Chapter 2

Sam felt nervous. It was her first day in her new job and she had no idea what to expect. She remembered what Agent Malone had told her during her interview, two weeks earlier; it was hard work, the days were long and cases often ended badly; but that the cases that ended well made it all worth while.

He had explained that she would be working in a team that had four members including herself plus Malone who was the SACand she was very curious about…

"Oh, I'm sorry", said the young agent she had bumped into. He looked at her, obviously confused as he had never seen her before. "You're new here, right?"

Sam nodded, lost for words and feeling a bit embarrassed. Since when was she so shy?

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"I'm looking for Jack Malone's team", Sam said.

She looked at the young man; she guessed that he was about her age; tall, dark haired and good-looking, yet she didn't like the grin on his face; it reminded her of that boy who used to live next to her when she was a kid. He had always worn a look like that whenever he was planning one of his 'jokes'.

"Jack Malone, Jack Malone…hmm, don't know…" he said. He turned around and shouted: "Viv, you heard of a Jack Malone around here?"

Sam felt sweat pouring down her back. What if… no, she had to be right. This was where Malone had told her to come to.

A small African-American woman turned around and shook her head. She stood up and walked towards them. To Sam's relief she was smiling at her. "Special Agent Spade?"

Sam nodded, reaching out to take the other woman's outstretched hand: "Yes."

"I'm Vivian Johnson, your new co-worker." She motioned to the man. "Danny Taylor, also with the team." She must have seen Sam's unhappy face: "Don't worry, you'll get used to him."

"I'm not always like that"; Danny Taylor said, still grinning broadly.

"Yeah, probably only when you have a good victim like me; young, nervous, female…"

"I'm sorry, really!" he said, holding out his hand. Sam took it, and even though she still felt pissed off she got the feeling that they would get on.

The moment Sam felt Danny's lips touch hers she knew this was a bad idea and yet she couldn't seem to pull back, as more memories began to go through her mind…

Sam felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest as she sat upright in her bed, shaking and breathing heavily, images of the nightmare still vivid inside her head. It had happened all over again; she was back in that book store, a hostage, unarmed and helpless, sweating and fearing not just for herself but everybody around her too.

As soon as she had calmed herself enough to think, she reached for her phone and before she knew it she had called Danny's number.

He took a while to answer and Sam had started to think that he had turned his phone off.

"Taylor…" He sounded sleepy and Sam realised that it was two am – a time even Danny Taylor would usually be asleep.

"Danny… its Sam."

He didn't answer at first, then: "Are you okay…?" He didn't sound angry at being woken up, just worried, and Sam felt herself start to calm down as she explained;

"No… I dreamt about being shot… again…"

"You want to talk about it?" he sounded concerned.

"Yeah, can I come over?" she asked.

Danny hesitated before he answered: "I tell you what; I'll come to your place. I can be there in thirty minutes if you want me to."

"Yes", Sam whispered. "Thank you."

"No trouble", he said, and she could hear that he was smiling. "You hungry? Want me pick up something to eat on my way?"

"No, just come here, please…"

Sam had heard it before; how simple friendship could turn into more. She had never really believed in that; there were those guys she considered a possible partner, others were just always friends.

Danny had always belonged to the second kind.

They were sitting at the conference table; just Sam and Danny. He was looking at her. "So, you and Marty you seem…'', he paused, as she looked up from her work, then he continued, a little hesitantly: "… well, you seem something…"

Sam's answer was just as hesitant even though she knew she could trust Danny, "Yeah, we are…"

"Good", he said. He obviously thought she didn't believe him because he continued, "It is good, Sam", he waited a moment and then he asked the question she had dreaded: "Why are you hiding it?"

"Just…" Sam paused, trying to find an excuse not to talk about it now; at least not at the office and not when they were in the middle of a case.

She was saved by Danny's phone ringing, and the moment was over.

Sometimes things can change in a single moment. This was such a moment. Sam could feel that Danny wanted, no needed, this as much as she did, as he pulled her so that she was sitting on his lap. She slipped her arms around his neck, as she ran her fingers through his hair and their kiss deepened.

It was late and Sam was surprised that Danny had come back to the office. She had expected him to go straight home after he and Jack had found Eric Miller trying to hang himself in that garden.

Jack had called earlier and had told the team that Eric was going to be okay, and they had all felt relieved; this case had gotten to all of them.

But Danny had seemed more affected than any of them. Sam had been on her way out when she had met him as he emerged from the elevator and when she had looked at him she had known that she couldn't just go home.

He had looked… so down. She couldn't just leave him like that.

So now she was pacing up and down the hallway, not yet daring to walk up to Danny and try to talk to him. She could see him sitting at his desk, eyes fixed on his computer, jaw clenched; no emotion showing on his face.

