Cole isn't. (A fury attacks Piper but she dodges their hits. The others go for Prue and Phoebe. Prue uses her power on the fury after her and sends it flying. Piper picks up a trash can lid and the fury after her puts a hole in it. Phoebe levitates up and kicks the fury after her, knocking her to the ground.) Piper, unfreeze Cole.

Piper: What if I blow him up?

(Cole unfreezes. A fury knocks down Piper and blows smoke in her mouth. She coughs.)

Phoebe: Prue!

(Prue uses her power on the fury with Piper, and it goes flying. Cole throws an energy ball at the fury and she is vanquished. The other two furies smoke away. Piper continues to cough.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Cole enter the house.]

Piper: I'm gonna take out those chain-smokin' bitches if it's the last thing I do.

Cole: It might be the last thing you do.

Piper: That's very supportive, Cole. Who's side are you on?

Cole: At the moment, I'm on Prue's side.

(Piper coughs. Prue, Phoebe, and Cole follow her into the kitchen.)

Piper: Well, the last time I checked, Prue was still my sister. Which technically puts her on my side. Why are we arguing?

Prue: We're not arguing, we're discussing, Piper. You are arguing. And look, you're already hurt.

Piper: I'm fine.

(Piper takes a water bottle out of the fridge and has a sip.)

Prue: You can't stop coughing.

Cole: And your control of your powers seems to be getting worse, not better.

(They walk out of the kitchen.)

Phoebe: Well, our powers are tied to our emotions, so it would make sense that they would be a little off right now.

Cole: All the more reason to lay low. These demons are dangerous.

Piper: All the more reason to vanquish them, okay? That is what we do. Eliminate evil.

(They stop at the bottom of the stairs.)

Cole: Regardless of the consequences?

Piper: Okay, Cole. I'm going to vanquish the cancer girls with or without your help. So either tell me what you know or get out of the way.

(Cole looks at Prue and she shrugs her shoulders.)

Cole: They're called furies.

Prue: Like from mythology?

Phoebe: The dog-faced women from hell?

Cole: They're modern knockoffs. Their m.o. is the same, though.

Piper: They punish evildoers.

Cole: Exactly.

Phoebe: Wait. Wouldn't that make them good?

Cole: Well, these furies have no temperance. They'll go after a shoplifter as soon as a murderer, and they take great pleasure in the kill.

Piper: Great. Then we'll take great pleasure in the vanquish.

(Piper goes up the stairs. Prue stands in front of Cole.)

Prue: What aren't you telling us? (Cole sighs.) So they go after evildoers. Have they attacked you before?

Cole: When they focus their thoughts on you, they force you to hear the cries of all your former victims.

(Prue touches his face.)

Prue: You're not the demon who did those things anymore.

(Piper screams from upstairs. Prue, Phoebe, and Cole go up the stairs.)

[Cut to attic. Piper is standing in front of the empty Book of Shadows stand, mouth open in shock.]

Piper: Evil got the Book of Shadows. How did evil get the Book of Shadows?

Phoebe: Oh, no.

Piper: Oh, no, Phoebe? A demon has the Book of Shadows. "Oh, no" doesn't quite cover it.

Cole: Let me go see what I can find out.

(He turns to leave but Prue stops him.)

Prue: No, wait.

Phoebe: Uh, Piper, promise me you're not going to overreact.

Piper: Is that even possible?

Phoebe: I think that, uh, maybe…. Well, it-it might-might be feasible that, uh, Paige borrowed the book.

Piper: Wait, why-why-why would you think that?

Phoebe: See? Now this is what I meant about overreacting. It's just that….

Cole: You let Paige take the Book of Shadows out of the Manor?

Prue: Well, no, we did not let her. It's just that she left pretty quick, and it looks like she might have….

(She looks at the open window.)

Piper: Out of the window?

Phoebe: Piper, I….

Piper: Phoebe, why would you even leave her alone with it?!

Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister.

(Piper laughs.)

Piper: Not for long!

(Piper storms out of the attic.)

Phoebe: Prue….

Prue: Nuh-uh, Phoebe. I'm kind of pissed off myself.

(Prue and Phoebe follow after Piper. Cole pulls up a chair and sits down. Prue runs back in.)

