Please review! It means so much! Tell me what you think, good or bad!

In this chapter, we are going to deal with some of Ash's emotions, and also a trip to the ER for our favorite paramedics. I promise, the jailbreak and avalanche are coming up in the next couple chapters!

Last chapter of rewrite! Didn't really change anything on this one because I liked it how it was. Hope everyone is happy as a clam bake now! Let me know if y'all got any more tips J New chapter coming tomorrow as our crew sets off on their adventure!

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The rest of the evening passed by in quiet fashion. Some of the crew watched television, some read magazines, and others played games. Ash and Chet were facing off in a chess game, overseen by Johnny and Mike.

Mike Stoker, the quiet engineer of the station, offered his advice to Chet.

"She's not paying too much attention to the side of the board closest to you, Chet. You need to close that gap."

Chet studied the board then half turned to face his coworker. "Stoker, I am trying to think here. She may be not paying attention, but she is not taking my knight!" He smugly moved his knight out of the way.

Ash smirked and placed her rook where his knight had stood. Johnny slapped his thigh.

"She's squashing your advances, Chet!"

Marco hollered from the living room, "Johnny, shut up! I can't hear the TV!"

Chet turned to Johnny, who was rolling his eyes at Marco. "What is this, Gage? You guys teaming up on me?" He looked so miffed that Mike patted his shoulder.

"Easy, Chet, it's not that bad."

Ash coughed, and he turned to her. "Now what, you too?"

She smiled shyly. "Checkmate."

Mike shrugged and sauntered away. "Never mind. Told you, Kelly."

Johnny whooped with excitement and gave Ash a high five. "Chet got beat by a girl! Hey Cap!"

"Cap," Chet whined, interrupting Johnny." Mike and Johnny distracted me!"

Cap laid down his magazine, untangled his lanky legs, and came over to join them at the table.

"What's the matter, Chet? Can't take it? Ash, it's been a long day. I think it's time we all turn in. We don't know when the next call will be, and we need to take advantage of the -"

"Shhh!" Ash interrupted him, playfully smacking his arm.

He frowned. "Huh?"

She chuckled. "Don't say it. Or it won't be quiet the rest of the night."

He laughed and clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Okay, smarty-pants. I get it. I'm turning in, guys."

The general chaos of organizing the room, turning off the TV, and saying goodnights swept around Ash but she felt awkward. "Hey, Hank."

"Yeah," he turned to look at her, as the guys headed for the bunks.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He smiled kindly. "Sure, Peanut."

"Hey, I am sorry about earlier today. I wasn't - respectful - and I shouldn't have -I mean I really appreciate-"

"Hey," Hank interrupted her and held out his arms to her, an invitation for a hug. She smiled sadly and let him wrap her up in strong arms. "You don't ever have to feel bad for expressing your feelings, Ash. Just do me a favor?"
She looked up at him. "Yes?"

"Just don't hold them inside for so long that they eat you up."

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Johnny stumbled toward the restroom, tired and hoping he could go back to sleep. His illuminated wristwatch indicated it was 3 am. They had been on one quick run since bedtime, just he and Roy in the squad. Someone had fallen down stairs and suffered a concussion and a sprained ankle. Roy had fallen asleep immediately once they had returned home, but Johnny couldn't. He had tossed and turned before finally deciding to go splash warm water on his face and see if it helped.

He pushed open the restroom door, and was met by the sight of Ash sitting on the floor, back against the wall. Her arms were crossed across her knees, and her forehead rested on them. She lifted her head when he entered.

"Hey, there, I'm sorry - I will -just - leave - now - and" Johnny didn't know quite what to say to her. His face was beet red with embarrassment.

"No, it's okay - I will go. Just thinking." She started to stand, but Johnny held out a hand.

"Hey, don't go. Are you okay? Do you need help?"

She didn't move from her seat, but hesitatingly shook her head. "N-no."

