They said it would over by Christmas, but four Christmases had gone by and the burel war had shown no sign of ending. Gray was 21 now, and six mornings a week he would be shaken awake but Lucy or Levy before they got to work. The men couldn't work because they 'hhad to train for when they joined the army'. Everyone thought it pointless because they wouldn't take anymore people, but the job owners never let any men work for them. Lots of men had protested but it did no use. A law is a law.
"Gray," One of them would say, their face pale and tired from the sleepless day before, "Gray, wake up it's six o'clock."
He groaned and rolled over, not really taking into account that a war was going on and he needed to be up and ready so the girls could earn some money for their guild. He pulled up his duvet so his feet stuck out the other end. He didn't want this to happen but if he wanted warmth for his head, it had to be done. He had told them that when he got some money, he'd get something for everybody - including a blanket for himself. Canna had laughed at that and Gray felt ashamed.
''A man? Earning money? Pah!" She laughed, "Like to see ya try!"
''I feel bad but... Canna right. We're the men around here who earn money to make a living." Levy added. All the girls laughed at this too.
He'd had a dream where Natsu and the others came back. They were all unharmed and everything went back to normal and he was just about to share a kiss with Natsu when there was an earthquake. Luckily, it was just Lucy waking him up.
''Gray, you know I don't have time for this," She sighed, yanking the covers back, "I can't leave the house until you get up, out of bed!''
Her voice had changed a bit too, like her personality. She and Erza had been very close before she left and now Lucy was leanong towards the Erza side of things, Gray didn't think she meant to but it just happened. Like Gray talking to Natsu in his head and Natsu doing the same. She hardly ever joked around anymore and her voice was unforgiving. She found fighting stupid and unreasonable, a bit less like Erza but for her sake. She never spoke to him reassuringly anymore so he had to think like Natsu or at least think about what Natsu would say to him. All of the guild members left behind thought that Lucy would be the one to tell them everything's going to be fine and that she would be the one to keep talking about their fighters. But she mentioned them less and less as the years went on. She hardly ever reassured anyone anymore, not just Gray. She burst into flames at random points and shouted at everyone for no reason, then she would look as if she'd want to cry for loosing her temper.
''Gray please," she said, pulling the sheets off the bed to make her point. ''You have to get up. Can't you do this one thing for me? Just one?" She stared at him coldly, like Erza used to do.
He didn't have any choice.
Gray rolled his eyes and sat up, scratching his head. Only when he had stood up - away from the bed - did Lucy nod, satisfied.
''Finally,'' She rolled her eyes and put a hand on his shoulder, "Really, Gray, I don't know why we have to go through this shit everyday. You're three years into being an adult now - a little help is all I ask. Geez. I made your breakfast. Well Levy did. It looks quite nice actually, you'll like it. Anyway, I'll be back around four and Levy will be back at two. We can cook dinner seeings as you cooked it last night," And the night before, in fact, he always cooked it but Gray didn't mention it. " What do you want,"
Gray paused for a second before saying, " I don't, I won't have any."
"ARE YOU SAYING MY COOKING'S BAD?!"
"No, I'm just saying I don't want any." He shrugged.
"Well, Levy is just about to go so I need to too,'' she looked around the room for a second, '' Yeah, just er... get dressed." she turned and walked downstairs, swiftly.
Gray sighed as he watched Lucy go downstairs. He thought for a moment - deciding on what to do now. He looked down at himself. He was wearing his boxers but everybody (especially Lucy) took that as a sign that he was going to run butt-naked down the streets. He hesitated before deciding that he was going to leave t for now and get dressed later. He sat down on his bed. Turning to look at he window, Gray noticed something again. It was the picture of Natsu, framed, which Lisanna gave to him the day Natsu left. He picked it up and stared at it for a momen. Closing his eyes, he pulled it closer to him - hugging it to his chest.
''I love you Natsu,'' he whispered.
''Oi stripper!" Natsu ran over to him and tackled him to the ground.
''What did you want, Flame-brain," He asked, nonchalantly.
Natsu laughed and hugged Gray, " Nah, I was just bored!" He grinned at him.
