A/C: Thank you for the reviews! As always, they are very kind and helpful. Especially as this story starts to get some traction.

As for Lucien being Lucien...I'm sorry... I'm terrible at coming up with names (which is literally why I write fanfics...)T.T

PLEASE review, follow and fav!

PS. There is MATURE content in this chapter.

Chapter 3 - Dark of You

Lucien was all questions when I returned home from the meeting. I told him everything, even though it should remain confidential. It was just the: who, what, where, when and why's that I answered. That was really all I had known.

"So, you'll be gone for a week." Lucien frowned.

"At least that, yeah." I joined him on the couch. "We leave on Monday."

He jerked his head up. "That's so soon!"

"Naru doesn't mess around," I said. Without realizing it, I had said his nickname. Because it was so easy to say his nickname, and to pretend things were back to normal. Instantly, I snapped my head up when I realized what I had said. "Lucien, I'm so sorry about this. I know it must be awkward. With Naru - I mean Davis-san..."

He cut me off by lifting his hand. "It's okay Mai. I get it, he was your first love."

He was your first love.

The thought hit me hard in the gut, and I felt my body stiffen. Tense.

Lucien was unaware of me as he moved closer, bringing our faces together sweetly with a lift of my chin. Slowly, he brought his lips to mine. Hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me into his lap. I made a noise when he deepened the kiss, pressing me harder into him.

We hadn't been physical beyond kissing and touching; Lucien was very, very, patient with me throughout it all, though. There were times we would almost be at that point, almost do the deed, and then I would take two steps backwards. Perhaps I didn't feel completely ready, or maybe the act had meant something special to me. Something I wasn't completely ready to indulge with anyone yet.

Finally, we pulled away breathless and his lips were at my ear, whispering. "He may be your first, but I intend to be your last."

^.^

Leaving on Monday was hard. This time, Lucien didn't take no for answer and he drove me to the airport. I had only packed one bag since this case shouldn't be too long. The airport we had to meet at was more like an airplane bunker. It was small and intimate. Once we entered the main entrance and checked in my bags, Lucien and I stood before the boarding gates.

"Stay safe," he dipped his head low and captured my lips in a sweet kiss. "Did you bring your medication?"

"I did" I breathed, leaning in and embracing him. "Thank you for seeing me off."

"Call me if you need anything," Lucien whispered into my ear. "And I mean, anything."

"Lucien," I pulled away, placing a hand on his strong jaw. "I will. Try to stay sane for me, okay?"

From under my palm, I felt a smile form on his face. Hazel eyes lifted to something - someone - behind us. I followed his gaze, lowering my hand.

Naru and Lin had stepped into our line of view, walking towards the awaiting lobby. I glanced at Lucien, who looked at me warily. "I'll miss you." He said.

After some final parting words, I made my way towards the waiting terminal. I had never taken any kind of flight before, so I was instantly excited, and nervous. I couldn't help but admit taking a chartered flight was kind of cool.

One point for Naru.

Awaiting at the same terminal were Masako and Ayako - the latter was grinning like a cat as I approached them.

"You sure have grown up," she noted. "I didn't think I'd ever see such public displays of affection from you. And with such a hottie of a boyfriend." Ayako peeked around me, as if to check out the departing figure of Lucien.

"Shut up, Ayako," I blushed. "It's been four years, of course I would have a boyfriend."

She chuckled, "I wonder how Bou-san will take this rejection."

"Oh stop," I tried to frown, but a smile was tugging at the corners of my lips.

Masako had watched us banter before asking, "Does Naru know?"

I clutched my small carry-on purse. "Naru doesn't have to know. What I do with whom is none of his business." I didn't want to bother explaining that Naru had paid me a surprise visit and met Lucien first hand.

"Tell me all about your new beau," Bou-san turned the corner. I glared at Ayako, who had grinned at me while she put away her phone. She had likely texted him while I was speaking to Masako.

I groaned out loud, "you guys, is this how the whole ride is going to be?"

Bou-san grinned, answering for them. "Yep."

^.^

The chartered plane wasn't, by any means, high-class. The plane was small, maybe nine or so people could fit into it. But, I had to admit it was nice to have the entire cabin to ourselves. Unlike what I imagined most planes would be like, the interior was cozy. The large reclining chairs were worn, but they were in groups of four and faced one another.

Very intimate, I thought as Ayako, Bou-san, Masako and I took four seats facing each other. Lin and Naru took the furthest away from us. Typical.

