Here is another chapter of Garen's Manly Man Club. Hope you enjoy!


Garen took a large bite out of his steak. It was now dinnertime and he was currently sitting with Pantheon and Jayce. Usually he would be sitting with Lux during dinner and interrogating her on how her day went, but she was still in a match on the Rift. In the meantime, Garen was busy filling in Jayce on the recent events which convinced him to create the Manly Man Club. As the newest member of the club, Jayce needed to be caught up to date as soon as possible. Garen had told Jayce about his miserable experience with Teemo and sissy laners in general, as well as the wuss Ezreal having the audacity to try and ask Lux out on a date. He was now in the middle of a long speech about how very few champions in the League were manly enough to date Lux and questioning Lux's secret crush. Jayce was barely able to stifle a yawn. Garen was honestly as boring as he looked. He looked over to Pantheon, who had already dozed off. Thankfully, Jayce was nearly done eating. Now he just needed a convenient excuse to get away. He did want to become a manly man like Pantheon, but there was only so much Garen he could take at a time.

Luckily, distraction came in the form of Lux, who snuck behind Garen and put her hands over his eyes. "I'm here!" she happily exclaimed.

Garen took his sister's hands off his eyes. "I take it from your attitude that you won the game."

Lux nodded. "Yep, it took longer than I would've liked though. Ezreal and Taric were stomped by Lucian and Braum. Our jungler, Master Yi spent a majority of the match farming. I was able to hold a slight advantage with Katarina, but Ri-."

"Katarina?" Garen interrupted. "Did she say anything about me? I walked by her the other day with my new cologne. Did she notice it?" Lux shook her head and started to continue her story, but was interrupted by Garen yet again. "Well, did you say anything about me to her? Did you tell her how buff I am? Or mention just how stunningly good looking I am?"

"No," Lux curtly replied. "The last time I mentioned your name to her, she went on a rampage. Long story short, we won despite having a feeding botlane and a near nonexistent jungler."

"Well, alright then." Garen was a little disappointed. "Are you hungry? Come, sit down and join us."

"I ate before my match. Listen, there is actually something I need to ask you. Could we do this in private?"

"Very well." Garen got up from the table. "Jayce, Pantheon. Pantheon?" Pantheon was still sleeping. Jayce quickly tapped Pantheon in the rib, waking the warrior up. "Don't chop off my balls!" he squealed as he woke up. Everyone stared as Pantheon's face began to redden. "Er... I just woke up from a bad dream..."

"Ok..." Garen wanted no details. "So is everyone good for meeting up at the gym at 10 in the morning tomorrow?" Pantheon and Jayce nodded. "I'll see you then. I have some brother-sister business to attend to. A manly man is a family man." He followed Lux out of the cafeteria as the three men exchanged good-byes.

"What is wrong Lux?" Garen questioned as Lux quickly closed the door of her room and locked it. "Has another unsavory character attempted to hit on you? I will crush him in the name on Demacia!"

"Don't be silly brother. I want to ask for your permission to hold a slumber party tomorrow. It'll just be me and a few of the girls in the Institute."

"No," Garen firmly turned down. "You will not be having a slumber party. Not on my watch."

"Why not?" Lux whined. "You never let me do anything fun."

"No." Garen was unmoved. "I won't allow it. There is so much that can go wrong. What if someone decides to barge in on your party? Maybe Teemo decides to sneak into your room, plants his mushrooms all around your room, hides using his invisibility, and then tapes the entire incident as you and your guests fall into the shrooms."

"Oh come on, Teemo isn't that evil. Besides, if someone comes in, I'll just shoot my laser at them. It is at more lethal outside of the Rift. Come on, why can't I just have a little fun for once in my life?"

Garen sighed. "We are champions representing Demacia. There are some sacrifices we have to make. There are just some things we can't do. You having a slumber party is just one of them. How would we look if the citizens of Demacia found out one of their champions is a party girl? We'll look silly and then Noxus will use this as propaganda. You don't see me running around having a sausage fest."

"What about dinner? You were hanging out Pantheon and Jayce," Lux accused.

"That was business. For Demacia," Garen justified.

Please." Lux put on her best kitty face. "I just want one night with the girls. This'll mean so much to me."

Garen cracked. Lux's kitty face always seemed to work. "Very well," he relented. "But, we need to make some ground rules. Rule #1, No Noxians."

"What about Riven?" Lux asked. "She's nice and I think some social interaction would be good for her. She is always so lonely."

"NOOOOOO! It is all a trap!" Garen yelled. He leapt up from his chair. "She is luring you into a false sense of security. In fact, I am willing to bet that when you try to ask Riven to your slumber party, you'll be ambushed by a battalion of Noxians. You'll try to run away, but due to Riven's ridiculous mobility, she'll easily capture you. Riven will use you as bait to draw me out to a one on one duel. I accept of course and being a juggernaut, I easily overpower her. However, just as I am about to deal the finishing blow and rescue you, I get stabbed in the back by Katarina. I get taken prisoner and Riven uses this to return to Noxus and gets promoted to Grand General."