"Ugh."
Gray felt the sleep returning.
"Gray!" Lucy was towering over him.
Gray jumped, opened his eyes and stared in disbelief at Lucy.
'' Gray! You fell asleep, I told you to get up." She rolled her eyes and yanked him up.
After Lucy and Levy left for work, Gray went downstairs, ran outside and stretched. There was a light morning drizzle and a quiet murmurs from the guild but apart from that, there was silence. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the sky. It was a grey sky and the sun hid behind loomin clouds waiting to be found. Gray sometimes wondered if it would would be nice to be able to hide where no one would ever find you, whenever you wanted. Then again, it wouldn't be when you wanted, it would be when you got told. Gray sighed a deep, unworthy sigh and turned around and walked back in.
It was freezing inside, and the floor creaked as he walked in but apart from that, everything was how it was before the war. The guild hadn't hanged - only the people. He sat down at his table alone and imagined the time when he would sit here with Natsu, Erza, Lucy, Levy and Juvia. Even though he didn't particularly like Juvia, he still classed her as family and he missed her. He missed everybody - even the ones that were still alive. Every body used to fit in the guild like bricks in a house, when one went missing, everyone was worried and he house collapsed. They didn't anymore though, they were all excepting to die or someone they loved to die so they didn't give a shit. Natsu Always used to lighten everyone's mood and without him, not many people enjoyed life. Gray closed his eyes and fought back tears. He thought maybe if he did, when he reopened them, everyone would be back and this was all just a nightmare dressed like a daydream. In a way it felt as if nothing had changed, except he was crying, sitting alone on his once filled table and awake at 6:00am.
He opened his eyes again to find breakfast in front of him. It smelled like Levy's cooking. When did it get here? Or was it here when Gray sat down but he just didn't notice it? Which ever way, he was hungry and Lucy got angry when he didn't eat his breakfast.
"It's a waste! A damn waste!"
He smelled the toast again. Was that jam on it? It had been months since he'd tasted jam! Levy must have made it on her day off when Canna took her shift. He picked the toast up carefully and put it to his lips. Blueberry. His favourite. He took a small bit out of it and smiled. She must have made it from the fruits they grew in the Guild's Gardens. They didn't grow much, but the things they did grow - if they were cooked/picked/ripened properly - tasted amazing. Gray thought it probably wouldn't have tasted as nice before the war began but now, as they had fresh fruit about once a month if they was lucky, it was treasured like gold. Gray wondered if Levy made a lot so all the girls - sorry women (as Lucy always corrected him) - could have some. Apparently not. In the kitchen there was none and she couldn't have taken it to work otherwise she'd be told off, or worse, fired. She didn't keep any.
They left it all for him.
Gray felt honoured and unworthy at the same time. He had eaten it all without even thinking about if they had eaten any or not - idiot. Gray put his face in hands and stared at darkness as it smothered him. He liked it like this but all too soon he had to open his eyes to the daylight once more. He stood up and swiftly walked over to the Great Fire Place of Fairy Tail (Natsu had come up that name a while back). He threw a few sticks on top of the still red embers inside. It was his job to light the fire again today, to fetch the sticks and watch it for a while. He didn't mind doing this job. In fact, he loved it - watching the fire, feeling it's warmth. At first, Gray didn't know why until he realised it was because Natsu had shared the same warmth as it before he left. Gray thought of it as 'before he left' because he wasn't sure if he still had that fire glowing in him, yet he still always tried to persuade himself that he did.
Natsu was always lively and always had a fire burning inside of him and always kept everyone upbeat and happy. He wondered most times if that's what he did in the war - keep his team mates happy. He probably did - he most likely was the one who started this 'Oh, it'll all be over by Christmas' shit. Gray loved the smell of Christmas because always there somewhere was the smell of Natsu.
"Hey Snowflake! I got the fire going again!"
"Ugh, trust you to, Flame Brain."
"Pft, don't tell you didn't want it going!"
"I didn't want it going."
"Haha! You're just sayin' that 'cause I said don't."
"No, I'm an Ice Make Mage, idiot."
