A/N. Sorry for the long wait, loves! I wanted to update sometime during Memorial Day weekend but I got sick and spent Saturday in the hospital and the rest of the long weekend sleeping. All is well now and I'm really grateful that everything happened during a long weekend when I didn't have any school work done because that would have made things a little more stressful. Now I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things with school and writing. And trying to recover fully. That is in question, but the main goal is to stay out of the hospital. We'll see. Anyway, that's what happened. Here's the next chapter! I don't own anything.

James sat at his desk, banging his heel against his chair leg in a steady rhythm. He stared hard at the science textbook in front of him, trying to make sense of every third word. It could have been in another language and he wouldn't have known any better. The only thing that he was aware of was that it sure didn't look like any English he had ever seen.

He had always struggled in school, maintaining mostly a C average with a rare B on his report card. Even with Logan's constant and patient guidance from elementary to high school, James found himself fighting to keep up with his friends and the rest of their classmates. He had absolutely no idea how he had graduated and made it to college. But here he was in his first year of community college, and he sincerely doubted that he would pass most if any of his classes. College was an entirely different world. Of course, a recent discovery had changed everything for James.

It happened when he took the collage entrance exam and failed everything. The woman at the test center kindly suggested that he should go take another kind of test. It wasn't the first time someone had brought up the possibility that he might have a learning disability. Even Logan had casually mentioned in when they were in fifth grade, only to never bring it up again when James wouldn't talk to him for a week. The schools he had been to had often sent letters home to his parents with concerned teachers saying that not all was right with the learning part of James' brain. But nothing had ever been done about it. His mom and dad had always been so wrapped up in their careers that somewhere along the line, James had taken the back seat in their priorities.

They were never as bad as Logan's father, however. James never doubted that they loved and cared about him. In fact, he was grateful for the way they let his failing academic life slide. He didn't want to go to school at all. He'd much rather be a famous pop star. He had the talent. And once upon a time, just a year ago, he had been living out his dream. But the music business was fickle and ever changing and Big Time Rush had eventually fizzled out, forcing the boys back to Minnesota. Only after Logan had literally sat in his room for an entire day, telling him to try college, had James given in. So far, he had nothing but regrets.

He was dyslexic. To put it in the simplest of terms, James read a lot of things backwards, mixing up the letters so that they literally looked like a completely different language. The doctor who had given him the news acted as if it would be a relief for James to finally have a reason for his problems in school. The man had been appalled that James' disability had gone undiagnosed for so long but he had encouragingly told him that it was never too late to get help for something like this. Of course, he didn't know anything about the ridiculous amount of pride James had and what the diagnosis did to that pride.

James had yet to tell anyone. Not his parents, not his friends. Especially Logan. He wondered how everyone would react once they inevitably found out. Would Logan be angry? Hurt? Disappointed? James was afraid to find out. He was afraid to tell Logan that he had been right all along. He just wanted to go back to LA and Big Time Rush where everything had been so great.

It wasn't so great for a while there. James shuddered at the nagging reminder that plagued him day after day. How could he possibly forget that for one year, they had lived with the fear that they could lose Logan to the cancer that had invaded his body at seventeen years old? How could he forget all they had been through? Carlos' nightmares, Kendall's breakdowns, and his own depression? How could he forget that Logan had actually died at one point only to come back to them in what could only be described as a miracle?

James was still afraid. It had been almost three years since Logan was pronounced cancer free but that could never be enough for James. He was still terrified every time Logan went to his monthly check-up. He was still paranoid every time Logan came down with a cold because that was how it started the first time. Despite the fact that they were all moving on and that Logan himself was in med school, James was still afraid.

He sighed and shook his head, trying to clear it of all the horrible thoughts that were plaguing him. Net he wouldn't be surprised to find himself thinking about how his parents had grown distant toward one another in the past several months. He tried to avoid thinking bad thoughts as much as possible because his depression was still on occasion, stronger than his driven optimism. It was easy to get down if he let his thoughts dwell on all that was wrong and all that could go wrong.

Abruptly giving up on his school work, James slammed the textbook shut and pulled on his shoes. He couldn't stand to stay in his house any longer. He had to get away just for the night. That could help him clear his thoughts. So he headed downstairs, careful to avoid the living room where his parents were sitting separately as if the other one didn't even exist. He did leave a note though because he knew once he reached his destination, that was one of the first questions he would have to answer. Heading quietly out the front door, James paused in his flight to send a quick text message to make sure they were home. Then he made his escape.


