Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the characters
…I have no excuse for why it took so long to work on and update this story when it's almost planned out to it's entirety…..lol! Anyways…
Onward!
*rushes to story*
Botan couldn't believe she was where she was.
Despite all Hiei had said a few nights before, Botan had been hoping he'd forget about bringing her to his sister's. Of course, she had asked off, just in case, because if he did remember he would force her to go. It was awkward as anything, going into a stranger's home, especially looking the way she did. Hiei had been right, though. Upon entering the apartment of this new woman, a new outfit was waiting for her to replace her current rags. Botan forced herself not to react as she took the clothing. In her mind, a scream to run kept echoing. She was there for Hiei. After all, he looked more out of place than she did, and this was his own sister.
She was a complete sweetheart.
Botan could understand why Hiei was reluctant to be around the girl, not because Yukina deserved that, but because her innocence and naivety were way up there. The blue-haired girl remembered a time where she acted like that. She was a giver herself, but now she barely had anything to give except her strip club salary. She had yet to use that on herself, donating it to the homeless shelter where she once lived. She could handle this pain better than others, and so she wanted to prevent anyone else's suffering. Besides, Hiei had become someone she could rely on, as scary as that was. She only hoped she could pay him back for everything he had already done.
Hiei disappeared the second they entered the second floor apartment. Botan couldn't believe he left her with his sister, but then she was reminded that Hiei really didn't owe her anything. Yukina was very kind to her, offering her tea as if she wasn't some lowly destitute. She even used this beautiful tea set, and the table was set for dinner with lovely china.
"These plates are beautiful," Botan marveled before she mentally slapped herself for the potentially offensive remark. What the heck was that? Don't you remember how to talk to people?
Yukina smiled brightly, her eyes lit with pure elation. "Thank you," she replied. "The tea set was our mother's, and the china was our parents' wedding china." A sad smile replaced the joyous one. "Any time I can convince Hiei to come over, I use them, if only to remind him of better times."
Awkwardness settled in Botan's being when Yukina offered up such personal information, and she didn't know how to process it. "Excuse me," Botan said, getting up from the table and leaving the teacup behind. She went into the living room, not noticing Yukina's concerned crimsons on her. Away from the other woman, Botan took in a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm. She was starting to feel completely stressed and agitated, all of this triggering scenes from her past.
And then she saw a whole bunch of photos over the fireplace, and her curiosity interrupted her conniption.
Botan had always been a curious child, and now that she was in a sort of friendship with her seaside neighbor she couldn't help but be drawn to the photographs his sister had of the two of them as children. There were pictures of them with their parents, everyone wearing bright smiles, including Hiei. She frowned, realizing that she hadn't seen a smile like that since she had met him. For some reason, that thought hurt her heart, a dull ache appearing in her chest.
Her eyes continued to rove the pictures, but then she froze, her heart racing when she saw pictures of Yukina with someone that was regrettably familiar.
She knew the teal-haired twin was living with her boyfriend, but why in world did it have to be Kazuma Kuwabara, best friend to her friend Yusuke. Amethyst eyes widened as panic began to set in. He couldn't see her. He'd tell Yusuke he'd run into her and that she was destitute, and then she'd mess up everyone's life all over again.
Meanwhile, Hiei had been having his own internal dilemma, hiding out somewhere in the apartment. He felt bad for leaving Botan with his sister, but he knew she'd be fine. He hadn't been to Yukina's place in ages, and as unintentional as it may have been, the apartment had been set up like their old home. It brought back memories, and the china did not help. Yes, most of those memories were good, but they were lost and never going to come back. For the first time in a while, Hiei felt completely unsettled being around his sister.
He finally returned to Botan to see her looking at the pictures.
There was no way to miss Yukina's shrine of their life. It was one of the reasons Hiei avoided the living room like the plague if he could. Usually, he made it as far as the kitchen, maybe the dining room. The china reminders were enough for him, too much at best.
"Hey," he greeted the woman, and Botan practically jumped out of her skin. Hiei's brows furrowed. "What is it?"
"I need to get out of here," Botan replied, exasperated. "H-He can't see me here."
"Who?" Hiei questioned even more confused.
"Kuwabara."
A thousand more questions raced through Hiei's mind. The one that took precedence was, "How the hell do you know that oaf?" If she did, Hiei doubted there would be any reason she was on the streets. Kuwabara was a lot of negative things, in Hiei's mind, but the couple of positives that shone were that he was honorable and had a bleeding heart. There was no way he or anyone in his family would let one of his friends live on the street like Botan was.
