I wake up around six, and the first thing I do is call Stefan. I know that Elena will hear the news eventually, because she and Stefan have the kind of relationship where they tell each other everything, but I need to know what to do right now. He answered on the second ring.
"Care, hi," he says out of breath. "You're lucky you caught me, my shift starts in a few minutes. What's up?"
Stefan is going to medical school. He's wanted to be a doctor for I don't know how long – definitely since we were kids. It means his schedule is busy, but he still makes time for the important things.
I sigh and I start to tell him about my predicament. He says "uh huh" and "yeah, I understand" at appropriate intervals, so I know that he's paying attention. When I finish there's a moment of silence.
"You want my advice?" he asks me.
"I called you, didn't I?" I retort.
"Here's what you do. Call Damon. Hell, he's working tonight, so go and see him. He needs to know about this."
"I guess he does, but I'm scared, Stefan."
"Look, Damon values family over everything else. You know that. Just because he and Father have their differences, it doesn't mean he's not going to want to raise this child with you. And he loves you, Care."
"Yeah, he's my best friend."
"And as your best friend, Damon's not going to abandon you. But this, Damon's gonna want to know. Just trust me, okay?"
"I don't know about that, Stef," I say. "He's been hopping from bimbo to bimbo ever since he entered junior high. Having a kid is just going to tie him down."
"Damon values family over everything else." Stefan repeats. "I think the reason you're so hesitant on this is because you don't want to be tied to Damon this way. Am I right?"
"Stefan," I sigh, "we never should have been in this predicament. We both had too much to drink, and I know that's not an excuse – hell, I know that better than anyone else, you make your bed now lie in it kind of thing. This should've never happened. I'm never going to have him back the way I want him."
"And how exactly do you want him, Care?"
"As my friend. I want back the boy I caught tadpoles with when I was six, the boy who taught me how to throw a baseball and then took the heat with me when it broke old man McMillan's window. The boy who taught me how to break a boy's arm when he was trying to get fresh with me on a first date. The guy who dared me to prank Mr. Saltzman's history classroom with mousetraps and then took the blame for it when Mr. Saltzman threw a fit. I want back the boy who, when I had my first date with Matt back in high school, congratulated me and then handed me a box of condoms."
There's a silence and I can feel the tears roll down my cheeks. I took a breath and said, "Hey, Stef, you there?"
"Look, Care," he said after a long minute, "Damon and you have been best friends for twenty plus years. He loves you, y'know? I know you love him too."
"As a friend," I say, stressing the 'friend' part of the sentence. "There can be nothing more to it."
"So, you don't want anything more from him? At all?"
I licked my bottom lip, more out of habit than anything, and said, "Even if I did, Stef, it would fuck everything up."
"Things aren't exactly going as planned at the moment, anyway, wouldn't you agree?"
"Okay, point," I mumble.
"Go see Damon at work, Care. He'd already be there, his shift started at six."
I nod even though I know he can't see me, "Okay. Thanks, Stef."
"No problem Care. Go see him." There's a pause. "Just remember that he's just as vulnerable as you are right now."
I'm not exactly sure what that means, but we say our goodbyes and hang up. Sighing to myself, I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that I stole from Damon forever ago, grab my car keys and leave the apartment, locking the door behind me. When I get to the Grill, I see Damon sitting in a booth, eating a cheeseburger. I slide into the opposite side of the booth and he looks at me.
"Hey," he says softly. "Haven't talked to you in a while. How are you?"
"Good. There's actually something that I need to tell you –" I start, but he cuts me off.
"Look, I'm sorry about not talking to you for a while. I needed space. I can't undo what happened between us, but I can be your friend again. You mean the world to me, Buttercup."
I nod, "Look, Damon, there's something we've got to talk about."
He looks up, "What's that?"
I'm not sure how to proceed from here. I don't know exactly what to say. It's true; I have no romantic feelings towards Damon. But, a voice inside me says, if you didn't, you wouldn't be in this predicament to begin with. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you look at it, I didn't have to say anything as Elena comes over and hugs me. She's bursting with happiness, even I can tell, and she blurts out, "This is awesome, Care! Our kids are only going to be a few months apart, and they're gonna be cousins!"
I clear my throat and look at her, "I, uh, I haven't told anyone yet. Did Stefan really get to you that fast?"
She nods, "And I'm really fucking excited about this! I mean, I'm pretty sure that part of it is just the pregnancy hormones, but seriously, this is fucking awesome."
Damon looks at me, a clueless look on his face, when I turn to Elena, "I've really got to talk to Damon. How about you go find something to do?"
Elena nods, "Oh. Right, sorry. Congratulations, you guys."
She leaves and Damon cocks an eyebrow, "So, what's going on?"
"I'm pregnant, Damon," I say, my voice cracking a little. "It's yours; you're the only person I've slept with in the past year. Look, I'd understand if you don't want it. I'm keeping the baby, though, and we can just tell it you're it's uncle or something…" My voice trails off. "I'm really sorry this happened, though, but things can go back to normal. They have to, for my sanity."
He's just staring at me. I don't know what to do at this point, and I don't know what else to say. I sigh as I wait for his response.
After staring at me for a good two minutes, Damon finally opens his mouth, "I'm going to be a dad?" he asks.
I just nod.
"Caroline, I need to a part of this kid's life. I want to be his dad. I want to be there for you, and for him. Please let me. Please don't shut me out."
Part of my heart breaks. He sounds so desperate, and he thinks that I'm not going to let him in. I don't even know how he got that idea, but I nod, "Okay. I just thought having a kid would bog you down."
"I want it," he says, taking the last bite of his burger. "I want it more than anything."
My words are caught in my throat, so I just nod.
"Let me take you on a proper date," he says, and it takes me by surprise. "We can grab dinner tomorrow. Or, hell, we can have takeout and a movie. I don't really care."
