Chapter three
Meanwhile, in Calgary...
The personification of the city of Calgary was a handsome fellow, if a bit empty between the ears. Brown hair, blue eyes, a prominent chin and a winning smile, all crowned by a pristine white cowboy hat that was his pride and joy.
He was still handsome, even as he sat on the couch next to his brother, chanting "FUMBLE! FUMBLE!" at the TV Screen with unbridled glee.
His brother, Edmonton, was unimpressed- the football game they were watching was the Edmonton Eskimos versus the Saskatchewan Roughriders, and Cal was rooting for the 'Riders for no other reason than to piss him off. Like Alberta, Edmonton's eyes were also blue, but he wasn't quite as dashing a figure as his wannabe cowboy of a brother. The permanent stubble he couldn't seem to shake off nor form into a proper beard didn't exactly help matters.
Edmonton sighed deeply, taking a swig of beer and smacking his brother in the back of the head, knocking the hat off Calgary's douchenozzle.
"Knock it off, horsefucker. Do ya want the cup or not?" he snapped, taking another swig of beer.
Calgary was still smirking as he rubbed the back of his head and replaced his hat.
"'Course I want the cup. Emphasis on "I" because the Stamps rule, the Eskies drool, and I'm gonna rub my dick all over that cup when they win it." He said with an infuriating smugness to his tone.
Edmonton scowled and punched his brother in the shoulder.
"Who says they're gonna win it? Probably just gonna bite it again, like in 2012."
Calgary winced at the painful memory, and Edmonton smirked. He took another sip of his beer, basking in his little victory-
"Yeah, well, at least I ain't a liberal bastard like yourself, Redmonton."
Eddy spat out his beer. "WH-YOU TAKE THAT BACK, HORSEFUCKER!"
"REDMONTON!"
"KNOCK IT OFF, CAL!"
"DEADMONTON! REDMONTON! DEADMONTON! REDMONTON!"
Eddy sighed, willing himself to calm down, somewhat unsuccessfully. Calgary was an obnoxious fuck who delighted in tormenting him, but he was the capital. The capital was supposed to be...more...dignified...
Okay, he couldn't even *think* that sentence with a straight face, what with Winnipeg's fondness for stabbing things and Victoria's fondness for getting toked off her ass.
"Very mature of you, Cal. You have all the class and refinement of a drunken teenager." Edmonton quipped dryly, turning his attention back to the TV- and frowning.
It was a commercial with footage of Premier Corvus in it- shaking hands, cutting red ribbons, that sort of thing. The voiceover was initially quite positive, praising the Reformation Party's actions and announcing their plans for the future, all of which sounded quite good- slashing taxes all across the board and renegotiating old trade deals, and so on- but about seven seconds in, the tone of the commercial changed, and the voiceover started saying some weird shit.
"The government of Canada has singlehandedly put this province into a recession for the past ten years. We're sick of it, and you should be too. That's why Premier Corvus and the Reformation Party of Alberta are proud to present our Alberta First plan..."
This was accompanied by some little pictures of the province, the house of commons, and so on- but for a brief fraction of a second, edmonton could have sworn he saw the commercial….change. For just a single frame, the screen went black, with….something in the middle of it.
...He was probably just imagining things.
Edmonton tore his eyes away from the screen. Those commercials were really absorbing, and it wasn't unusual to see people who'd been walking from place to place stopped by a TV in a shop window that happened to be playing one. Which was a bit odd, since as far as he could tell, they were just regular political commercials; the truly peculiar part was that they were still showing them on TV, a full year after the election.
On the one hand, it was nice for a government to be open with what it was doing; and to sweeten the deal, premier Corvus had come out with a personal expense sheet showing that he had personally bankrolled the commercials out of his own pocket, taking not a penny from the taxpayer.
But still…
He looked over at his brother, more than a little concerned. Calgary was staring at the TV, mouth hanging just slightly open- Transfixed by the commercial completely. His eyes were glazed over and his posture had started to slouch slightly, and it sent a shudder down Edmonton's spine.
