CHAPTER 3: Memories of Brian

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After his initial words, Deeks couldn't figure out how to start telling Callen what was going on, so he just continued to sit there. Every so often, he would begin to speak and then stop and sigh. Finally after about the fifth try, he began.

"I had a buddy named Brian who was gay. My definition of a true hero. An Army Ranger, he went through three tours of duty in Afghanistan and other middle East locations I never knew about without getting a scratch. He was a big man, 6 foot 4 inches, 240 pounds of long lean muscle. He felt he owed me for helping out his sister during one of his tours. I kept trying to tell him it was my duty as a police officer but he wouldn't hear it. He said what I had done made me his friend and once you were his friend, it's for life. It was…he made me part of his family. I was assigned to go undercover to stop some hate crimes involving gay men. I…he helped me come up with the alias Sven…" Deeks sighed again and just sat there.

"He sounds like someone I would like" Callen told him. "Why haven't you ever mentioned him?"

"He died…it was my fault…everyone says it wasn't…hell even he gave me grief for taking on the guilt, but I can't help but think if he hadn't helped me, he would still be alive. I guess everything that happened today just brought it all back up." Deeks was pulled back down into his memories.

He lay there taking the beating of his life while trying to stay alert enough to burn the faces of the men around him into his memory. He couldn't understand how everything had fallen apart so quickly. He knew he had to make it through this so no one else would become a victim. He kept hearing the things they were screaming at him "Fucking fag!" and " Fairy!" and "God hates fags"; the usual epithets thrown around gay people. After several more kicks to the back that brought additional waves of agony, and one final one to the head that left him dazed and unable to do anything, he could feel them begin to cut his shirt off his back. He felt the knife or whatever they were using pierce his skin in various places and could feel his warm blood dripping onto the pavement. They then picked him up to get rid of the shirt then threw him back down onto his stomach and began cutting his slacks off. Thank God he never had to endure what they clearly had planned to do to him next. All he remembered was a sudden whirlwind of kicks and punches from Brian to the men surrounding him and then sirens and cops.

Brian knelt down beside him and carefully turned him over. "God Marty, are you okay? I heard you scream, called the backup team and came running as fast as I could. Man, I'm so sorry I didn't get here faster!…You're going to be okay, it doesn't look too bad…Marty...answer me, Marty...look at me, come on stay awake…Marty!" Brian begged.

As hard as he tried, he couldn't clear his head enough to answer Brian and he couldn't keep his eyes open. The words all blended together into white noise that overwhelmed him as he lost his fight to stay conscious.

Bringing himself back out of the memories, he murmured "He saved my life. I wouldn't be here today if he hadn't been there"

Callen was stunned at the emotion in Deeks voice. He couldn't think of anything to say to reassure him at this point so simply laid his hand on the back of his neck to let him know he wasn't alone. He didn't want to do anything to stop the words slowly coming from Deeks. He could tell he needed to get the words out to finally find some peace. After more time passed with nothing else being said, he quietly stated "You've never told anyone about this, have you."

"No, not all of it. Only what I was required to for the reports and the ordered psych consult before I was allowed to return to duty." Deeks whispered.

"Why?"

"No one needed the complete story. All LAPD wanted were the facts and I gave them that. "The doctors just wanted to know I was coping and able to go back to work and I was. They didn't need to know every thought in my head during the attack."

Callen shook his head knowing exactly what Deeks meant. "How badly were you injured?" Callen had never read anything about the undercover operation Deeks was describing. He was surprised it wasn't listed in the paperwork Hetty had compiled on their liaison officer.

"Three cracked ribs and two broken ones, bruised kidneys, spinal bruising, various cuts and contusions and a grade 3 concussion." came the quiet reply. "I was unconscious for about 6 hours. I was in ICU for several days and the hospital for about two weeks before I…before I could even walk. You see I had to wait for the swelling in my spine to go down. I spent a total of three weeks in the hospital before they would release me. And then it was to a Rehab center for rehab…lots of rehab. I was off work for four months."

"God Deeks! Only you would say 'it wasn't that bad' for major injuries like that" Callen marveled. "For crying out loud, you complain about a paper cut but not being able to walk for two weeks is 'not that bad'?! You are something else."

"Paper cuts hurt…and it was only one time" Deeks snorted. "I have to keep up my reputation as delicate you know. You guys wouldn't know how to handle me otherwise" he tried to joke but Callen could tell by the look in his eyes, it was only on the surface. As he sat there, the memories came back with a vengeance.

Waking up in the hospital, Marty tried to take in his surroundings. It was difficult. He felt like there was an entire marching band playing in his head. He tried and failed several times to focus his vision but then was finally able to see Brian sitting in the chair next to his bed with his eyes closed. "Wh…what happened to me?" he whispered. Brian snapped his eyes open and grabbed Marty's hand and something on the bed "Hey, are you finally back with me man?" he asked as he pushed the call button to summon the nurse and doctor.

"I'm in the hospital?"

