Thank you so much Sara, I'm glad your enjoying it.

I hope everyone enjoys the next chapter,

Chapter 2 – Weary, Dreary Summer

The rest of the school term passed without much drama. Lorelai steadily gained weight but in such a way that when the school broke for the summer the only whispers Emily heard were from well-meaning friends who surreptitiously slid her details of summer camps that dealt with weight loss. She and Lorelai had had a few arguments but they were just like the arguments they had been having since Lorelai was 10. The arguments had been nothing to do with her pregnancy or the plan for Christopher to move in with them. They had barely discussed the pregnancy at all, and Emily avoided discussing Christopher for fear of creating a fight and providing Lorelai with any undue stress. Lorelai was holding her at arm's length and Emily wished she would let her in. Lorelai only allowed her to participate when they visited the doctor and even then everything was top level information.

The past few weeks Emily had noticed Lorelai's hand drift up to her stomach more often, a soft curious smile on her face. Emily knew that this meant that the baby was starting to move. Emily wanted to speak about it but she was too scared to ask. Lorelai was over half way through her pregnancy and the doctor assured her that everything was progressing normally, but Emily could not shake her concern given her own experiences. She did what she did best and buried her concerns. Things were just about tolerable and she didn't want to worsen the situation especially now with the long months of summer ahead of them and she was completely at a loss with what they were supposed to do.

The past 7 years Lorelai had always attended a residential summer camp. There was no question that Lorelai would stay at home but to do what. Most of the volunteering programmes required some form of physicality that Emily was not willing to risk Lorelai being injured or lifting anything too heavy and she couldn't very well drag Lorelai along to all her functions, the questioning alone would be too much for both of them. She had hoped that she could arrange for Christopher to spend some time with Lorelai over the summer but Straub and Francine were sending him away to camp for the summer and would not change their plans. Lorelai had just been with him, the final visit before he vanished for 6 weeks and she had come home uncharacteristically quiet. Quietness in her daughter was never a good sign. Emily was barely able to keep her mind on her dinner in front of her with the concern that was rushing through her mind and the strength of resolve it was taking not to sit staring at her daughter for any sign that something might be wrong with the baby.

"What is this Mom?"

Lorelai's question broke her musings and gave Emily a chance to look across at Lorelai and study her. She looked annoyed and disgusted as she poked at her dinner with her fork. "It's calf's liver." Emily told her softly, wishing that Lorelai would sit up straight as her slumping would only make her back hurt more. Lorelai made a noise to indicate her disgust and put down her fork with a clatter. "It's full of iron, it's good for you." Emily reasoned with her.

"I'm not really hungry," Lorelai slumped further down in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest.

"You need to eat properly," Emily told her softly. She frowned as Lorelai gave a dismissive shrug. "Don't shrug Lorelai, you know you need to. Did you eat with Christopher?." Her frown deepened as Lorelai shifted awkwardly. "Did you have a good time with Christopher?" she asked carefully. Lorelai looked down at her stomach and gave another dismissive shrug. "Did he say something to you?" Emily asked carefully.

Lorelai muttered something inaudible before issuing a heavy sigh. "He just talked about camp and about how cool it was and then he told me I looked fat."

Emily frowned. "Lorelai you're not fat," she tried to sound positive even though she knew that when she was pregnant she had never believed Richard when he had told her that. Christopher was a silly young boy but his retreating from Lorelai by ignoring and alienating her was not what she wanted to hear at all. They had a procedure to follow. "You're very neat."

"Christopher is probably just confused by his feelings towards you."

Emily nearly dropped her fork as Richard engaged with the conversation. He had barely spoken at all the past few months at the dining room table if Lorelai was there. He was still in his maudlin depression of not being able to cope with or comprehend Lorelai's pregnancy. She glanced at her daughter, Lorelai looked shocked and surprised that her father was speaking to her; Tears forming in the corner of her blue eyes. Richard put down his paper and smiled weakly. "Pregnancy from an outsider's perspective is just as confusing as it is for the mother. All kind of thoughts about what you have done to the woman, watching her grow your child, it's a powerful thing. Christopher probably can't understand it." He smiled weakly at Lorelai. "Once he moves in it will be different."

Emily flinched as she saw the shift in Lorelai's demeanour, the sudden shift from surprised sadness to the glint of anger in her eyes.

"If you don't want the liver I can get you some chicken," Emily offered quickly hopeful to counteract what she knew was coming.

Lorelai answered her father by pushing back her chair with as much noise as possible and throwing her napkin on the table. "Neither of us want that Dad. We don't want to get married, we don't want to live here."

Richard picked up his paper, flicking it upright with a defiant flourish. "Well tough! You should have thought about that!"