Prue: Are you coming?

Cole: To vanquish your sister? I think I'll sit this one out.

(Prue runs back out and Cole sits there twiddling his thumbs.)

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Lila is looking at Billy's face.]

Lila: Unbelievable.

Billy: Maybe it was the light from the copy machine.

(They start to walk through the office. Billy is pushing the mail cart.)

Lila: God, this day is amazing. I mean, you went and got cute….

Billy: You think?

Lila: Totally. And then my car loan comes through, like, out of nowhere. (They pass Paige's desk. Paige is on the phone and she smiles.) My credit is worse than Paige's. You know, I still can't believe all of this.

Billy: It's amazing.

(Billy and Lila walk away.)

Paige: (on phone) Sir, I am taking full responsibility for being late with the application. I'm simply asking for a deadline extension.

Paige: Well, I'm asking that you not punish Adam O'Brien, who's already had a tough enough life, for my mistake. (Listens) Sir, all I'm saying is- (She looks down at the Book of Shadows, which is sitting on her lap.) "These words will travel through the minds of stubborn parties and unbind/ The thoughts too rigid to be kind/A compromise they'll disentwine."

Man: (on phone) How does six o'clock on Friday sound?

Paige: Six o'clock Friday is perfect. Thank you so much. (She hangs up.) Victory!

(Lila and Billy look over at her.)

Lila: You got the extension?

Paige: Yeah.

(Lila walks over to Paige.)

Lila: Unbelievable. You're into all that witchy stuff, right?

Paige: Excuse me?

Lila: Well, I'm just thinking that there must be something in the stars today. I mean, Billy's face, my car, now this. Is there a full moon or something?

Paige: I don't know, but whatever it is, I'm going to call my student loan sharks and take full advantage of it.

Lila: Ooh, good. Me too.

(Paige laughs. Lila walks away. Donnie comes up to her and stands behind her.)

Donnie: You know, Paige? (He talks in her ear.) As a lawyer, I can get those nasty creditors off your back so easily. And if you can't afford to pay me, we could always just take it out in trade.

Paige: Or I could just sue your ass for sexual harassment and pay you with my big fat punitive settlement.

Donnie: The way you dress, the judge would admire my restraint.

(He walks away.)

Paige: That's it. (She finds the Instant Karma Spell in the Book of Shadows.) Perfect. I'll just change demon to dirtbag.

[Cut to outside SBSS. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe get out of the car and walk towards the building.]

Piper: I don't understand how someone can be that stupid.

Phoebe: I don't understand why you two haven't stopped ranting since we left the house.

Prue: You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

Phoebe: Yes, Paige made a mistake.

Piper: A mistake? She stole from us.

Phoebe: She borrowed. Borrowed.

Piper: She-she threw our family heritage out of the window!

Phoebe: Well, that's because we never took the time to explain its significance. It was just a book to her.

Piper: Okay, Phoebe, it is not just a book. It's like, it-it-it is like a part of our family.

(Piper coughs. Prue and Phoebe put their arms around Piper.)

Phoebe: Paige is not a killer. She didn't kill anyone. And she's not a demon that we're on our way to vanquish.

Piper: I get that, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Do you? Because I don't think that you do.

(Piper coughs.)

Prue: You alright?

(Donnie runs out of the building with a bunch of women following him.)

Donnie: Hey! Hey! Get away from me!

(They surround him.)

Prue: What the hell is going on?

Lila: Come on. Give Mama some sugar.

(He sinks to the ground and they fall all over him. Paige comes out of the building holding her bag so it covers her chest. She goes over to Prue, Piper, and Phoebe.)

Piper: You are so... (They notice something wrong and open her coat to reveal her very large breasts.) Busted?

Phoebe: Hello!

Prue: You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?

Paige: You think I did this on purpose? My body was perfectly fine just as it was, thank you.

Donnie: I mean it! Get away from me!

(Piper freezes the crowd.)

Prue: Piper, you could have just blown up a dozen innocent people.

Piper: I took a chance.

Phoebe: See? Are you listening to yourself?

Piper: (to Paige) What happened?

Paige: I don't know. They just... grew.

Piper: Oh, right. And you had nothing to do with that.

Prue: Did you cast any spells?

