Oh, Edward!

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I need ideas, people, ideas! You are my idea-givers! You want story, I want ideas. But I also want to write. So here is an idea that I wanted to save for a bit longer, but that I will post because I'm sort of idea-less right now. So here you go!

Oh, one more thing. I've changed Bella's immortality. She is a human, and I'm changing the story description, too. Sorry about that, it just didn't fit with that last chapter. Okay, here's the new chapter!

"Oh, Edward!" Bella called. I sighed. Why now? I had to deal with my brothers… I guess they would have to wait. I would make even the Volturi wait for my beautiful wife.

I set off to look for Bella, and, to my surprise, I found her in my bedroom. She was sitting on my couch, looking down at her feet.

"Bella?" I asked cautiously, "Is everything alright?"

At the sound of my voice, she looked up. She seemed…scared, fearful of something. Me?

"Um, could you close the door please, Edward? I would prefer to tell you this alone." She blushed as she spoke, and I could sense her embarrassment. I sighed again.

"Bella," I said sternly, "I love you, but if this is something silly like last time, when you played Hide and Go Seek…"

She looked offended.

"Edward, Hide and Go Seek is a universally recognized game. Do not mock it!" Then her features softened, and she looked upset. "What's wrong? You don't look happy."

I walked over to the couch and sat down beside her, naturally draping my arm over her shoulders and pulling her closer.

"Well, Jasper and Emmett have been annoying me, and I wanted to deal with them. But I haven't figured out how yet…" I trailed off, plotting already. But my personal angel's voice brought me back down to earth.

"How did they annoy you? Sometimes sharing your problems can make you feel better. Or…enlighten you with and idea." She grinned up at me.

I grinned back, then grew more serious, remembering what Jasper and Emmett had done to me.

"Emmett was trying to add something to his Jeep, I'm not exactly sure what. And, seeing as Alice is out hunting with Rosalie, Jasper offered to help him. While they were looking for a tool in the garage, Emmett scraped a hammer along the side of my Volvo. And, to make things worse, Jasper hated the sound so much that he dropped the super glue they were going to use to attach the thing all over the hood of my car! So I now have a scratched, sticky, no-longer-shiny Volvo S-60." I looked at my wife for support.

But with disappointment, I saw she was staring off into space, a concerned look on her face. It didn't look as though she had paid any attention to me or my story. Then I realized something. If she wasn't listening to me, and I know she loves me more than anything in the world, what on earth was bothering her? Feeling guilty for ignoring her problems, I gently shook her shoulder.

She looked startled, then embarrassed again.

"Oh, I'm sorry Edward, I spaced out. What was that?"

"Never mind, love, nothing I can't deal with. But what's bothering you?"

That familiar shade of crimson crept into her features, and she looked up at me shyly.

"Edward, normally I would try to avoid asking you this, because you're a boy, and I'm a girl, but Alice and Rosalie aren't here, and I don't want to drive because I'm scared I would get cramps at any second, but I really do need them, it's vital for my clothes, and the furniture, and anything I might sit on this week." She sped through her short speech, all the while avoiding my eyes. I had grasped her meaning after her reference to our gender differences, cramps, furniture being ruined and the fact that it lasted a week.

I lifted her chin, and her eyes finally met mine. She took a deep breath.

"Edward, I need…pads. Lots. And quickly, please." Her pleading puppy-dog eyes were heartbreaking. If I had a heart, I was sure it would be broken.

I smiled at her, and the sight of her face lighting up was enough to send me anywhere.

"Sweetheart, if those are what you want, those are what you get. And if anyone makes fun of me, I'll just tell them Bella Swan sent me. I'm sure losers like Newton would die to be in my place, even if it meant getting feminine needs for you every single day. But I'm not giving you up for anyone. I'll get your necessities right now. Do you want me to pick up some Aspirin, too?" She nodded, and I caught a glimpse of the love she had for me, deep in her depthless eyes, powerful and strong. I kissed her quickly, then left the room.

As soon as I was out of her sight, I crumpled. Pads? She wanted pads? Why, why, why? I knew she had her period, but I expected she would be prepared. Wasn't everyone? Weren't they supposed to be? Wasn't it a…a female responsibility or something? I panicked like that for a few moments, then stopped abruptly. A slow, evil smile spread across my face. Just at that moment, Emmett walked into the room. I could see Jasper a little ways down the hall, and quickly tried to hide my emotions. I could fool Emmett, but if Jasper felt what I was feeling, my plan would be blown.

Thankfully, Emmett, always helpful, started a conversation.

"Look, Edward, Jazz and I are really sorry about what we did to the Volvo, and we're willing to do anything to make it up to you." Just as he finished his sentence, Jasper hurled himself through the air and tackled him, yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I guess I hadn't hidden my emotions well enough. Oh well. It didn't matter anymore. I had them in my power now.

I let my evil grin show, and Emmett realized at once what he had done.