My stomach was queasy for the take-off. it was my first time in a plane, so I was staring intently out the window, my face pressed against the glass as I watched the world fly from under us.

Bou-san teased me the entire time. "I'm surprised for your first flight, you're not nauseous." He said. "The first time I travelled to Europe, I got so sick from the take-off. It was the worst twenty-two hour flight of my life." Even though he said that, Bou-san chuckled at the memory.

"You've travelled to Europe?" I blinked at him. He and Ayako sat in front of Masako and me. "I can't believe your band is that that big now."

Ayako agreed in a condescending voice, "It's kind of like we're sitting in the presence of someone who is actually famous."

Masako and I shared a look, half smiling. Bou-san lurched in his seat towards Ayako, who grinned beside him. "That's what I've been telling you all along! We're big now, especially over there. Don't get me wrong, touring Asia has been great. But the sights in the West are spectacular."

Ayako settled into her seat, crossing her arms. "It sounds better than being cooped up in a hospital all day."

Bou-san waved a hand. "Maybe one day, I'll let you ladies tour with us." He grinned at us, then turned to Ayako. "That's if you can get the time off to travel, now-a-days, being a big-shot-Doc, and all." In retaliation, Ayako did the most adult thing she could have to respond to Bou-san. She stuck her tongue out at him.

I watched the exchange, not sure if I would get a headache after too much of this, or if I would thoroughly enjoy myself. A small part of me felt...left out that I didn't know Bou-san was travelling, or where he was going. But, seeing as Ayako didn't either, I felt a bit better and settled myself.

"Speaking of, you've been travelling overseas too, haven't you Masako?" Ayako looked across the cabin. Masako nodded, politely.

She said to us, "I've been asked to appear on American television shows for the past year."

"Wow," I breathed. "What about school?"

"The Institution has been kind enough to allow me to do online courses, I'll have to finish up some classes during the summer." She explained. I was impressed, and almost awestruck. I made a mental note to try and find these American shows that she was in.

Bou-san gazed at me, "what about you Mai? What kind of things have you been up to?"

Now, all of them focused on me. A deep-rooted part of me suddenly felt like he was listening too. As if the whole cabin was waiting to hear how I had fared the last four years. I felt that deep anxiety inhibit my speech. Part of me felt like they didn't deserve to know what was happening in my life right at all. I wanted to bark at them, to yell, that it didn't matter what I was doing, just like how I reacted to Masako asking about if Naru knew about Lucien.

I reminded myself of how nice it felt to be with them, to talk with them again. I tried to calm down that relentless fury, in which I had began using as my defense mechanism. I felt my lips tremble as I regained my composure, smiling. "Well, I'm in school now, getting an Education degree. I've been working for Father Toujo at the Church."

I stopped to think of anything exciting that has happened to me within these last four years. I hadn't travelled the world, or worked at a fancy doctors office. I don't even think I've went to a doctor's office in the last four years for any kind of accident… which was kind of a miracle in itself.

The last four years… all I did was try to put the pieces of my life back together again. The shattered bits of me that these people didn't even care about. While they were travelling, and making television appearances… I had spiralled deeply into the dark side of despair. Even though, it really wasn't their fault... I couldn't see reason though, not when I felt that dark mood threaten to take hold.

Perhaps Bou-san sensed my unease, which is why he changed the subject so abruptly. I didn't know what they were talking about anymore, I only knew that they had stopped asking me questions. Slowly, I got up, excusing myself to the bathroom.

I needed to be alone, but with nowhere to go… I cooped up in the cramped space.

Beneath my skin, I felt a relenting icy-fire that stormed under my veins. That light feeling I had felt moments ago was gone, as if it were made of dust and mist. That feeling was frozen from the blistering cold now coursing through my body.

All that was left was my broken, black soul.

I was shaking so hard, it took me a while to dig through my purse and find the small razor blade I had brought. Thankfully, the charter had limited security and the metal detector hadn't picked up the fragment of blade.

Lifting my shirt, I inhaled sharply at the first slice of flesh.

Everything disappeared around me, except for the feel of the blade on my skin. I covered my mouth, to stop myself from yelping out loud. I counted in my head, trying to focus my breathing, and timed the cutting to my heartbeat.

I don't know how much time had passed, all that mattered was the relentless sting of the blade slicing into my skin. Over and over and over.

Someone knocked, "Mai, are you okay in there?" Bou-san asked from the door.

I let out an evaporative breath, not realizing I had started crying during the carnage. "I'm fine." I said in a shaky voice, lowering my hand from my mouth and gripping my bleeding waist. "Just a little sick." I lied, evenly.

