Authors Notes: I tried my best not to make you wait too long for this update and I hope you are going to enjoy this chapter.

I don`t think that I`ll be able to update this story again this year, especially since I have a story for Christmas and one for New Year`s Eve to work on. :)

I wish you all happy holidays and that you will all have a good start into the next year. =D

Appreciation: Thank you, Yen! =D I wouldn`t have been able to post this chapter today, if you hadn`t beta-read it so fast and improved it significantly at the same time.*hugs*

The start of something new

"Someone might think we are up to no good again."

The three Gryffindors grinned at Ron's words as they sat down in front of the fireplace in the common room.

"I don't think so since no one has tried to break through our Privacy Charm so far," Hermione pointed out.

Ron rolled his eyes at her.

"Of course that has nothing to do with the fact that it's impossible to break your hexes… Oh, and of course because you are with us, Harry."

Harry only shook his head in amusement as Hermione blushed at Ron's words, but didn't argue with him. Their relationship had certainly improved ever since the redhead praised Hermione for her brilliant mind and didn't belittle her for it anymore.

Of course, their Horcrux hunt and the multiple near death situations which they only survived thanks to a lot of good luck and a certain Slytherin had certainly been two reasons why those two had finally gotten together.

Sometimes, Harry wished it was that easy for him as well. Okay, scratch that - it hadn't been easy for Ron and Hermione to finally admit their love for each other, but still… he wanted to have the same with Sna… Severus.

Just the thought was enough to make him groan quietly.

"Is anything the matter, mate?"

Harry shook his head and nodded at the same time, only to finally shrug at Ron's question.

"I don't know. Actually, everything is fine, but somehow it isn't at the same time," he answered and braced himself for an inquisition when Hermione frowned at his words.

"You should probably start with telling us about how your meeting with Professor Snape went last night," she began. "You haven't said a word about it."

Now, it was Harry's turn to raise an eyebrow at the brilliant witch.

"I couldn't tell you because you two weren't in Gryffindor Tower when I came back."

"You could have looked at the map to find us," Ron answered, but his face had turned pink.

Green eyes wandered from him to Hermione, who now trying very hard not to look at him. Harry grinned.

"I'm not that keen on seeing you two in action, thank you very much. But now," he continued, without giving Ron the chance to say anything and therefore embarrassing him and Hermione even more, "I should tell you about the last evening with Sna… Severus."

An excited squeak followed his announcement.

"He gave you permission to call him by his given name?"

If Harry had any doubt left that his best friends didn't whole heartily support him, it would have vanished at the look of utter delight in Hermione's eyes and Ron's grin of approval.

"Yes and I told him to call me Harry as well, but… it's hard to call him that after I have spent so much time calling him Snape in my head."

"You don't even call him Severus in your thoughts?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"No, because he never allowed me or any of us to call him that. I… was afraid that I would end up calling him by his given name by accident if I got too used to his given name."

Ron still looked disbelievingly at him, but Hermione nodded slowly.

"That makes sense and maybe that was also the reason why he didn't allow you to call him that when you two got closer during the summer holidays. Actually…" Hermione trailed off as if deep in thought and then her eyes widened. "Actually, it might even be to your advantage that you waited so long to get closer to him again since the school year is almost over now and everyone is busy with their exams. No one will pay to close attention to you, so you two can just do whatever you feel like doing."

The wicked smile she directed at him gave Harry an idea what she was thinking about.

Who would have thought…?

Harry glanced at Ron whose face was even pinker than before. The redhead probably wasn't blushing because of the mental picture of his best friend with the Potions Master together, but rather because he knew Hermione very well. It made Harry chuckle.

"Are you telling me that we should break some rules and start a relationship?" he teased Hermione.

Instead of denying it and insisting how important rules were, she just nodded.

"It wouldn't be the first time you did that and this time it would also be for a good reason." Hermione braced her hands on her thighs as she leaned forward. "And now tell us what else happened between Professor Snape and you last night."

Sighing, but knowing he didn't have a choice in this matter, Harry told his friends everything about his meeting with the Potions Master and how it had ended.

"He wants you to help him prepare potion ingredients?!" Ron burst out, his blush replaced by a frown. His disgusted undertone suggested that he was thinking of Flobberworms and rat spleens. "Are you sure he doesn't still hate you?!"

