I have been working on this for I don't know how long....probably since my last update...and yeah, I'm sorry its been that long. lol But anyway, I hope you like this one and would really appreciate your thoughts.

Let me know what you think. :D

Laura x


Jesse De Silva was the constant topic of conversation in school all day. Whispers that he'd been spotted in the courtyard…going into Father Dominic's office…coming out with a smug smile on his face…glaring at Paul…glaring at other pupils…-everything under the sun was flying around. I couldn't go anywhere, into any classroom, couldn't go the bathroom, or the cafeteria without hearing his name, and every time I did I would winch and look up suddenly, almost expecting to see him there, in front of me, perhaps glaring down at me too.

It had been years since I'd last seen Jesse, but his face was as clear as day in my mind; a strong chiselled jaw, high cheekbones, smooth olive skin and dark brown eyes, that smouldered if you ever had the lucky privilege to look into them. He had been tall with a lean athletic body and had dark hair that every girl in school ached to run their hands through; everything about him screamed gorgeous. He had been popular, friendly, mature, smart, everything. Everyone had loved him. And then, in that one night, he suddenly became the bad guy. The guy everyone hated, the one everyone blamed, who no one wanted anything to do with. He had lost everything because of one silly mistake, one dreadful mistake.

From what I could make out, he apparently hadn't changed too much in appearance. It was mainly his size really, that people were commenting on.

"He's lost weight!" I heard some guy Tyler comment as I walked to English.

According to Kelly Prescott though; "He's really bulked up…like, ya know, he's thinner and all, but he's mostly muscle…he musta been working out a lot. I hear it's pretty rough in there, so he probably had to. I heard he even got a tattoo! I don't know how of course, because, isn't it like, against the rules or something, for criminals to have needles and stuff in jail?"

I was on edge the whole time. I couldn't concentrate in class, I barely listened to CeeCee when she was talking to me at lunch and when Paul was sitting beside me in Math last class I barely registered that he was there at all, until he elbowed me.

"Hey, you alright?" He muttered, when I jerked and looked up at him. There was concern in blue eyes which churned guilt in my stomach. I smiled though and nodded. He needed me. I was worrying about myself when I should have been worrying about him. It shouldn't have been the other way around; him being concerned about me. It was Paul that was struggling here, he was the one going through hell. I had to catch a grip.

"I'm fine-just tired. I was working this morning."

"You work too much," Paul smiled feebly back. He always said that and always gave off that I put myself under too much pressure. I reached over and took his hand. He was warm and his touch was gentle. He lifted our entwined fingers and brought them to his lips, kissing the back of my hand. "I'm sorry," He whispered against my skin.

"What?" I asked loudly, causing two girls sitting in front of us to turn around sharply. I lowered my voice then, holding Paul's gaze aggressively. "What are you talking about? You've nothing to be sorry for."

"No, I do," Paul shook his head. "I've been so caught up in this whole De Silva business and been so in my own head and everything's so gloomy around here because of it all, I know it must be getting to you."

"No it's…Paul don't, okay?" I said, my voice almost pleading. I hated that he was apologising. I hated it all. I wanted so badly to cry I thought, right then, that my body might just give in. "Please, don't. None of it's your fault. Of course it's kind of getting to me, it's getting to all of us, but it's not you fault. You've done nothing wrong. Please, don't…don't apologise, okay?"

"I just get so angry," Paul sighed, his eyes darting up to make sure no one, especially the teacher, was listening. Then he looked back down at me. "He shouldn't be here Suze, he shouldn't have come back. He's messing up everything. Like he did before." His voice cracked and he turned his eyes away, refusing to meet my gaze.

My heart breaking, I cupped his chin in my hand and turned his face capturing his lips with my own. I'd never experienced a kiss like it; it was sad and desperate and aching. I wanted to take his pain away, to free him from it all. Paul let out a small, low moan, that I knew no one heard but me and it was so filled with emotion it took all I had not to run, crying from the room.

I really did hate this, this whole situation. I wanted things to go back to normal; the ways things had been before, when Paul and I were happy; when everyone had been happy. But that wasn't going to happen and I knew that.

"What are you doing after school?" Paul asked, once we'd pulled apart. He licked his damp lips, again looking up to the top of the room to make sure Mrs Wilson hadn't seen. She threw us a reproachful look but instead of disrupting the relatively quiet class, she turned her back on us and continued on. Paul merely lowered his head and returned his gaze to mine.

"I'm working to 7 - someone called in sick earlier," I explained defensively at his disapproving look. "Do you want to come over after though? I haven't got too much homework. Plus, I want to see you,"

"You do, huh?" He chuckled low and deep in his throat, but I still hadn't managed to take the sad look out of his eyes. I squeezed his hand.

