This oneshot isn't quite smut but it's certainly not PG. You've been warned.
I forgot the disclaimer again last chapter (because I'm trash), so:
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Cassandra Clare. The only thing I own is the plot line.
Now onto the story! :)
Alec Lightwood loved his family. He really did. Even on their worst days, they were able to accept and appreciate each other for their many, many differences (well, for the most part).
However, there was one habit that all the Lightwoods seemed to have in common: the inability to knock before entering a room. This habit didn't bother Alec until he started dating a very adventurous and sexually active warlock. Nowadays, it was a habit he really wished the rest of his family would break.
Because of this habit (and much to the distress of all parties involved), every single Lightwood had walked in on Alec and Magnus in some sort of compromising position at some point or another.
July 27, 2008: Robert
It was Isabelle's seventeenth birthday, and for reasons that Alec still didn't fully understand, their parents had decided it appropriate to throw her a massive and elegant party at the Institute. Isabelle, of course, had no objections to a celebration in her honor, and that's how Alec ended up in the Institute's ballroom, listening to his father toast to his sister.
To his parents credit, no expense had been spared. The room was decked out in luxurious drapes, colorful flowers, and detailed glasswork. They were being served the finest champagne along with all of Izzy's favorite foods; the dress code was unsurprisingly black tie. It was certainly a spectacular gathering; it was just rather over the top.
"She's turning seventeen, correct?" Magnus whispered to Alec during the applause after Robert's toast. They had been standing by a table near the entrance while steadily drinking their champagne for quite some time now, and they were both feeling a bit buzzed.
Alec nodded in response to the question. Magnus looked puzzled.
"It's not even a major birthday," he said, taking another sip of his drink. "She won't be an adult for another year. Did they ever throw you a party like this?"
Alec shook his head. Realizing that he wasn't painting the best picture of his parents, he added, "Admittedly, I never wanted one. I'm sure they knew that."
"I didn't even have a birthday party of this status when I turned one-hundred," Magnus mused.
They both finished their glasses, still pondering this peculiar celebration.
Magnus turned to his boyfriend, a gleam in his eyes. He spoke in a low voice, "Is there anywhere we can go to do...well, do something a tad more fun than just standing here questioning the caliber of this occasion?"
"Do you mean..?" Alec raised an eyebrow at Magnus, who rolled his eyes.
"Is there anywhere we can go to have sex?"
Alec blushed. "I think the kitchen should be clear..."
Two minutes later the couple was kissing feverishly against the counters, hands roaming each other's bodies. Alec hopped up on the countertop as Magnus shrugged off his suit jacket. Their mouths connected again, a mixture of lips, teeth, and tongue.
Alec unbuttoned most of Magnus's shirt to expose his neck where he began sucking and biting, certainly leaving a mark or two. Alec bit down hard on Magnus's sweet spot and was rewarded with a loud moan of his name.
They were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Magnus immediately began to button up his shirt and turned around while Alec slid off the counter.
"Dad," he said, completely mortified. "I-"
"Alexander, it is your sister's birthday," Robert interrupted with a stone-cold face. "It would be in your best interest to rejoin the party and stay away from our kitchen."
Alec opened his mouth to respond, then-seemingly thinking better of it-closed it and silently stalked out of the room, swiftly followed by Magnus.
February 3, 2009: Jace
Looking back on it, Alec realized that this incident was really their own fault. He should've seen it coming, given the circumstances.
It was eight in the morning-a fairly normal time for Alec to be awake. Shadowhunters tend to rise early.
Warlocks, however, seem to enjoy sleeping until the sun is already high in the sky. Unfortunately for Magnus, he had an appointment at 9:30 that couldn't be arranged any other time.
"Magnus," Alec murmured, gently shaking his boyfriend awake. "You have to get up or you're going to be late."
The warlock groaned and buried his face in the pillow. "Don't wanna," he muttered, waving Alec away in his half-asleep state.
"Magnus Bane, if you do not get up right now I promise I will give all your makeup products to Isabelle," Alec threatened.
Magnus moaned but sat up begrudgingly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "I'm up. Please don't give my highly-expensive products to your sister."
Alec scoffed. "It's not like you actually paid for any of it."
"I object to your accusation," Magnus replied, yawning and stretching his long arms above his head. ALec rolled his eyes.
"So where's Wonder Boy?" Magnus asked with a raised eyebrow. "Aren't you usually doing...something with him at this absurdly early hour of the morning?"