"Ron!" Hermione said in an exasperated voice. "I think Professor Snape also doesn't know what he and Harry could do together so he chose that because potions and brewing are always something he feels safe with."

Harry's eyes widened as they looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. How did she…?

"Don't look like that, Harry, you weren't the only one who talked with him during the summer. It's obvious he loves to brew potions and that it gives him a feeling of safety. That said, I guess that he is also unsure about how your relationship will progress, which means that you should do something else together the next time you meet."

Harry frowned at her, feeling confused.

"But didn't you just say he feels safe with his potions? Why should we do something else…?"

Hermione rolled his eyes like she always did when he or Ron asked a question about their homework when the answer was already obvious to her.

"Because you have to show him he can also feel safe with you when he isn't in his lab and because… I don't think you want to spend every date in the dungeons. Do you?"

At Harry's headshake, Hermione punched him lightly on his shoulder.

"Good and now hurry, before you are too late for your date."

One glance at the clock told Harry that she was right and he was late! He quickly jumped up from the couch. He would have to run, if he didn't want to let Severus wait too long.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do as well," Ron called after him as Harry hurried out of the common room.

OOO

He was… too late.

Severus stared at the clock above the fireplace. Harry would have arrived ten minutes ago if he had wanted to be on time.

The Potions Master sighed. He shouldn't have hoped that Harry's arrival at his quarters yesterday had been more than a mere whim. Or maybe it had been more than that, but perhaps the young man only wanted to help him prepare potion ingredients during his free time.

Severus dropped his face into his hands and scolded himself for bringing up this stupid idea in the first place. Just because he felt safe in his potions lab didn't mean Harry would enjoy spending time with him in there. He already knew the young Gryffindor barely tolerated Potions and although his marks had improved this school year, it was clear he would never enjoy the art of potions brewing as much as Severus did.

He… he should have taken that into consideration. It wasn't as if he hadn't learned he could also talk with Harry without having to hide behind the familiar techniques of cutting, slicing and crushing ingredients at the same time. It was just the surprise of Harry suddenly appearing at his doorstep and telling him that he wanted to get to know him better, that he wanted to be… more than friends.

A lame excuse, but a true one. Severus took a shaky breath. He was sure he hadn't misunderstood Harry although he was also certain the young Gryffindor wouldn't fancy him for long.

If he still fancied him at all.

Severus frowned. Perhaps Harry had been under the influence of a very subtle love potion or a hex and had acted because of that?

Severus lowered his hands and clenched them into fists in his lap instead. That would explain why Harry still hadn't appeared and why he had said what he had last night. Why hadn't Severus thought of that before?

A humorless smile appeared on his lips. The answer was simple; it was much nicer to think that a young and attractive man was interested in him – even if only for a while – than to fear everything was only an illusion.

Of course, he should know better by now. No one could ever fall in love with someone like him. It hadn't happened when he was younger and had far less scars, both visible and invisible. It certainly wasn't about to happen now.

With a resigned sigh, Severus stood up. He would go prepare the ingredients for his next potion experiment himself before he drowned himself in self-pity. There was no need to grieve about a tiny hope which hadn't been fulfilled; it would be as useless as pitying himself for being born with his homely looks.

Perhaps he should go looking for work somewhere else so that he wouldn't be reminded of Harry whenever he turned around a corner. Yes, this would be a good time to start a potions business or…

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. Surprised dark orbs stared at the harmless looking wooden pattern on the door as another knock sounded from the other side. It must be one of his Slytherins. Who else would be stupid enough to…

"Severus, are you there?"

Severus' heart skipped a beat. Harry was here! He had come here after all!

Before he could stop himself, Severus had already made it to the door and was opening it to a sheepishly smiling Harry.

"Sorry I'm late. Hermione, Ron and I had lost track of time in the common room."

The Potions Master continued staring at him. Here he was, having almost convinced himself that Harry had been influenced by some sort of love spell and now…

"Severus? May I still come in or are you… angry?"

Harry's uncertainty and the way he fidgeted with his hands put Severus' worries at ease a little. It seemed like Harry was as nervous as he was and that… was a good sign.

