Katekyo Hitman ED!
By The Mauve Lantern
Target 2: The Deathperation Shot Won't ED?!
The Mafia Boss is a leader of the criminal syndicate. With an army of loyal men, ready to give their lives for the sake of the family, he does everything in his power to protect the people. Surrounded by the respect and admiration of all the people, he is viewed as a hero by the children who live in the slums.
"Oh, is that so?" a sharply-dressed infant asks as he cocks a handgun and aims it at a young man's head.
"You're the one forcing me to read this, Reborn!" the young man replies, showing Reborn the book he was reading: The History of the Mafia. He doesn't want to die today.
The baby, called Reborn, puts the gun away, and says, "Read it every morning, Double D. You need to, if you are to become the 10th boss of the Vongola family."
Double D places the book on his bed and tells his 'psychiatrist', "Haven't you listened to a word I've said?! I'm never going to become a Mafia Boss!"
"You don't need to worry about a thing," Reborn says as he gets up on Double D's desk, "I'll take care of things for now."
As he starts assembling a shotgun in front of his 'patient', Double D can't help but shout, "How can I NOT be worried!?"
Hello, my name is Eddward Carson, although my friends call me Double D; and by friends, I mean my friend May, my...other friend, Nazz, and my psychotic tutor Reborn. Up until a few days ago, that list only had one name on it: May.
May Kanker has been by my side ever since we were little, and has always been watching my back. I guess she still feels guilty for that one incident…but that's a thing of the past, and
something I shouldn't delve into right now. Needless to say, she has always been like a big sister to me, and I've relied on her for many things over the years.
See, I'm not really what you would call "normal": I have always been a rather sickly person, I'm socially inept, and I am close to obsessive-compulsive when it comes to cleanliness. That's why I had, until recently, never left my room except to go to my classes. I've never had to leave, as my room is almost a small apartment, with its own bathroom and kitchen (although May does the grocery shopping for me) and everything else I could need. I was mostly comfortable with this hermit life, until things changed…
A few days ago, this small child had come up to my room claiming to be a psychiatrist; in reality, he was a hitman for the mafia, and he was there to train me for the position of 10th boss of the Vongola family. I didn't want that, but Reborn did offer me something I never would have done without his assistance: the chance to speak with Nazz Williams, the girl of-I mean, girl from my chemistry class! Yes, girl from my chemistry class.
Anyway, Reborn shot me (yes, shot me), in the head with this special bullet that allowed me to enter this trance-like state where I was able to overcome my anxieties about communication, and I asked Nazz to go out with me.
One thing led to another, and I had to fight this guy who also wanted to date her: Jason Todd. Now, I should have been killed the moment I set foot in that boxing ring, but I wasn't, thanks to the help of Reborn's bullet. I was given the strength I needed to take Todd down, and surprisingly, Nazz spoke with me afterwards! Granted, she thought I had been on drugs of some kind, but regardless, she thought I was awesome! ME!
And now that we've gotten the obligatory explanation out of the way, we can progress with the story at hand.
After having another argument with Reborn that morning, I fixed myself and May some breakfast. When we sat at the table, she poured some ketchup on her scrambled eggs and said, "So, got any plans for today?" She had been a little on the edge about me being in a boxing match without telling her, so she was keeping a wary eye on me.
"No plans as of yet, though I might check out the scene at the Student Recreation Center later on." This was something I had always wanted to do, but never got around to doing.
"Well," she said, "You let me know when you're going, okay? I don't need to hear about you collapsing because of something-or-other bothering you."
"Trust me," I said as I bit into a piece of sliced apple, "I will contact you about any plans this afternoon."
"Okay, Double D…"
I didn't think anything of it until much later, but I asked May, "Why have you been taking such an interest in what I do these days, May?"
She looked a little shocked, and said, "W-What do you mean, Double D?"
"Well, you've never kept this much of a vigilant eye on me: you want to know what I am going to do and what I did everyday; you've started having breakfast with me again; you're even texting me during the day to see if I'm all right!"
"C-Can't a girl look out for her stupid friend!? I mean, GEEZ, do I need a reason for everything I do?!"
"I suppose not, but-"
"But nothing! You've…changed a little in the past few days; I can't explain it. I just want to make sure that you're okay, all right? Nothing big." She cleared her plate, which was still half-full of eggs, and said, "Oh, my, look at the time! You've got to get to class! Here, I'll take your plate for you; you just get your stuff and get outta here, okay?"