Paige: One. (The three give her a look.) Five.

Prue/Piper: Five?

Phoebe: Okay, what did you do just before you turned into Betty Boop?

Paige: Well, I cast a spell on this slimeball I work with so I could give him a taste of his own medicine.

Phoebe: Uh-huh. That the slimeball?

(Paige looks at Donnie and nods.)

Prue: And that's the backfire.

Paige: Backfire?

Phoebe: You misused magic to make him the object of ogling, and the spell backfired and did the same thing to you.

Prue: Which you would have learned if you had bothered to ask.

Piper: And now instead of vanquishing demons, we're gonna have to spend the afternoon fixing your mess.

Prue: Okay, Piper, call Leo and get him to orb this... slimeball... back home. We have to protect him until we can figure out a way to reverse the spell. Paige, Phoebe, and I will grab the book and meet you there.

(Piper looks at Paige and shakes her head. She walks away. Paige looks down at her breasts.)

[Time lapse. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are driving along the road in Paige's car. Paige is driving, Prue's sitting in the passenger seat looking through the Book of Shadows, and Phoebe is in the backseat.]

Paige: Are my boobs gonna stay this way forever?

Prue: I just have to find the spell you used.

Paige: What about Piper? Is she gonna stay mad at me forever?

Phoebe: No. It's just, um…. She hasn't really been herself lately. You know, a lot of ups and downs, you know.

Paige: The last thing I wanted to do was add to your guys' stress. I just wanted to get back at Donnie.

Prue: Yeah, and I understand the temptation, Paige, I really do, but I told you the book does not leave the house.

Paige: Right. Sorry. (She tries to change into third gear but has a little trouble.) My boobs are in the way. Can you put it into third for me?

Prue: Alright. Ready? Here we go. (Prue moves the gearstick into third. The tyres screech.) Alright.

Paige: Did you find the spell yet?

(Prue finds a page about furies.)

Prue: No, but I found the demons. Oh my god.

Paige: What? You can't say "demons" followed by "oh my god". I'm new at this. I'm likely to panic.

Prue: Okay, uh, fury smoke kills bad guys, but in good people, it looks for a portal of unexpressed fury.

Paige: And?

Prue: It builds until it consumes your humanity and it turns you into a fury. We fought the furies today and Piper got smoked.

Paige: Wait. Are you saying that Piper is turning into a demon?

Phoebe: It wouldn't be the first time.

(Paige gives her a funny look.)

Prue: Step on it and hit the clutch. I'm going into fourth. Ready? On three. One, two, three.

(She changes to fourth.)

[Cut to the manor. Donnie lands on the couch.]

Leo: Easy, Piper.

Piper: What, are you protecting him now?

Donnie: Wh-wh-what the hell is going on? And what's with the chicks? They've gone crazy.

Piper: This chick just saved your ass, you snivelling ingrate.

(Donnie gets up.)

Donnie: Do you see what I mean?

Piper: Who said you could get up?

(She pushes him over the back of the couch.)

Leo: What's the matter with you? Okay, honey, look, I don't know what's going on, but we really need to talk.

Piper: Leo, you know what? I'm sick of talking.

(Piper blows Leo up but he reconstitutes out of orbs as Piper goes over to Donnie.)

Leo: Now we really need to talk. Piper, you do not use your powers on a mortal. (He stands behind her.) Do you hear me?

(Cole stands at the doorway.)

Cole: Back away slowly, Leo.

Leo: What?

Cole: She's becoming a fury. (Piper grows large black fingernails.) There's no reasoning with her now.

(Leo stands in front of her.)

Leo: Piper, you're a good witch. Do you hear me? Fight this.

(Piper touches his face, then pushes him over the couch.)

Donnie: Oh god! Help!

(Piper goes over and scratches Donnie. Cole gets an energy ball ready. Piper picks up Donnie and blows smoke. Cole throws an energy ball at Piper which pushes her back. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige walk in.)

Prue: Cole!

Cole: I, well….

Piper: That wasn't very nice.

(She smokes away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue is looking through the Book of Shadows, and Leo is kneeling beside Donnie, who is asleep on the couch.]

Leo: Cole hit her with an energy ball.