"I'm not angry, come on in."

With that, Severus stepped aside and showed Harry the way to his private lab.

OOO

"You have more ingredients here than in the classroom."

Harry looked around for the hundredth time as he took in the many glass jars containing either parts of plants or animals. He had never even seen some of them before. By now, he at least knew the names of all the common ingredients and for which potions they were used, but he was completely at a loss as to which would need the pearls of a magical oyster, for example.

"Of course. These are my private stocks and I use them for much more complicated potions than the students will ever have to brew for their lessons."

Harry nodded absently as he looked down at the Moonshine Roots he was cutting into half inch lengths right now. He remembered reading about them in one of the advanced books Hermione had borrowed for them to study for their NEWTs, but the text only said they were very rare and used in very potent healing potions.

Harry didn't think they were for the Infirmary though. After the battle against Hogwarts, there hadn't been any injuries which Madame Pomfrey couldn't heal with the standard potions. He glanced at the Potions Master who was sorting through a disgusting looking mess of fibers and flesh.

"What potion are you going to brew with these ingredients?"

Dark orbs looked up at him before focusing back on the mess. At least it looked that way to Harry.

"I can't say yet, but I hope it will help with Accidental self-destroying magic."

Harry only blinked at him. He was sure he had never heard of that before since he didn't even know if it was a disease or a spell.

"What…?"

"It's like the autoimmune disease Muggles are vulnerable to."

Harry almost missed Severus' words as he was treated to the distraction of looking right into those dark orbs.

"Sometimes, due to external forces, a part of the wizard or witch's magic starts to attack itself, while the other part tries to defend it. As a side effect, their organs are damaged and it usually leads to fatality."

Harry's eyes widened at that horrible fate. To be killed by one's own magic, it must be… terrible!

"But you said usually, so sometimes the magic stops attacking or…?" He stopped at the sad headshake of the Potions Master.

"No, some wizards and witches just think it is better to live without magic than to not live at all. There is a way to completely neutralize one's magic with a regimen of potions, but that is only possible if their magical core is already weakened. You can't take away the magic of a completely healthy wizard or witch that way."

Harry nodded slowly as he tried to wrap his head around the concept. Of course, he could understand that being alive was more important than being able to perform magic, but… would he be able to choose if something like that ever happened to him?

Could he give up the one part which had turned his life upside down and allowed him to escape a downtrodden life at the beck and call of the Dursleys?

Would he…?

"Don't worry."

Harry started as a warm hand clapped his shoulder and he looked up at the Potions Master. "Since your magic didn't react that way even after a part of the Dark Lord's soul entered you when you were a baby, it's very unlikely that something like this will happen to you."

Harry felt a smile of relief creep on his face as he listened to Severus' reassuring words and felt the warmth of that hand on his shoulder. It grew even wider when he saw an answering uplift on those thin lips. It was… fascinating how much a small smile changed Severus' appearance. The sneering lines around his mouth eased and his dark orbs turned into pools of the deepest and richest chocolate.

Harry found he wanted to see that more often, preferably if he was the cause of it. He also wanted to know how the Potions Master would look after he had been kissed – would he wear a look of surprise or would every last bit harshness in his face melt and show pure happiness instead?

Harry licked his suddenly dry lips. Severus was right there in front of him. He only needed to take a step forward, reach up and he would have that kiss he was longing for. It would fulfill his vow, but that wasn't on the forefront of his mind at the moment.

Of more interest was what would happen afterwards and if Severus…

"Is something wrong?"

The young Gryffindor blinked and noticed he had been caught staring. Blushing, he looked back down at his ingredients which he had almost finished preparing.

Severus' voice had brought him back to reality. Even if he didn't mind kissing him, it was still a little too soon. Harry still didn't know if he felt more than physical attraction to Severus and it would be rather unfair to kiss the man before he had figured out his own feelings.

Besides, Severus had also agreed to take things slowly if Harry had correctly interpreted his words last night. Yes, it would be better if they both took the time to learn about each other first. Harry nodded to himself and then he recalled a question which had been on his mind since the start of their earlier conversation.

"If there is already a potion to save the life of those witches and wizards who are attacked by their own magic, why are you brewing a new potion for it?"