"He's friends with Yusuke," she breathed out, on the verge of panicking. "H-Hiei…I'm sorry. Please…tell your sister that I'm very grateful to her for thinking of me, but I just can't…I won't go back there and make a mess of everyone's life again."
Her concerns were not unwarranted. If Kuwabara knew her friend, he'd have him come over and then both Hiei and Botan would be in the middle of a chaotic scene, a reunion the woman didn't want, and Hiei did not want to get involved. His better option would have been to let her go without another word and continue their bizarre friendship as neighbors. Instead, he stated, "Let's get out of here then."
The blue-haired woman looked into his crimson eyes, hers full of anxiety. "But…your sister…you should…"
"I don't want to be here anymore than you want to be," he admitted. "I can deal with Yukina later. It's getting dark. You're not walking home alone."
Botan thought of her history at night and nodded, accepting Hiei's help albeit reluctantly. Yukina was in the kitchen, preparing the night's meal, so it was easy to slip away. Part of Botan felt guilty for leaving the kind woman alone in the dark like that, but she couldn't risk Yusuke finding out about her. He'd find her and go to her, try to force her to stay with him until something better came along while pushing the buttons of his girlfriend Keiko. Sure, they were only teenagers back in the day when Botan ran away. All of her friends probably grew up and were understanding. Botan grew up in a different way, and it was nothing anyone would be able to understand. Her eyes shifted to Hiei who walked beside her, no anxiety in his eyes as they fled. Well, almost anyone.
Hiei brought Botan back to his boat having had some leftover food from his nonperishable stash. He offered her that food, but Botan shook her head and tried to deny his kindness. She made the move to leave, but Hiei stopped her. Amethyst eyes widened as words she never expected were spoken.
"I won't let you go hungry."
"I won't let you go hungry."
Those were the words spoken by Hiei's and Yukina's childhood friend, Kurama. He hadn't seen the teenager in years, not since his mother died. It had been quite a bit of time after Ruka, but that bitch had kept true to her word. Actually, it was more she had kept true to her husband's words. Despite the fact that Hiei never appeared before either of them again, Ruka had found him months later. By that point, he had been in a couple of other disturbed situations with females, but nothing like what the viperous redhead had put him through.
Days after that, the cops had come for him, arresting him for sexual assault against the older woman. She had played a pitiful act of tears and claimed PTSD. He was in prison for days, beaten by many of the inmates for having beaten and raped a woman regardless of the fact that it was the other way around. He almost hadn't survived.
By some stroke of fate, Hiei's grandmother had been called. The woman hadn't cared about him, her disgrace, but Yukina must have overheard something and called their childhood friend. Kurama's stepfather was a lawyer, and they had appeared to Hiei to help. The teenager was on his last life, and an emergency trial was called. Kazuya managed to get him out, and eventually Ruka's deceit came out because of the therapist who questioned both her and Hiei. Whoever it was saw through her ruse and could see the signs of abuse in Hiei. That led to Ruka's divorce from her husband, but the man still refused to aid Hiei after everything.
With nowhere to go, Kurama's family took Hiei in, and he stayed with the family for a while. He could not get past their loving home. It triggered him, bringing back too many memories that suffocated him every night. When he couldn't take it anymore, he ran away in the middle of the night, climbing out Kurama's bedroom window.
Kurama found him knowing he would have returned to his boat, and hours later brought Hiei a box full of food. He had said those words when Hiei tried to deny the hospitality. That day, Kurama promised he'd never abandon Hiei and he'd support his choices. That's what friends did for one another, and Hiei clearly had a lot of demons to face on his own.
Botan gaped at Hiei after he told her what happened, even going as far back to discuss the woman Ruka. It had come out of nowhere after Hiei demanded she stay and eat. When Botan asked him why he bothered, he told her it was what a friend did for him, and that led to them discussing why he had to.
"How did he find you?" Botan questioned.
Hiei shrugged. "I asked him, and all that crafty fox said was that he found my particular boat because it was the only one where the name was fading, wearing off. Eventually, when my funds for the dock ran out, Kurama started picking up the slack. He never had to, but he didn't leave me much of a choice. He did it without my knowledge."
Botan smiled forlornly. "That's a great friend," she told him. "I'm kind of jealous. At least he let you figure yourself out, didn't force you to come back."
"I couldn't, not with what I experienced," Hiei told her. "I was no longer a child. There was no gray in the world. The only certainty I had was a boat that was pushing closer to death, and it's still breathing."