"I sent Jace on a coffee run," Alec responded. "You're welcome."
Jace had been staying in Magnus and Alec's guest bedroom for a few days. Maryse and Robert had wanted Jace and Isabelle out of the Institute while they prepared for an upcoming Shadowhunting convention (Magnus had previously had no idea that those existed). Originally, Jace was supposed to stay with Clary, and Isabelle was supposed to stay with Alec and Magnus, but Jocelyn decided at the last minute she still wasn't comfortable with Jace and Clary staying under the same roof, so Jace and Isabelle had swapped, much to Jace's dismay.
"I'm going to take a shower," Alec said, walking towards the bathroom.
"I'll join you," Magnus spoke, finally getting out of bed.
Alec gave him a look. "Magnus, I have to meet up with my parents to talk about the convention in forty minutes. I kind of have to hurry."
Magnus raised his hands in defense. "With my makeup and hair, I'm short on time as well. No funny business, I swear. Fair?"
Alec shrugged and went to turn on the shower.
Alec was rather fond of their bathroom. It wasn't particularly big, but it was practical. There wasn't a bathtub (which Alec assumed was due to Magnus's dislike of being submerged in water), but the shower was huge. Translucent from the waist-down, the glass shower took up nearly a third of the bathroom. The sink (annoyingly cluttered with Magnus's products) and toilet were across from the shower.
Alec slid open the shower door and stepped into the spray, allowing the warm water to loosen his tense muscles. He closed his eyes and hummed in contentment, feeling Magnus's presence beside him.
Alec grabbed his generic shampoo from the shower caddy and squirted some in his hands, quickly rubbing it into his hair.
"I still can't believe you use that cheap shit from Walmart," Magnus said to him with a sigh. "It's going to ruin your hair."
Alec shrugged. "Your stuff makes my hair feel weird."
Magnus let out a short laugh, pulling Alec against him. "It makes your hair feel healthy."
Alec couldn't help but grin at his boyfriend's teasing. The taller man leaned down a tad to meet Alec's lips.
As luck would have it, it was then that the door to the bathroom opened revealing Jace. He quickly turned away, shouting, "Ah, my eyes!" and then slammed the door shut.
Alec groaned and leaned his head on Magnus's shoulder. "We weren't even doing anything!" he shouted to his parabatai.
Magnus giggled. Alec looked up at him pitifully.
"You know every time he tells that story it will become more and more exaggerated, right?"
"Yes, I know. I don't want to talk about it."
Maryse: April 12, 2009
It was a rainy Sunday morning in Brooklyn and Magnus and Alec were on their couch, watching Project Runway. More accurately, Magnus was watching Project Runway and Alec was lying with his feet on his boyfriend's lap, captivated by Chairman Meow.
"You know, sometimes I think you love my cat more than me," Magnus said in an accusatory tone during a commercial break.
"Your cat doesn't ever piss me off," Alec mused, stroking said creature's back. "And he likes me because I never forget to feed him."
"Well, that's just unfair. I am so much better to you than the Chairman," Magnus began. "And you are so full of shit. The cat pisses you off all the time."
Alec grinned slyly. "You piss me off more."
Magnus winked. "But I know how to make it up to you."
After over a year and a half of dating, Alec had managed to kick his habit of blushing at Magnus's suggestive comments (when they were alone at least. In public was an entirely different story) and he had even started playing along.
"And how would you do that?" Alec asked, feigning innocence.
Magnus smiled. "My dear Alexander, I think you know."
Alec bit his lip. "I'm pissed at you now."
"Are you? Well I guess I'll have to fix that."
Magnus crawled on top of his boyfriend and began sucking and biting at his neck, Project Runway momentarily forgotten.
Magnus bit down on Alec's collarbone, making the man shudder. Alec, tiring of the attack on his neck, placed his hands on the sides of the warlock's head, pulling him up so their lips met. Magnus nipped at Alec's bottom lip, causing Alec to gasp. Magnus used this to his advantage and allowed his tongue to explore the Shadowhunter's mouth, every part of it so familiar to him.
The universe apparently had decided that this would be a great time for someone to ring their doorbell, causing Magnus to groan in frustration and look towards the door.
Alec used this brief separation to tug his sweater off. "Ignore it," he said, reconnecting his lips with his boyfriend's. Magnus needed no more convincing, allowing his hands to run all over Alec's defined chest and stomach, ignoring the bell as it rang once again.