Gray sighed, he did appreciate the fire Natsu made then, but he forced himself to believe he didn't. After all, Natsu was his full on rival back then and he was an Ice Make Mage. That was Natsu's 13th Christmas and Gray's 9th. There was a bit of an age difference then but Gray could still try fight as well as Natsu did. A couple of years before the war, Natsu had said:
"You fight better than Romeo at his age - and he learns a lot from his dad!"
Gray had laughed that at the time, thinking he knew Natsu wasn't serious but as they grew older, he came to believe what Natsu said as what Natsu thought.
Gray smiled to himself as he watched the burning fire slowly die down, and threw a few more sticks on.
Gildarts didn't get the sticks anymore. He'd left for the war a week after Natsu, Erza and Mirajane did, and had been killed a few months later. Gray had written down where he'd died and the hour he died, just to keep a close eye out for that place in the paper later on - Natsu or Erza might die there too if they're not careful. Then the sticks would be found by Mira's sister, Lisanna and then, after she left, Happy did, seeings as he was pretty close to Gildarts because Natsu was. Lisanna had done it with Elfman for a few weeks, then said that she could do it on her own and had been captured and forced to tell the opposite side her history and that was what go them taken away. Sometimes Gray thought what Mira would feel like when they won the war (if they won the war) and she came back and they were both gone. It would be even more of a pain then it was before with Lisanna. Gray tried not think about before. Natsu had cried then.
Thinking about Lisanna made him think of that horrible Sunday when the news reached them that Gildarts was dead about a year ago, As it was a Sunday, Lucy, Levy and Gray had all been there when there was a knock on the guguild's door. Levy, who been making lunch for the three, looked up in surprise, ran a hand through her hair and left a trail of sauce behind it. They hardly ever had anyone knock at their guild's door. Everybody in their guild had their own key and you weren't allowed to go to some one else's guild. They would only be allowed to knock if their Guild Master had an emergency and then they had to do a special knock: rat-a-tat-tat.
"Who do you think it is Lu?" Levy asked, concerned.
" I'm not too sure..." she replied, worried.
The girls looked at each other and both walked to the door. Gray followed them, and, after a moment, watched Lucy reach and open the door.
There were two men standing outside, both wearing uniforms with embroidery on them. One was quite young with a bristling moustache that was ginger. The other was older, hair going grey at the top, who had a cigarette in his mouth. Thd oldr man's hair stuck out in all directions while the other's staydd perfectly in place. The younger one was quite short and the older noticeably taller than average height. All in all, they made quite a silly pair.
"Don't, " Levy spoke for Gray'ss sake and also Lucy's.
" Don't," Lucy repeated Levy's word, glancing for a second at Gray.
"Ms Clive?" The younger man questioned, as the older looked bhind the three at the other members of the guild amd bit his lip.
" W-what..?" Levy replied, surprised at being adressed by the wrong name. Gray turned to look behind him as well now, and saw the whole guild silent - no spoke, no one moved. They all stared at the door. Happy, who had been with Carla, Pantherlily and Wendy let the first few tears roll down his cheeks.
"Ms Clive, I am Sergeant Punkai," Stated the older man this time. " This is my Lieutenant. May we come in for a moment?"
Lucy took one glance behind her at Happy and Canna and firmly stated, "No."
"Ms Clive, please," He said in a thoughtful tone, a cery tired one too. "If we could come in and -"
"You've got the wrong women," Lucy cut him off. Words caught in the throat and leant on Levy to steady herself. "Oh my God, you've got the wrong house!" A very slight smile made it'ss way onto her face as she looked at Gray. "HHow can you that? Neither Levy or me are or look that old!"
The younger man stared at her for a moment; then his expression changed to one of utter dismay as Lucy sassed him. He shook his head slowly.
"I'm very sorry, ma'am, we, er, I , didn't mean to upset you."
''Hmph." She folded her arms.
When the men had finished speaking to Canna and Happy, they left without a trace. Gray walked over to Happy and knelt down, eye level to him.
