Chapter 3

Kakashi's team was en route to the Land of Waves, fully aware of the potential dangers that lay ahead of them. The drunk of a bridge builder was uneasy, Sakura was focused on the mission instead of cosmetics or Sasuke, Sasuke was… Sasuke, and Naruto was determined to make up for his embarrassing display of hesitation when being targeted by the demon brothers.

At one point, his alertness caused him to hurl a kunai towards where he believed a threat was hiding from them in the bushes, only for it to be a harmless rabbit. Sakura rolled her eyes at her uneasy teammate,"Stupid Naruto you almost killed a rabbit!"

"I was trying to kill the rabbit, I'm fucking hungry!"

"It's a fucking rabbit who cares if it dies, hmm I wonder if the rabbit had some sake on it," the sobered drunk says.

"What…?"

"I wish someone would just kill that man, he's becoming more unpleasant than Naruto."

"That doesn't even make sen-" Sakura began, but was interrupted by a zanbato flying right towards her and the drunk beside her.

"Move!" Sasuke warned, but they were ultimately pushed aside by Kakashi anyway, the sword burying itself into the tree, with the would-be assailant landing on top of the blade.

"Holy shit, look at that giant cleaver," Naruto pointed.

"Naruto, it's like you're trying to disappoint me."

"Well, well if it isn't porn ninja Kakashi; what a pleasant surprise," the rogue ninja said.

"And who the fuck are you?" a disgruntled Kakashi replied.

"The name is Zabuza, I would say demon of the mist, but you already met some incompetent ninja named demon so a quick name change to… Damn,

those idiots took my name."

"Wow the Hidden Mist is just handing out their legendary swords like candy now?" Kakashi mocked, eying the blade Zabuza remained standing on.

"Man, that cleaver's HUGE," Naruto repeated, "I guess he's compensating for something heh," he whispered to Sakura in a hushed voice, and she tried to stifle a giggle but couldn't despite the situation they found themselves in.

Kakashi fixes his headband and reveals his sharingan. "Why does everyone forget my real nickname, it's copy ninja Kakashi"

Sakura scowled, "Because your face is always stuck in a porn book, probably?"

"It's not just a porn book! It's-Nevermind that; we are in the middle of a fight."

Sasuke was infuriated, "WHY DO YOU HAVE A SHARINGAN?"

"Go ahead explain Kakashi," Zabuza permitted, "I admit I'm curious myself; you might as well fill the blanks for us all before I kill you."

"Alright, back when I first became a jonin I was leader of a three-man squad and my best friend, a Uchiha, was in the squad. The dumbass saved my life and gave me his eye as a gift for becoming a jonin."

"Wait does this mean Sasuke has a third eye too?" Naruto reacts.

"Where did you get that the third eye from Naruto?" a disturbed Sasuke replied.

"Sasuke let me see it; I want to see your third eye!"

"Oh no, he's more special than I thought"

Sasuke snarled, "No you can't see my 'third eye', but you can eat my ass!"

"Oh God, I knew it… You're gay," accused Naruto, oblivious to the glare Sakura was giving him.

"Ugh not this again; I told you I'm straight," Sasuke deflected, "Stop thinking about things so literally. Actually, just stop thinking, Naruto!"

"I regret being curious about your sharingan Kakashi, it would have been more pleasant if I would have just killed your genin first and then asked," Zabuza pointed out.

"Yeah well let's just fight now so they can stop talking about this," Kakashi nodded in agreement, "Okay team seven… STAY OUT OF THIS FIGHT!" He ordered loud and clear, and charged the rogue Mist ninja.

In the background the drunk found his hidden stash of alcohol in a tree hole. "Don't mind me over here, I found my sleep juice."

"No one is talking to you loser," Sakura replied.

