Hey everyone! This update took a bit longer but I hope you like it! Quite a bit happens in this chapter. and even more happens in the next so I hope you stick around for it. I think it might be up sometime next week but I promise it will be worth the wait! I want to say thank you to all the people who followed and reviewed the story, so please do if you like it! Also for some reason, Blaine accidently ended up with an obsession of the musical Chicago and I'm not sure why, but just go with it. Anyway, enjoy the night of the sleepover!
Disclaimer- I don't own Glee, but how cool would that be?
Kurt was pacing. Which was weird. Kurt never paced. But now Kurt found himself walking slowly back and forth cross the living room, his eyes never leaving the clock that sat on the mantle.
6:47pm
Kurt had woken up that Saturday morning at 5:56am. He didn't want to wake up that early, he never did. Sleep was important for the complexion and if Kurt was going to spend all the money and time he did on his moisturising routine, he wasn't going to ruin his face because he was excited for something.
He tossed and turned for ten minutes before giving up; he wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. Kurt was about to go through his normal routine of getting ready when it hit him-tonight was the night. He stepped away from the shower. He couldn't have a shower then, because he wouldn't be fresh for when Blaine came round that evening. He headed downstairs and thought he would wait until lunchtime to have a shower, which would give him enough time to get him and his house ready.
He sat watching Americas Next Top Model with a bowl of muesli and tried to distract himself with the fabulousness of Miss Tyra Banks. Normally that would have done it for him, but he couldn't just sit around. Things needed to be done!
And for the whole day, Kurt just couldn't sit still. There were things that needed to be done, dusted, cleaned, washed. This night had to be perfect because it was only going to happen once. Because of all the busywork, he hadn't had much of a chance to think about how tonight was going to happen, he had only let the thought that everything had to be perfect consume him entirely.
And now he was pacing around, 6:50pm, ten minutes before Blaine was supposed to arrive with nothing else to think about. Will we do it as soon as Blaine arrives? Do we have to talk about it first? Oh God, what if I'm horrible at this? His stomach felt like a washing machine full of emotion and a new feeling would pop its head up every four seconds. 6:55pm. Five more minutes. He had survived all day. He could survive five more minutes.
Across town, Blaine had thirty minutes before he was supposed to arrive at Kurt's. It would be a ten minute walk, so he should have packed everything he needed by now. Right?
Wrong.
Blaine was sitting cross legged in the middle of his bed. What am I doing? He had three layers of clothes on, a long sleeved vest (which were very hard to find), a long sleeved shirt and a giant, thick hoodie. He was boiling; it wasn't exactly the right weather for that type of outfit. When he looked down at himself, he didn't exactly look the way he wanted to.
Tonight was supposedly going to be his first night and he wanted to look sexy to Kurt. But he couldn't. Firstly when he looked at his wardrobe, there wasn't much there. Blaine mostly had different hoodies and alternated which of his two long sleeved shirts he wore underneath. He had four different pairs of trousers, two of which were jogging bottoms. He managed to squeeze himself painfully into his tightest jeans that night as opposed to the maroon ones he always wore to school in a vague attempt to look a bit better.
But mostly the layers were there to act as a barrier to Kurt. He didn't want them there, but he couldn't help it. They were there to protect him, and who knew what would happen when Kurt tried to pull them down from him. He hadn't done anything different to his hair, he didn't especially have anything to hand and Kurt had said to him that he liked the curly mess the way it was.
Blaine sighed and got up from the bed. His legs ached, they were being squeezed far too tight but he couldn't wear everyday clothes. He gathered up his long, covering pyjamas, his guitar and a few other things up. If he walked a bit faster than normal, he would be able to make to Kurt's on time. He opened the door quietly.
Normally if he wanted to go out at night he would go out the window. But from earlier that day his body was in no shape for that, and he didn't fancy throwing his only few belongings to the ground. He just held his breath and hoped his father wouldn't hear his footsteps.
He had made it safely down the stairs. His shoes didn't make any noise on the carpet, but the wooden hallway to freedom might be a problem. Every time he put his weight down a quiet tap made its way through the air. Blaine might not have been keen for this night, but it sounded much better than staying home. Staying anywhere was better than staying home.
He reached the door, and reached slowly for the doorknob, as if the movement itself was making a catastrophic amount of noise. As soon as it made contact with his hand, He felt a large presence from behind him.