Ayako was at the door, "I have some meds if you want. It'll make you feel a little better."

I held my bleeding side, shaking. "Okay, I'll be right out."

"Take your time," she said in a sweet voice. I stood for ten seconds, controlling my breathing, forcing my shaking shoulders to relax. Luckily, I wore a dark colored shirt and hoped no blood would show through it. It would have to do until I was at the hotel and could change.

Slowly, I started the sink, sticking the blade and my hands under the running water.

I watched the water turn red, washing the shame and guilt down with it.

^.^

Ayako gave me meds to help with my "airsickness". It had been the longest hour of my life. Being sick though, gave me the excuse to stick my face towards the window and just stare out.

When we landed, I remained in that dark mood and unable to shake it. Waiting at the airport, were two large, black SUV's for the team. Lin, Bou-san and Naru loaded the equipment into one of the SUV's. It was later claimed by Naru and Lin. I thought, coldly, that being in a car with them would probably be better than being with Bou-san, Ayako and Masako. Lin and Naru would not make small talk. They would let me relish in their silence.

Uncharastically, I wandered over to Lin and Naru, who started boarding the vehicle. Naru propped himself against the passenger seat.

"Can I ride with you?" I looked at the ground as Naru stopped mid-motion. I felt his eyes on me, watching. "I just need to -" I couldn't finish that sentence because I honestly had no idea what to say without confiding too much. I looked up at him, those blue eyes were coolly regarding me.

I felt like an injured animal, being analyzed for the extent of damage. "Never mind," I said harshly and went to turn away.

"You can sit in the front," he said as he climbed out of the passenger seat. I turned back around and watched him gracefully slide into the tight spot in the back, packed with equipment.

I didn't bother to say anything as I climbed into the SUV and stared out the window. Coming into this vehicle was the only way I felt like I could somehow escape the questions, and the comments. I knew I couldn't hide from the three of them for the whole trip, but after the plane ride…

I would tell them, later, that I wanted time alone with Naru. I would tell them that I wanted to talk about Gene, and ask how he was handling things. None of them would have the courage to ask him themselves, so I hoped that it would be a solid plan.

Gene.

I hadn't said that name in nearly four years. That was another reason my powers felt like a curse. Once Naru left, so did the visits with Gene.

Maybe I wouldn't have become such a mess if I could have seen him. With a face that was exactly like Naru's, maybe he would soothe something that broke deep within me.

Instead, his absence was suffocating. That darkness that I found myself in every time I tried to contact him swallowed me whole.

And I don't think I ever got out.

^.^

Just as I thought, the ride with Lin and Naru was quiet. They didn't speak, except for directions. It was kind of unnerving, and I wondered how often they would go in each others company without saying a single word to each other. To be frank, it was kind of weird.

We made it to the hotel, which wasn't too out of shape. It was actually quite nice. I found that Biei had so far been beautiful. We rarely had cases in the outdoors, so it was refreshing to take in the wilderness.

Naru checked us in swiftly, in the lobby he gave us strict instructions: We'll meet in an hour to go over how to smudge outside, at the back of the hotel. Don't be late.

Ayako, Masako and I shared a room, naturally. Bou-san had his own room until Yasu and John showed up in a couple of days. Then, Lin and Naru shared a room.

"Feeling better?" Ayako asked as she set down her bag, claiming one of the beds. Masako claimed the second and I was stuck on the futon. I had just finished coming out of the bathroom, where I changed my shirt and rinsed the dried blood off my skin.

"Much better, thank you," I smiled through the rising temper. I dug through my bag, looking for my medication. I wouldn't take it out in front of them, but I wanted to make sure that I had it. Checking my watch, it was almost time to take them, anyways. Maybe that's why I had been feeling so...off.

"Good," Ayako said, oblivious to me. I watched them from the corner of my eye and when I thought they weren't looking, I snuck the pills into my palm. Quietly, I closed the lid on the bottles and stuffed the pills into my pocket.

"I'm going to check out what kind of food they have," I announced when I finished unpacking. "Would you like anything?" I truly hoped that they wouldn't offer to go with me.

"No thanks," Ayako declined.

"I'm alright, Mai. But Thank you." Masko said, equally as polite.

I nodded, leaving the room. Outside, I sighed deeply. I hoped that my bad mood would go away when I took the medication. They were suppose to numb these feelings...not intensify them.

I wandered the halls, staring at the lines of doors and wondered which room he was in.

Just as quickly as the thought hit me, I shoved it away.

