"Now, today-today is gonna be a tough one

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters.

AUTHORS NOTE: Well, this is not gonna be a three shot, but a more shot. My muse is in many directions these days and this is one of them. I hope things aren't too AU yet, but believable. I really do like the characters as they are. It's the only reason I'll start a fan fic. Love character driven pieces.

Also, if you see something that is not correct, drop me a line. I have not watched all of the episodes, but I hope to some day. I'm going with what I know of the story and that is not everything.

WARNING: Curse words and a big honken' load of angst. Un-beta'd, so we got a universe of mistakes kids. Don't zat me. At least not twice.

Teyla's Choice (cont.)

by Anne Pendragon

"Now, today-today is gonna be a tough one." Boy who was he kidding? "I'm not going to lie to you and say it aint, because I've been to my fare few of these things in both galaxies and this one is going to be especially tough. I know…" John Sheppard shifted the cooing bundle against his shoulder and got a tuft of his own hair pulled for the trouble.

"Hey buddy, I got enough trouble in the hair department, as it is!" John gently disengaged Torrens strong grasp from his locks and rubbed the child's soft dusky skin getting a gleeful "Squeeeee!" in response. Served him right for avoiding another hair cut.

"Shhh! We're letting your Mama sleep, so shush." John whispered into the child's dark hair as he brought them further out onto Teyla's balcony and sat on the bench by the rail.

The baby had been awake for the better part of fifteen minutes, John a great deal longer. It could only have been the baby or a Wraith attack that would have removed John from the wonderful place he'd found himself this morning.

When he had first woken, he swore he was still drifting in one of his more favorable dreams, one of the ones that ended with Teyla waking in his arms. And as corny and clichéd as it would have sounded to John a lifetime ago, he found himself watching the woman he loved sleep and was damned if he didn't feel like the first man to come up with the wonderful past-time.

In the end it was Torren's fussings that brought John back to the darker side of reality and filled him with some of his old fears and guilt that had never quite left, but it also filled him with purpose. Today they were burying the boy's father and the man who'd been special enough to once have the view that was now John's this morning.

John had fought off the urge to pull Teyla back into his arms. In his sleepy haze, he yearned to feel her skin under his hand and smell her hair. He wanted to feel the weight of her body against him, to allow another of his fantasies come to life…

'But this day isn't about me.' He had to do right by them—all of them—today. So stealthfully extricating himself from Teyla's side; he gathered her waking son before she woke...

"Your Mom's a pretty tough lady. Never doubt that." John tried using his best command voice but failed when the boy's dark eyes mirthfully looked into his. "But you're gonna have to be strong for her today. I'll always have your back in that department, but your still gonna have to hold up your end. So just try being a little sparing with the high pitched screaming and the care packages today, alright?" John smirked when Torren John giggled with glee, but soon found his humor fade. This funeral had brought about some of his own not so distant memories.

"I never had the chance to let my dad know…" John trailed off a moment and cleared his throat. "I left a lot of important things unsaid between me and my dad—things I should have said."

Pulling the child closer into his chest, he tenderly held the bare little back in his broad hand, allowing the boy to grab at his jaw and chin. For a moment he just watched the child in silent wonderment. 'Did Dad feel this way when he held me?'

"I guess what I'm saying is your dad loved you and he knew you loved him back. Maybe the vocab wasn't there…" John grinned sadly at his own small joke "But you let him know and that's what counts in the end. So no regrets, okay? You did good." Some of the gruff commanding officer came back to his voice.

Within the reach of John's voice, Teyla stood very much awake and in awe of the man freely showing his love and care for her son. She'd felt him leave her bed earlier and heard him take her son out doors.

She'd be lying that she wasn't worried how this morning's light would shine upon the start of this new and real thing that her and John had begun only hours before. A small piece of her felt fearful that she had done something wrong in asking him to stay in her bed the night before her ex-lover's funeral. Was she being dishonorable? Had she pushed this still un-consummated union too fast? Had she pushed John too much? 'But wasn't it he who came to your door?'

So when she got up to check on John and her son, caution kept her silent at the door. But love was now what kept her there. Watching the painfully private man she loved bond with her son had truly stolen her heart and belied some of her fears. Everything was as it should be.

So wiping away happy tears, Teyla stepped back into her quarters not letting the moment be interrupted or her presence be known to John. Although his heart felt words had warmed her own heart, she could feel just by the timber of his voice that his words came from a private and still open wound within him. Since knowing John, she'd seen in him so many such wounds—too many she believed.