Lorelai let out a little scream of frustration and stomped out of the room. "He doesn't even like me!" Lorelai screamed over her shoulder as she fled. "But you wouldn't care."

"Must she be so dramatic," Richard muttered throwing his paper down on the table. He looked down at his barely touched food. "I have calls to make."

Emily slumped into her seat as he fled from her as well. She was exhausted with all this, she wished he would open up to her but Richard would never do that. Not now, she knew how her husband's mind operated and she had to give him space. If Richard ever wanted to discuss it he would, but now he would focus on work. Wearily Emily pushed herself out of her seat and moved to the kitchen. The maid was sat scanning a cooking magazine and jumped when she caught sight of Emily.

"I'm afraid my menu selection was a rather poor one. I found it delicious but …" she trailed off with her platitudes. "Thank you for the effort. I'm just going to take Lorelai a sandwich. Please clean up. You may leave when you have finished."

The maid scurried out with a silent nod leaving Emily alone to make up a tray for Lorelai. She remembered being ravenous when she had been pregnant, as soon as her morning sickness had stopped with all her pregnancies she had been starving right up until something had gone wrong except with Lorelai where she had been ravenous until Lorelai had pushed up into her stomach and made eating difficult. In hindsight her sudden loss of appetite had probably been an indication of something being wrong, and Lorelai's apparent lack of hunger had made her nervous.

Carrying the tray up to her daughter's room, Emily braced herself for what she would find on the other side of the door and carefully shifted the tray to one arm so she could open the door. Lorelai was laying on her back staring up at the ceiling trying to stop herself from crying. As Emily moved in Lorelai shot her a look of pure loathing which made Emily freeze for a moment. She forced a smile on her face and held out the tray. "I thought you might actually be hungry for some plainer food." Lorelai looked annoyed for a moment but started to sit up slowly and gave a small nod of acceptance. With a sigh of relief Emily moved to the bed and set the tray down. "Now we can't make a habit of this, eating in bed, but…" she trailed off at a loss of what to do with herself now the tray was no longer in her arms. "There is a chicken sandwich and some fruit."

"Thanks." Lorelai mumbled reaching for the apple and taking a bite.

Pleased that her daughter was eating and had seemed to accept her presence Emily took another deep breath and tried to broach the Christopher subject. "I'm sure Christopher was just excited about camp."

Lorelai scowled at her. "He's mad at me because his Dad is mad at him. I'm just a big pain in everyone's as….backside and getting bigger every day."

"Lorelai no!" Emily made to reach out to provide a comforting hand on Lorelai's shoulder but Lorelai shot her the look of loathing once more and her resolve faltered.

"Mom, Yes!" Lorelai huffed. "I am. Dad won't look at me. Christopher is mad at me. You won't stop looking at me like you're scared I'm gonna break or show you up or something. You can't figure out where to stick me so I'm not in your way."

Emily frowned. "Lorelai it's not like that…"

"Yeah Mom it is," Lorelai's statement was filled with resigned defeat. "Thanks for the sandwich but I want to be alone."

Emily took a step back and tried to think of something to say but her mind was once again all over the place and she couldn't find anything to say. Lorelai stared at her with that awful look of hate and she retreated, stumbling out of the door. It slammed of its own accord almost as if Lorelai had willed it. Emily stood beside it stunned, through the wood she could hear her daughter starting to cry. Emily placed her hand on the door her body trembling as she too tried to keep her emotions in check. She felt her resolve slip tears beginning to slip down her cheeks and she fled, her face in her hands into the sanctuary of her bedroom.

xXx

Emily found that the tears had helped clear her mind and as such she was able to formulate a plan for the summer holidays. As she knew that Lorelai's schooling was going to be affected over the coming months with the arrival of the baby Emily decided that educational outings was the best. It was what they used to do when Lorelai was little and was too young for the residential summer camps. There were plenty of events and museums that went on over the summer in the wider area, all just enough out of the way that they would not bump into their usual circle.

There was even a free week where she had no commitments and Lorelai had no doctor's appointments, the idea of a week away had been perfect and she had quickly called her best friend Melinda who lived down in Washington to arrange a visit. Melinda had been excited and accommodating telling Emily she would rejig her schedule. Melinda was the only person that Emily had told about Lorelai. Melinda was the only person that Emily told everything about anything in her life. It had killed Emily when Melinda had moved to Washington 6 years earlier but a friendship over correspondence and telephone hadn't diminished how close they were.

The trip would also mean that Richard could get some head space. He was working so hard and while he was away from the house for business trips Emily knew he couldn't relax. In the house he was so anxious and upset over Lorelai it made everything worse, just like the dinner table a few nights earlier. He needed a chance to decompress. The summer was always his chance to decompress, before the pregnancy even though he adored Lorelai Emily knew he found her exhausting. When Lorelai went to camp he always seemed to have more energy he became more affectionate, tenderer without a scornful audience. She missed that.