Kakashi and Zabuza traded blows and jutsu in a stalemate, but it appeared the copy ninja's unique eye was giving him the edge. Zabuza heads to the pond with Kakashi following and prepares is water dragon jutsu and Kakashi is following his handsigns without missing a beat. Zabuza reengaged him in close up combat, attempting to slash right through the silver haired man but the sharingan was too good at anticipating the strikes. Fortunately, Zabuza had an emergency plan in place…

The real Zabuza switched places with a close he had hidden underwater and reemerged to trap Kakashi out of nowhere, "Water prison jutsu!" Zabuza yelled triumphantly, "I've got you now!"

Damn, he got me! Thought Kakashi. It's all up to the genin to get me out of here or its all over for me. Kakashi glanced in the direction of his greenhorn baby squad momentarily and resigned to his fate. Hey, I finally get to die… I can't believe it took being removed from ANBU to teach a bunch of dumb brats that lets me escape this accursed world!

"RUN! His water clone can't go that far from the original and he has to stay here to keep me entrapped, get out of here!" And let me finally DIE!

Ah this is great, no more bullshit. I'll finally get to see Rin, and Obito… Minato sensei… My father…. And NARUTO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

"No way Kakashi-sensei! We can't leave you behind!"

GOD DAMN IT LET ME BE HAPPY! Kakashi seethed inwardly.

Naruto leaned in to whisper, "Sasuke… I have a plan."

Sasuke frowned, "No, you don't."

"Yes I do!"

"Oh this'll be good… Hmpt."

"Can I help?" a curious Sakura says.

"Stop talking," Sasuke demanded.

Eventually, after much resistance… Sasuke gave in to Naruto's pestering and they prepared to set the idea in motion, "You fools had your chance to run, now you die," Zabuza declared.

Out of nowhere a big ass shuriken comes flying to Zabuza, "GO Iruka-sensei!" Zabuza being the tough guy he is just fucking catches it. "One giant shuriken is not enough to defeat me. Wait why is this shuriken talking? Oh god it's annoying too." Zabuza was distracted long enough for another big ass shuriken to just decked iruka, "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH!" Zabuza ordered as he points his right hand to them, "Oh shit I just released Kakashi…"

"The contest on being idiot of the day so far, Drunk is third, you are second, and that Zabuza is first."

Kakashi hastily got some distance between him and Zabuza, coughing profusely, "I almost drowned!"

"Thank goodness we managed to save you in time huh?" Naruto bragged.

"I DIDN'T SUGGEST I WAS PLEASED," Kakashi barked, so annoyed at how close he came to being marked on the memorial stone.

Zabuza sighed, "I can understand your pain now Kakashi, how can those inbreds trick me like that. Someone please kill me now!" a random senbon out of nowhere pierces Zabuza's neck.

"Well that was convenient," Sakura remarked.

Kurama laughed, "And just like that, someone who JUST arrived has done more than her."

"Shut up Carmelo, Sakura was protecting the drunk"

"KURAMA!" The kyuubi corrected, "And from what? Himself ?"

"And who are you?" Kakashi says.

"I'm a Hidden Mist ANBU, I've been following the Demon of the Hidden Mist for quite some time now, this was the perfect opportunity to take him out," the mysterious ANBU replied.

"He doesn't want to be called that anymore! Just so you know," Naruto informed the foreign black op.

"..."

"What?" Naruto shrugged, "He made it very clear before he died."

"Shut up for once, idiot!" Sakura smacked him on the head.

"Well he's right for once, welcome back to third."

"What are you on about Katana?"

"And just like that you're back to second," Kurama growled.

"Zabuza's body contains many secrets of our village; I will take him with me and dispose of him," The Mist ANBU informed them.

Sakura curiously asks"Why can't you just bury him here?"

The drunk apparently thought it would be a good time to reinsert himself unnecessarily, "She into dead guys I bet, ha."

"I'm debating whether he should be first place or second."

"Wow, okay… If you have any non-lethal poison coated senbon, feel free to put him out," Sakura suggested, and a senbon quickly planted itself in the old drunkards neck as well.

"On behalf of everyone, thanks," SASUKE of all people approved.