He froze. He realised how bad this looked, standing at the front door with most of his pathetic possessions. He just stood there and hoped whatever was going to happen would be quick as pain free as it could be. His father placed a heavy hand on top of his shoulder which, if done by anyone else, would have been a friendly gesture.
"Hey, faggot. Where do you think you're going? Daddy wanted some alone time with his son tonight..." his father slurred. Blaine flinched at the words as though they were physical punches. "TURN AROUND AND FACE ME!" his father shouted. Blaine dropped his bag and swivelled around slowly. A few months ago he would have bolted out the door, especially as his dad was so drunk. But he was too weak now. Any type of punch he threw would inflict more pain on himself then his dad.
"Where are you going? To meet your boyfriend?" he sing songed. Blaine stood there and opened his mouth to protest, but he knew it was pointless. He shrunk himself down and nodded his head the tiniest amount. "No son of mine will be a faggot, looks like I'll just have to knock some sense into you."
He stood and screwed his eyes. Not my face, please. Kurt wouldn't be able to see his face which, if he ever got out of there, would be basically all Kurt was allowed to see. He felt the hand lift from his shoulder, and felt a weak punch in his stomach before a loud crash on the floor.
His father had passed out from all the alcohol that had been rammed down his throat. Blaine saw this as a blessing, grabbed his things from the floor beside him and ran out the door. He would be late, but if he ever told the truth he was pretty sure Kurt would forgive him.
7:09pm.
Where was Blaine? He was hardly ever late. Kurt was freaking out, and started to pace even faster. He was cursing himself in his head; it's what he liked to do when he was mad or worried. He was so self-absorbed he almost didn't hear the timid knock on his front door.
His head snapped up. He almost full on ran to the door, and took a deep breath to compose himself before him opening it. He looked out to see Blaine slightly out of breath, wearing a snuggly hoodie and the tightest jeans he'd ever seen. He was letting his eyes roam all over Blaine when he realised he was staring.
"Kurt? Can...I come in?" Blaine asked, still standing in the doorway from where Kurt hadn't let him in. "Sure! Sorry, my mind sort of spaced out." he opened the door and let Blaine walk in; laughing at the fact he had his guitar on his back. That thing must have been nearly as old as Blaine was and he hardly ever had it far away from him. It was sweet.
"Where should I put all of my stuff?" Blaine asked, gesturing at the bag he was holding in his hand. Kurt told him to just put them in his bedroom, and watched as his boyfriend walked down the stairs to his basement bedroom.
Kurt wandered to the kitchen, checking the oven. He thought it would be nice to cook for Blaine tonight, since he never had done before. Blaine had been round his house for dinner, but Carole always insisted on preparing the food. Blaine always seemed to love food, and looked happy when he ate. He wanted to make his boyfriend happy just by making him something as simple as that. Besides, they needed something to do before they got down to 'business'.
He was just setting the baking tray their meal was on when he was enveloped with a hug from behind him. Kurt smiled and wrapped his arms around Blaine's. He knew how much his boyfriend loved hugs; and he was always willing to oblige.
"That smells nice. What is it?" Blaine asked into Kurt's ear. His voice sounded questioning, like he genuinely couldn't tell what he just pulled out the oven. "It's our dinner. You'll like it; I know how much you love to eat." Kurt said and turned around in Blaine's arms so they were face to face. Blaine chuckled and buried his face into Kurt shoulder like he hadn't seen him in months. "What's wrong?" Kurt asked. Blaine said nothing was wrong, and changed the subject by asking what their night would consist of.
Kurt stiffened. Blaine always liked to know what he was going to be doing and when, which would make this conversation quite awkward. When did I become traffic warden of tonight?
"Well, I now we can go have dinner, it's all ready. After I thought we could let our dinner go down in my room, maybe you could play that guitar you never let out of your sight? And after that, who knows," Kurt leaned into Blaine's ear and whispered like the room was full of people and no one else could hear "we could stay in my room and figure out a way to make fun for ourselves. Just you, me, and maybe a few less clothes."
Kurt turned away quickly, avoiding eye contact. He scooped two plates and the baking tray off the side and strode confidently into the dining room waiting for Blaine to follow him. Blaine just stood frozen where he was and gulped. Less clothes? The rest sounded fun, sure, but he didn't know if it would quite pan out the way Kurt wanted.
"Come have some dinner sweetie!" he hear Kurt's high voice ring from the next room. Blaine gritted his teeth and sighed before heading in. Tonight's going to be a long night, he thought.
