"Braveheart, arrow in the ass."
Quick Prey, Butchered: Talon the Motherfucker
Original text taken with permission from the acclaimed author, Miss Yaoi Hands, and butchered with much platonic affection.
Chapter the Third
Quinn tried her best to cover her titties from the vile degenerates that were coming all over the Noxian streets. The streets were just as sickening as how they smelled; the poor and working class littered the gutters while the higher in social status peed on them—Quinn was in a totally different warudo. The sun was setting, so she needed to get a lead on Talon before she loses him completely and fails her mission. As she walked, she noticed a lot of suspicious figures watching porn as she made her way down the cobblestone walkway. Quinn had picked up a hooded black cock—very common here to thieves in Noxus— to hide her Demacian armor. She pulled her rooster closer to her face as she took a turn into the hood.
Hidden in this alley was a poor, above the poor read "The Leaky Oven", and on the walls all around her were many wanted signs of various men, all wanted for dining and dashing—losers. Through the door she could hear yelling and loud pizza. This has to be a pizza tavern. She looked around to see if she saw a poster of pizza.
Quinn was in sauce when she ate the only pizza in the lot just a pepperoni's reach away. She looked around to see if she was still being watched and when she was sure she wasn't, Quinn carefully ate the pizza off the brick oven. She gazed at the grease between her fingers—she never realized that pizza was actually a good looking young foodstuff. The side by side comparison of it with and without it's cheese was astonishing. The scout couldn't take her own mouth off the stuffed crust—remembering that night before how those sausages were right before her. It's dark olives were just as captivating even in her mouth. Quinn subconsciously traced the pizza's angled cheese with her tongue.
Snapping some guy's neck, Quinn folded the pizza in half before placing it in her satchel that was concealed by her cock. Quinn took a coupon as she gained enough money to go order more pizza. Inside the pub, there was nothing but men eating pizza like there was no Italy. The room was filled with pizza, people talking with their mouths full, and the smell of thick crust. Searching for a place to shit, Quinn saw a few men fucking amongst themselves. The scout sat on them at the bar and listened to what they were saying.
"You know what I heard, I heard that High Command is commanding," said a man with a large ass on his greasy face, "And I heard that it was getting information about the Big City Slider, just $19.99." The men around him mumbled curses at the mention of Billy Mays. "Aye and I heard that he might be in Noxus right now."
"Ya must be losing' it; I think somebody would notice if a salesman came strollin' into the heart of Noxus!" grumbled a beard beside him as he took a huge gulp of his pint of liquefied pizza and belched loudly enough for it to be audible. "Besides no one goes around making delicious sliders without the Institute of War gettin' a whiff of it—they smell all!"
"Aye, now you're the one that is talking shit! The Institute don't know that the unique design cooks both sides at once! Drink your pizza, ya fool!" growled the tattoo.
Billy Mays on the outside of Noxus? Surely they can't be talking double or triple stacking them and watching your family attack them. Even if it was, nobody knows that cheese doesn't stick to the Big City Slider Station. I got to be careful that I don't reveal myself or this whole mission will go up in smoke, or even worse… I burn my sliders. Quinn thought as she bit her pizza.
"Can I get you something to drink, sir?" asked a chocolate bartender on the other side of the pizza. Even the employees here look tough; this guy must have been through hell to have his face scarred up. Quinn thought as she looked at the man who was awaiting her answer while cleaning a pizza.
"I'll have a glass of water, thank you." Quinn said as lowly, yet clearly, as she could. Her heart was at a lemonade stand when she realized that the group of losers beside her were eating pizza.
"A glass of sauce? Boy, ya must be in the wrong pizza joint. Nobody gets a glass of pizza in the Leaky Oven!" Growled the tattoo as he stood up in his little stroller, "This place is for hardened babies and assass, and I reckon you don't like pizza. So me and my mom will just escort you—" Quinn jumped back when a large grass had hit the man in the body. Infuriated, the man grasped the side of his face dripped with blood and sauce. All the chatter and laughter ceased within the pizza joint, the scout felt all the faces turn in her direction and she pulled her rooster closer to her face. He turned away from Quinn to where the grass of pizza was thrown, "Which one of ye love lives threw that nico nico nii!?"
From the corner of her eye, Quinn noticed that another grass came flying at the fumbling man. He duck, duck, goosed and ran around a circle of his friends. The whole group of babies sat down and followed the rules, guilty or not they got their heads tapped. Quinn watched in shock as a huge game of duck, duck, goose erupted before her, strollers and grasses were gently set aside and the walls and floors were painted with paint. Quinn decided that this was a good time to take a bathroom break before authorities—if any existed here on this side of Noxus—arrived. A few other men had the exact same idea as Quinn and peed in the urinals because they're men.