I looked at my wristwatch, and gasped at the time. "Oh dear, I must be off!" I dashed off to my bedroom (I've never dashed anywhere before, either), grabbed my homework and ran for the door. Before I left, I shouted, "Bye, May! I'll see you later tonight!" and then I ran out the door.
I've noticed, over the past few days, that everyone's attitude has changed about me. Granted, most people didn't even know I existed; a few people thought I was a ghost or something, for heaven's sake! And to think, I owe it all to that creep, Jason Todd. I wonder if his hair has started growing back yet…
Some people waved to me on the way to my locker, some gave me a pat on the back, and some even cowered in fear of me. I'm still not entirely sure if that is a completely bad thing…
Now, everyone knows who I am; everyone thinks I'm either this really cool kid, or this completely unstable nut-job ready to kill someone at a moment's notice. But one way or the other, people respect me, something I've only gotten from teachers and May.
As if to emphasize this, a classmate of mine passed by me when I stopped at my locker and said, "'Sup, Double D?"
"Oh! Uh…morning!" It feels awkward, but at the same time, I'm happy about it too. If that's the case, perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to be shot with the deathperation shot more often!
I chuckled to myself, and thought, "Yeah, that'll be the day!"
Before I could head off to English class, I was stopped by the sound of someone calling my name.
"Oi, Carson!"
"Mo-Morning!"
I see that it's my classmate Lazlo Bane, a student who (supposedly) hails from South America. He's a very eager fellow, albeit a little on the naïve side; be that as it may, I always thought he was a nice guy, who gave each day his all. To be honest, that made me a little envious of him.
"I need to ask a BIG favor from you!" he said with his hands put together in a prayer-like state.
"A…favor, you say? From me?"
"The boys' volleyball club is playing today, but Samson is sick! I need you to play for us!"
To say I was shocked was the understatement of the year! Me, playing a SPORT!? "M-me?!" I managed to stammer out.
"You looked super-awesome when you beat Upper-Classman Todd! We need that strength!"
"Er, you see, that was…" That was a fluke, I wanted to say. For some reason, however, I just couldn't.
Lazlo got down on his knees and held his folded hands to the sky, begging, "C'mon, Double D; I'm beggin' ya! PLEASE! We REALLY want to win!"
What was I supposed to do? I had never played volleyball before, and I'd only seen it on TV. I figured out the rules easily enough, but playing it was another story.
"But," I thought at the time, "If I get shot with the deathperation shot, it'll probably work…"
I smiled nervously, and said, "Well…I suppose I can do it."
"Seriously?! If the champ that beat an upper-classman joins, we'll have nothing to fear!"
Wow, "champ"? I couldn't believe it; that's what people thought of me?
My smile grew with my confidence, and I declared, "Okay, just leave it to me!"
For a supposed "genius", I can make some pretty stupid decisions…
While Eddward was at school, May was taking a sick day. After breakfast had finished, she had checked her temperature, and discovered it was 102 degrees; so, she decided to take the day off. The blonde-haired girl sat in her room watching her favorite monster movies while she lay in her bed. She had the door locked, so imagine her surprise when she heard the voice of that bizarre, new psychiatrist of Edd's.
"Ciaosup."
May turned her head in the direction of the voice, and found that Reborn was standing on top of her dresser. "How did he do that?"
"Reborn!" she said, "What-how did you get in here?! The door's locked!"
"I have other ways of getting into a room, signora; don't doubt the abilities of a hitman."
Confused by the child's statement, May paused her game and asked, "What do you want? Can I getcha anything?"
Reborn shook his head and replied, "No, thank you. I just had something a little while ago." He picked up a picture that sat on May's dresser and examined it, saying, "I actually wanted to talk with you for a little while. You seemed somewhat off today at breakfast; I wanted to make sure there wasn't a problem."
"Oh, I was just feeling under the weather earlier. You don't need to worry about me, Reborn!"
"Actually, signora, I do."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
The infant turned the picture in his hands to May: it was a photo taken a few years ago, when Eddward had put together her 13th birthday party. It had been really fun, and her older sisters even showed up; how Eddward had found Lee was still a mystery.