The sigh which came from the Potions Master's lips was very similar to what Hermione would give when he or Ron or he interrupted her reading with a stupid question. Harry braced himself for a sneering reply or a scathing remark, but the Potions Master answered his question calmly.

"As I said before, the series of potions we have at the moment turns them into a squib or even destroys their magical core completely, so the receiver will become a Muggle. Most wizards and witches would rather die than face such a fate, therefore I'm researching a potion which will stop their magic from attacking itself but not destroy it at the same time. You are preparing ingredients for an experimental potion."

Harry's eyes widened as he looked down at his cut roots. Severus hadn't let him prepare ingredients for some simple healing potions, but he trusted him with the preparation for one of his potion experiments.

If Harry made a mistake, then everything might be ruined and…

Severus knew that he was only mediocre at potions, but he still allowed him to…

"I don't think those roots will cut themselves even if you keep glaring at them."

At the tone of Severus' voice which was teasing, rather than mocking, Harry chuckled quietly before reaching for his knife again. He was just about to resume cutting them when another question materialized in his mind.

"Who normally helps you with the preparation of the ingredients?"

"Excuse me?"

When curious green eyes met confused dark ones, Harry had to elaborate.

"I mean, you have so many ingredients and it takes time to prepare them. Surely there must be someone who helps you to prepare them, right? At least when you are researching a new potion like now?"

Harry watched as Severus slowly shook his head.

"I don't know where you got that idea, but I have never had an apprentice like other Potion Masters, especially due to my work as a spy. It would have been too easy for Voldemort to make use of my apprentice for his own purposes, like spying on me... or torturing him to get information about my work, whenever he thought I wasn't keeping up to date. I couldn`t risk so that the only people who are forced to prepare ingredients for me are the unfortunate souls which are stupid enough to play pranks in my Potions classroom and get detention for it... as you should well know, Harry."

Severus' tone was teasing, but Harry only managed a weak smile in return. It wasn't because he was usually the victim of those pranks, but because Severus hadn't been able to do his research like most Potions Masters during the war. It seemed rather unfair, especially when Harry took into consideration that Severus only allowed students to prepare the cheaper ingredients for him. That made sense, of course, since not all of them could prepare them properly, but it also meant Severus had to do all the work for his more important potions himself.

New found pride rose in Harry and he started to cut the roots again. He wouldn't waste a single piece of them now he knew that Severus had placed so much trust in him.

The seconds ticked by. Harry couldn't tell how long he had carefully cut the roots before he finished the last one and put his knife aside.

"Right on time." Severus approved, making Harry smile. He added a few of the cut roots to the bubbling potion and stirred it, nodding to himself as it turned a light pink.

"It seems like it might work this time, but I'll have to let it simmer for two hours before I can continue testing it."

Harry's smile faded and he bit his lip. He had never enjoyed preparing ingredients before, but this time it had actually been enjoyable. It was very different from having detention with Severus because this time, he truly wanted to spend time with the Potions Master and would have even cut Flobberworms if asked to. It had warmed Harry's heart that Severus trusted him with some of his precious ingredients. He would have volunteered to cut even more Moonshine Roots if he hadn't known there was no more need for that. So... did that mean that he should go now or that they could sit down in the living room and talk?

Both possibilities were likely, but he didn't want to go yet so he asked a question which had popped up in his mind while he had been cutting the roots.

"Did my mother ever help you with potions?"

Startled black orbs looked up at him.

"Surely you remember your mother never spoke with me again after I called her... that name during our fifth year at Hogwarts?"

Harry nodded slowly. He hadn't forgotten that, but he also remembered the two had been best friends at one point and he just couldn't imagine best friends not sharing their passions with each other.

Even Hermione came to Harry or Ron's Quidditch matches although she didn't like the game very much. In turn, they both listened whenever she went over the plots of the detective novels she enjoyed reading – or analyzing – since they were best friends so it was only normal to share what was dear to them with the other, right?

With a sigh, Severus moved towards the door and turned back to Harry, looking at him with slightly pained eyes.

"I didn't brew potions that were as complicated as what I brew now, Harry. I only experimented a little with some potions which were in the syllabus when I was allowed in the lab, outside of classes. There certainly was no need for your mother to help me prepare such expensive ingredients like the Moonshine Roots."