He tried to tell himself that it was funny. That he, Carlos Garcia of all people, had a girl problem. This was the sort of thing he and Kendall and Logan had constantly tormented James for when they were in middle school and early high school. But here he was in college and he didn't find it funny at all.

Her name was Elisa and she was his second serious girlfriend, the first since Stephanie back in LA. Carlos and Stephanie hadn't been able to maintain their sudden long distant relationship the way that Kendall and Logan had with Jo and Camille. He didn't mind as much when James and Julie also fell away from each other because that meant that it wasn't just him. Maybe he wasn't as hopeless with girls and relationships as he originally thought.

Now he was back to being unsure of himself. He had met Elisa at the community college that he and James were attending for their first year. She was a nice girl. Pretty. Kind. Thoughtful. Funny. Really there was absolutely nothing to dislike about her. Except that she seemed so much more into the whole relationship thing than Carlos was.

She was a little clingy. Not annoyingly so to the point where he couldn't go anywhere else or be with anyone else, but sometimes she made him feel guilty. He liked hanging out with her but he had other friends, especially his best friends. He would have loved to bring her along but she didn't want to hang out with them. He didn't understand why. They all seemed to get along so great the few occasions that they were all together.

"Girls were easier to understand when I thought they had cooties," he mumbled to himself as he debated the problem. He had finished his school work for the night and now he was sitting in his room, ignoring Elisa's texts. They had been considered a couple for three months now and while he enjoyed her company and her overall sweet nature. But he didn't enjoy her avoidance of James, Kendall, and Logan. The only reason he hadn't just broken up with her was that he was sure things would improve. They had to. Who could deny that his friends were the best? So why was it taking so long?

He wondered what the guys would think if they knew how preoccupied he was. James would probably try to give him advice and most likely fail since he and Carlos were two completely different people. Kendall would advice him to dump her and Logan would tell him to pay more attention to school. But it wasn't that simple. He didn't want to hurt her and he was doing perfectly fine in school.

Maybe too fine. Carlos was beginning to suspect that he was actually smarter than he had ever thought. His classes were all incredibly uninteresting and downright boring. Everything the teachers said was familiar to him. So familiar in fact that he could practically predict what they would say next. Predictable. That's what college was like. At least community college. Maybe he really should have considered a school that could offer him more.

Everything was confusing right now. The only thing that still made sense to Carlos was his three best friends. He stared out his bedroom window, wondering if they were all around. He knew that James was struggling and often really busy with his own schoolwork. He also knew that while Kendall and Logan were both home from their respective colleges for a long weekend, they hadn't had much time to spend with their family. He didn't want to interrupt anything.

That was when his phone vibrated again. Thinking it was just Elisa again, he almost ignored it. But at the last second, he changed his mind and glanced at the screen. "James," he said, frowning to himself. The message was short, simply asking Carlos, Kendall and Logan if they had time to talk. A reply quickly came from Kendall saying that he and Logan would meet him at the pond but that their house was a bad idea at the moment. Carlos sat up and responded too, saying that he would be there in ten minutes.

His phone rang suddenly and Carlos groaned, seeing that it was Elisa. He should talk to her, he really should. Nothing between them was working out. If she didn't take his friends, then she couldn't have him. Carlos silenced the ring and then texted her, telling her that he needed to be with his friends. Hoping she got his meaning, he turned his phone off and left for the pond.


"I just can't believe how much has changed!" Kendall exclaimed as he sat with Logan in the basement at home. "We've only been gone for two months and we come back and-"

"Kendall," Logan interrupted. "Calm down, man. This isn't the end of the world, you know." He ignored Kendall's glare of disbelief and went on. "Look. Katie said that they've only been seeing each other for three weeks. There's no reason to freak out like you are."

"Logan," Kendall sighed. "I'm trying not to freak out." He mimicked Logan's eye roll and protested. "Really!"

Logan absentmindedly paged through a magazine that was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. "Mom can date if she wants, you know." he said gently. "It's been almost ten years. Your dad got remarried when we were fifteen, remember?"

In spite of himself, Kendall grinned. "You know, I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing you call her Mom," he told Logan. "It means a lot to all of us."