Prue: Leo, it was a low voltage. Would you prefer he'd let her kill an innocent?

Leo: I'd prefer that he wouldn't use his demonic powers on my wife. I can't believe that you let him go look for her.

Paige: Oh, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have stolen the Book of Shadows.

Leo: You stole the Book of Shadows?

Phoebe: Leo, Leo. Concentrate, please.

(Leo heals Donnie's scratches and stands up. Paige sits on the couch next to Donnie. Donnie wakes up and sits up and stares straight at Paige's breasts.)

Donnie: Whoa.

(Paige punches him in the face, knocking him out.)

Leo: Paige!

(Paige stands up.)

Paige: What? You only said I couldn't use magic to punish him.

(Phoebe stands up.)

Prue: Okay, Leo, you orb Donnie back to his office, heal him there, then make sure he doesn't narc us out for being witches.

Leo: How?

Prue: I don't know. Be creative.

Leo: What about Piper?

Prue: You have to do your job. And let us do ours.

Phoebe: We'll get your wife back. I promise.

(Leo touches Donnie and they orb out. Phoebe and Paige sit on the couch with Prue.)

Paige: Um, I hate to ask, but how are we going to get his wife back? I mean, she's kind of a... full-on demon.

Prue: No. She's not full-on. She doesn't have the talons yet. That probably comes with the first kill. Besides, if we were able to save her when she turned into a Wendigo-

Paige: A Wendi-what?

Phoebe: Um, a Wendigo. It's kind of like a werewolf, only meaner.

(Prue finds the Instant Karma Spell in the Book of Shadows.)

Prue: Is this the spell that you used?

Paige: Uh-huh. (Prue picks up a notepad and pen.) Is there some sort of spell I could do, you know, in advance, so I could, uh, not become maybe a Wendigo, or-?

Prue: What word did you sub demon with?

Paige: Dirtbag.

Prue: Dirtbag.

(Prue writes something down and scrunches up the paper up. She stands up.)

Prue: Okay. (She gets Phoebe and Paige to stand up.) Hands.

(They all join hands. Prue burns the tip of the paper with a lit candle.)

Prue/Piper/Phoebe: "Guided spirits, hear our plea/Annul this magic, let it be."

Paige: Please let it be. (Paige's breasts return to normal size. She looks down and groans.) Do you think it worked a little too well?

[Scene: Alley. A man pushes another man against the wall. He holds a knife to his throat.]

Innocent man: Anything you want.

Man: Shut up.

(Two furies come up behind him and one scratches his back. He spins around and the innocent runs away. The man hears voices in his head. He drops the knife and falls to his knees. The fury blows smoke in his mouth. He coughs and is engulfed in flames. He disappears. Piper appears in a puff of smoke behind them. They turn around and make purring-like noises.)

Piper: I've been looking for you.

[Cut to the manor. Dining room. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are there. Prue is scrying.]

Prue: Damn it.

Paige: Why isn't it working?

Phoebe: Because Piper isn't a witch anymore.

Paige: Can't you just scry for evil then?

Prue: Do you have any idea how much evil is running around San Francisco? (She stops scrying.) Damn it, Piper. (Cole shimmers in. He is bruised and scratched.) Cole. Thank god.

(Prue hugs him.)

Cole: Don't thank me yet.

Paige: You didn't find her?

Cole: I didn't get a chance to look. Every time I used my sensing powers, a bounty hunter sensed me. I fought off three of them. (He sits down at the table.) I'm sorry.

Prue: No, it's-it's okay. I mean, somehow everything's gonna be okay. I-I don't have even a little idea of how everything's gonna be okay.

Paige: Prue….

Prue: You know why? Because nothing is okay.

Paige: Prue.

Prue: My sister is a fury, my boyfriend is a demon…. Oh, you're bleeding. (She kneels down next to Cole.)

Paige: Prue. (Prue and Phoebe look at her.) Didn't you say you found me because Piper cast a spell to find a lost witch?

Phoebe: But, like I said, Piper's not a witch anymore.

Paige: Yes, but if I can substitute the word 'dirtbag' for 'demon', why can't we substitute the word 'sister' for 'witch'?

Cole: Would that work?

Phoebe: Well, no. Not if she's already looking for a kill. The call won't be strong enough.

