Frozen in time.

I was sitting in the kitchen with my head slumped over the counter and my eyes shut. Sleeping at Melina's feet with Gizmo kneading my stomach & face left me sleepless. I could feel my eyelids weighing at least a thousand pounds. I eventually let sleep take over and soon I was asleep, drifting into a dream.

The hallways that leads to the rampway, is always dark. This time however it was purple-like essence. There was no sound of anything, in fact the silence was deafening. Just as quick as I had got a glimpse of the scene, John can strolling up beside me. His right arm weaving it's way across the small of my back and resting on my hip. He leaned down to my height and whispered, "Finally." Then the smell of coffee became overwhelming and the beep of a coffee maker caused me to wake up.

"Nattie, if you're tired you can go lay down and sleep." Melina was wide awake and stirring creamer into her mug. Her eyes combed over my weary face.

"No, I'll be okay. I'll just get to bed sooner tonight, maybe sleep on the couch."

"Oh. I guess we could go out and by you your own bed today. You game?" I hesitated to answer, solely because buying my own bed meant no one else would sleep in it just me.

"I could run out on my own. You & JoMo can hang out." Her expression told me she hoped I would say that but she wanted to be a good friend non the less.

I was driving in downtown L.A. It was so vastly different than what I was used to. Finally I found a furniture store and pulled in. In the lobby (which smelled like cherries..) I removed my sunglasses and rang the little silver bell on the counter. A slender woman with raven hair answered the call.

"May I help you?"

"Yes I need a mattress and a bed frame."

"Tell me a size and your preferences and write your name and address. Then I can ring you up." I took my sweet time filling out the paper. When I finally finished and payed, I felt the little pang of hunger deep in my stomach. I got back in the car and sort of drifted to a deli.

I finally settled on just a turkey salad sandwich and seated myself with my back to the window. I was half way done with my meal when the little ping of the bell on the door sounded. It felt normal, it was just another customer who was hungry like me. A strange feeling over came me. The warm air from outside brisked by me and I heard a man's deep voice ask for a turkey salad and a medium water. I wanted to look but I told myself not to. The only other man I ever knew to eat that sandwich was Tyson. He wouldn't be here, he couldn't be. Even if he was he would have saw me when he walked in. I heard the man take his bag of food and sit straight across from me. He unfolded the paper wrapped encasing the sandwich and grumbled. Then it got quiet. A mere five seconds after the silence, I felt a tingle on my ear. I thought my hair had just slipped a little and reached to fix it. When my hand came up to brush the hair away, I found a hand. A masculine hand. I slowly turned to face the hands on man. There was John. Just standing there like it was the must normal thing. His hands slip across my cheek and somewhat measured my cheek bone.

"Nattie." He whispered.

"John?" My voice was hoarse and broke a little. He smiled and pulled up a chair next to me. He swallowed hard and his eyes were watery. I felt weird not knowing why he was upset.

"Are you okay?" I was whispering now.

"I-I never guessed you would be here. Is Tyson with you?" There's a name I wanted John to mention.

"no. We're not together anymore."

"Oh." That felt better to say than to think about. He reached across the table and took my hand, "I don't know any other way to say this.. Nattie I really, truly love you. Ever since I met you, I knew you were meant for me. I know it seems to soon. I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I waited for you, hoping something would happen. That's terrible but, I needed you."

"I don't know John. You mean there's no one in your life?"

"No one." And so the game begins. I closed my eyes fighting word vomit or even real vomit. I needed John just as much. There I sat before a man so many women wanted. He wanted me. And I just sat there with my eyes closed trying not to throw up. I was frozen in time. Trying to tear apart everything and just live in the moment. Only I couldn't say a thing.