"Yeah well," Logan turned red and fumbled the magazine before dropping it. "It means even more to me. She's been my mom since I was six." His voice was soft and thoughtful.

Forgetting for the time being about his mother and. . . Thomas, Kendall elbowed Logan so that he dropped the magazine again. "When we adopted you," he said quietly. "That was one of the best days of my life. Even though it was during a time that was really hard for all of us."

"It made everything easier for me," Logan replied. "I mean. . . just to know that there was someone who wanted me so much. It meant a lot to me at that time. It still means a lot. More than you'll ever know."

"Now look at you," Kendall laughed a little. "You're in med school for crying out loud."

"You're on a full hockey scholarship," Logan reminded him. "I just wish that I didn't have to be away from home. I've missed everyone."

Suddenly remembering why he had been in such a low mood, Kendall frowned again. "Yeah. I wish things didn't have to change that much." he admitted to Logan.

"He makes her happy," Logan pointed out gently. "Think about it from her point of view, Kendall. She's been single for almost ten years and she hasn't really dated anyone-"

"Please don't mention dating," Kendall asked with a grimace. "It's so weird thinking of Mom dating."

Logan smirked. "Fine. She's never really. . . seen anyone in these past ten years. She spent most of that time raising you and Katie and then all of us when we were in LA. She deserves to do something for herself every once in a while, Kendall. Thomas might be good for her."

"Or," Kendall said, ignoring Logan's optimistic outlook completely. "He might be bad for her, Logan. I know that I'm being overly pessimistic, but what if he hurts her in any way? What if they. . . stop seeing each other and it makes her sad?"

Logan's confused gaze softened into understanding. "She'll be okay, Kendall." he said softly. "She'll have you to take care of her. That's it, isn't it?" You're so used to being the man of the house, the man in her life, that now with Thomas in the picture, it makes you uncomfortable."

"Sort of," Kendall said, avoiding Logan's gaze. "Mostly. I thought she was happy with me and Katie and then you."

"She is," Logan promised him. "But you're happy with her and Katie, right?"

"And you," Kendall corrected.

"Okay," Logan blushed a little. "So why are you dating Jo?"

Kendall was caught off guard for a minute. He stared at Logan, thinking carefully before he came up with an answer. "It's different though." he insisted heavily. "I'm not even twenty one and she's-"

"If you say that she's old, I'm telling." Logan said with a grin.

"Tattletale," Kendall responded to his teasing only halfheartedly. "You know what I mean though?"

Logan nodded slowly. "I guess I do for the most part," he said. "See, Kendall, it's hard for me to really understand things that have to do with parents. I mean, I don't know how I would feel if I were in your shoes. I don't remember my mom that much and I can't imagine what I would think if my dad had ever started dating again. Maybe I would have been happy because that might have made things better between us. But my relationship with my dad was completely different than the relationship you have with Mom. You've been the strong one that she's needed and me and my dad. . . well."

"It's just hard," Kendall stared at the blank TV. "I know it's probably childish but I kind of feel like Thomas has replaced me."

"It's more stupid than it is childish," Logan said, shaking his head. "Kendall, you could never ever be replaced by anyone. There's no one in the world like you. You're the most dependable, protective, amazing person I know. Everyone would agree by the way. No matter what happens between Thomas and Mom. . . he'll never take your place. No one will. You'll always be the same to her."

Kendall smiled grateful but he still looked doubtful. "I wish it was that easy to believe you," He saw Logan's frustration and braced himself for the response. But before Logan could say anything, Kendall felt his phone vibrate. "Hang on," he mumbled, fumbling for it in his pocket.

"Who is it?" Logan asked curiously as he heard his own phone beep at the same time.

"James," Kendall answered, already typing out a reply even though Logan had yet to see the message for himself. "He wants to know if we can meet by the pond in ten minutes." He frowned in concern. " I wonder what's up."

"Better find out," Logan told him as he stood up. "Are you telling him?"

Kendall nodded and stood up too. "Let's go."

A/N. I'm sorry this was so short and if it felt rushed to anyone. I just wanted to get the boys' problems out of the way without too much detail so that when they talk in the next chapter, it won't seem repetitive. I hope to update soon but with everything that's going on (school, work, being sick), I'm not sure when. I got my old Tumblr back if anyone wants to follow me and get updates on what's happening with my writing. Until next time, thanks for reading!