"'Course, I do." I nudged him playfully and his smile widened. I started to think, that maybe things could go back to normal, because, right then, I was happy with Paul. This was familiar; us mucking about, holding hands and kind of making out in the back of class, organising when to see each other again, even though we'd spent the whole day of school together. This was normal. Well kind of. Maybe it could be again, with a little bit of work and effort.

"DVD, pizza…my room?" I asked suggestively. I was grasping at straws, really I was. I wanted a typical night in, like we'd always had but I was naïve to think that Paul wouldn't want more. I knew he wanted more and I kind of did as well, but I was scared and because of how I'd been feeling lately I didn't think I was ready. I wasn't sure if it was because I wasn't ready full stop or because I wasn't ready with Paul. If that even makes sense.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Paul replied, smiling that beautiful smile that I had grown to love and recognise anywhere. Yeah, okay maybe this wasn't such a bad idea anymore. He leaned over and gave me another quick kiss before we both returned our attention to the class. Or at least tried to.

Work was crazy that night. I went straight after school, despite the fact that I was in dire need of a shower and something with a lot of caffeine in it. I worked from half three straight to half six without stopping; food and plates were coming at me from every direction, the muscles around my mouth were aching from the constant fake smile on my face and awkward, ignorant customers were beginning to get on my nerves so much I had to bite my lip so as not to start cursing at them. I was done and Andy knew it.

"Aww kiddo, you're completely beat!" His face was washed with guilt and sympathy as I pushed open the door into the kitchen at twenty five to seven laden down with dirty dinner plates and glasses. A look in the stainless steel appliances all around showed that he was right because if my somewhat obscured reflection was anything to go by I was indeed rough and horrible looking. I think my hair was sticking out at odd ends from my bobble if the dark odd shapes coming from my head were actually strands of hair.

"Go on," Andy nodded towards the back door, as he came over and took everything from my arms. "You've done enough today. Go home and don't come in tomorrow Suze, you can have the day off. You look exhausted and it's the least I can do since you were helping me out. Thanks, honey."

"Are you sure, though?" I asked, yet I was already pulling my apron up and over my head. I really wanted a shower before Paul came over…it was a necessity, believe me.

"Yup, go!" Andy replied, winking as he turned away and piled the dishes into the sink for me. "Don't tell me you want to stay longer, because if you do-"

"No no no!" I cried, rushing for my bags as Andy started to laugh. "Definitely not."

"Didn't think so."

"I love you Andy, but not that much." I swerved to avoid the drying cloth he whipped towards my leg as I made a beeline for the door. I let out a squeal of laughter as I darted out, then called Good bye before sprinting it down the back alleyway, out onto the main street. The streetlights were flicking on as I slowed to a jog, even though it wasn't that dark out. There was a nice brisk breeze in the air and the rain from early was gone, and although the roads and paths were still a bit damp it had dried up a little. I could hear the crashing of the waves against the rocks from the left behind me. That was the great thing about Ackerman's it was near the beach and in the summer it was even better, despite the place being so busy with tourists, it meant that after my morning shifts I could just head over and go surfing or for a swim or even just lie down for a while.

There was no one really around as I started getting closer and closer to home yet I could hear the voices of small children coming from the neighbouring houses and the odd deep voices that I guessed to be adults every now and then coming out to either check on them or calm them down when their shouting got too loud. I wasn't really watching where I was going, I knew the route so well. From Ackerman's all I had to do was travel down the main road for half a mile until I came to the gravel turn in that lead to the big old field we all used to hang out in as kids - and still do - walk up through it and then come down out the other side and I was home. It wasn't really that much of a walk really and I enjoyed it anyway, especially after a busy day at work it helped clear my head.

I was just so busy not thinking about anything in particular, my eyes as usual on the ground as I walked, I didn't even notice the dark figure walking through the field as I finally entered it. I just kept walking, straight towards them, oblivious to their looming presence. A gust of wind threw the knee-length grass swirling around my legs, distracting me even more from the stranger who was still silently making their way towards me. It was the soft sound of crunching grass a few yards ahead of me and the sudden chill that swept across my neck that finally made me look up.

I let out a startled scream, white hot panic scorching through me. I took an awkward step backwards as the figure suddenly quickened their pace, coming straight towards me. They were dressed all in black; the hood of their jacket was up covering their face, causing more fear and panic to rush through my already panicked body. I tried to run but in the few seconds it had taken me to scream the stranger had already crossed the open distance between us and slapped a hand roughly around my mouth, the other coming around my waist firmly to keep in place.

"Shhh!" A rough voice muttered in my ear, their breath ruffling my hair and making me shiver. I strained to get away but the grip on me was like iron and I had no chance. I wanted to cry, really I did. Never before had I been in a situation like this; it was always someone else who got attacked or kidnapped or something, and the realisation that this time it was me caused a whimper to bubble in my throat and spew to the surface. I was shaking uncontrollably, yet I still fought, getting elbow jabs in wherever I could.