"Is the name still there?"
Hiei shook his head. "It's completely gone, now. I haven't gotten around to fixing that. I can only rationalize the necessities."
"What is the boat's name?" Botan inquired.
The man flashed her a surprised glance having not expected the question. No one had ever asked or cared before, but this woman wanted to know. "The Catalyst," he told her. "This boat was what sparked my father's dream to become a sailor. He was a good man."
"I'm sure he was," Botan offered. "He had to be to raise a son like you. He would be proud."
Hiei grimaced, not believing the woman's words. In his mind, his father would be disgraced. He certainly felt like he was one. Though it had been years since any woman had taken advantage of him, the scars were still there covering his hardened heart. He did not feel like a man let alone a good man, and because of that he would never live up to his father's legacy. His heart felt stale and cold due to that acceptance.
"Kurama was the one to get me started on odd jobs, finding people he knew who needed stuff done," Hiei continued, changing the topic away from her overly sentimental words. "It helped, and it gave me something to do other than reliving my shitty life in my mind. Gave me funds so I could by supplies. It really just depends."
Botan nodded, understanding that. Utilizing her resources was something she understood well. Once again, she was reminded of her salary. She knew she could use it to get low income housing and get food for herself and get slightly better conditions, but she had resolved herself years ago to just get by. There were others merely starting out on their homelessness who deserved better conditions who hardly knew how to live without them. She picked up a few items before donating the rest. Her mind lit up at that thought, though, and she looked over to Hiei. Maybe she could pay him back for his hospitality after all. She owed him so much already.
"So what about you?" Hiei questioned, and Botan's eyes nearly bugged as they met his.
"M-M-Me?"
The man scoffed and shook his head. "Again with the stammering…aren't we past that shit?"
Botan was about to apologize, but she noticed his hint of a smirk and laughed lightly. He was teasing her. "Yes, well…" she began. "While you were going through all of that, I was jumping from homeless shelter to homeless shelter. I was only thirteen years old. It was shortly after Keiko got jealous and I ran just trying to get away. Every place I went would call CPS, so I would go late when no social workers were working and sleep and then leave early before anyone came the next day. Once I hit a certain age, they just stopped coming for me altogether."
A silence settled over them, and then a gust of wind went by rocking the boat and causing Botan to panic. She grabbed onto the seat in which she was sitting and clenched her eyes tightly shut. Hiei couldn't help the derisive chuckle that escaped him. He had never been that way with a boat before so it was hard to imagine anyone's fear. "What's with you and boats?"
"What's with you and boats?" her father questioned when the newly twelve-year-old Botan requested to go out into the harbor on her birthday. He chuckled when she smiled brightly. "Well, alright. I'm sure your mother and I can arrange something, right hun?"
"Absolutely," the woman said with mirth. "After all, we are celebrating our favorite girl's day. Let me make a call, and we can maybe have a picnic."
"Yay!" Botan chimed, clapping her hands happily. She didn't know it then, but she would only have a few moments of happiness left in her young life.
It had been her birthday, and she really wanted to go out on a boat. Her parents had chartered one before, and she could not get enough of the ocean air. Neither of them were really boating people, but her father knew how to handle one. It wasn't that hard, he said, like driving a car only easier. Even ten-year-olds could do it.
That day they ended up getting a smaller boat than Botan was used to, but she didn't mind. It was just the three of them. Her parents weren't close with their families, so Botan never really had big parties, but she enjoyed every minute with her mom and dad. They were her rocks, her everything.
The current was good that day, the sun shining. The way the light hit the water made it sparkle, and Botan knelt at the bow of the small boat laughing. Her parents were behind her, exchanging smiles. They really loved their daughter. She was always drawn to the water, always loved racing over the waves. Everything was peaceful.
Then, later, it wasn't.
It started when Botan asked her father to go faster, and the man obliged. And as he sped on the open water, another boat appeared in view, and both drivers needed to get out of the way fast. On such a small boat, top speed, turning quickly as a wave hit, the boat capsized, and all three passengers sent flying. Being a child, Botan had been wearing a life jacket, but neither her mother nor father had been. The girl looked around frantically, hoping to see her mother or father surface, but neither of them came. Botan's heart was beating rapidly as she struggled in the water.
Whoever had been on the other boat had come over to rescue her, calling in the accident. There was a rescue diver on that boat, and he assured Botan she'd be okay, but her heart sunk. She knew what happened. And it was all her fault for asking her father to go faster.