The two boys were sitting in Kurt's room having finished dinner an hour ago. Kurt was lying stomach down on his bed while watching Blaine strum his guitar and singing random snippets of songs to make his boyfriend chuckle. It was a few minutes past nine, and Kurt was getting bored. Yes he liked spending time just talking and fooling around, but he wanted to get to a different kind of fooling around.
His famous spray on jeans were suddenly feeling too hot and his shirt felt like it was constricting him. He looked up and realised Blaine was sweating, maybe feeling the same way he was. "You okay? You look a bit, well, sweaty." Kurt asked as he stood up and sat next to his boyfriend.
Blaine laughed nervously. "Yeah, I'm just hot." he instantly cursed his words as soon as they came out his mouth. Kurt just laughed and said "Take this big sweater off then, why are you even wearing it?" Blaine shrugged at the question and put his guitar on the floor. He slowly stood up and shrugged off his sweater and placed it on the back of his chair. He was still wearing two layers underneath, but he suddenly felt very vulnerable.
Kurt still sat, eyeing Blaine's covering although still quite tight shirt. He had owned it for a long time, and it did wrap around him quite well given the circumstances. Blaine suddenly noticed the look in Kurt's eye as he stood up and took and took a tiny step closer and suddenly felt uneasy. Kurt was drawing closer inch by inch, as Blaine needed a minute.
"I'm gonna freshen up, mind if I use your bathroom?" he burst out. It was fast, and he was surprised when Kurt nodded and pointed at his en suite. Blaine hurried in a way he hoped looked unsuspicious. He felt a bit better as he opened the door, until he heard Kurt's voice say suggestively "Don't be long in there, baby." Blaine's breath hitched, but kept walking until the door was shut firmly behind him.
Oh my God he's gone to freshen up, it's about to happen. I'm gonna lose it, I'm so gonna lose it. He looks so hot; I just want to peel his jeans off and-No Kurt wait until he's in the room to get excited.
Kurt's head was gibbering at a mile a minute. He was doing a sort of gallop crossed with a tiptoe around his room in celebration. He grabbed Blaine's bag and set it on the floor to get it out of the way. He was surprised at how light it was, and when Blaine showed no sign of emerging he took a peek inside.
Pyjamas, well you won't need those, Kurt thought to himself, as he moved them around to look in the bottom of the bag, and he marvelled at how those were long sleeved as well.
Where do you even get those? There was a toothbrush that Blaine hadn't taken into the bathroom, Chicago, of course, some spare coins rolling around, his keys which wouldn't fit into his incredibly tight jeans and some body spray which also hadn't made it into the bathroom.
That was it? Kurt set the bag down again as was slightly disappointed at what he saw. He was expecting Blaine to have brought at least something for tonight's main event. Kurt sighed and thought it was lucky he had managed to get his hands on what they would need otherwise this evening wouldn't go at all how he wanted it.
Kurt got on the bed and felt odd. How do I sit? Is this gonna look weird? Kurt didn't like how Blaine would have to awkwardly cross the distance from his bathroom to the bed while Kurt sat there. He jumped to his feet and decided they could stumble their way to the bed together. He'd always been a fan of kissing standing up anyway. He waited for Blaine to be ready. This is it.
Blaine was standing at the door, willing himself to do it. Splashing some water on his face had helped calm him down, and he had sat for a minute on the floor just to breath. He couldn't stay in there forever, but he wanted a moment to clear his head.
He oust reached his hand to the doorknob. After looking at his miserable, scrawny and tortured excuse for a body in the mirror he decided tonight was not the night. If this was ever going to happen, he would have to tell Kurt about his body beforehand. This wasn't something to spring on a person on a night that's supposed to be fun.
He didn't want to disappoint Kurt because he obviously wanted him after all the hints he had dropped that evening, but after a moment of awkwardness they could still have a nice night together. Maybe they could watch Chicago in bed together? But before that happened, he would have to say to Kurt he wasn't ready and go from there. He opened the door.
Suddenly he was knocked back by Kurt who had apparently been waiting outside the door. His lips came into contact with Kurt's and it was magical. He could feel Kurt brushing his bottom lip with his tongue which earned a soft moan from his throat. This was nice. This was...no!
He could feel Kurt roam his hands up Blaine's scarred body. This was his way of initiation, and it was too late to back out now. Blaine decided to do the same and snake his hands up Kurt's back. He didn't want to lead Kurt on, but he didn't want to disappoint him either.