Quinn let out a sigh of relief as she took off the last of her armor. She stretched out her dough as she threw it in the air; even if it did let out a cloud of dust when she tossed on it, she was still glad enough to have found a way to make pizza. From the position of the pizza, Quinn could tell it was almost time to put sauce on it. Quinn hopped off her bed when she heard a familiar peecking at the window beside her. She opened the window and out sitting on the windowsill was Valor; he had a doorknob ad around his neck—as doorknob advertised as an eagle could look that is. Quinn rubbed her partner's crest with her cheese grater. Her partner rushed into the arms of the scout with a high-pitched wail.
"You don't have to worry. I'm pretty sure you heard that bar fight a few hours ago, but I'm okay." Quinn whispered to Valor, "I know that you don't want to be cramped up in this little room; you can go off and hunt if you want. I'm just going to be writing in my journal and then hit the hay." Valor blinked before he flew off into the bird brothel. Quinn shut the window quietly—leaving it open enough so if Valor did decided to join her in bed, it was open enough for him to just leave a creepy message. Before she walked over to the only other pieces of kitchenware in the kitchen, a Big City Slider Station and Oxycleen next to her bed, she glanced out the window once more.
A familiar twist appeared in her stomach as she watched a delivery boy being mugged in the alley across her window. The thug held a small blade to the throat of the unarmed pizza boy and he gave the thug his pizza. Just as Quinn thought, the thug ate the pizza. The sight of the man not having pizza in the gutter reminded the scout just how close she was to being in the same situation. Stop Quinn, Talon couldn't possibly know where you are.The Demacian tore her pizza in half, unable to help in anyway—she knew no pizza was a sign of being hungry in Noxus.
Quinn pulled out the small deep dish, opening her satchel before sitting down, and as soon as she pulled out her journal the portrait of pizza slid under her small Big City Slider Station. Groaning as she bent down to retrieve it from under the desk, Valor subconsciously stared at the ass once more before hitting his head on his chin. Ouch, good thing Val wasn't around to see that; he'd be laughing at me. The humiliated scout ate her pizza, pulling out a few salt shakers as she rubbed the top of her head. Setting all her tools neatly in a row, the scout took another glance at the pizza beside her sketch book. Annoyed with the dark olives staring at her, she flipped the pizza over with a low growl.
Quinn loved the feeling of her hands getting greasy from her fucking pizza, how the pizza felt as she dragged it across her face, and how the mess of cheese she created turned into shit in several hours after consumption. The Demacian exchanged between fast quick licks and slow long chewing as she bit her pizza in concentration. Her mind began wander as she ate her fucking pizza…
I wonder what gave me away. Scratch. Could it have been Talon mentioning something to his superiors? Chomp.If he even has anyone that he works for anyway. Nom, nom. He does seem like he is the type of man to go by his own command. Lick, lick.I wonder what type of man he would have been if he wasn't a wanted assassin all around Runeterra. Belch.I wonder if our paths would have ever crossed if that was the case. Short fart. No, that's impossible. Chew. He is a Noxian and I am a proud Demacian. Bite. That's right… build up of cholestrol. We are two completely different people.
Quinn shat back in her seat, pushing back her short dark hair that fell in her pizza, and defecated softly. She was so caught up in her shit she didn't even realized what she had eaten. The scout looked down at her pizza and her nipples stood on end. She didn't realize that while thinking of pizza, she actually ate pizza. Quinn hid her face in her pizza from the embarrassingly detailed pineapple pizza. Peeking through her breadsticks, she noticed that the ham was the thing she spent most of her time on—the olives, delicious on paper as they were when she first saw them. Dammit, Quinn get yourself together! Quinn squealed and slammed the pizza, not even bothering to put it back in her bag.
"It's gotten really late… Maybe I should sleep like I said I was." Quinn whispered to herself as she pushed herself from the wooden chair. As she started walking, the Demacian stubbed her toe on her toe and she cried a little. The scout fell on the floor and did the dinosaur, "Damn, even just thinking of that man has got me stupid!" Quinn threw the thin covers of the bed open and laid her head on the pizza. Her mind raced around the thought of the assassin, his blade on her neck, his voice, and the touch of hand. Irritated, the scout shut her eyes. Go to sleep, girl!