May had felt a little depressed the week before, because she had found out that Lee had run off somewhere, and Marie was being particularly bitchy that week; to make matters worse, she had gotten sick on her birthday. Eddward knew that she had been going through a rough time,
so he did all he could to make the situation right. That meant sending out invitations to all her friends, ordering decorations from a local party store, and hooking up a sound system that played all her favorite records. A week later, and several hours of planning later, May came home from classes to find that everybody she knew was in her dorm room; she was so happy, she burst into tears on the spot. She wrapped Eddward in a tight hug, and that was when Libby Folfax had taken a picture, the same picture Reborn now held.
"You see, May," Reborn said as he set the picture down, "Eddward thinks the world of you. You have been there for him for years, taking care of him and making sure that he is okay. You are like the older sister he never had."
"W-Well, I suppose that's right…"
"I know for a fact it is."
May returned to her game, and said, "Reborn, I thought you mentioned that you had a concern."
"I'll get to that, signora. Now, if Edd places you on such a high pedestal, imagine what should happen to him if something happened to you…"
The girl got lost in thought as she imagined just what would happen to Eddward if something should happen to her. She knew that Double D relied on her for most everything, and what would happen to him if she got sick?
"Oh no, May: this goes beyond catching a cold. Edd could help you if it were a cold; I'm talking about what if something worse happened to you."
"You mean-"
"Yes. Suppose…you were to die."
Die?! What did he mean by "to die"?!
"Wait, you mean 'die' as in, DIE die?!"
"Exactly. To lose someone so precious to him, Edd would crumble; that is not what the Vongola need. No matter how strong he gets, if his dearest friend were to be taken away from him, it would spell the end for him and us.
"So," the infant said as he hopped off the dresser, "If you could protect yourself, Edd wouldn't need to worry as much."
"Seriously?!"
"Yes. Of course, it wouldn't eliminate every concern, but we'll work on that."
"What do you mean, "We'll"?"
"If you are willing, I could find someone to teach you how to use a weapon. You could defend yourself from assailants, and serve as a member of the family. What do you say?"
May had to think carefully: she had always been uncertain as to what to do with her future, and she only knew that she would try to be as close to Eddward as possible. Wait, WHAT?! No, she had to let him be his own man, be that a doctor or a Mafia boss. She couldn't be with him forever, right? Still, he would need some help…
"…Okay, I'll do it. I'll take your training!"
Smiling, Reborn said, "Good. I'll contact the teacher as soon as possible, though there is no guarantee that they'll show up soon…"
"That's okay. It's not like he's in any immediate danger, right?"
"No, not yet…" He turned and walked out the door, saying, "Arrivederci."
Before he left the room, however, he said, "Are you going to watch Edd's volleyball game?"
"Volleyball game?" This was news to her…
"Yes, it should be a sight to see. Well, arrivederci!" And with that, he returned to heaven knows where.
May curled her hands into fists and started to grit her teeth. Volleyball game?! After she told him to take it easy?!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!"
The clock tower's bells rang out four times, signifying the end of the school day, and fifteen minutes till the volleyball game began. Now, a week ago, if anyone said I would be playing volleyball, I would have suggested they get a cat-scan! Yet here I was, heading out of my final class, when I met up with Lazlo.
"Hey Double D!" he said with a large grin on his face, "We're gonna get changed now; meet us in the gym?"
"Sure," I told him as I headed off in the other direction, "I'll be with you guys momentarily; I just have to drop off some books at my room!"
The truth was, I wasn't going to my room; I was looking for that psychotic teacher of mine, Reborn. Wandering down the hall, I made sure to check for any hidden cameras or traps he might have set up today. I asked myself, "Knowing his usual modus operandi, where could he possibly be?" Again and again, I turned down various halls, shouting, "Reborn!"
Finding no trace of the tiny Mafioso, I thought to myself, "Where has that child gone to?! And at such a time as this!"
Finally, I passed by an air conditioning unit that was exuding a familiar odor: that of espresso. "Hold the phone; I know that smell!"
I leaned in close to the machine, and listened for any noise inside. It caught me completely off guard when the machine burst open and revealed my teacher, sitting at a miniature table with an espresso machine on top.
"Ciaosup." He said this as he gestured at me with his espresso cup.
"W-What in heaven's name is this?!"
Reborn did not reply immediately, but only took a sip of his espresso. He finally said to me, "I have bases all over the school."