Armed with her plan for the summer Emily approached the breakfast table with excited energy. She was surprised to see Lorelai already sat at her seat tucking into a bowl of fruit. She had never seen Lorelai eat so much fruit before and she tried to remember if the doctor had instructed Lorelai to do it or if this was something of her own volition. Richard's chair was empty, the paper beside it creased in a way that told Emily he had been and gone already. She ignored the empty chair and pulled out her own. "Good morning Lorelai."

"Morning," Lorelai mumbled not looking up from the bowl.

"I spoke with Melinda this morning, my friend who lives in Washington. We're going to go stay with her the last week of July. I thought a change of scenery would be nice for both of us. And I've made a list of museums and galleries that we should visit during the summer. We should aim for at least a trip a week, weather dependent," she informed Lorelai brightly. "And of course you have your summer reading list from school to keep you occupied the rest of the time." She held out the list she had made of places to visit so Lorelai could see. "Do you have any preference about where you would like to go first?" She swallowed nervously as Lorelai looked at the list as if Emily was holding out a bowl of sick to her and when her daughter didn't take it carefully placed it on the white table cloth. "Well you take a look and have a think and let me know. Now I need to go shopping for your summer books and I thought I would pick you up a few clothes, your wardrobe is a little limited at the moment. Is there anything that you expressly need?"

Lorelai stared at her for a moment and then rolled her eyes, "Whatever," she looked down at her fruit again.

"Not whatever Lorelai. Do you need anything?" Emily frowned.

"It doesn't matter what I think I need," Lorelai scowled. "You'll just get what you think I need, you always do," she flicked the list back towards Emily. "So whatever you want Mom," She grabbed an apple and pushed back her chair. "I'm gonna read."

Emily sighed heavily as Lorelai stomped off. She wasn't sure if Lorelai's reaction was her usual rebellious streak or fuelled by hormones, either way it was going to be a long summer.

xXx

Emily smiled as she heard Lorelai laugh. Closing the bathroom door she slipped back into the bright kitchen of Melinda's Washington townhouse. She quietly took her seat and watched as Melinda continued to engage with her daughter. The trip had been enjoyable for the most part, day trips to all the sites of the capital and Lorelai seemed much happier. It was Melinda's way. She could make anyone feel at ease, make anyone open up. It was her special gift. It was why Emily was sure she was friends with her and why Melinda knew everything about her.

"What was so funny?" Emily asked, keen to be included.

"Doesn't matter," Lorelai mumbled, her smile faltering a little.

Emily tried to keep her face from falling. Although Lorelai was happier then she had been in a long while she was still incredibly thorny with her and Emily wasn't sure what it was that she had done that was so awful to warrant the cold front. She had been accommodating as possible but it didn't seem to work. Nothing seemed to work. The past month had been one battle after another, Lorelai snapping at every suggestion or just sullenly pouting whenever they went out. The shift to a more positive demeanour had occurred two days into the trip and Emily was keen for it to continue.

"Lorelai," Melinda broke the uneasy silence that had descended on the room. "Would you be a doll and go to the bakery on the corner and get some cakes for dessert," she reached for her purse.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Emily protested, "It's very warm out there."

"It's five minutes away," Melinda dismissed her concern with a forceful edge, "and they do excellent ice cream, you should have a scoop," she smiled at Lorelai as she handed over some notes. "Get whatever you want cake wise, but I would recommend anything chocolate. The Ice cream is amazing but I'm partial to the strawberry ripple, its divine!"

"Sure!" Lorelai gave her an enthusiastic smile and scurried away as quickly as she could.

Emily hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should get up and go with her daughter. She didn't want her to be alone in a strange city. Anything could go wrong.

"You have to give her some space Em," Melinda told her softly as she placed her hand on Emily's preventing her from getting up.

Emily turned to look at her friend in confusion. "You're hovering and planning every moment of the day," Melinda continued a warm smile on her face. "You're everywhere, following her everywhere, asking her questions all the time, structuring her day, telling her what to do. I know it's a stressful situation but you have to give her space."

"I…" Emily scowled. "I just want her to be safe."

"I know you do," Melinda moved to the chair that Lorelai had just vacated, "but you and Lorelai have never had the easiest of relationships since she learned to answer back. Smothering her is just going to make everything worse. She needs a chance to work this out herself, she needs a chance to breathe."