After the Mist ANBU took Zabuza and left, Kakashi's energy finally gave out and he collapsed asleep, damn non biological dojutsu, "Ah hell, now we have to carry two people and I don't even know where we're supposed to go now," Sasuke grumbled irritably.


Kakashi's genin managed to get directions from the drunkard when he eventually woke and were now residing at his house in Wave. When Kakashi regained consciousness, he warned them that they screwed up, that was definitely not a hunter ninja, and the bridge builder was likely still in danger. Kakashi was still resting a little more, but he decided to get up and instruct his pupils on something productive while he was still slightly out of commission. Tree walking.

"What's tree walking?" Naruto asked.

Kakashi gave him the smartass answer, "Walking… But on trees."

"Are we getting new shoes?" the lone female of the group perked up.

"Why couldn't Lord Hokage assign someone else to this squad?" Was all Sasuke had to say.

Team seven's sensei sighed and gave them a detailed explanation on how to infuse chakra in their feet and attempt the exercise and the three did their best to pay attention. Upon trying, Sasuke made it a few steps and began to slip down, Naruto used so much fucking chakra on his first step his tree straight up exploded and Sakura successfully walks up the tree.

"TIMBER!" Naruto shouted like he was having fun.

Kurama snaps at Naruto "How are you and Sasuke worse than her? You're not only worse than her YOU DESTROYED A TREE. I'm surrounded by incompetence."

"Well the only good thing that came from you Naruto is that we finally have wood to cook food, this village is crap." A somewhat amused Kakashi says.

"They didn't have firewood?"

"Well they did… But I don't have money like that on me. People are trying to rip everyone off because there's no bridge," Kakashi explained.

Sakura put her hands on her hips and scowled, "Aren't you going to say anything… sensei?"

"What?" He returned not comprehending, "Oh… Good job, I guess. Sasuke try again and Naruto if you do it again we can just sell the wood this time."

"Great thinking sensei!" Naruto seemed to agree.

"No, you're just so dumb he's not going to try and teach you now."

"What? Is my second voice telling the truth sensei?" He demanded, appalled. Everyone stares at Naruto.

"Uhh let's go with yes."

A betrayed look crossed Naruto's face and he turned to Sakura, "Well if he won't help me… You will right Sakura? You seem to have this down like it's nothing!"

Sakura sighed in defeat, she probably should try to get along with the guy if they were going to be on the same team. Besides, apparently they both had this split personality thing? That made her less weird than before, right? "Yeah… Fine, I'll help you." Sasuke looked away from them and smirked at hearing this. Perhaps he'd get lucky and Naruto would cause a tree to impale the both of them.

"You were using too much chakra that's all, try to tone it down a bit. Moderate how much chakra you infuse so you don't… wreck it," Sakura explained.

Naruto just steps through the tree like a hammer to a nail "GUYS I NEED HELP," Kakashi casually responds "Just do the same thing you did with your other foot, maybe you'll get us that damn firewood to sell," "PLEASE, I CAN'T EVEN MOVE MY LEG BACKWARDS ANYMORE."

"What do I look like? A medic ninja?" Sakura snapped, "What do you expect me to do?"

"Guess I know what not to do," Sasuke noted, using too much chakra during this exercise would not be helpful at all. Taking that into account, he sprinted at his tree to practice.


Naruto is sent back to collect more firewood and he spots to what he believes a woman that is more beautiful than Sakura.

"Uhh hey, I didn't see you there. Watchu doing?"

"Collecting herbs and flowers for Zab-uh my friend."

"So are you a nurse?"

"You could say that, my friend got hurt and I need to take care of him."

"Is your friend your boyfriend?"

Haku blushes at this, "No… That would be weird for many reasons, but nevermind that."

"Naruto, that's a man."

WHAT!?

"HOW CAN A MAN BE MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN SAKURA!"

Haku just stared at him with a face more red than the Hokage's hat, "I'm just gonna...Leave...Yeah, I'm leaving," Sounding awkward as fuck.