Harry frowned at him.

"But you told me during the summer that you were used to spending a few hours in the lab every week at Hogwarts, because you were interested in experimenting with potions. And you started experimenting during your third year at Hogwarts, so... my mother could have helped you."

This time Severus' sigh sounded more strained than the first one.

"Did you come here to discuss your mother with me, Harry?"

The young Gryffindor blinked when he noticed how closed Severus' expression was and he finally realized he had been asking about his mother for some time now. No wonder Severus came to the conclusion that Harry was more interested in talking about his mother than in getting to know him.

But his mother had been a part of the Potions Master's life and Harry wanted to know more about their connection.

"I want to get to know you and since my mother is a part of your past, I... think I will understand you better if I understand your past first."

Dark orbs blinked slowly at him and then a small smile appeared on Severus' face.

"I wouldn't have expected such matured words from you. I think we should move to a more comfortable place to have this conversation."

Harry was both happy and relieved to follow Severus to the living-room. He missed the pained look that haunted the dark orbs for a brief moment as the Potions Master left his lab.

OOO

Why had he agreed to tell Harry about this part of his relationship with Lily?

Severus looked at the young man sitting on the couch across from him and sipping at his hot tea. It was good to see Harry seemed truly interested in his life, but Severus was afraid he might follow in the footsteps of his mother, if he heard his story. He wouldn't be the first one to turn his back on him because he couldn't understand Severus' passion for potions and didn't like how much time he spent in his lab.

"You wanted to tell me why my mother never helped you preparing potion ingredients?" Harry prompted.

Severus sighed inwardly and nodded. It was better to tell Harry now so the young man was forewarned and could walk out of the door if he so desired.

"Your mother never understood why I enjoyed studying potions so much," he began.

"But I thought... Slughorn said that she was brilliant at potions," Harry said at once.

"Yes, she was brilliant... but she wasn't passionate about them, at least not the way I was… am."

"Severus, don't you want to practice a few new charms outside? The weather is great and James Potter and his friends are in Hogsmeade, so they won't disturb us."

Severus smiled at Lily. It would be nice to spend some time with her, but he wasn't so keen on practicing charms today.

"We already practiced them yesterday," he told her. It was true and although they had been interrupted by Potter and his gang, they had mastered the charms Flitwick assigned them to practice. There was no need to spend the entire afternoon outside again.

"Yes... but we could just sit down at the lake and read or chat a little or something like that."

Severus shook his head again. Lily knew he didn't enjoy sitting in the sun that much, since he got sunburned very fast. He was also susceptible to hay fever and it was April when most plants would be in bloom.

"You only want to spend time in your stupid lab again," Lily accused.

Severus sighed. They had had this discussion many times ever since Slughorn allowed a few gifted students to use one of the labs for experimenting, supervised by some sixth and seventh years.

At first, Severus had thought Lily would join in the lab and experiment with him, but she had only smiled at Slughorn when he asked her to join them and told him she would rather spend her time outdoors. Later on, Severus had tried to convince Lily to spend at least one afternoon every week in the lab, but she always denied his request. She enjoyed brewing potions during their lessons, but she didn't want to spend her free time in the lab.

"It's not a stupid lab... it's a lot of fun to experiment with potions and..."

"Of course it's stupid. It's not as if a mere third year could come up with something new. You only follow the instructions and maybe you add a different ingredient and then the potion explodes right in your face!"

A small frown appeared on Severus' face.

"I have come up with a few new ideas, but although I don't know yet how to change the recipe of the potion in order to fulfill my ideas, at least I have never managed to make a potion explode in my face."

"No?"

Lily took a step closer to sniff at him and then she wrinkled her nose.

"You certainly smell like you just did and your hair looks very greasy from spending so many afternoons bent over cauldrons. That's why I thought it would be good for you to spend some time outside, but if you would rather brew your boring potions, do that."

Severus could only stare at Lily who was glaring at him now. He thought they were friends, but she had just insulted him as badly as Potter and his gang did. Moisture was burning in his eyes as he turned around and all but ran to the lab. At least there, no one would insult him there and no one would question him if his eyes were watering over a cauldron.