Alec quickly untied Magnus's silk robe and Magnus shrugged it off his shoulder, leaving him only in bright red underwear.
"Are those new?" Alec asked, sucking on the man's nipple.
"I bought it on Friday," Magnus replied with a small moan.
Alec brought his hips up to grind against the warlock. Magnus hummed in pleasure, unlatching the younger man's belt buckle and going to pop open the button on Alec's jeans.
They heard a lock turn and a door open and they both sprung up, Alec rolling over to grab a dagger from under the couch and Magnus ignited a fire in between his fingers.
"By the Angel," the dark-haired woman spoke. "I figured you were still sleeping. I-I didn't expect this."
Alec quickly buttoned up his pants and averted his eyes uncomfortably, tossing his dagger on the coffee table. Magnus cringed on behalf of his boyfriend and magicked on a pair of jeans.
"Maryse, it's always a pleasure," Magnus said to give Alec a moment to calm the reddening of his cheeks. "May I ask how you got into our home?"
Maryse held out her hand, their spare key in her palm. "I found it in your plant. For the record, that's a terrible place to hide a key. It's one of the first places people look, second only to under the doormat."
"Thank you for enlightening me," Magnus said. "I'll be sure to take that into account when I find a new place to store it."
Maryse turned to her son. "Alexander, I came here to tell you that you're needed at the Institute this afternoon. Jace told me you lost your phone in a battle last night."
Alec nodded, still refusing to look at his mother. "I'll be there. Thank you for telling me."
"I'll see you then." The woman didn't waste another second before leaving the apartment, proving that she was not as unfazed as she tried to appear.
Alec sat down on the sofa, putting his face in his hands. "Can we please just pick up where we left off so I can forget this ever happened?"
"Sure," Magnus spoke slowly, then gestured to the dagger that had been discarded on the table. "Just as soon as you tell me how many weapons you have hidden throughout our home."
Isabelle: November 17, 2009
Magnus and Alec collapsed side-by-side on the bed, both coming down from their highs.
Magnus laughed breathily. "I don't know what it is about being in your childhood bedroom that makes me so horny, but evidently it does."
The pair was staying in the Institute while their loft was being fumigated. The first two nights had been rather eventful...not that either of them were complaining. They hadn't gone at it this long this often since their trip around the world a few months into their relationship.
"It's probably some weird fetish of yours," Alec teased playfully, snuggling into the warlock's side..
"Don't even joke," Magnus groaned as he wrapped an arm around the younger man and pulled him closer. "As much as you and Wonder Boy like to comment on it, I'm not some type of pervert."
Alec kissed his boyfriend's shoulder. "I know. But you get so worked up whenever I mention it! How can I help myself?"
"I don't get pleasure from making you uncomfortable!" Magnus said indignantly.
Alec gave him a look. "You make sex jokes in front of my parents."
Magnus grinned. "Point taken. You're just too cute when you blush."
Alec rolled his eyes. "You make me sound like a bunny or something."
Magnus kissed the top of his boyfriend's head. "You're my bunny."
"If you ever call me bunny again I'm leaving you."
Magnus laughed. "Well, we can't have that. I love you too much."
Alec smiled. "I love you too."
Magnus bit his lip and twirled his fingers in Alec's hair. "You ready for round two?"
Alec laughed and swung his leg up and around so he was straddling Magnus's hips. He leaned down to meet the warlock's lips.
"Hey, Alec, do you know where Jace put Clary's-oh, shit!" Isabelle's voice sounded throughout the room.
Alec rolled off his boyfriend and buried his face in a pillow, thanking the Angel that they were covered by blankets from the waist-down.
"You guys-I was looking for-Oh my God!" Isabelle's laughter was loud, and Alec groaned into the pillow.
"Isabelle, dear," Magnus began, "as comical as you find this situation to be, I fear that if you don't leave, your brother might throw himself onto something sharp."
Isabelle left the room, doubled over with laughter that echoed behind her in the corridor.
"That's everyone," Magnus said once she was gone.
"What?" Alec propped himself up on his forearms so he could face Magnus.
"Every member of your family has walked in on us," he replied.
"By the Angel," Alec murmured. "I hadn't even thought about that. That's terrible."
"I can't say I've had this problem with anyone else I've been with," Magnus said. Then, with a laugh, "Your family really needs to learn how to knock."
I hope you all got a good laugh out of that! It was fun to write. Please, let me know if you have any requests! :)