"Wait SO YOU ARE A GUY!"

Haku doesn't acknowledge him anymore and leaves the area. "Well he/she acts like a girl and looks like one… what the fuck."

"Stupid humans."


Eventually, the day came when Kakashi and his squad were on the bridge, protecting the builders when the clear, decent weather randomly transformed into a murky fog, "Hey this reminds me of that scary movie," Naruto gestured the misty atmosphere.

"Stop talking."

"This is Zabuza's jutsu…" Kakashi warned, "Stand your guard."

Naruto randomly lets a fat one rip "Oh it's you guys again… well this is awkward I thought you four would have left by now."

"Hey thats the demo-"

Zabuza interrupted, "NO, it's uhh, hmm, oh yeah Nightmare from the Mist. Unlike Kakashi, I don't associate with weaklings," He mocked, his accomplice revealing themself beside him. Kakashi had been right! It was the masked hunter ninja!

"Hey Naruto, sense that chakra? It's the guy you wanted to fuck."

Naruto wrinkled his nose in disgust and blushed, "No but you do hang out with trannys," He shot back, ignoring the part Kurama said about him wanting some of that.

"Wait how do you know Haku?"

"None of your business."

Zabuza raised an eyebrow,"What're you trying to hide? Wait… You guys didn't hook up or something, right?"

GOD DAMN IT Naruto screamed inwardly and Kurama's voice laughed its ass off.

"No, of course not!" Haku squelched the idea, "What do you take me for?"

"At this point, I don't think anyone has an answer you would like to hear…" Sakura mumbled.

"Can we just fight now?" Kakashi beckoned, "I'm tired of waiting… I've been waiting years!" He stated, unveiling his sharingan eye. Today's a great day to die...

Zabuza had no idea what he was talking about but didn't really care, "If you say so."

Preparing to charge Zabuza, Kakashi barks out orders to his genin, "Sasuke, Naruto, take care of the accomplice! Sakura get in front of the bridge builder and be a human shield!"

"Why do they get to fight? I was the only one who could walk the tree?"

"To put it frankly I think you suck at fighting and Naruto can kick a tree into pieces sooo yeah."

"If I'm that bad why don't you teach me how to fight then?"

"Because battle isn't the appropriate time to teach you how? Why didn't you ask before? Just go over there and do what you know, and be a shield."

How encouraging… Sakura sulked. OUR SENSEI BLOWS! CHA

Sasuke and Naruto start their engagement with Haku and he uses his Ice Mirror jutsu, surrounding the both of them.

"Wow it's the carnival but instead of yourself in the mirror it's the he/she."

"Stop calling me that!" It snapped.

"Then what are you?"

"I'm a boy you idiot!"

"Because that was so clear to everyone who meets you," Sasuke deadpanned.

"Good because now I won't feel bad to do this to your mirror," Naruto says as he raises his leg for a kick. Haku thinking the boy ain't shit goes out of his mirror and clothesline him.

"Son of a bitch," Naruto grumbled.

"He's fast," Sasuke commented, launching a fireball at one of the mirrors hoping to melt it but having little effect, "And his jutsu is more advanced than ours, wonderful."

Within the mirrors, senbon were revealing themselves from the many images of Haku under his sleeve, "I don't like killing, but I must obey master Zabuza."

Not so far away Kakashi and Zabuza are trading blows equally.

"How old is that boy anyway?"

"Are you trying to imply I do more than just be comrades?"

"So it was his choice to dress like a girl?"

"Why are all you Leaf ninjas so judgemental?"

"Well when you have a guy dressing up like a girl and acting like one but still claims to be a guy, that is a little bit weird don't you think?"

"Your village calls that weird? I've known shark people in the past."

"Is this why you killed your entire class?"

"... Yes."

"That's racist."

"You're a homophobe," Zabuza retorted.

Haku yells back "But I'm not gay."

"This is so confusing!" Naruto also shouted.

"I wish I could just beast bomb this entire village right now."

"What's a beast bomb?"