"You've already planned your revenge! NO! Curse you, Edmund Antonio Mansion Callin! Curse yoooooouuuuuu!" He pointed his finger at me, while Jasper and I looked at him inquiringly.

"Um, Emmett…" asked Jasper.

"He wanted me to doubt his sanity and take pity on him. Nice try, Emmett." My grin grew wider.

Jasper sighed, while Emmett swore quietly.

"I forgot about the mind-reading thing…" he mumbled.

"Right…Anyway, I've come up with your punishment."

"Hurry up, Edward! My fear of your punishment is mixed with Emmett's confusion and your excitement! It's driving me crazy!" He tugged on his hair, though not hard enough to pull it out. He knew the consequences of dead hair.

I enjoyed watching Jasper go through emotional torture for a while longer, but I couldn't contain myself for much longer. I finally blurted my plan.

"You guys have to go to the store and by pads for Bella! And don't you dare tell her I made you go," I threatened. She would be horribly embarrassed.

I listened to them plead, complain and threaten without feeling. When Jasper tried to affect my emotions, I stopped him with a glare and a threat to max out his credit card. Realizing that Alice would be furious with him, he backed down.

Eventually, when they had both accepted their fate, my non-biological brothers headed out to the garage, where they both eyed the cause of their punishment. Emmett considered damaging it even more because he was already in trouble.

"Don't even think about it, Emmett," I ordered.

He shot me a look of pure venom.

"You may be able to read my thoughts, but you can't control them, Eddie," he sneered. Right before crashing into his Jeep. Jasper gave a low, humourless chuckle. At least he would have gotten one laugh out of this experience.

I watched them get into the Jeep and drive away. Emmett watched me in the rear-view mirror until they disappeared behind the trees.

Satisfied, I stayed outside so that Bella wouldn't suspect anything. Every now and then, I would catch glimpses of their thoughts: a few giggling girls; a wall of pads; an avalanche of pads; an angry manager; a sheepish-looking Emmett; a cashier suppressing laughter; the same angry manager; our driveway approaching rapidly. I looked up to see the Jeep speeding towards me and stopping quickly with a squeal of tires and a cloud of dust. I heard Bella call my name hopefully. I quickly kicked the guys out of the Jeep, and they left me with the pads and another explosion of dirt as they ran off with vampire speed. I looked up at my bedroom window, arms full of bags, and saw my wife smiling down at me with relief. I raced to her side, placing the bags down beside her. As I began unloading the packages, I noticed a small bottle at the bottom of a bag. I picked it up, intrigued, and saw that it was a bottle of Aspirin. How did they know to pick that up? I would have to ask them later. Right now, I was too distracted by Bella's beaming face to focus on much else. Her grateful eyes met mine, and she spoke in a voice thick with emotion.

"Oh, Edward, I can't believe that you did that for me! And without any complaints, too! I'm so proud! And I'm so…" Her bottom lip quivered, and her voice cracked. She broke down in tears, and I comforted her uneasily.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into my chest, where her head was now buried, "but I'm just so grateful, and, and so happy and thankful and speechless." She looked up at me. "I love you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. I always have and I always will." Her jaw was set, and I could sense the determination behind her words. Even as the tears poured down her face with the speed and force of Niagara Falls, she had managed to force out those words. I kissed her gently, then left her to take care of her business.

As she managed her feminine needs, I went to find Jasper and Emmett.

I found them in the living room, sitting in silence, shuddering every once in a while. I avoided reading their thoughts the best that I could. As I walked in to the room, they both looked up and, when they recognized me, ignored me. But my curiosity overcame my instinct to run. I voiced my question.

"How did you two know to get Aspirin? Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful, but I'm curious."

Emmett's face darkened, while Jasper's lit up with grim humour. I could tell there was a good story behind this. I waited impatiently. Jasper didn't need any more prompting.

"Well, I won't go into detail, but Emmett made a mess and got the store manager out after us. I made him buy some Aspirin…that didn't turn out too well, but it was fun while it lasted." He smiled at some memory that remained hidden to me.

"Edward!" called Bella.

I rushed back to her, expecting the worse.

When I arrived, I found her happy and warm, snuggled under a blanket on my couch. She was smiling up at me, and glowing with pleasure.

Once again, I slid in beside her, positioning myself comfortably around her. I saw her shiver and protectively pulled the blanket up higher.

She smiled and sighed with joy. She nestled her head on my chest and curled up on my lap. She fell asleep a few minutes later with a gentle smile on her face, and I noticed for the first time that it was dark outside. I sat still, playing with her hair absent-mindedly as I reviewed the day's events…

Awww! Cute enough for ya? Long enough for ya? I hope so! Now please, please, PLEASE give me some ideas! I'll mention you in the A/N winkwinknudgenudge! Please review and feel free to brainstorm! P.S. sorry to all you boys out there! (if guys even read these stories…) Awk-ward!