Finally she pulled herself together and walked over, causing him to look up at her, surprise showing on his face: "Hey! What are you doing here? I thought you were long gone."

"I could say the same about you", Sam replied. "Didn't you mention something about having a date tonight?"

Danny shrugged and gave her a half-hearted grin. "I cancelled it. I don't know her very well, yet and I wasn't up to an evening of small talk. Not what I need tonight."

"Well, maybe you need a friend you could talk to, then?" Sam suggested, and after a few long moments Danny nodded.

Danny's hands were cold on her back, as he slipped them under her shirt causing her to shiver, even as she enjoyed his touch.

It was part of the job. Things like this could happen. Sam had been shot, so had Jack and so had other agents Sam knew.

But this was different.

Never, ever had Sam feared for the life of somebody like she was now fearing for Martin's. She had work to do; they were trying to find Dornvald, Martins… murderer? But she couldn't concentrate; her mind was racing and her whole body was shaking.

"Sam."

She heard Danny speak but she couldn't react. What if Martin died? There were so many things left unsaid between them, so many things she still needed to put right and…

"Sam? He's going to be alright."

Where did Danny get the strength from, to try and comfort her, how was he doing it? She couldn't do it.

She didn't feel like being comforted. She just felt like… everything was ending. Or it should end. She could hardly put into words the thoughts racing through her head.

"He's been in surgery for over five hours…"

Danny moved closer. She knew he was going to touch her. She didn't want to be touched. She couldn't help it, even if it might hurt him, she held up her hands, ready to push him away. "Nobody will tell me what is going on. I just…" Speaking became harder, as she felt a lump in her throat and tears welling up. "You know what? I just need a minute." And she walked away from him.

………………

Danny felt Sam tense in his arms, and she pulled away from the kiss. "This is a mistake." For a moment she remained sitting on his lap, then she moved over to the chair she had been sitting on earlier.

"I'm sorry" Danny spoke automatically, forgetting for a moment that it had been Sam who had kissed him first.

Sam shook her head. "Don't be." She sighed, staring past Danny, out of the window.

"What's wrong then?" Danny asked as he reached out to take her hand. He gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb but wasn't surprised when she pulled away.

"We can't do this", she said. "I mean… I can't do this. Not again."

"You mean, not with me?" Danny asked, feeling hurt. He was confused. Until five minutes ago he hadn't even known he had wanted this, and now her reaction felt like he was being punched in the stomach.

"Yes… no…" Sam stuttered. She sighed deeply and he could see she was as confused as he was. "I want it but I… I can't."

"Why?"

"It's just… I've sworn to myself that I'll never get involved with somebody I work with; not again… I can't do it, I'm sorry Danny."

"What if I didn't work here anymore?" he asked.

Sam looked at him. "You wouldn't give up this job. Not for me – or would you?"

Danny hesitated, then he spoke slowly: "I already have."

Sam stared at him, unbelievingly. "What?"

"I gave Jack my resignation a few weeks ago. I leave at the end of this year to start working for a law firm. I asked Jack not to say anything."

"You did what? When? Why?"

"I was going to tell you…"

"When? When you'd already gone and we were wondering where you were? Or on your last day; 'Oh, by the way, I won't come back tomorrow, but you'll get on without me' or what?" Sam's voice sounded angry now.

Danny didn't know what to say. Thinking about it, he wasn't really sure why he had wanted to keep his resignation a secret. "I just… I didn't want to talk about it. It's not that easy for me to leave, you know, but being a lawyer was always my dream… It's time to make that come true…"

"And you didn't think we had a right to know? Danny, we're your friends; everybody in this team respects you. Hell, we love you. – in some way", she added, looking sad, confused and angry all at the same time.

Danny almost felt ashamed. He knitted his brows, staring at his hands for a moment before he looked up and into Sam's eyes. "Yeah, I know. Maybe that's the reason I didn't want to tell you. Maybe I just thought… I was afraid I'd change my mind. Or that you would make me."

"We would never do that", Sam said indignantly. "We would have respected your decision."

"Doesn't seem like that now", Danny's muttered comment was the last straw for Sam;

"You didn't seem to think it was necessary to tell us. That's why I am angry. Danny – why? Don't you trust us?"

"I didn't think you'd want to straight away. It was hard enough for me I kept thinking about…"

"Well but that's our decision."

"No, I actually think it's my decision, when or what to tell you."

"I really… I don't know what to…" Danny was almost relieved when Sam was interrupted by the sound of her cell phone ringing. She answered it in a harsh tone. "Spade. – What? – Okay. We'll be there in twenty minutes." She hung up and put the phone back into her pocket. Then she looked at Danny and told him in a cold voice: "Guess, we will have to continue this conversation later. We'll have to go now."