"Hey, Cal. Snap out of it, bro. You gay for Corvus or something?" Edmonton said, snapping his fingers in Calgary's face.
The city snapped out of it with an audible "BWUH?!" and shook his head, looking at Edmonton for a few seconds in befuddlement.
"I-wh- no! Nah, I ain't gay for nothing, man. Especially not that creep." Calgary reached up and adjusted his cowboy hat, carefully avoiding looking at the commercial. "He's just...ugh. I don't like that guy."
"Eloquent." Edmonton commented dryly, "But I have to agree. Alberta took me to meet him once, and...jesus, that man was..." Edmonton paused. He wasn't frightening, he wasn't cold...he was... "Fake. He seemed fake. But...she likes him, I guess?"
Calgary scowled, looking at a much more normal commercial for toothpaste. "Nah, Eddy. I'm telling you, that guy is fucked in the head. You hear what he had to say about my mayor? What a douche."
Calgary's mayor was a woman by the name of Chloe Zhang, and was greatly beloved by the whole city for her openness, honesty, and transparent leadership. Every time council had made a decision that could potentially rub the city the wrong way, she'd defer and hold an open session where the public were free to voice their concerns. She had managed to repair much of the city's infrastructure without raising taxes, a feat in and of itself.
Edmonton thought on it a bit, taking another sip as they resumed the game.
"Yeah, didn't he call her a traitor or something?" Edmonton guessed. It was a vague recollection, from a year ago...for some reason it was kinda fuzzy in his mind.
"You bet he did. All 'cause she called him on trying to push something through that would prevent people from moving here from out east. Like, what the fuck, man? That Corvus guy is retarded. You can't do that shit when you're premier!"
He was about to on, but Calgary's phone started to ring, interrupting his rant. He immediately answered it, without even bothering to check the number.
"Hello?" Calgary said casually, preparing to hang up on the inevitable telemarketer.
"Hello, Calgary."
He froze.
"H-Hi, premier Corvus. What...what a surprise. How...how's it going?" The city asked nervously. Something about that guy's voice just unnerved him, and Edmonton had gone white as a sheet next to him.
"Oh, it's going just fine, Calgary, my boy. I was wondering if you could put your brother on the line? He seems to have turned off his phone, is all. And I would like to ask him what time is best for him." The premier spoke smoothly, and sweetly, and Calgary wasn't buying it. He handed the phone over to Edmonton, looking at his brother with great concern.
Edmonton listened to the premier talk for a few minutes, nodding along, and mumbled something by way of a response before hanging up. He'd gone white as a sheet- and was visibly shaken.
"I...Cal, what kind of meeting requires me to have the next three days free?" Edmonton asked weakly, "I'm...I'm scared. He wants to talk to me one-on-one."
"For three fucking days?" Calgary echoed, "Yeah, that's not weird at all. Any way you can get out of it?"
"Not that I can see...Cal, I don't know what to do. I'm worried."
Calgary put his empty beer on the table.
"Not much you can do. Tell you what, if it's that worrying to you...I'll arrange a meeting with some clients up at west Ed while you're talking to him. That way, I'm only a short drive away if shit goes wrong." And since that sounded a bit too nice for Calgary's tastes, he added, "Which it probably will, since all little girls are scared of big bad premier Corvus."
Edmonton smiled at the gesture, ignoring the insult. "I...actually, I think I'll take you up on that. It's this Thursday. Think you can handle that?"
"You got it, girlie."
"Oh, fuck you."
A/N:
OH NOES CITY OC'S RUN FOR THE HILLS BEFORE THEY EAT YOUR FLESH AND UNBORN CHILDREN RAAAARGH
But seriously, I promise that Cal and Eddy are plot-relevant. Please don't hate me, I'm a dumb Albertan who likes dumb Albertan things.
Also, Calgary's opinions regarding the Liberal Party of Canada are entirely his own and in no way reflect the opinion of the author, who quite frankly fails to give a shit.
Next time: Beer! Politics! What the fuck is the Reformation Party even!