"Yes you are." answered the doctor as he came into the room. "You're a very lucky man. Can you tell me your name?"

"Marty Deeks. The President is Bush. I live in Los Angeles. I'm a cop. Any more questions you need answered?" with a ghost of a smile he gave the doctor the answer to his first question and the other ones he knew would come next.

"I see you've been through this before. By the way my name is Dr. Greaves. I'm your attending while you're with us."

"When can I go home?" came the reply. Marty hated hospitals. He had ever since he was a child.

The doctor replied "You're going to be with us for a while. Do you feel up to hearing what's wrong with you or would you like to rest more first?"

"Just tell me. I feel like I was run over by a bus."

"Okay, but I don't want you to get upset. What I'm about to tell you sounds worse than it is. Hold onto that thought until I'm done." The doctor began reciting Marty's injuries. "You have numerous cuts to your back and legs, but they should heal with minimal scarring. You have a grade 3 concussion and were unconscious for approximately 6 hours so you may experience headaches and dizziness. These will dissipate in time. We performed a CT scan and you checked out okay as far as your head is concerned. You have bruised kidneys with a minor amount of blood in your urine. I'm prescribing bed rest for that and your other injuries. You have two broken ribs and three cracked ribs that will heal on their own. The most serious injury you have is bruising to your spinal cord."

"What!" Marty looked panicked. "Am I going to be paralyzed?"

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Marty came back to himself and whispered "When I first heard the words 'bruising to your spinal cord' I almost freaked out because I thought I was paralyzed. Brian kept me from panicking in the hospital."

Callen kept quiet and let Deeks set the pace. He sank back into more memories.

"Let me finish Mr. Deeks. The spinal injury is to your lower back and is causing swelling. We're prescribing a corticosteroid to help reduce it. You'll be here in ICU for at least one day, maybe more, while we continue monitoring your condition. Tell me if you can feel this" the doctor continued as he ran his pen along the bottom of Marty's feet one at a time.

"It feels kind of numb but tingly at the same time" Marty said each time the doctor looked up at him in question.

"This is very good news. I'm confident that you'll regain full function in your legs within the next two weeks. You will have to go through rehab to get your strength back and get on your feet but all the signs are excellent. I want you to get some rest and I'll talk to you later." The doctor motioned for Brian to follow him out of the room while the nurse starting fussing around Marty.

Deeks again resurfaced from his memories and giving a sideways glance to Callen, continued "Brian was with me through everything it took to get back on my feet and back to work. He or one of his sisters were there every day I was in the hospital. He was there to bully me about my therapy whenever I felt like giving up. He was there to listen whenever my fears got the better of me. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't been there. His whole family was there supporting me. I couldn't understand why they would do that for me. I never really had any kind of support system before, so it was difficult for me to wrap my head around it sometimes. He used to get so mad at me and would call me names like numbskull, dumbass; anything he needed to or could think of to keep me going."

Callen placed his hand back on Deeks neck and replied "And now you have us. You do know that we have your back and that you're part of our family, right? I know we tease you about being a lousy liaison, your fluffy hair, delicate skin, and being a cop, but we do realize just how good you are. I've never seen anyone as good as you when it comes to dreaming up aliases on the fly or going undercover as quickly and convincingly as you do."

Deeks gave him an incredulous look saying "Seriously? Who are you, and what did you do to Callen?"

"Shut it Deeks, or I'll tell Kensi you've been reading her memoirs again" threatened Callen. He was relieved when he saw a small smirk grace Deeks' face. He offered another beer and waited for Deeks to continue. He knew he still had a lot of things he needed to get off his chest.

As the last light disappeared and the stars began to shine over the ocean, more memories came to Deeks.

The nurse fussing over him was a good looking woman. She tried to flirt a little bit with him, but he was in no shape to pick up on it. He lay in the hospital bed trying to digest everything the doctor told him without freaking out. It didn't help that the marching band performing in his head was getting louder and louder. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew it would be illusive at best and possibly filled with nightmares he didn't need to relive at worst.

By the time the nurse finished with him, Brian was coming back into the room. As soon as she left, he asked him what else the doctor had said. "Don't worry about it Marty. I'm taking care of things. You just try to sleep, I'm going to be here all night."

"You don't need to do that Brian. I'll be fine by myself. I'm used to it."

"God Marty, why do you always do that!" Brian was getting angry. "I'm doing this because you're my friend, you're more like family than a friend to be honest, and I'm not leaving you alone tonight. You just had the shit beat out of you! Just accept my help before I put you out of your misery, you numbskull!"

"Okay, okay" Marty murmured sliding done in the bed and trying to get comfortable. "Did they get the perps?"

"Yes, they got the perps. Just close your eyes and sleep for now Marty. We'll talk more about it tomorrow" Brian whispered as Marty lost the fight to stay awake.

Over the course of the night, Marty had been woken by the staff every two hours for the neuro checks. Every time the nurses woke him, Brian was there watching over him as well. It gave him a feeling of comfort he'd never experienced before.

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