"When did you have the time to do that?!" I said, my mind blown from this strange boy's antics. Remembering my original intent in finding Reborn, I pounded my fist into my hand and told him, "Never mind! I need you to shoot me with the deathperation shot! There's no time!"
He smirked at me, and said, "I could shoot you right now, but you would only die."
"Wh-What did you say?"
Placing his cup on a dish, he told me, "If you have no regrets when you are shot with the deathperation, you will not revive. I suppose that you've gotten lots of compliments from your victory over Jason Todd; do you have any regrets in your life at this point?"
"No, I don't…Ah! Does that mean that mean that the deathperation WON'T WORK?!"
Reborn brought out his handgun and asked me, "Shall we find out?"
I swung my hands in front of my face and screamed out, "No! No, there's no need for that!"
Satisfied, Reborn shut the air conditioning unit, saying, "Good luck at the game, hero."
I walked back to the gym, but my legs trembled something fierce; it was all I could do to stand up. "Wha-What do I do?!" I asked myself, "Just when I was finally breaking from my shell…If I
show how badly I perform in the game, I'll have to go back to being a hermit! I should just go back to my room…" Before I could retreat back to the sanctity of my dormitory room, I was stopped in my tracks by a heavenly voice.
"Hey, Double D! You're playing in the volleyball game, right?"
Nazz Williams was here. She was going to watch the game, and she would see how much of a loser I truly am.
"Where are you going? The gym's this way!" she said as she grabbed my arm. "If you don't hurry, they'll start without you!"
As she pulled me along, I feebly attempted to protest. Being myself, I was only able to mumble, "Ah, o-okay…"
"C'mon, we have to hurry! Everyone's waiting!"
I could have sworn, at that moment, Reborn was watching me from down the hall. Watching me with that damnable smirk on his face.
I was ushered into the gym by Nazz, and I thought to myself, "It looks like I've got no other choice; I'll just have to hope that this ends soon."
The noise from the spectators shook me back into reality: it seemed that almost every student in our grade was there, all of them shouting their support; I think I even saw a giant banner that read "DOUBLE D ROCKS!!"
"Yeah, our star player is here!"
"What kept ya?"
"GO DOUBLE D!"
"My, they're really depending on me…" I thought to myself.
Up in the higher parts of the bleachers, there's a kid watching the new-come champion with anxiousness. He fiddles with a yo-yo as he pops a jawbreaker candy into his mouth, and thinks to himself, "So, that's the 10th boss, huh?"
I made my way over to the section with my teammates, and I was greeted by Lazlo, Raj Nahasapeemapetilon, and Clam Berkley.
"Finally, DD!" Clam said in his simpleton tone.
Lazlo slapped my back and said, "Show us something incredible; I know you can do it!"
Raj shook my hand, and told me, "Yes, show us something verrrrry crrrazy!"
All I could do was laugh nervously to myself. In my head, I was screaming, "Not good not good! I have to get out of here!"
The referee blew the whistle, and shouted, "BEGIN!" and Edward Duck on our team served the ball.
After the other team hit it back to our side, I noticed that it was coming to me. I tried to swing my arms under it, but I was too slow; the ball hit the floor and bounced into my abdomen instead. I fell to the ground, clutching my stomach in immense pain, while my teammates asked if I was okay.
Murmurs began to circle around the crowd. "Huh?"
"What's going on?"
"Did he just…?"
I got up, my face a brilliant crimson. "Urgh, how embarrassing. Please, don't hit the ball to me!"
Sadly, the ball came back my way, and Lazlo tried to help me by shouting, "Double D! It's to you!"
Each and every time I tried to hit the ball after that, I only managed to fall flat on my face or get the ball to crash into my chest. The murmurs among the crowd got worse and worse…
"He's terrible."
"Man, he sucks!"
"What the hell are you doing!?"
"I can't believe that's the guy who beat Todd…"
As I listened to the spectators, I told them, in my head, "What do you expect? I'm not running on deathperation!"
Edward Earle and David Slinkman both shouted at me during a timeout.
"Eddward!" Slinkman shouted, "Do you even want to win?!"
"Get it together, loser!" Edward screamed.
Even the most optimistic guys on our team were beginning to get on me about my poor ability.
"You're holding us down, Double D!" Raj screeched.