'But he is telling someone this time.' she smiled sadly as she began to prepare for the difficult day to come with a small measure of hope.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

John left Teyla's quarters after she joined him and Torren, dressed in a simple white dress that her culture dictated for the day ahead. He could not help but smile at her beauty.

'Hell, she'd be beautiful in a burlap bag.' John had prejudicially thought when she warmly smiled back, taking her son gently from his arms. For the briefest moments, John felt uncertain of his place or how to act, but that moment was brief, indeed. Quickly, she had leaned up to his head and he brought his head down upon hers, a greeting, a good morning, a reminder of friendship and unity. The simple act relieved him beyond words. And then with his eyes still closed and a smile upon his face, he felt her soft tentative kiss. Warm and brief, but oh so welcome, that kiss clung to him through out the rest of his day.

The rest of John's day, as it turned out, went off relatively peaceable by Johns' standards. And uneventful as long as you didn't count the small series of pyrotechnic like explosions on the southern end of the city followed by a resounding "sorry" shouted over the com by Dr. Zelenka and Rodney…

"Come on Woolsey." The Lt. Colonel attempted his charm smile and spiel as they left a smoldering south pier and a bickering pack of scientists and Marines trying to figure out the cleanup of what the latest technological discovery had left behind. "Compared to the rest of this week that was relatively uneventful, slightly eventful at best by Atlantis standards."

The frazzled and not enthused commander of Atlantis did not look convinced as he turned to glare at the Lt. Colonel and continued towards the go cart like vehicle they recently come upon and Rodney had dubbed 'gate cars' since he hadn't been aloud to name the Jumpers.

"I told ya." John continued, his words aggravatingly peppy with Sheppard logic. "The real emergencies are just best left to be measured on a sliding scale. Saves on the ulcers…"

"I'll take that under advisement." Woolsey started the small vehicle and was about to pull away.

"That reminds me, I need this evening off." John strode up to the side of the 'gate car'. "I'm taking the Jumper through to Athos for the funeral…"

"And who will be taking your shift? You had a double today."

"Loren agreed on the second half. The city will be in good hands."

"Dr. McKay, Dr. Keller and Ronon are also going?"

John silently nodded his head and the two men settled into a momentary silence that told John the ex-bureaucrat had something to say.

"I have already expressed my condolences to Teyla and her family, along with the Athosian people." John nodded his head again. "I understand that this incident was very difficult on both you and Ms. Emmagon. The fact that she had to kill the father of her child to save your life and there is still the question as to why you allowed yourself to be caught in such a position…"

"Our team has not been compromised." John ground out, his eyes narrowed. "Teyla and I are fine or at least we will be. Ask her yourself."

"I did and she said something along the same lines. She was actually very angry that I would think she would have any ill will towards yourself or our expedition. She was rather clear headed about the incident and deferred all fault and upset towards the hybrid Michael."

John silently nodded his head. He had expected Teyla's reaction, but it still surprised him to know she did not blame him even when he still blamed himself. "See, I told you." John finally spoke after a delayed reaction to the information. Something the other man caught.

Richard Woolsey quietly eyed the fairly young Lt. Colonel, weighing the things—the precious few things he really knew about the man and then some of the hypotheses' he had regarding the relationship between Lt. Col. John Sheppard and the Athosian. Whatever their relationship was at this time, neither individual had ever wavered in their dedication to the expedition or to one another. If anything it was the closeness of the Lt. Colonels team that had helped save Atlantis and each other's lives time and again.

Woolsey removed his glassed and begun to clean then on his sleeve, before placing them back on his face. There were some things Richard Woolsey had learned the hard way in this new, wondrous and often deadly galaxy. First, anything or almost anything goes and don't fix what is not broken.

"I see." Woolsey nodded, finishing his mental assessment and found things status quo—for now. "Then just make sure you have the Jumper back before morning…"

"I'll have it gassed up, Dad." John smirked.

Woolsey quirked his bow and then shook his head before starting up the vehicle. "This day will be considered far more eventful in my report, Lt. Colonel."

"Tell command it was unforeseen circumstances." John nonchalantly tossed out. "Did you expect that new doodad of McKay's to blow up today? Someday yes—but today?" Sheppard asked cheekily. With that, Woolsey turned his back and was gone with the hum of an engine.

John could not help but smile after the man's retreat. He and some of the other military personnel had their laugh at the man, especially in the beginning, but the guy meant well and he more often than not got the big picture when the shit hit the fan. But his learning curve for dealing with days like this… 'He'll adapt. I hope.' No one, especially him, was anxious in breaking in another expedition leader anytime soon.

