Chapter 05
He fell back into consciousness. The light was weak, but it was enough to sting his eyes with their invisible needles. He twitched, wanting to rub the eyes but couldn't with both arms becoming heavy and bandaged. So was his head. He managed to flip his body half a circle, feeling the sharp and pointy shape of the ears wrapped tight by the soft pillow. Slight coldness of metallic earclippers stung him. He conceived it, and welcomed it with an emotionless face. His mind was blank. Blank like the walls of this. Blank like the color of this sheet. Blank like the dullness of his sightless eyes. Blank like his future.
He gathered the left of his poor strength and sat up. His body winced in every move, though his teeth shut tight not to let any of them come out. Efforts were being paid just to turn the doorknob. His three fellows were right out there, behind the wattle wall. It was just a wattle wall that could be crush anytime with just a kick, but to him, it was a great rampart he would never get through. Gojyo stayed home instead of going out for women. Goku rested silent, the usual "I'm hungry" couldn't be heard anymore. Hakkai was the only one who seemed normal. But who knows that behind the sheer curtain of plainness, what kind of emotion could make a rebel?
His legs suddenly got wobble and crumbled at once. Hearing the noise, three people stood up almost immediately. Yet when they arrived, only Hakkai and Gojyo supported him, walking him back to his room. Goku stood there, right before his very eyes. Sanzo could read his thinking easily since he has been the monkey's guardian for years. And what they told the priest wasn't very joyful. They were hurt, hurt by worries, hurt by fear, hurt by loss… and mostly, by Sanzo losing control or being dead. The figure of his dearest person became smaller and smaller, and disappeared by the end of the hall, where Sanzo's room located. He didn't care even if he was being helped by other people; he just knew that Goku was so far… so far from him… Suddenly the priest was scared. He, of course, had consciousness that his Goku wouldn't be stolen anywhere. When has he become so attached?
Hakkai and Gojyo placed him carefully on the softened bed, tucked him in with blanket, told him to be nice to his wounds and left. Their backs were so plain, yet so lonely. They did care about him, too; it was him who has been so selfish to ignore their worry all the times. Gojyo almost sacrificed his arm to pull him up from the bottomless abyss inside the great forest. Hakkai risked his body for him to fire at the maddened Kami. And Goku, the chimp has once bet with his life taking out his golden diadem to save the poisoned priest. He felt helpless. It was him, after all, who bothered everyone. It was he who need their help since he was the weakest, being mere human. Turning into a youkai should have been his business; he should have dealt with it alone, yet now he was just lying here, receiving treatment, wasting the precious time of going to the West. He wasn't worth their care, even their friendship with him.
He might just die, for everyone's sake. Gojyo and Hakkai sure could handle this Gyumaoh stuff, with Kougaiji-tachi's help. Goku, after this, could find somebody else, somebody that was worthier than him. There would be a new Sanzo priest. Everyone would be happy without this burden…
Slowly, not to make a sound, he forced his legs to prop up his body. He made up to the bathroom and managed to open the door with turning the injured wrist. Inside, he found a hair razor. He was going to cut his wrist. His mind imagined a dramatic scene, where his body turned cold in the middle of a pulp of blood, with Gojyo, Hakkai and Goku crying over him. Then the journey continued, the seat next to Hakkai occupied by somebody else with the sutra on shoulders. Gyumaoh was defeated, and Tougenkyo was at its peace again. Such a lovely well-imagined scene, wasn't it?
The moment the knife touched his skin was the same as the moment the bathroom door burst opened, revealing a short, chestnut haired boy. Sanzo stopped dead. Not that he stopped because of the sudden intrusion, but because of Goku's exhausted breath and tearful eyes.
'You really want to leave us that much, Sanzo? Do you really want to?'
Sanzo couldn't answer to the trembling, accusing voice. He just stared sightlessly at the monkey, all "happy ending scene" evaporated.
'You're selfish. So selfish, you know?'
Done speaking, Goku plunged himself into the priest, giving him a tight hug as if he never wanted to lose him. The truth is, he never wanted to. He never give his sun to anyone, even if is death. If Death wanted to take Sanzo away from him, take him along as well. He would leave this world smiling, as long as Sanzo was with him. Without his sun, he might as well die for good.
'Go away, Goku. I deserve to die'
It was painful hearing this. And Goku didn't want to hear, especially when these cruel words came from his dearest one.
'No! I won't go away! You die and I die too! What the hell are you thinking Sanzo…?'
Goku's convincing words seemed useless to the priest. Sanzo didn't move. Blood dripped from where the knife was plunged into. As if ignoring everything else in the world, the sharp metallic thing was getting deeper and deeper inside delicate flesh.
The knife was slapped away before touching the aorta. Goku clung tightly into his master, almost imprisoned his arms. All he has done was to keep Sanzo from cutting himself. He had to win Sanzo over Death. His SUN over Death.
'What the fuck are you trying to do, little monkey!? Leave me alone!'
'What you're doing is wrong, Sanzo! I don't want you to die!'
'This is none of your fucking business! My life depends to me! I'm just a worthless fool, ok? Are you satisfied?!'
SMACK
Amethyst eyes widened.
'You're not a worthless fool, damnit! Listen to me! Everyone needs you! Hakkai, Gojyo, Hakuryuu, Kougaiji-tachi, me! Everyone! Don't make people suffer with your selfishness!'
Goku took a long breath. Sanzo, awakened by his words, hung down his head. The bandages were soaking wet with tears. Two wounded arms stretched out, grasping Goku with all its strength. And Goku knew he had won.
'I thought…' said Sanzo with a trembling voice 'I thought everyone would leave me… like trashes…'
Goku gently patted his head, running fingers through the soft, likeable golden hair. He let the priest snuck into his warm chest like a crying boy. He needed Sanzo as much as Sanzo needed him. Without one, the other will suffer.
Gojyo and Hakkai were right out there, but they had known what happened for a while, and decided not to interfere.
And together, Sanzo-ikkou set the journey again, with a much powerful old member.
THE END.