He tilted his head to try to get a better look at her face. "You sure?"

"I have been clean for almost a year." She finally said almost wonderingly to herself.

Johnny felt his blood run cold for a second. "Yeah, Cap told me."

She jerked as if slapped, but said nothing else.

Johnny narrowed his eyes, and crept closer. Carefully, he leaned against the wall and slid down next to her. "That's quite an accomplishment, you know." He spoke carefully.

She nodded, still not looking at him. "Was I wrong? Was I crazy? Was I - sadistic?"

"No!" Johnny spoke quickly and winced at the loud exclamation echoing in the tile room. "No," he said again softly. "You were numb. You wanted to actually feel again. You needed some way to restore contact with the outside world. You needed to feel something other than the abyss you were falling into. And that seemed like a good idea at the time, am I right?"

Miserably, she nodded, turning teary eyes to him. "I'm a horrible person, Johnny. Hank would be so worried about me sometimes; I could see it in his eyes. But I was on a runaway train and I just couldn't stop it. Then I went into rehab, and when I got out of there, I started school to be a nursing assistant, and I found such peace in helping others. Easing their pain sort of, in a strange way, eased mine. Until -."

Johnny nodded, and chose to ignore the hesitation. "Yeah, I can understand that. My job kind of does the same thing. It drives you. You go into each rescue determined to beat pain and death. It's a war. And you are sure not gonna give in without a fight."

She mumbled, "Yeah," then put her head back down on her arms and sighed. "What do you do when you feel yourself losing that battle?"

Johnny felt that ice cold wave wash over him again, but he swallowed hard and kept it together. "Ah, well, you have to determine what made you fight in the first place."

She crumpled her face in thought. But instead of speaking, she held out a hand to him, closed into a fist. He reached for it, not sure what she was about to do. To his surprise, she laid a razor blade in his hand.

Johnny felt a weight lift off of his shoulder and he released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. His fingers closed over it as if afraid she might take it away again.

"I want to fight, Johnny." She said softly. "I can't stand that disappointment in Hank's eyes. He has fought so hard for me. Sometimes I forget - he isn't - like - them." Her eyes became serious and dark again. "There are just times I feel - "

"Trapped?" Johnny asked quietly. "Like nothing you ever say or do will change the rotten failure of a human being that you have been told you will always be by them?"

Ash gazed at him with wide eyes. "Hank never said that!"

Johnny shook his head and looked away, gazing up at the frosted lights in the suspended ceiling. "No, maybe Hank didn't. But someone did. And you believed them."

Ash crossed her arms over her chest. "Another story for another time, fireman."

He looked down at her, slightly miffed. "Oh, no problem. I'm gonna see if I can get some more shut-eye before roll call." He stood. "Do you want me to keep this?" He asked, indicating the razor blade he carefully held between his finger and thumb.

A strange look crossed Ash's face, and she nodded once. "Maybe you better."

"Okay, then," Johnny backed toward the door. "Don't stay up too late."

"Johnny."

He hesitated. "Yes?"

"Don't tell Hank."

Johnny looked torn. "Ash, he's my captain. I have a duty to be loyal to him."

She bit her lower lip. "Please Johnny."

Johnny sighed and walked back over to where she sat. He knelt down in front of her, and tapped her knee. "Ash, look at me." He had felt every emotion that he saw in her eyes at one point in his own life. His partner had drawn him out of those old ways of thinking and in that moment, he realized how much Roy had helped him. "Ash, Your story is your own to tell. I'm not sure what feelings and terrible things are bottled up in that pretty head of yours. But remember, Hank is there for you too. He's a brother. He's a big brother to all of us here at the station. I know maybe he wasn't always there right at the moment you needed him, but he's here now. Don't forget that." At the uncertain glance she cast his way, Johnny took a deep breath. How could he make her understand?

"You need to get some sleep," Johnny stood again, offering her his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet. "Try not to worry about anything. And if you are ever ready to talk, anyone here will listen. My, Roy, the guys, especially Cap."