Choosing to walk back into the city, John could not help but think of how they had all learned to deal with the 'average days' around this place. He'd found himself re-defining normal on a daily basis and found an endless supply of things he could place under the odd or the downright scary and even those things seemed normal after a while.

With his and his planets basic beliefs being challenged everyday, John reached out to the mundane in life to dull the blow of his own rapid 'adaption'. From golf strokes off the balconies, taped Super Bowls and 'the man in black', the everyday things kept him sane along with the people who shared the everyday with him. That was his normal, they were his normal.

Rodney's incessant yammering about everything and anything challenged John and in a way allowed the 'smart' part of him feel normal. Something he'd never felt comfortable doing. Something he'd never tell Rodney. He'd also never tell the scientist how the man's ability to always be hungry or annoyed or arrogant or brave and selfless in a pinch was an ode to normal in its own special way.

And Ronon—Ronon's silent but telling companionship around the city or in the field. Another male he could grunt at or not even say a word to and they understood the other just fine. And then there was the ex-runners knowing smirk he'd always sport when he knew something the rest of the world hadn't caught onto yet. Braun never equaled stupid in Johns book. Ronon was a scholar among the manly men of the universe.

Then there was Teyla…

Even before last night, her touch was all it took to take all the odd and the insane and the scary and make it all seem bearable. He'd come to depend on her being there, even when he was in a place where he didn't want to be reached. It was the way she looked at him when she knew he knew he was wrong, but she was there for him anyway. It was how she understood him even though she grew up in a animal skin hut under fear of death and he grew up with a silver spoon wedged down his throat. Even the way she kicked his ass with those batons and then stole all his popcorn on the elusive movie or game night made him feel like the most normal and luckiest man in the galaxy.

'Damn, Sheppard. Love making you a sentimental sap or what…' John shook his head at himself and grinned. He'd made it back into the inner section of the city and was close to the lifts to the command center.

"Sheppard"

"Ronon." John jumped a little, stirred from his thoughts and quickly smiled at the towering Satedan, nodding in the direction of the lift. He was still too preoccupied to notice Ronon's all seeing smirk.

"Went looking for you earlier this morning to go for a jog." Ronon's voice a quiet but inquisitive sounding rumble.

"Yeah, I had to take care of a couple of things earlier this morning…" John began.

"You mean late." Ronon barked knowingly. "Finished up my run under the residential section, near the mess…"

"Under Teyla's balcony." John finished, looking at his friend cautiously. "I can explain…"

Ronon again smirked, this time at his friends unnecessary bought of nerves. Ronon stepped into the lift and John followed.

"Don't have to. You love her. And the kid. Figured sooner or later you'd figure she felt the same."

John's mouth dropped open and then closed again just as the lift closed, reminding Ronon of a fish Carson once caught. His friend was too easy.

"You knew!" John's voice rose.

"I knew about you too. Didn't see me spilling your business around the place." Ronon raised a challenging brow.

John pointed his finger and then lowered it. He couldn't argue Ronon's logic. The guy was one hell of a secret keeper.

"John, don't sweat it. I'm just happy for my friends. Really." Ronon crossed his long arms over his chest and leaned back. "And the way I look at it, it's about damn time some of us saw some happiness."

John smiled at that, but the smile didn't last. Ronon had something to say to that too.

"I know you and her got some junk still hanging over ya with what happened to Kanann, but you two being there for one another, that aint gonna change." Teyla's choice that day never once came as a surprise to Ronon Dex. He knew his friends. Knew how people saw and protected what was really important to them. Hell, the fact Teyla had given John the honor of sharing her babies name meant a lot from where she came from. Meant a lot from where most of them came from.

Ronon took a deep breath and seriously eyed one of the few men left in the galaxy that he respected and believed in fully. It wasn't surprising him that John was making this thing with Teyla more complicated then it had to be. Dangerous tactical situations, John simplified with skill and speed. Anything that had to do with the stuff inside of him or other people…

"John, when things are nuts, the two of you have always pulled each other up. I don't see where any of that is different now. Maybe just better now that the two of you aren't lying to yourselves or each other anymore. And as for other people…" Ronon shrugged. "If it's gonna be a problem, it's theirs."

John looked at his friend, not just amazed that it was one of the longest speeches the big man had ever given, but it was on the subject of love. The lift door opened to the busy sounds of the working city and Ronon stepped out.

"You coming Sheppard?"

John stepped out into the bustling hall, continuing to stare at his friend. The runner had just given him a get out of guilt free card or at least get out of some of it, and he wasn't sure what to say.

"Yeah, I'm with ya." Falling in step with his smug looking friend, he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Did I ever tell you you remind me of a real popular doctor back on Earth, name of Phil…?"

TBC.