The coast guard came, assisting in the search, but neither of her parents had survived the crash. Botan didn't know for certain. The officers would not let her see the bodies of her parents, not right now. Her body wracked with sobs as she blamed herself to everyone around her. It didn't matter to her that they said it wasn't her fault. She knew the truth deep down inside.
"And that's why even my aunt blamed me for her brother's death," Botan explained calmly, but Hiei did not miss the starting of tears in the corner of her eye. "Apparently, we were in a spot with a big undertow, and my parents got swept away. The flotation device was the only thing saving me from that."
Hiei nodded, understanding. "You were lucky," he told her. "It's unfortunate that it happened the way it did, but you have to know it wasn't your fault."
Botan looked at the man, alarmed, and defensively cried out, "But I asked-"
"Your father was the adult, not you," Hiei explained. "My father wouldn't even let me on this boat until he went over boating safety when I was a small child. It's extremely difficult to turn a boat while going extremely fast unless it's a slower turn. A fast turn can be made safely, but there's training for that on even smaller boats than what you were probably on, and it usually it involves deliberate movements and more space, not to narrowly avoid another vessel. He could have told you 'no,' told you it wasn't safe, and if he was going to be reckless, he and your mother should have been wearing life vests. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but it was your father's fault it happened, not yours."
He noticed Botan's silence. She had yet to look up at him when he started his tirade. It couldn't be helped. He knew so much about boats and safety because of his father. The man had taught him respect for the ocean. It was a powerful friend and adversary, and one needed to be responsible for reasons just like this. He hadn't meant to be callous, but hearing this woman blame herself, knowing others blamed her when she had just been twelve angered him. She shouldn't be paying for something she couldn't control.
"I should go," Botan whispered, her voice hoarse, and Hiei knew then that he had overstepped his bounds. She beamed a forced smile at him and added, "Thank you for the food, but I have an early day tomorrow. Good night, Hiei."
The girl moved to leave, and Hiei made no move to stop her. He didn't really have a right to in that moment. She had opened up, and he had been brutally honest, and now she needed some distance. He knew the cycle well. She needed time to process his words. After all, he was merely a stranger to her offering criticism to the workings of her mind. The truth wasn't something she could accept, Hiei could see. She seemed to be the self-deprecating type, able to find flaws within oneself without seeing the flaws in another. Though they were similar, that is where they differed for Hiei knew his own faults but when to blame others for their role in his misery.
He hadn't intended to offer an opinion as harshly as he did, but it was out there now, and he both couldn't and wouldn't take it back. Besides, given her reaction, it seemed that it was exactly what she needed to hear. From personal experience, his most volatile and emotional moments were when he made a breakthrough about one thing or another in his life. Maybe this would be hers.
Days later, Hiei was out on one of his odd jobs when Botan finally came to his boat again. The time between their talk and now Botan had spent avoiding her neighbor. A sigh escaped the woman when she realized he wasn't there.
What he had said had hurt, a lot. For years, Botan had accepted that she was the one responsible for the death of her parents. Her aunt had felt the same, and though Yusuke had told her it wasn't her fault, no one had ever blatantly pointed out what could have been done differently. Hiei had been right. Logically, Botan knew that. She had tried years to rationalize that in her mind, but it never stuck. It wasn't like she spoke to just anyone about her situation. She was very secretive about her life. She never used to be so closed off, but she had to harden herself over the years or she wouldn't have survived this far.
Working at the club had made her vulnerable again because it forced her to be open about her body at least which then became highly emotional for her. She was never like that with or for anyone, and this job had brought that back to focus. Her senses were on alert, anxiety in full force, and the hard exterior she had developed was destroyed. Hiei had been the one to rescue her that first night, so it only made sense that she would latch onto him like he was her security. But he wasn't, never tried to be. He was just a good and honorable man who offered her resources and was brutally honest with her about what he thought. His words shouldn't have had the power to set her off, and they did because Hiei, who never asked for her trust, received it without her even giving her mind and heart permission.
Jeez, she was a mess if her thoughts and desires were that jumbled.
"Who in God's name are you?"
Botan jumped, tossed out of her own head, whipping around to face the owner of a very old and cruel voice. Purple eyes widened when Botan took in the form of an old woman. Her blue brows furrowed, and she reluctantly swallowed down her nerves. "I'm sorry?"
"I want to know who in the world you are?" the woman repeated.
"To you, no one."