She was twisting her hands again, and he reached out and laid a hand on hers. "Don't."

Ash smiled up at him, a true smile. "Thanks, Johnny. Goodnight."

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""Station 51…Station 19…Truck 32…Battalion 4…structure fire …two trapped…197 Milton Rd…1-9-7 Milton Rd…cross Street Reynold Street… Time out 3:45"

Johnny had barely laid down when the tones sounded, bringing the firehouse to life. Johnny groaned and followed his partner out to the squad. Cap called back into the rec room, "Be back soon, Ash! Stay put, okay? Station 51 KMG-365." He tossed down the radio pic and jogged toward the engine, its rumbling sounding very loud in the enclosed bay.

She appeared in the doorway, and waved to him. "Okay!" At the last second, she ran forward and threw her arms around him, giving him a tight hug. Their eyes met for a moment, and then her gaze dropped to the floor. "Be safe, okay, Hank."

He nodded kindly. "We will, Peanut."

He jumped up to sit next to Mike, and the sirens wailed into the distance, leaving her standing by herself in the empty engine bay. Only those walls knew the tears that she finally let fall. And they couldn't tell anyone.

"Roy!" Captain Stanley was running back from the engine as the squad screeched to a halt behind Big Red. Mike was working on the pumps already and Marco and Chet were uncoiling hoses.

He reached the squad just as Roy and Johnny jumped from the seat. "What do we have, Cap?" Johnny asked as they ran after him back toward the flaming structure. It was a once beautiful single floor ranch, engulfed in flames in the garage and the roof was also burning.

"We've got one person, a female that has managed to get out. She says she is fine. But there's still a man in there somewhere. Wife says he was trying to find the source of the fire and she tried to get him out, but couldn't find him and barely made it out herself. If you guys are going, you better go now, because that roof is gonna be coming down pretty quick." Cap nodded toward the fire, the reflection of the flames bouncing grotesquely in the darkness of dawn.

"I got lead on this one, Roy," Johnny replied as he pulled on his helmet.

Roy nodded, dropping the drug boxes on the sidewalk. "I will follow with the hose, John."

The two paramedic firemen worked their way into the structure. It was dark, a combination of smoke and the darkness of the night. Johnny worked his way toward the side of the house where the fire burned the most. Johnny found a limp figure crumpled on the floor, right by the garage door.

"Roy!" He called, his mask muffling the sound. "Cover me with the hose, got to get him out."

What followed later seemed like a dream to Roy. One minute, he was carrying the victim to safety, and the next moment, the ceiling was coming down. Loud cracks of snapping two by fours and a deafening explosion from the garage rocked the floor beneath them and the sounds faded away as the world around them went dark and silent.

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"Roy?"

The world's lights and sounds came crashing back into Roy's consciousness as he tried to focus on the face in front of him. Dixie McCall, Rampart's favorite nurse, stood smiling kindly down at him. The lights shining on the ceiling behind her head made his eyes hurt and he quickly closed them again.

"Hey, sweetheart. Welcome back. You guys really worried us there for a bit." Dixie's smile did not erase the worry lines from around her eyes and forehead. Joe Early walked through the swinging door, clipboard in hand, running one hand through his white hair.

"How is he, Dix?" Roy heard him ask quietly from across the room.

Roy opened his eyes again, as Dixie read off the vitals that the machines were giving her. "He's awake. Maybe want to let Hank know."

Roy tried to raise a hand. "Wait, wait doc!" His hand fell back onto the bed. "Where - what - Johnny!"

Dixie rested a hand on Roy's shoulder, earning her a worried glance from the blue eyes paramedic. "Easy, Roy. Just stay still. Dr. Bracket is with him. We will know soon."

"Know?" Roy struggled to focus on her face again. The words she spoke seemed to be coming to his ears from a long distance away. "Know what? Where - Where is my - my partner?"