"Don't concern yourself with something you'll never be able to do."


Sasuke and Naruto layed on the ground in Haku's trap weak and beaten. Their bodies were full of scratches, cuts and senbon needles that were still lodged into their skin, "Damn it, I can't die here...Must kill...Itachi!" Sasuke managed to stand, and from the mirror Haku noticed a significant change in his eyes.

"Impressive, you've achieved your kekkei genkai. I'm afraid it still will not allow you to get past me."

"Wait, I'm not going to give up either! I won't just lay down and die!" Naruto struggled to his feet as well.

"Let us test that," Haku responded with another flurry of senbon.

"Move you fool!" Sasuke shouted, his sharingan giving him to instincts to react quicker than Naruto and allowing him to tackle the orange clad genin and protect him from the attack.

"Well, you guys are doing a wonderful job at trying to look like porcupines but you aren't going to accomplish anything."

Sasuke coughed up blood in Naruto's face. "Oh hey, and that one's dying."

"Sasuke… Why? I thought you hate me?"

"Eat my ass! Naruto!" Sasuke snapped and passed out.

Naruto becomes the angriest he's ever been "Oh look it's my time to shine." the Kurama controlled Naruto says. Immediately Haku notices a different fighting style from the angry Naruto, "If getting your comrades killed is what makes you stronger, watch to what I'll do to that pink hair girl." Haku launches himself towards her but before she could move a foot, Naruto has his leg. "I wish you could get her killed but I need to have a talk with you. I would like to thank you for killing that Uchiha bastard."

Unbeknownst to Kakashi to what Naruto just said, he finds the perfect moment to kunai knife Haku's neck "What the hell dude, I thought we were cool? Oh wait I can't talk to you..., Naruto your turn to play again."

"What are you on about Naruto? Nevermind that." a bewildered Kakashi says.

"I was a second voice there for a minute!" Naruto muttered, utterly confused.

As all of this was happening, a mob of thugs and bandits hired by Gato arrived with the intention of killing off the survivors of the ensuing battle, "Motherfuckers," Zabuza spit a tooth out from his battle with Kakashi.

As Gato approached the scene he steps over Haku's body like it was just a welcome mat and tells Zabuza off "YOU ARE A WORTHLESS ASSASSIN!. So bad in fact I had to hire an actual gang to do your job."

Kakashi knowing his battle with Zabuza is over backs off all disappointed because he didn't die, "Hey the offer is still on the table to kill me."

Zabuza just shrugs it off and ignores his request and starts walking toward to Gato "GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM," Gato starts to retreat "thugs go get that dumbass, it's like a 20vs1 it should be easy."

Oh how fucking wrong he was.

Zabuza starts making them all look like fools and loses the ability to use his arms in battle, but he still fought on with a Kunai in his mouth "YOU WILL PERISH YOU IMPOTENT BASTARD!" as he strikes Gato down.

"Hey guys, I'm here," Sasuke announced, apparently NOT dead.

"I should've taken his pulse or something but I'm retarded," Naruto admitted.

"Kakashi, uhh can you kill me? I have no feeling in my body and my arms are fucked." Zabuza interrupts.

"WHY CAN'T THAT BE ME!" Kakashi responds and then proceeds to kill Zabuza, "thanks man you ha-" Kakashi didn't let him finish his final words over jealousy.

"That was pretty rude sensei." Sakura says out of nowhere.

"Wow I thought you were the first casualty."

Sakura was stunned, "What? Why? I was guarding the drunk the whole time! Just like you ordered!"

"Right…" Kakashi remembered, "It's just… I never saw you; you literally didn't in any way become involved in that entire skirmish and I totally didn't notice you were still over there."

"Aren't you going to tell me I did a good job? I followed your instructions and kept him safe!"

"Nah… I don't think you made an impact; nice try though."

"Who wants to get drinks?" the drunkard finally speaks out.

Everyone yells back even Kurama "SHUT UP!"

A/N: Thanks for reading please review!