''Don't worry about it Happy," He paused for a second, thinkig what Natsu would say, "What is the use of worrying anyway? Just smile - she-" He quickly corrected himself, "He'd want you to be happy, wouldn't he?" He could hear it in Natsu's voice perfectly, it was what Natsu had said to him once. Happy blinked, he had heard Natdu say it to Gray before but, as they were rivals to Happy, he didn't think Gray would remember it word for word. He smiled broadly and Wendy went and picked him up. Gray smiled in his head and got back up to his feet. He searched for Luct and found her and Levy kneeling down around Canna. He grimaced.
" Just smile, Canna, please -"
" I'm sure Gildarts would want you to-"
" Actually, we know he'd want you to-"
" So please?"
They kept cutting each other off in a friendly manner to beg Canna to. Canna, like most of the other people, rarely smiled now - after the war had began. It seemed as if smiling was a crime, as being happy. Positivity seemed to have a 100 mile radius to from it. In fact, the only way Gray kept was by thinking of Natsu and even that brought tears sometimes.
He adverted his eyes from the space around the girls and walked back over to the fireplace. Right now that, and his room, were his favourite places to be. The fireplace obviously smelt of fire (tthe same as Natsu) and his room had a picture of Natsu (along with the recipe).
Gray still wasn't aure of he classed Lucy or Levy as his 'best-friends-love-you-so-much-omg-besties' but he liked a bit at least; he just missed Natsu too much. Before the war had started, they would do everythig together - go everywhere together. But now... he could only remember those memories, not make new ones.
Suddenly, a newspaper got flung at him. He trned to see its thrower was Canna. He looked at the date - today. It was today's paper, the one with Gildarts' number on the death side. He picked it up and turned to the page with the numbers. The numvers of deaths in his side. The number of deaths of their's. The number of wounded. The number of missing in action. But there was only one number he actually cared about: 11,118. Natsu's number. The number they assigned him with the day they took him away to fight. He ran his finger qlog he list.
'11,119'
'11,145'
'12,987'
'11,117'
Gray breathed a sigh of relief as he put down the paper and continued to watch the fire. It wasn't very bright but it would do. Jet and Droy gae him weird looks as he sa there.
"What the Hell's am Ice Make Mage doing next to a fire?" Droy whispered.
"I dunno. It is his day to light it and keep an eye on it but really, he doesn't need to sit right next to it all the time." Jet replied.
"I think maybe-"
"Would you guys stop questioning it already. He obviously likes Natsu - he's Fire Dragon Slayer - duh." Juvia looked down at them. She looked cold - as if she'd been crying over something then stared at ice. Jet and Droy looked at each other then burst out laughing.
Gray cringed as he listened and then thanked Juvia in his head. She was his friend after all. He sighed and put the newspaper page by page in the fire. He needed it burning as bright as he could make it. He looked down at the floor. There were bits of ashes and dirt on the floor. He cursed silently as it kmew it was his job to clean around it too. He picked up the brush that was leaning on the fireplace and started sweeping. Bits of it got in his eyes but he didn't mind.
"We all have to pitch in a bit," Mirajane used to say, "I would do it if I had time myself!" Then she would laugh, looking at all the boys faces as she told them to clean.
Gray hated cleaning but he hated mess as well (most of the time) so he did for the fighters' sake. As he was cleaning, he thougt about how many fighters from Fairy Tail they had left...
... Natsu...
... Erza...
... Mirajane...
...And, er, that was it. They had only sent for away and had prayed that four would come. But the most that could back was three now and they all hoped that three would make it.
About half an hour later, Gray walked back upstairs to the bathroom. They were very limited on how many people could have a shower or bath and how many times and how long they took. Lisanna, before she got taken away, had made a timetable for eveyday lf the week on which people could have a bath on which days. It was Gray chance to have one now, so he took it without really thinking.
After his freakishly short bath, he went into his room. He hardly had anything in it anymore but he treasured what he did. Gray ran over to his bed and looked under it. Under a box was a piece of paper - the recipe. He got it out and stared at it. Feeling like crying, Gray lay down on his bed and kept re-rre-reading it. It was fun, kinda, thinking of a little Natsu shoutin and writing down everyhing he messily put into a huge mixing bowl.
He smiled.