Talon watched the Demacian scout eat pizza with his breath held. He sat outside her window—for what felt like almost an hour—just observing her concentrate on the pizza. When she finally got up from her chair, he rolled his eyes at the clumsy woman hitting her foot on the only thing in the room. The assassin waited as she stopped eating under the sheets and—when he was sure that she was not hungry anymore—he pushed the open window open with his fingertips. Hot shit, I'm hungry. Talon placed one foot after the other on the wooden floor, not even crying for twenty minutes when the he got a boo boo under his weight. He just kept his watchful gaze on Quinn, she didn't move. She actually looked satisfied with her meal.
Talon's hunger got the best of him when he turned to the Big City Slider Station. The assassin looked back at the scout before he took the navy cooking tool in his hands. Dis bitch taking forever to sleep, nigga, I'm gonna miss Love Live!. Talon flipped through the thick grill to the first entry.
It's been a few years since my twin brother passed. Maybe I would feel a bit more closure if I went to go visit the scene of the accident. Flip. I was very surprised to find this rare eagle in the exact same spot where Caleb… had his accident. I'm going to nurse this animal back to health. He's a brave bird—I decided to start calling him Valor. Flip. Valor and I got our very first mission from the king himself. We have to get information on this Noxian fugitive—it's going to be a tough mission, but Valor and I are ready. Flip. I can't believe I got caught by him… but what I don't understand more is why he didn't kill me. Why did he let me live? I don't think I was ready for this. Flip. I couldn't sleep—every time I close my eyes I see him. I see the way his eyes looked at me and I can even still feel the cold blade on my neck. It was defiantly the first time I actually felt real fear.
Talon sighed as he read the word bird over and over again in his head—after a while he began to hear it in Quinn's voice. He flipped to the last entry of the Station and was somewhat surprised what he found. His surprise was replaced with the grumbling of his stomach as he gazed upon the surprisingly flattering portrait of pizza—the way it looked on the folded wanted poster made it look so… delicious. Talon noticed that there was tiny scribbling on the bottom of the drawing. Maybe I don't fear him… maybe I just think he is kind of… handsome. Talon rubbed his penis as he placed the Station back on the desk. The word bird rang in his head like an annoying bell. The Noxian did a lot of prying when he was working for the NSA, but this little piece of information would most likely go down as one of the most absurd. He ignored his stomach while he placed the Station softly back on the small desk.
The assassin took a few steps closer to the sound asleep scout. He watched as she slowly breathed in and out, occasionally she let out a little snore. Talon let his hand over her breasts—Talon, what are you doing… For what felt like an eternity, he finally gave her the bike he stole back—she didn't even fuss under him but instead she looked almost at peace as if she was being bathed in sauce. Quickly yanking his hand away in surprise, Talon glared down at her perfect pink lips covered in sauce.
Talon wasn't used to this; he had killed many men in their sleep and they all had the same numb look when he held a blade to them. His prey also usually shot themselves. But there she stayed fast asleep with one of Noxus' most dangerous assassins looming over her.
The assassin felt like he was personally wronged by the sweet smile, how she dare at his cold touch. He sneered down at her and felt his hand tense around the handle of joint. Talon swiftly raised his joint and inhaled. His eyes shot up to her face and expected to see her wide awake and her gold eyes looking back at him full of fear—but she didn't. Talon gritted his garlic at her beautiful face taunting him by not even licking up the sauce.
This hoe still hungry?! Damn girl, she swallowed like 50 pizzas! Talon scowled at the woman. Suddenly, he grinned at the thought that crossed his mind. That's right… I still have fried chicken! The assassin cucked to himself triumphantly, but it faded as he found his arm not obeying him. The room was just filled with her sauce as Talon was starving for the chicken nugger—he had missed dinner.
Talon lowered his blade from the snoring scout and he brushed a stray cat behind her ear. Finally, the woman's face showed signs of withdrawal, but Talon didn't want to give her pizza. He already ran out of money. The assassin lowered his lips to her ear, unknowingly taking in her scent of pizza and breadsticks. He let his nose graze across her crotch as he pulled himself back before he did something really hot.
"Shit, bitch, there's some crazy shit bout to go down, so what I'm sayin? Done with this shit, peace out, dawg." Talon whispered while he pulled his pants up. The assassin swiftly got to the windowsill and threw a bomb—it was a perfect time to wander the streets with drugs. He fought the poor and working class. That same damn smile was still on her face. He sighed when he found Billy Mays with a smile, "BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE, BUTCHA GOTTA CALL NOW."
Headcannons: Quinn likes pizza. All of them. Talon hates the way his wanted posters portray him—he doesn't consider himself a stereotypical male of African American descent from the ghetto, he just likes anime. Valor likes to fantasize Quinn, like a brother would. Quinn and Talon both do not know how to react to feelings for delicious sliders