"Stop!" The voice commanded roughly again. I small part of my brain registered something, though at the time I wasn't quite sure what. Until the stranger spoke again that is. "Susannah! Stop it! I'm not going to hurt you!"

I instantly froze. I stopped squirming, I stopped squealing against the hand still covering my mouth. I even stopped breathing for a second. I couldn't think of anything coherent in that moment as shock spilled in again and then gradually melted away as I was released from the iron grip of the person in front of me.

I backed away slowly, stumbling slightly, breathing deeply. Adrenaline was still pumping through my body sending my mind into over load as I took in the man who had just let me go and who was watching me closely. Tall and muscular, I understood what Tyler and Kelly had meant. He was thinner, leaner, but every inch of him screamed strength. His grip on me moments ago was a clear indication of that. I hated to agree with Kelly Prescott but yeah, he had totally been working out.

"Jesse?" I whispered, disbelief evident in my voice. He nodded in response and then there was silence between us, only filled by the rustling of the grass below us against the night breeze and of distant voices coming from the houses that seemed so far away.

"What are-"

"I didn't mean to scar-"

Awkwardness seeped in as our words collided and we both stopped. I laughed nervously, grasping my hands together and twiddling my fingers. His face was hidden by the dark shadows of his hood but then he stepped forward and pulled it back, and all I could do was stare. Sharp and defined, his high cheekbones and strong jaw stood out perfectly in the pale, ghostly light of the moon. He was exactly as I had remembered but it was when I looked up to meet his eyes that I noticed the real change.

The Jesse De Silva I had known, was warm and caring with eyes that reflected his kind nature. I had never once believed that he hadn't regretted everything that had happened that night, nor did I believe he wasn't beating himself up everyday because of it all. I knew three years in jail with that amount of guilt on your shoulders would change anyone, especially if you were as good a person as I had known Jesse to be. I had always daydreamed about what he would be like when he finally did come back. Once the happy and popular guy, it suddenly hit me then, with a sorrowful pang, that Jesse was no longer him. His eyes were dark and eerie. Cold. But worst of all they were full of a painful sadness that caught my breath in my throat as I continued to look at him.

"I heard you were home," I told him pathetically, finally tearing my eyes away from his unwavering ones. I hadn't known what else to say, I just knew I couldn't stand the deafening silence any longer.

"Yeah, been back a few days now," Jesse finally replied, putting his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders, as he scuffed the ground with foot. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh no, it's okay!" I pushed off his apology, shaking my head. "I just didn't expect to meet anyone out here."

"Especially me, huh?" Jesse chuckled, and I cringed at the lack of genuine humour in it. I'm not a person who cries all that much, honestly, I'm not, but being here with Jesse and knowing all the pain that he's been through and still going through, well it was like I was stuck back in Maths class with Paul again, like I had been earlier that day, watching him struggle. I hated it so much that for the third time that day I wanted to cry. I didn't want to be the one comforting others, which is a completely and utterly selfish thing to even think, but right then I just wanted to be held and for someone to comfort me. I didn't deserve it though, I know I didn't. After all I'd done, I didn't deserve pity or comfort. None of it.

"Eh…I have to go…um, nice seeing you, Jesse.." I moved to walk around him, filled with that oh so familiar guilt that had started to eat away at me again over the last few months, as it had done all those years ago. I wasn't able to take more than a step or two forward though, as Jesse moved suddenly, blocking my path with his body. I closed my eyes, shoving away memories that had no right to be in my head.

"Susannah," He whispered, and I remembered then how he was the only one who had ever refused to call me by my full name.

"I know, I shouldn't…" Jesse trailed off and I heard him take a deep breath, as if trying to gather his thoughts. I didn't move, I just stayed where I was. Waiting, my senses filling with the smell of him that was so overwhelming since we were standing so close. He smelt great; fresh, yet with a musky masculine tint to it that made me want to move even closer.

"Susannah, I know what everyone else is thinking…I know what they're all saying…but I need to know that you…I don't want you to…" His voice was quiet, husky, deep with emotion. I swallowed, biting my lip, as I opened my eyes. I stared at his chest, refusing, pleading with myself not to meet his gaze. But then my will gave in and I let my eyes wander up to meet his. The darkness was like an envelope around us, blocking everything else out and for a second or two I liked it. The feeling that there was nothing else in the world that I had to worry about, except for this moment. It was strange and I'm not sure how to describe it, but then it was gone and I was back facing the reality I so longed to escape from.

"I don't," I whispered back. I touched Jesse's arm for the briefest of seconds as I walked around him, then I dropped my hand and moved away, walking up the grassy slope to home. Where Paul was waiting. I didn't look back, just kept going and the next thing I was running.