"But," Emily sighed heavily. "I just want…" a tear trickled unbidden from her right eye and she reached to brush it away, embarrassed at her loss of composure. She gave a soft gasp as Melinda reached her arm around Emily's shoulder. It had been months since anyone had done something so comforting to her. Richard was barely there. He might give her an odd peck on the cheek now and then but it seemed like he was going through the motions. To have someone give her actual warmth made the tears roll faster.

"Oh Em," Melinda pulled herself round so she could hug Emily properly, her thin fingers gently stroking Emily's auburn hair. After a few minutes she lifted Emily's face away from her shoulder and forced Emily to look into her green eyes. "I know why you're so worried about this but maybe you should tell Lorelai about what happened. It might help her understand where you're coming from."

Emily shook her head. "I don't want to scare her. I don't know how much she remembers but she was with me each time. I remember how scared she was, I don't want to make her own nerves worse by making her remember that."

"She was a little girl and her Mommy was in pain of course she was scared. And I doubt she remembers it at all, else she would have brought it up with you. She's not one to hold back," Melinda tenderly smoothed Emily's hair. "She's more than 24 weeks Emily, if something does happen. Not that it will." Melinda added quickly. "The baby will be recognised, it will be official."

The sob choked out of her before she could stop it. Emily allowed Melinda to pull herself back into her warm embrace. It was one of her greatest pains that her babies didn't official exist. She had given birth 4 times but only Lorelai officially existed. The other three had been born too early and in the eyes of the government and medical profession that meant that they didn't properly live. She had known they had lived, she had felt them move, watched her body change as they grew. She had felt them die when the pain stabbed through her. She had done everything she could and it hadn't been enough; she hadn't even been able to bury them properly because they had never been officially alive. She and Richard had named them, each time scratching the name off the list they had made on their honeymoon in the hope that the next one would be OK. People only saw her one single daughter, Emily knew she had two daughters and two sons, plus the two others that had only been there for a few weeks. She jumped as she heard the front door open and scurried towards the back door slipping into the courtyard garden before Lorelai could see her.

"Where's Mom?" she heard Lorelai as she pressed against the brick wall.

"She went to get some fresh air, she's got a bit of a headache. Did you get your ice cream?

"Yeah," Lorelai's voice was bright as she started to chat with Melinda.

Emily pressed her hand against her mouth to try and stop herself from crying audibly and giving herself away. She was getting it all wrong. Melinda was right she was smothering Lorelai but she didn't know how else to be. She couldn't bear it if anything went wrong with Lorelai or the baby. She couldn't lose another baby, she couldn't lose her daughter. She barely registered the sound of Melinda lead Lorelai away from the kitchen so she wouldn't be discovered. Instead she slid down the wall and sobbed.

At some point she found the strength to stand and quietly she slipped into the house and up to the guest room. She collapsed onto the bed and exhaustion took hold and she fell into a fitful sleep.

A hand on her shoulder woke her with a jolt. "Emily." She stared up at Richard in surprise; she couldn't understand why he was here. Her confusion was obviously evident on her face as Richard sat on the bed and whispered, "Melinda called me." Slowly Emily pulled herself into a seated position and stared at him, after a moment she slid alongside him. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Richard pulled her tight into his side and she rested her head on shoulder. ". I…I just couldn't wrap my head…she's a little girl, she's our little girl. I don't understand how this happened. I'm sorry I've made you deal with this on your own." He kissed her tenderly on the forehead. "Melinda told me what's been bothering you, I should have realised."

Emily exhaled a shuddering breath and snuggled into Richard's large form. "She thinks I should tell Lorelai but…" she wiped her cheeks as she felt tears begin to slide down them once more. "She's obviously repressed those memories. Repressed them for a reason. I don't want to scare her, I don't want her to remember me covered in blood on the floor or screaming hysterically because something is wrong. She has enough to deal with. She doesn't need memories of me writhing in pain." She paused as Richard shifted slightly, he wrapped his other arm around her, cuddling her tightly. The embrace felt like heaven. She felt safe. She stayed silent enjoying the first meaningful contact she had had with Richard since the night they found out about Lorelai's pregnancy.

"I don't know what to do," Richard whispered softly.

"I don't either," Emily sighed heavily. "I'm trying but I'm getting it wrong. I just want them to be safe and to try and make the best of this awful situation. Everything I do is wrong. I don't know what to do Richard. I just don't know."

Richard didn't respond, his lips pressed into a flat line and his blue eyes began to water. Emily couldn't bear to see him cry again so she buried her face into his chest. After a few moments he repositioned her, pulling her legs across his lap and then dragging her so she was sat on it. He was rocking her like she was a small child. It was comforting. It made it feel like all of it, like the whole awful mess would be Ok. Somehow they would get through it. Having Richard beside her once more made it all seem that little more positive.