Who cares anyways.

I roamed to the very end of the hallway, opening a glass door that I realized was the entrance to the dining area. The restaurant wasn't very big; there was a large bar to the far side and small tables lined the centre, booths lined the walls.

Sitting in one of the booths was Naru.

I had hoped he didn't see me. But, I felt his eyes on me the moment I wondered in. I knew he wouldn't have cared if I had turned around and stormed away...but my legs moved on their own and I found myself standing at his table.

He eyed me the entire time, "can I help you?"

I was aware this was the second time I caught him off guard today.

"Mind if I sit?" I grounded out. Naru gestured to the seat across from him and I sat promptly.

I didn't know what to do with my hands. Or what to say. So, I continued looking down at the table, picking up the menu..

"Are you just going to sit there with that stupid look on your face?" Naru's harsh voice cut towards me and I put the menu down, roughly. He was such a jerk.

I glared at him. "Excuse me, I was trying to be considerate. You don't have to be so rude." Well, there went the attempt at controlling my temper.

"I thought you were trying to avoid me," he wiped his mouth with a napkin, finishing with his meal. I realized that this was the first time I had ever seen Naru eat food, or at least, actually saw the leftover remnants of food in front of him.

I huffed out a breath. "Naru, not everything revolves around you."

Naru smirked at me, but didn't say anything when the waiter came to collect his plates. He was so smug, so damn arrogant. Something inside me swirled at the way he regarded everything, utterly poised and collected. I realized I could never be like that, even if I tried.

"Would you like anything, miss?" The older gentlemen asked. Frantically, I looked at the appetizers.

"Uh, can I get the Miso Soup?"

"Right away, miss." He politely collected my menu, and filled my glass with water.

As I drank from it, I noticed Naru watching me. "You've lost weight."

I put down my glass. "People tend to do that." I snapped.

I had lost weight though, and a lot of it when I was first diagnosed. Along the way, I developed an eating disorder, which was another side-effect of the pills. After a while, I started to eat normally again. But, I still hadn't recovered that lost weight, which was another reason I liked to wear jeans and T-shirts. They helped add bulk to my already small figure, and they didn't draw attention to my too-thin waist, legs or arms.

It bothered me that Naru noticed it, of all people...but Naru noticed everything.

We stayed silent. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, yet I didn't. Who cares anyways? Besides, he was doing a good job at ruining any control I had. But, for some reason… these feelings of anger and frustration were better than the dread and despair. It was easy to act like this to Naru, mostly because he wasn't like the others. He wouldn't take it personally. I couldn't help but think that, maybe, I wanted to be with him. To banter with him.

Maybe, he let me lash out at him.

He was your first love.

I pushed those thoughts aside. Beyond them, there were so many burning questions I had; I wanted to ask him how things were in England. I wanted to ask about Gene, and if he saw him - if he moved on.

As I struggled to find a topic to bring up, my soup came and Naru finished up with the bill - adding my own order to his.

When he was done, Naru stood, collecting his elegant jacket.

"Wait," I crooked. Indigo blue eyes stared at me. I know I had been a jerk to him. But..I didn't want him to leave. It was confusing that the only person who seemed to calm this relentless storm within me… was him.

"Speak English to me," I asked softly. "Please."

Naru stared at me, "You wouldn't be able to understand a word I'm saying."

I just wanted to hear it. It didn't matter that my English sucked. I was practically illiterate in the foreign language.

I nodded anyways, aware that this feeling...was rejection. That's just what Naru did, I guess. He would always reject me.

"Nevermind," I picked up my spoon. "Forget I asked."

From in front of me, Naru leaned down. He placed his hand on the table and my gaze followed his black-clothed arm, up into those beautiful eyes. His beautiful face.

"I should have come back."

The words were so foreign. For a moment, had I not noticed his lips moving, I wouldn't have even thought he said anything. Naru held my stare, and even though I didn't understand the language...the look in his eyes and the sound of his voice… it made my heart ache.

From behind me, I hadn't noticed Lin approach us until he reached the table. The older man looked at Naru, who stood straight again. I gulped at the sudden change in intensity.

"Good afternoon, Mai," Lin greeted me. "Feeling better?" I shyly nodded back. Lin didn't answer me and instead turned to face Naru.

"We'll be meeting soon," he reminded Naru. Though, I'm sure Naru didn't need to be reminded at all. He had an internal clock like that.

Naru looked at his partner. Something unspoken flashed between them and Naru didn't say anything as he turned smoothly. The two of them walked back towards the lobby.

^.^