Chapter 3: You Only Want Me When You're Lonely
You're welcome to check out the song that inspired the ending of this chapter: When You're Lonely by Jana Kramer.
Kate watched him walk off; she placed her head on the wheel, "Fuck."
(Rick's POV)
I walked into the loft, kicked off my shoes and threw my coat on the couch. Nobody was home yet. Mother was out at her theatre and Alexis was probably out with Ashley. I walked into my office; I let my emotions out right then and there. I grabbed the picture that I had on my desk, it was a photo that I had of Beckett and myself. I picked it up, clenched my fist and with the photo in my hand I let out a frustrated sigh. I threw it immediately at the wall, letting it shatter on the floor. The glass from the frame slid across the floor and pieces of it cut my foot as I walked over to the other side of the room and punched a hole into the wall. I turned into something that I wouldn't have ever turned into with my past wives. I had never gotten that upset over something like this especially over Kate Beckett…that was it, though, she was Katherine Beckett and I loved her unconditionally. How on earth could she do this to me? How could she say that I didn't understand where she was coming from when she lied to me? She sat on the three words I told her for a year…..a fucking year. I understood that she was hurt, I get that she had her walls but, I just couldn't take this anymore. I leaned against the wall and ran my hand through my now tussled hair. I took a deep breath; I needed to talk to my mother. I walked into the kitchen to get the broom so that I could clean up my office before she got back home and flip out on me because there was glass everywhere.
Once I finished cleaning up the glass from the floor I went into take a shower. My right foot had a cut right on the top because the glass had sliced through my sock when it came crashing down from the floor. I stripped my clothes off, got into the shower and let the steaming water run down my body. I let it hit my face as the thoughts of everything that happened today ran through my mind. How she allowed me to kiss her, ran off, and kissed me in the car leading to her revealing the fact that she knew I loved her. My eyes closed as I washed my hair and tried getting my mind off of her. It wasn't healthy for me to stick around and see her string me on. I put my forehead against the shower wall and let everything sink it. I needed to go back to that precinct, I had to continue shadowing her…..or at least I wanted to. She hurt me, yes, but I loved her.
(Kate's POV)
I turned the corner and went straight to my door making sure nobody was around and unlocked my door. I walked in, locked the door behind me and put the chain on the door. I placed my keys down on the counter and went to go sit on the couch. I dropped my coat on the floor and stared at the very area that I had let Castle kiss me this morning. I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them and I wrapped my arms around my legs and sat there; staring. The thoughts of today spun in my head like a merry-go-round. I can't believe I had said that in the car. I ruined the perfect moment and he probably hated me now. I remembered the fire in his eyes when he backed up. The amount of shocked and rage his face showed; the way his voice came out like venom from a snake and hit me clear in the face. I closed my eyes and tried to remember a Castle who smiled at me when we sat at my desk, The Castle that brought me coffee every morning but, as I imagined those small moments the facial expression of how upset he was not even an hour ago crept back into my head and stung me like electricity. I realized that that stupid mistake of letting him know that I knew he loved me would ruin our friendship. It was the one thing I had been trying to avoid and now it was too late. I got up and walked over to the picture that Castle gave me; it was us, the old us, us from before today. I held it in my hands, leaned against the wall and slowly slid down. I hadn't even realized that the tears were streaming down my face. I could taste the saltiness of my tears on my lips, I wasn't just shedding a few tears, I was full on sobbing my eyes out.
(Rick's POV)
"Richard?" I looked up to find my mother staring at me as she ate the salad I made her.
"Yes, mother?" I raised my eyebrows slightly trying to hide the fact that I had a long day at the precinct
"What's up, kiddo? You seem like you had a bad day." I nodded and cleared my throat,
"Beckett remembered. She's known for a year that I loved her and she told me today." My mother's eyes opened wide and she looked at me confused.
"Wait, what? Kiddo, she knew? Why didn't she say anything?" I shrugged and shook my head,
"Beckett is confusing. She said I 'didn't understand' so, I kind of," I rubbed the back of my neck and sighed, "I got so upset that I yelled at her and got out the car. I immediately left."
"Richard, I'm so sorry." I nodded, "Maybe you should go talk to her? You did yell at her at the heat of the moment, talking things through would make it better for you two?" I shook my head and watched Alexis walk into the kitchen.
"I'm not going to talk to her. I'll go to the precinct tomorrow but, I'm already upset, I don't need this." Alexis walked up to me and pecked my cheek.
"Hey, what's wrong?" The concern was written all over her face. My baby girl shouldn't be worrying about me so, it was time to give a small white lie.
"Nothing, Alexis. I just had a long day at the precinct." I gave a small smile and squeezed her before she made her way upstairs to go do homework.
Everyone was upstairs sleeping so I made my way over to my office and started typing up a new chapter for my new Nikki Heat book. I started playing music and humming along to the song "Apologize" by One Republic. The song fit this scenario perfectly. I glanced at the small clock at the bottom of the laptop and saw the time: 10:34PM. I heard a knock at the door and got up immediately, who could that be at this hour?
"Coming!" I jogged to the door and opened it before laying my eyes on who was standing outside in my hallway.
"Castle, we need to talk." I looked right into her eyes and bit the inside of my cheek, I wasn't going to let her see that seeing her made him slightly better but at the same time killing him inside that she had the audacity to face him within less than six hours.
"Beckett, what do you want?" I continued to stare at her trying to hurry up this conversation so she could leave.
"You." She walked up to me and gave me a kiss, I could taste something strong when she shoved her tongue into my mouth, it was alcohol; she was drunk. I pulled away and pushed her off slightly.
"You need to leave," I turned her around and lead her to the door. "You're drunk." She giggled and grabbed my hand.
"Ricky, don't be this way. I'm sorry I hid the fact that I knew you loved me for a year but, I have strong feelings for you. Please? Let's talk this through?" I took a moment to pause and think about it but, I knew damn well that I shouldn't sit down and 'talk this through'. I let her out to the hallway, called a cab and stepped out into the hallway with her.
"How did you get here, Beckett?" I asked letting the iciness of my tone sink in.
"I drove over here." She shrugged like it was nothing.
"Are you crazy?! You could've gotten into a car accident! I'm calling you a cab; I'll bring your car over tomorrow after work."
"You could let me stay the night?" She played with the top button of my dress shirt and I pulled her wrists off of me and placed it at her sides.
"No."
The cab came ten minutes later and I walked her to it and made sure to pay the taxi driver and tell him her address. I watched the taxi drive away after Kate got in. I walked back up to the loft and gripped the arch of my nose with my index finger and thumb. She was too frustrating and tomorrow was going to be extremely awkward, I'll pray that she doesn't remember this. She was pretty drunk so, maybe she'll think it was just a dream. 'Lord, help me." I walked to the office and continued writing the rest of the next chapter.
There were a few complaints about the fact that I switch the point of veiws but, I do it for a reason & I hope you will continuing reading regardless. I enjoy letting you see into the mind of each character instead of having one POV or 3rd person all the time. Anyway, there is another song (Country song) that you can listen to & that is pertaining to the end of this chapter. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter. It's more of Castle's POV because I feel that in the show you don't really get to see how he acts when she leads him on too much & you see more of him going back to the 'page 6' playboy Richard Castle instead of the Castle that breaks down or the Castle that isn't all fun and games and has a lot of built up emotions. Please review and leave a comment ^.^ Also, thank you to Sianita95 for your advice/suggestions on how I should continue this story. I appreciate every single review I get; good or bad. Keep 'em coming & I'll continue working on the new chapters ^.^