I'm still not one hundred percent sure that this is going to work out, but I figured I might as well try. I surprise myself by nodding, "Yeah. That'd be nice."
"Great." He looks at the clock on the wall, "I've got to start my shift. How about you call me later and we can sort out the rest of the details?"
I nod. He gets up, leans over and kisses my cheek, smiles, and then he's gone.
-x-
When I get home, I call Daphne. Not only is she my boss; she's also my friend. I know that she's going to understand, because Daphne has a four year old that she's raising by herself. The good thing is that Stephanie can be at daycare with us and she fits in well with the other children.
I explain my predicament and Daphne listens. She gives me the rest of the week off, telling me that her friend Aubrey will fill in for me. I'm okay with that, honestly. If I'm this fucking tired at four weeks pregnant, how the hell am I going to feel further down the road, at nine months?
"So," Tyler says after I hang up with Daphne, startling me a little. I didn't even know he was in the apartment. "Another little Salvatore running around, huh?"
I just shrug.
He holds his hands up, "Hey, I'm fine with it. Damon and I have made peace. I'm just surprised you didn't tell me before."
I shrug, "You were gone when I came home from the doctor's today, and I had to go and see Damon."
He takes a seat on the couch next to me, "So what happened to Damon just being a platonic friend?"
I snort, "I don't fucking know, Ty. Something's changed. Damon's my best friend. I don't have romantic feelings for him – I don't. But I practically jumped into bed with my best friend, and I'm not exactly sure what to do. And then he asked me out tomorrow and I said yes. Why the hell did I say yes?"
"You know, Care," Tyler says, watching me carefully, "I think you have romantic feelings for him. I think you're just denying them because a) you can't see them, b) you're in denial, or c) you're afraid to try. You've been kind of gun shy around romantic relationships since you and Matt broke up."
"Pssht," I said, waving him off. "Matt and I are still friends. There's nothing wrong between us."
"When's the last time you had a relationship, Care?" Tyler asks. I open my mouth to answer him, but then he adds, "And I mean an actual relationship. Not a fuck buddy."
I lick my lips absentmindedly, "Uh, well…I guess it was Matt."
Tyler gives me a knowing look.
I roll my eyes, "So maybe it's been a while. But I don't know why that matters right now. Matt and I didn't fit. It became apparent after junior year. We both had different plans for the future."
"Personally, I think you fit better with Damon than you ever have with anyone else," Tyler says, and that actually means something to me.
"Have I crossed over into the twilight zone?" I ask him, and he just laughs.
"How about we order some dinner? Chinese okay?" He asks, digging his cell phone out of his pocket. I nod, "Yeah, get me some chicken lo mein. And don't forget the crab rangoons!"
-x-
When I call Damon later that night, he's on his break but I can hear the sounds clearly over the phone. Even for a Tuesday night, the Grill is pretty busy. The Grill usually is pretty low-key; they get their drunken disorderly people, but it's rare. The only reason I know that, too, is the fact that Mom's the sheriff. She doesn't exactly overshare, but I've heard my share growing up in her house.
"I've got the rest of the week off," I tell him as I lay in bed that night. It's a little after ten, and I know Damon's working until the bar closes at three. "Daphne wants me to get adjusted to the fact that I need to eat enough for two and get that much more rest."
"It's a good idea, Buttercup," he says to me. "You run yourself ragged."
"Not you too," I groan. "Seriously, I can take care of myself. I've been taking care of myself for years."
"I'm allowed to worry about you now, Buttercup. Not only are you my best friend, but you're carrying my baby. I just want to make sure everything goes smoothly."
"Everything's going to be fine. You even have a spy now," I say. "Tyler's been watching me like a hawk."
"We're worried about you, Buttercup. When it was just you, your schedule was no problem. You barely ate and you barely slept. You were on the go all the time. I get that was the way that you did things, but things are different now. And I hope you know that Bonnie and Elena are going to be attached to you at the hip."
I shook my head even though I knew he couldn't see me, "I don't know, D," I say. "I mean, Elena's got problems of her own. She's now four months pregnant and I hear that the pregnancy hormones are a bitch."
"And just think," he says, laughing, "That'll be you in a few months."
"You suck. Seriously, you're the worst person I know."
I could practically hear his smirk over the phone when he said, "I'm taking that as a compliment."
"Hey, D?" I ask. I hear his "hmm?" across the line so I continue, "We're going to need to tell our parents."
"Mom and Dad, I have no problem with that. They love me."
"Yeah, I know. Of course, you sucking up to Mom, bringing her lunch at the station and stuff is mainly the reason. Mostly I'm worried about how Dad'll react. Remember, just a month and a half ago, we were only best friends, and now we're having a child."
"They love me," Damon repeated. "You're worrying too much."
"What about Guiseppe?" I ask. There's silence on the other side. "Damon?" I ask, making sure he's still with me.
"Don't be surprised if he tries to push us into marriage, Caroline," Damon says, and I know it's serious. Not only did he call me by my given name, but he's talking about his dad – that's always a serious subject for him.
"Hey," I say softly, wishing that he was here with me so I could touch him. Damon tends to respond to little touches, for comfort. I shrug the thought off as I continue, "your dad isn't going to make me do anything. Not even my own parents can order me around. No matter what, I'm going to be here, okay? I love you, D, and nothing's going to ever change that."
For a brief moment, there's silence and then Damon quickly says, "I've gotta go. My break's over. How about I bring over dinner tomorrow night, around six, and we can watch a movie or something?"
I'm missing something. I can tell something is definitely going on in Damon's mind, but he's not going to let me know what it is. I feel something emotional in my chest, but I push the feeling aside.
"Okay," I saw weakly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Damon."