Dixie laid a gentle hand on his bruised forehead as if checking his temperature. "Easy, Roy. Don't you remember what happened, honey?"

Roy furrowed his brows, and closed his eyes, as nausea gripped him. "No, ah, no. Not all of it. We - we - w-were - on a call - man t-trapped - just found - him. Ceiling - roof caved in. Johnny!"

He tried to sit up again, but Dixie put both hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down onto the pillow, being careful of the IV attached to his arm and the nasal cannula on his face. Any other time, Roy would have been way stronger than her, but his brain felt addled and he could only comply with her silent request.

He took a deep breath as another wave of nausea and head pain washed over him. "C-concussion?" he mumbled, glancing blearily at Dr. Early. The elder gentleman nodded and spoke in his soft tone.

"Yes, Roy, you've got a concussion. You were out for a little bit there. Had to call in Squad 62 to help. Chet and Marco and your captain got you both out. Your gear protected you quite well."

A bad feeling kept niggling at his brain. Roy squinted through the fog and tried to focus on Dr. Early's face. "Both? N-not three? What - what- a-about the -v- victim?"

"Well, they got him out, but it was no good. He shouldn't have gone into the deepest part of the fire. They ruled his death due to smoke inhalation. He was dead before you guys ever reached him." Dr. Early said comfortingly, knowing his two best paramedics always took it hard when there were failed rescues.

Roy sighed and slammed his hand weakly onto the bed. He hated that part.

"Easy, Roy," Dixie spoke gently, patting his hand. "At least you and Johnny got out. Just hang in there a bit, sweetheart, and I will check on Johnny for you and get your wife."

Roy nodded his thanks, as Dixie left the room. As soon as the swinging doors closed, he turned his gaze to Dr. Early. "Doc, how long have I been out?"

"Well, a couple hours, Roy." Dr. Early admitted. "We were worried about you guys. Cap called you all in as unavailable for the rest of the shift. Shift B came in to cover for you and their Squad is bringing Ash here. Hank sent the engine home, but the boys are down in the lobby with Joanne."

Roy groaned in frustration and rubbed his face with his free hand.

At that moment, Hank Stanley walked through the door. "Hey, Pal. How's the head?"
Roy shook his head. "I'll be fine, Cap, just a bit of a headache. Have you seen Johnny yet?"

Captain Stanley shook his head. "No, he's still in with Dr. Brackett."

"How was he?" Roy asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Cap scratched his head, suddenly looking forlorn in his unbuttoned turnout streaked with soot and grime. His shoulders were slumped. "Well, Roy," he drawled. "Well, he - um-"

"Aw, come on Cap!" Roy barked. "What is so wrong that no one can tell me if he's even alive or not?"

Cap looked quickly at Roy. "Oh, he's alive. He's alive, Roy."

Roy relaxed a little, then tensed again as the concerned look didn't leave his Captain's face. "What else, Captain?"

Captain Stanley sighed again. "He hadn't woke up yet."

Before Roy could look concerned, Dr. Brackett suddenly breezed through the treatment room door. "Hey, Roy, glad to see you're awake. Hi Joe. So, Johnny is going to be alright. Took a while to wake him up, but he will be fine. Got a few lacerations on his face and a contusion on the back of his head, but surprisingly better than we thought. He has some smoke inhalation too, quite worrisome at first, because he didn't have his mask on when 62 found him. But we have him on O2 so he should be right as rain in a few hours."

Hank sighed and suddenly felt very tired. He sank down onto the rolling chair that Dr. Early pushed under him. "Roy, I don't know how many times I have asked that fool kid not to do that."

"What?" Roy asked, feeling equally as tired.

"I have told him to not take that mask off. He must have taken it off to put on the victim, again."

Roy sighed and closed his eyes. There were days he was really, really proud of his young partner. But sometimes he just wanted to knock some sense into his hard head.