"Geez, Double D; I thought you could play volleyball!" our captain, Lazlo, told me.
Clam, ever so eloquently, shouted, "You suck!"
All I could think was, "I can't take much more of this…"
Finally, it was the end of the first set, and we were losing by seven points. At the bench, all the guys gave me death glares as I stood in my place on the floor.
I quietly said, "Um, may I say something, Lazlo?"
"What?"
"Well, I, um, twisted my ankle during the fight with Jason Todd. And just now, it started to hurt again…"
He looked at me with concern, and said, "Wow, really? So that's why you've been off today."
I politely asked, "May I please go get some ice from the nurse's office?"
Despite Raj's protests about having only five players, Lazlo told me, "Well, it can't be helped; go ahead."
"Success!" I thought to myself. "Sorry, gentlemen, for having to abandon you, but I can't take much more of this." It was then that I noticed the bandages on Lazlo's hand: there were many of them, trailing all the way up his elbow. The other players were the same way, with their bodies covered in bruises and bandages covering their arms. "Everyone's hurt…"
I remembered what they were telling me earlier, "We really want to win! We have to give it our all!"
Lazlo grabbed my shoulder gently, and said, "Hey, why're you still standing around? Go to the nurse's office, get some rest."
I made my way out of the gym, and I could hear the disappointment of the crowd as they called me names like coward and slacker. What pained me was Nazz's eyes following me, the disappointment unbearable.
The school was empty, with all the students having flocked to the gym to watch the volleyball game in progress. There is no one waiting by the doors, talking with their friends; no one staying behind to study in the classrooms; no one in their dorm rooms, logging onto the internet. Everyone was in the gym, except for me. I was washing my face off in a bathroom not too far from the gymnasium.
Reborn watched me from the door, and asked, "Not going home?"
"Yes."
After wiping my face dry with a towel, I ran back to the gym, and said, "I'm heading back!"
Reborn stood there and watched me, and replied, "Later."
I got back to the gym, and thought to myself, "How selfish of me. Getting prideful and accepting the request to play. And for trying to use the deathperation bullet to easily do what everyone worked so hard to accomplish."
As I made my way back to the court, I told myself, "I'll try my best, and then I'll apologize to everyone when this is over."
Outside, in an adjacent building, Reborn aims his sniper rifle, and says to no one in particular, "As long as you understand, Edd."
Firing off a shot, he smiles and shouts, "Take this!"
Suddenly, I feel a stinging in my legs, a feeling I only get when I'm shot with a bullet. I fall to the ground clutching my legs, screaming, "AAAHHH, I'M HIT!!"
Something's wrong though: even thought I was shot, nothing feels different; I don't feel full of energy like before. "And yet," I thought to myself, "There are holes in my pants."
As the ball is put back in play, Lazlo shouts, "Here it comes, Double D! Block it!"
"I'll do my best!" I reply, jumping with all my might. And I do block the ball…and the audience goes quiet. Maybe it's because I leapt five feet into the air!
Everyone's eyes are bulging from their sockets as they watch me in the air, still in a block position.
Needless to say, we won the game that day.
"JUMP SHOT?!"
Back in my apartment, I asked Reborn to explain what exactly happened in the game today.
He holds a Vongola bullet in his hand and says, "The "deathperation shot" is just the special effect this bullet has when it hits your brain. The name and effect the bullet has depends on the part of the body that's hit; when you're hit in the knees, that's a jump shot!"
I rubbed my hand against my hat, and asked, "So, there are other effects?"
"There are as many effects as there are parts of the body."
"WWHHHAAAATTT?! So, even the hands, feet and back are-"
"That's right."
"A-Amazing!" This mafia stuff keeps getting weirder and weirder…
I smiled and asked my teacher, "Why would you hide this from me? You only told me about the deathperation shot before!"
"It seemed like you would depend on the bullet for everything, so I didn't say anything. But you didn't depend on the bullet today."
"Wow, Reborn…"
I thought to myself, "His methods might be crazy, but he's actually thinking of me…"
Reborn turned to his case and began rummaging around, saying, "However, that's not the real reason I shot you."
"What?"
He pulled out a machine gun, and said, with a smile, "If I don't keep shooting, I'll lose my touch; now, I can shoot you as much as I want!"
"He looks…freakishly happy…"
And that was just Tuesday! Wait until you hear about what happened later this week!
