Chapter 3 The Declaration
After leaving Bilbo's home in The Shire, the company of Thorin Oakenshield stayed off the main roads as they headed east. In fact, they stayed off all roads entirely. Gandalf, Bilbo, and the dwarves travelled through the wilderness, keeping to little known paths and trails to avoid detection as such a company would surely attract attention.
Ori saw very little of Fili the first couple days into the journey. The two heirs of Durin were often sent ahead to scout and the group travelled from morning until dusk, making chances of conversation few and far between. In the evenings around the campfire, Kili was almost always at his brother's side, and if not Kili, it was their uncle Thorin. Ori wanted to be totally alone with Fili when he told the prince how he felt about him, so be bided his time and kept a sharp eye out for the right moment.
It came about four days into the journey. Fili had drawn second watch after Ori, and all the others, including Kili, were asleep when Ori woke the blond dwarf for his shift. Fili sat up in his bedroll, stretching and scratching his beard sleepily. Ori thought he had never looked lovelier than at that moment and blushed, thinking how nice it would be to see Fili looking like this every morning.
"Just give me moment to fully wake up, would you Ori?" Fili yawned, "before you head to bed." He stood up and hopped in place to few times to get his blood flowing.
"Of course, Fili, I don't mind," Ori replied softly. He knew it was now or never and his heart began to pound in his chest. He quickly turned to the fire and poked at it aimlessly, trying to calm his nerves and work up his courage. Fili walked to the edge of camp to relieve himself, Ori stared at his back and then immediately felt guilty for invading Fili's privacy. He rolled his eyes at his own idiocy and kept his eyes on the fire until Fili came back.
The blond took a seat a few feet away from him, looking more alert than before. Taking a deep breath, Ori stood up and closed the distance between them, sitting down next to the dwarf he loved. Fili looked at him for a moment and when the shy dwarf didn't say anything asked kindly, "Ori, what is it? Is something wrong?"
Ori could feel the cold burn of adrenaline in his chest, his hands began to shake and his stomach fluttered. He gulped audibly and finally found his voice. "I love you, Fili. I've loved you for years. I think…I-I know you're my One. I love everything about you. I know you couldn't possibly love me, I'm so clumsy and stupid and not nearly good enough for you. But, if you could even think of loving me, Fili, I'd…I'd do anything for you. Truly."
Fili's reaction was a credit to both his kindness and his princely bearing. He did not laugh, or scoff, or show any other emotion besides mild shock. He took a few seconds to process the information that was thrust upon him and to carefully choose his reply. To Ori, those few seconds stretched on for ages as he waited for something, anything in the way of a reaction.
Finally Fili took a deep breath and smiled at him in a way that could only be described as sadly. "Ori, you're a wonderful dwarf and a good friend. I'm very honored and touched by how you feel, any dwarf would be. But you see, I've…found my One already…and I'm truly sorry, but it isn't you."
"Of course, I understand," he hardly heard the words as he said them. It was an automatic response, something quick to fill the silence before it swallowed him whole. He felt like all the air had been sucked out of him. His entire body was trembling. Can Fili see me shaking? Fili was talking again, what was he saying? Focus! Listen to him, you idiot!
"…just hope this doesn't make things awkward. I really do value your friendship." Fili was saying now, looking at Ori expectantly. Waiting for a response.
He wants me to say something, what was the question? Was there a question? Ori managed to shake his head and tried his best to look casual but he didn't succeed. "Awkward? Uh…no, certainly not. I see no reason why it would be…as long as you don't feel…um." He wasn't sure what else to say so he said nothing for a moment. Fili looked like he was about to say something else but Ori quickly stood up. "I'm going to turn in, Bombur's on watch after you. Um..ha-have a good night."
"Goodnight Ori,"Fili called softly behind him, "and…thank you." The way Fili spoke the thank you made it sound like a question, Ori wished the ground would open up and swallow him.
He made it to his bedroll between his brothers and climbed in quickly. There was a large lump in his throat and stinging in his eyes. He pulled his blanket up to his chin, squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. It wouldn't do to cry, not here, not now. He took in a deep breath and held it, letting it out slowly through his nose as he felt the lump in his throat subside. A fat tear leaked out from under each eyelid and rolled into his hair. Ori tried to steady his breathing and began reciting the elven alphabet in his head. Alda, Ampa ,Anca ,Ando, Anto … Within a few moments, the feeling had passed and he was left with exhausted emotions and wounded pride. He turned to his side and stared blankly into the darkness.
Sometime in the small hours of the night, Ori closed his eyes and slept. He dreamt of Fili as he had looked tonight: stretching and yawning with tousled golden hair. In the dream, Fili turned to him in their bed, smiling softly in the early morning light, his blue eyes sparkling and his body sleep-warm. When Ori woke a few hours later, the skin of his face was stiff from dried tears and the sun didn't seem to be as bright as it had been the day before.
I know this was a sad chapter! I'm so sorry! Promise lovin' in the next one!