Paige: Why not?

Phoebe: Because of the pull of evil. When I was possessed by the Woogie, the blood lust was so strong….

Cole: Woogie?

Paige: Don't ask.

Phoebe: The point is... I don't think she'll answer the call.

(Silence.)

Paige: Then we'll add bait.

(Paige glances at Cole, then looks at Prue and Phoebe. Prue looks at Cole and he looks back.)

Prue: No. No. Uh, no. Are you kidding me? No.

Paige: The furies go after evildoers, right?

Prue: Paige, we are not using the love of my life as bait.

Cole: Oh, yes we are. It's perfect.

(He stands up and goes near Paige.)

Prue: Cole, you have been a demon for over a century. That is a lot of victims. The pain of their cries alone can kill you.

Cole: Yes, but as you said, I'm not the demon that did those things anymore. And if facing my crimes helps save your sister….

Prue: Cole-

Cole: Prue. (He sits back down next to her.) I would do almost anything for you, you know that. But I will not be a coward for you. Please don't ask me to be.

(Prue touches his face.)

Prue: We'll need some of your blood.

Cole: Right.

Paige: Knife. (A knife orbs from the table and into Paige's hand. She holds it out to Cole.)

[Time lapse. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige are standing at the table. Prue is holding a knife above a lit candle.]

Prue/Phoebe/Paige: "Power of the sisters rise/Course unseen across the skies/Come to us who call you near..."

[Cut to the alley. The furies are touching Piper's hair. Piper is wearing fury clothes and has talons on her face. She hears Prue, Phoebe, and Paige chanting.]

Prue/Phoebe/Paige: "Come to us and settle here/Blood to blood, I summon thee/Blood to blood, return to me."

Piper: I know where evil dwells.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Prue, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole are there. Cole is pacing.]

Prue: Are you sure about this?

Cole: I'm good at a lot of things. Waiting is not one of them.

(Paige makes a noise and throws her arms down.)

Phoebe: Honey, what are you doing?

Paige: I'm trying to do that orb thingy. I can't seem to get the hang of it, though. (Cole yells in her face and she orbs in and out.) What happened?

Prue: You orbed.

Paige: I did?

Cole: It's a fear response.

Prue: So until you learn how to control it, you just have to…

Paige: Get scared?

Phoebe: Pretty much.

Paige: Alright. Well, that shouldn't be too difficult.

Prue: Good. Then we will orb, we will move things, we will levitate, we will juggle knives if we have to, just to keep the furies distracted from Cole.

Paige: Okay, but what I don't get is how we un-demon Piper once she gets here.

Prue: Well, we have to close the portal of unexpressed fury.

Cole: Unexpressed? I think she's been raging for days.

Phoebe: That's 'cause there's something she's not saying.

Paige: Which is?

Phoebe: I don't know.

Prue: I think I have an idea actually.

(Cole yells out in pain and drops to his knees. He hears voices. Prue kneels beside him.)

Prue: They're close?

(Paige gets scared and orbs out.)

Phoebe: Paige?!

(Paige orbs back in.)

Paige: I did it again.

Cole: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

(A fury barges in through the front door. Prue uses her power on her, knocking her down. She gets up and Phoebe kicks her back down. Piper and the other fury appear behind Prue near Cole.

Paige: Prue!

(Prue spins around.)

Prue: Nice decoy, Piper. Two points. (She uses her power on them both, knocking them down. She sees Cole lying on the floor.) Cole. Cole. Come on. Come on. (She tries to get him up. The furies surround them.)

Paige: Lamp! (The lamp orbs out and it flies across the room hitting a fury. The furies turn around.) Sorry. (The furies go over to her.) Really sorry.

(Cole throws an energy ball at the two furies and kills them. Piper pushes Prue out of the way and scratches Cole's chest.)

Prue: Piper, take out your anger on me, not Cole.

(Piper attacks Prue and Prue blocks her hits.)

Paige: Book! (The Book of Shadows orbs to her. She starts flipping through it.) Please let there be something in here.

(Prue kicks Piper down. Cole gets an energy ball ready.)

Prue: Cole, don't! (He stops the energy ball.) You think I abandoned you when I was in the Underworld. But it wasn't Cole's idea for us to stay down there that long…. It was mine.