"Wait - my mother told you that you smelled and that your hair was greasy?!"

Severus cringed at the disbelief in Harry's voice. Of course, the young Gryffindor wouldn't believe his words. He might believe such things about his father, but Lily... Severus wouldn't have believed it himself if he hadn't been the victim of her insults.

"She apologized later. We were only thirteen at that time."

When Harry shook his head, Severus mentally prepared himself for some sort of outburst. Harry would deny that his mother ever insulted someone like that, call Severus a liar and then walk out the door and never look at him again.

At least, it would happen now... before Severus could fall even harder for the young Gryffindor.

"Still... it's not right she said that at all! You were friends! Ron or Hermione never said anything like that to me, although Hermione doesn't understand my passion for Quidditch."

Harry's words registered very slowly in Severus' mind. Could it be that he was upset on his behalf and angry at his mother?

No, that couldn't be... that would be too big a miracle to be true. No one had ever shown understanding of his passion for potions. Albus would discuss it with him from time to time, but the late Headmaster had also never understood why Severus spent almost all his free time in his lab. None of them saw how beautiful and fascinating potions could be, how the tiniest change could bring out a huge difference and that... that they had never hurt him with their words or deeds. His experiments could explode in his face if he wasn`t careful, but they never humiliated him.

Severus gulped when he remembered how many times he had flown to his lab to forget a bitter experience and lose himself in his potion brewing. He couldn't tell Harry about that.

Maybe the young Gryffindor would understand it, since Severus guessed Quidditch was also a way for him to release stress, but he didn't dare to open himself up that much.

Besides, Harry wouldn't stay here much longer. Not after what Severus had told him about his mother, despite his supportive words.

"You are very lucky to have those two as friends."

Harry nodded and smiled and then a pained look entered his emerald eyes.

"I'm sorry my mother said such hurtful things to you."

Severus could only stare at Harry. He hadn't imagined it; Harry was truly upset about what Lily had said to him all those years ago. Warmth spread through his chest and he managed a small smile.

"You don't have to apologize for Lily's deeds. You aren't responsible for them... just like you aren't responsible for what your father did."

If Severus had thought Harry's features handsome before, they were downright beautiful right now as a brilliant smile lit up the face of the young man. The Potions Master forced himself to look down at his cup of tea, before he got any inappropriate ideas just by looking at Harry's slightly parted lips and his shining green eyes.

"But as many faults as your father had, he would have been proud of you for your talent at Quidditch...and your courage when you stood up against Voldemort. Probably in that order."

Severus didn't know why he had said that. He just knew he had to continue talking before he lost himself completely in Harry's eyes and gave into the urge to kiss the young man.

"I have heard the first part a lot," Harry said with a shrug, "but... does that mean that your father wasn't proud of you for your achievements in potions?"

Severus snorted before he could stop himself. The imagination that Tobias Snape would pat his son on the shoulder for anything he had achieved in the Wizarding World was hilarious.

"My father hated the fact that my mother was a witch and he hated her even more for giving birth to an abnormal and freakish son, instead to an athletic heir."

"Your father was an idiot!"

Startled, Severus's head jerked up. Harry looked furious and he was visibly shaking. Shaking with anger, Severus concluded after one look at those stormy, green eyes.

"You are the bravest and strongest man in the world! He should have been proud of you no matter what!" Harry declared.

Severus froze. He had known Harry respected him now and obviously had a crush on him, but he had never thought it possible that Harry thought so highly of him. Still, the young Gryffindor's thoughts were much too naïve. He held an ideal of Severus in his mind, which Severus himself had no idea how it had gotten there, but knew he could never dream of reaching.

"Harry… you don't really know me."

Instead of blowing up or telling him in even more idealistic terms just how well he knew him, Harry only smiled at him.

"I know and that's why we have to get to know each other better. Would you like to go out with me after I have taken my NEWTs?"

Severus was too surprised by the question to react with anything else than a nod.

"Fantastic, we have a date now!"

Harry beamed at him and although Severus already feared their outing would end in disaster, he felt himself mirroring Harry's smile. He could almost believe that something good could come out of their date, if the young man kept smiling at him like this.