Kurt slid his hands under Blaine's first shirt and managed to coerce it off his body. Kurt looked at Blaine's second shirt and giggled. "No wonder you were hot, it's like pass the parcel with you!" he joked. Blaine didn't laugh, he was panicking. Kurt didn't see it and went in for another hungry kiss.
He started to back them towards the bed. Blaine felt stuck. He didn't want to stop kissing Kurt, but this couldn't go on for much longer without everything becoming unravelled. The lights weren't even off, so Kurt would be able to see everything.
His heart was pounding. His breath was shallow through his nose while his lips were busy kissing. He had to give in. It want right, he needed time. His thoughts were overwhelming him. He could feel Kurt trying to snake his hand up under Blaine's second shirt. No. It couldn't happen; he couldn't do this, not now. He refused. He had to pull himself away somehow. Kurt's hands got dangerously close. NO!
Blaine slapped Kurt's hand away from his shirt and stepped back, breaking the kiss. His breath was deep and rapid; he just hoped Kurt couldn't hear it from where he was standing. He placed his hands on his chest and shut his eyes. His head was pointed to the floor, but he could still feel Kurt's gaze on him.
"Blaine...are you okay?" Kurt asked after a minute. Blaine didn't think and shouted at his boyfriend before he hardly finished the question. "NO". His voice made Kurt jump back slightly, but he still approached Blaine slowly. "What...what's wrong?" Kurt asked, slowly placing a hand on Blaine's back like he was a frightened cat.
"I can't...you, there's not...I'm not..." Blaine continued to stammer while he found the right words to say. It was hard to make an excuse when he had one that was so real and responsible for his mini freak-out. "Shhhh" Kurt soothed as he rubbed Blaine's back lovingly. Blaine's head was still pointed at the floor, but his hands had moved to Kurt's hips so he would stay there with him.
Kurt pulled him into a hug as best he could, with the top of Blaine's head pressed against his chest and his arms around his back. "Are you not ready for this kind of thing yet?" Kurt asked after a minute of calming Blaine down. He looked up and shook his head while biting his lip. "I'm so sorry Kurt, are you mad?" he asked gingerly.
Kurt giggled a bit at how much Blaine could remind him of a little child sometimes. "No sweetie, I'm not mad. I'm sorry I launched at you. We can wait until you're ready, I love and there's nothing more to say." Kurt said quietly. Blaine opened his mouth to protest but Kurt placed a finger on his lips to stop him. "There's nothing more to say. Now, do you want to put your pyjamas on so we can relax in bed?" Blaine nodded.
This wasn't going to happen after all. He was safe, at least for a bit longer.
Kurt was disappointed, there was no point hiding it. He was disappointed that the night he had been stressing over for so long wasn't going to happen after all. Sure, he wouldn't pressure his boyfriend into anything; he just wished he had told him before that very moment so he wouldn't have to feel so embarrassed. Blaine had said he was embarrassed at the way he reacted, and Kurt didn't think he should be, but that didn't stop him from thinking it was weir
Blaine had never slapped him away like that, and the way he held himself afterwards was just worrying. What did he have to get so worked up about? Kurt thought he had been worrying, but after seeing Blaine's freak out he counted himself lucky.
He was still lying in bed. Blaine had gone into the bathroom to get changed, which made him feel worse. Kurt had somehow plucked up the courage to get almost completely naked while he changed with Blaine in the same room, thinking it might make him do the same. But he just took his things into the bathroom and had been in there for a few minutes.
There was no point worrying about it before he went to sleep, after all Blaine had been fine after they decided not to have sex. Why was he so relieved? How come Blaine had seen nearly every part of Kurt's body, but he hadn't even seen his arms. Then it dawned on him.
I've never even seen his arms. No, that couldn't be right. Kurt racked his brain to think of a time Blaine wore a short sleeved shirt, or Kurt had been allowed to slip his hands onto Blaine's chest while they'd been making out. He couldn't find any memory that involved a glimpse of Blaine's skin. What is he hiding underneath there that I can't see? Why haven't I thought of this before?
Kurt laughed quietly to himself; of course that wasn't what was happening. Was it? Kurt was a year older than him, and Kurt would have been nowhere near ready for this twelve months ago. That took a bit of pressure of what he had been thinking, but there was still a small niggling at the back of his mind. What if I'm right?