(Piper sends Prue flying straight into a cabinet, smashing it. Piper goes over to Paige.)

Paige: You don't want to kill me, Piper, you don't even know me. (Cole goes over to Prue.) It's not about me. You need to tell Prue how you feel.

Phoebe: Leo!

(Leo orbs in. Piper tries to scratch Paige, but she orbs out and back in behind Piper. Piper spins around.)

Paige: You need to admit how you felt while Prue was gone.

(Piper grabs Paige by the neck and Prue runs over, pushing her away from Paige.)

Phoebe: Leo, do something.

Leo: No. This confrontation needs to happen.

Prue: Listen to her, Piper. It's okay.

Paige: Tell her, Piper. It's alright to hate her. (Piper shakes her head wildly.) You should hate her. When my parents died, I hated them for it. I was alone, and I hated them. It is okay to hate Prue. She may not have been dead, but she left you all the same.

(Piper looks at Paige.)

Piper: How dare you?! (She turns to Prue and starts continually pushing her.) How dare you leave me?! How could you go and leave me here all alone?! How could you not come back? I needed you. (She starts to cry.) How could you not come back?

(She screams and sinks down on the ground. Prue catches her and sinks with her. They sit there and Piper bawls. She changes back to normal.)

Prue: It's okay. It's okay, Piper.

Piper: It's not okay. You risked your life everyday and you never thought about what would happen to me and Phoebe if you were gone. How could you think that I could live without you?

Prue: I'm so sorry.

[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. The next morning. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper is pouring two cups of coffee. Prue comes in and sits on a stool. Piper hands each of them a cup of coffee.]

Prue: Did you sleep?

Piper: Yeah. Actually, better than I have in a while.

Piper: So, how scary was I?

(Prue and Phoebe laugh. Prue and Piper sit next to Phoebe.)

Prue: I've seen worse.

Phoebe: I've been worse. But, uh, but Paige….

Piper: She completely freaked?

Phoebe: No, uh, she handled it. Better than most people would, I think. She saved your life.

Prue: She definitely is a Halliwell, last name or no.

Piper: I know I haven't been the most... welcoming. I just…. How do I start to open up to her?

Phoebe: Maybe, um... Maybe you don't start with that. Maybe you just start with thanks.

Commercial Break

[Scene: South Bay Social Services. Piper walks in holding a basket of muffins. She spots Paige at her desk and walks over to her. She puts the basket on her desk. Paige looks up at her, surprised. She looks in the basket.]

Paige: Muffins. Thanks.

Piper: Busywork. I'm best in the kitchen. Prue was usually the one that liked to, uh, chase demons.

(Paige sees Donnie.)

Paige: Man, he's like a whole new Donnie. What did Leo say to him?

(Piper looks over at Donnie. He smiles and walks past them.)

Piper: Um, I don't know. He's a miracle worker, that husband of mine. (Piper sees scratches on Paige's neck.) You know, Leo could fix that for you.

Paige: It's my first war wound. I think I'll wear it with pride.

Piper: Unfortunately, in this family, it will not be the last.

Paige: Well, every family has its pros and it's cons. A couple of demon battles in exchange for the power to clear up my friend's skin? I'd say it's worth it.

Piper: The power to what?

(They see Lila and Billy chatting across the room. Lila flirts a little.)

Paige: He's cute, isn't he? Well, you should have seen him yesterday.

(Paige laughs.)

Piper: Okay, uh, you saved my life, so I guess we're even on the Book of Shadows swipe, but, um, Paige, there are rules to being a witch, rules that you will have to learn and follow.

Paige: Well, not to be difficult, but... you're married to our Whitelighter and Prue's shacking up with a demon. So, on balance, maybe my friend could stay cute?

Piper: Okay.

(Mr. Cowan comes up to them.)

Mr. Cowan: My, my, my. That pile looks about the same size as it did about an hour ago.

(Piper stands up.)

Piper: Oh, that was my fault. I distracted her with muffins.

Mr. Cowan: And you are?

(Piper looks at Paige then back at Mr. Cowan.)

Piper: I'm her sister.

(Piper smiles at Paige and leaves the office. Paige smiles a little to herself.)