Both Botan and the elderly woman looked to see Hiei standing at the head of the dock, arms crossed and expression bored. Still, his eyes were full of visible anger and hatred. Realization dawned upon Botan that this woman had to be Hiei's grandmother, the one who had abandoned him for downright petty reasons. Her eyes narrowed and she stood her ground. She wouldn't let herself be intimidated by this horrid woman.
Hiei's grandmother scoffed at the answer. "And what is that supposed to mean?"
Her grandson didn't take the bait. "What the hell are you doing here on my dock?" he questioned. "Haven't seen you in a decade, and now you're here. Let me guess. You know Yukina has been checking up on me." The old woman was about to snap at him. "Well, I don't owe you an explanation and neither does she. Now, you can leave. I don't want you here. You're trespassing."
"Heh," the woman laughed derisively. "This hardly counts as 'trespassing.'" She sneered that last word so bitterly as she looked at the boat she detested. "This garbage heap is not even proper home."
"That's hilarious," Hiei deadpanned. "You actually think you have the right to comment on my living conditions when you barred me from entering what you would called a 'proper home.'" The humor in Hiei's voice was downright threatening. "In any case, this is my property and you are trespassing, so leave before I get the authorities and go to hell."
"How dare you?" the woman hissed.
Hiei simply walked passed her and walked onto his boat. He had no idea how she found him, but he didn't care. His attention shifted to Botan, the woman glaring at his grandmother with heated eyes and clenched fists. His brow furrowed in uncertainty. Why was the woman so angry?
Apparently his grandmother had the same question. "What are you looking at, girl?"
"Nothing," Botan told her. "My eyes literally can't see anything you have to offer my friend who you so cruelly sent away." Both the old woman and Hiei gaped at her. "There is no reason why you should be here now. You are nothing and will never be anything but a horrible human being. Seeing you here makes me sick. Hiei is right. You should leave."
The woman stuck up her nose at Botan. "Like I would take any order from a woman who looks like she slept in a trash heap last night. Considering your friendship, I believe that's not so far from the truth. I only came with a warning. My butler was driving around and saw you leaving your sister's home with your harlot here. Stay away from my granddaughter or there will be hell to pay."
"Yukina is a grown woman and insisted I be there," Hiei remarked. "Talk to her, not to me, about it, and she will no doubt tell you that she sought me out and not the other way around. Now get out of my sight."
The haughty woman crossed her arms and stood there not moving an inch. "What will you do if I don't?"
"Fine, don't leave," Hiei remarked. "Stand there all night for all I care and freeze to death. It's supposed to be a terrible night. Speaking of, staying for dinner?"
His eyes landed on Botan, and the woman offered him a smile. "Sure, why not?" She once again scowled at the woman and looked at her like she was the biggest scum on the earth. "It would be an honor." And then she climbed into the boat.
The two began a small conversation, not because they planned on talking about anything of substance, but simply to enrage the woman. She had come there to threaten her grandson away from his sister, but Hiei was unfazed. Botan, too, wanted her to see just how little she thought of her presence. The fact that they could ignore her so well while she was hovering over them infuriated the elder woman.
"Just stay away from Yukina," the woman ordered again before huffing, "I swear, you're like that no good, rotten scoundrel of a father."
That got Hiei's attention, his voice cutting off in that moment before he regarded the woman with the most repulsed look Botan had ever seen anyone ever give. Even the woman seemed to be taken aback by it as she finally turned and walked away. Botan looked to her neighbor, his fist clenched so tightly that his skin appeared white. His eyes were dark, and it was like he wasn't even there on the boat with her anymore.
Light returned, and he flinched slightly when Botan placed her hand on top of his, offering him a sad smile. He looked at her, perplexed. She only said, "You handled yourself really well."
With that, all the emotion that had been displayed instantly disappeared behind his usual stony mask. He nodded to Botan before handing her a bag of jerky from a bag he had. "Dig in," he told her. "Job paid well today. There's plenty."
"Thank you," Botan returned. "I'll make sure to pay you back tomorrow."
"No need," Hiei sighed, but he knew that would fall on deaf ears.
The two of them fell into their usual silence, then, but this even they felt a bit lighter, a bit closer. Hiei didn't know how he felt about that.
A/N: So the ending of the chapter kind of wasn't planned as it played out, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I think it turned out well. Anyway, again, sorry for the long time between updates. It hasn't been intentional. I'll try to be better with it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you, all you readers, for your patience. It's really appreciated.