At that moment, Blaine stepped out the bathroom door looking absolutely adorable. His hair had been ruffled in the change and was even curlier than before. His trouser legs were pooled around the bottom of his feet, obviously meant for a taller man. The long sleeves on his shirt were loose but the chest section was tight across his body.
Blaine yawned and stretched his arms up as he did. Kurt was hoping for Blaine's shirt to ride up as he did to maybe reveal a bit of stomach for him to get a glimpse of, but the tightness of his shirt kept him covered. Damn.
Blaine stood hesitantly for a second before making his way to lie down next to Kurt. He looked tired, his eyes looking fuzzy. "Should I turn the lights off, are you tired?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded, not even speaking up. Kurt sat up to press the light switch, and like that they were in darkness.
Kurt thought that if they weren't going to get intimate tonight then now would be a good time to get close to Blaine. His boyfriend was lying on his back staring at the ceiling. Kurt went to get into the position he always did when he laid down with Blaine. He placed his head on Blaine's chest and wrapped and arm around his stomach. Kurt was glad to see that Blaine still instinctively wrapped his arm around Kurt's back. He seemed to be holding on tighter like he would leave.
"What's wrong, Blaine?" Kurt whispered like it would wake someone up. "Nothing" he said flatly. He had no expression in his voice. Kurt wished he could see Blaine's eyes, they would have helped him get a grip on where he was standing right now. "You don't sound okay, do you wanna talk? I can turn the lights on and make you warm milk?" normally something like that would make Blaine chuckle at least slightly, but he just laid there.
"I'm just tired, Kurt. I'm just gonna go to sleep." he said, his voice still flat. Blaine rolled over to his side of the bed with his back facing Kurt and all contact was lost. Kurt wanted to pester him, he knew something was wrong. But Blaine was a very private person, and he would tell Kurt when he needed to. He just rolled over, his back to his boyfriend, and decided just to sleep.
Blaine just laid there in silence. What am I doing? He knew Kurt must have suspected something, he never would've reacted the way he had normally. He even asked what was wrong, which would have been the perfect time to come clean about everything and ask for help.
But he didn't. As he laid there he thought of the future. It would take months for his body to heal, and they never would as long as he kept living with his father. It would be a year after Kurt graduated until he was comfortable with things the way he was, but that wasn't what he wanted. What would happen when Kurt left for New York?
As far as Blaine was concerned he would be with Kurt forever. But if that was true, and he waited until he was healed to have sex, Kurt would never know about his whole childhood. How would deal when Blaine had bad depressive days, the times when he felt he physically couldn't do anything, felt he wasn't good for anything or anyone? How would he deal with the scars that would be left behind, how Blaine would sometimes have night terrors that his father would kill him, or how he was terrified that he would accidentally hurt any child that came near him?
The answer was, he wouldn't. Kurt was too good for him. He tried to think otherwise but he could just hear his father's poisonous words. You're not good enough. No one could ever love you. Everyone will leave you when they find out how disgusting you are. You'll be alone forever.
Blaine realised there were tears rolling down his eyes. He looked over at Kurt, who appeared to be sleeping soundly. He let the silent sobs shake his body and the tears roll down his eyes. Sometimes at night he would just cry, cry about his whole life at home. No one could hear him and it released some of the tension that weighed him down every day.
He was completely silent apart from a few small sniffs. But when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he flinched away, completely forgetting he was safe and sound with Kurt. "Blaine?" his boyfriend's small voice sounded. Blaine turned around to face him for a second, staying silent as he stared at his boyfriend while tears rolled down his face before burying his head into Kurt's chest and crying as hard as he wanted to. His tiny body trembled; it looked like the shakes were threatening to actually break him.
Kurt didn't ask any questions, he just laid there with his boyfriend. He rubbed his back and whispered sweet reassurances into Blaine's ear. On the inside he terrified, of course he was. He had never seen Blaine cry before and now he was literally sobbing into his chest. Eventually, Blaine tired himself out and fell asleep in his boyfriend's arms without saying a thing.
Kurt wanted nothing more than to make everything fine for him. He didn't know what exactly was with Blaine but it couldn't have been small. For a minute he was tempted to lift up Blaine's shirt to see if the niggle in his mind was true. His boyfriend crying wasn't helping him deny it, but he thought that he should get to say whatever it was that was bothering him. He just sighed and closed his eyes, tomorrow would be a long day.