"Garen, you are being ridiculous. Riven would never do something like that."

"She is a dirty Noxian. I wouldn't put it past her. Now, continuing on." Garen took a moment to think to himself. "Ah, yes Rule #2, No perverts," declared Garen. "That means no Ahri, no Zyra, no whatever the new chick's name is. I still don't know who she is. The last thing I want to see is my little sister's innocent slumber party becoming an orgy. No, that will not happen .My sister will not be defiled! " Garen pounded his fist.

"Garen, I was never going to invite Ahri anyway," Lux said. "But what is wrong with Zyra and Illaoi?"

"Illaoi, that is her name! I always forgot that." Garen took a quick breath. "Have you seen Zyra's plants and Illaoi's tentacles? I don't know about you, but I've seen enough hent-"

"Garen," Lux admonished. "Don't be silly. And do you really watch that disgusting smut? For shame."

"It could happen," Garen quickly said. "I don't want to take that risk. This brings us to Rule #3, No crazies. That means no one from the Shadow Isles, no Jinx, no Vi, no."

"What is wrong with Vi?" Lux asked. "Sure she is rough around the edges, but she means well. Besides, I don't think I can invite Caitlyn and not invite Vi."

"Who said you could invite Caitlyn?" Garen challenged. "She is uptight, snobbish and a pain in the butt. Not only that, her so called Yordle Snap Trap also works on humans, so she is also a dirty liar. No Caitlyn."

"No wonder Janna called you the biggest weenie in the Institute," Lux muttered under her breath.

"Moving on, Rule #4..." Garen continued. Lux groaned. This was going to take a while. As Garen droned on and on, Lux decided to quickly agree with whatever ridiculous rules Garen wanted. The quicker they finished up, the quicker Lux could begin inviting everyone and plan her sleepover. Besides, as long as he had her fingers crossed every time she agreed with Garen, that meant she could do whatever she wanted.

"...And finally Rule #34, no yordles," Garen finished. An hour later, and he was finally finished. "Wait a second, I forgot Rules #35, no alcohol. And Rule #36, no Noxians."

"You already said the yordle and alcohol rule twice," Lux complained. "And you've said no Noxians six times."

"I need to stress those rules," Garen insisted. "I'm done now, any questions?"

"Nope, we are all good," Lux began to push Garen out of her room. "Thanks brother. I'm glad we were able to get this done in private. Imagine if we had told either Pantheon or Jayce. Those two perverts would probably try to do something funny."

"Don't worry, I won't tell them," Garen reassured.


Garen hurried to the gym. He needed to tell Pantheon and Jayce about Lux's sleepover. Although Lux had told him not to tell them, Garen did not trust his sister alone with a bunch of strangers. He needed some advice. He didn't want his sister to get hurt. Garen charged forth. He didn't have a lot of time. In a few hours, Lux would be gathering everyone into her room for her sleepover. Garen arrived at the gym and barged through the door.

"Do another set you pansy," Pantheon screamed at Jayce, who whimpered as he struggled to lift the weight. "I was able to this since I was wearing diapers. How are you struggling? You still have to work on your legs after this!"

"Men, there is an emergency!" Garen called out. "My sister is having an all girls slumber party, but my big brother senses are tingling. I'm afraid something bad is about to happen to her and I need your help."

"An all girl slumber party?" Pantheon asked. "Jayce, you can stop." he ordered as the Piltoverian dropped the weight and sighed with relief. "You know what this means? Naked pillow fights!" he roared.

"Garen smacked the warrior upside his helmet. "Pantheon, that is my sister you are talking about. Besides, she would ever do something so unseemly. Can one of you please give me some actual advice?"

Jayce stroked his chin. "This may work out for us. We could put in some hidden cameras and microphones to monitor her room and make sure nothing happens to her. Not only that, we may be able to figure out Lux's secret crush."

"We would?" Garen asked. "How do you figure that?"

"Simple," Jayce explained. "At these types of parties, girls always play truth or dare. We just need to find a way to get someone to ask Lux who she has feelings for when she says truth. She'll be forced to tell everyone in the room the truth and we'll be able to listen in because of our hidden microphone. Afterwards, we can pay the bloke a visit and rough him up a little."

"That is a very good idea!" Garen gave Jayce a high five. "It looks like Pantheon has already started your training. Keep up with the good work and you'll surely earn your stay in my club. The only problem now is that I don't know who exactly Lux will be inviting. How will we get one of the ladies to ask her the question?"

"Don't worry. I got you covered. I'll infiltrate the sleepover as the newest champion, Jaycina!" Garen and Pantheon stared at Jayce in disbelief. "What? Back in the day before Vi joined the force, I had to help Caitlyn infiltrate a ladies strip club. I put on a wig and a lovely dress and was able to take down the secret drug gang that was using the club as a base of operations. Going to Lux's sleepover will be a cinch compared to that. What do you think guys?" Jayce smiled. He was going to prove his worth to Garen and Pantheon.

"Remember the compliments I gave you ten seconds ago?" Garen asked. Jayce nodded enthusiastically. "I take them all back." Jayce's face fell. "What kind of man cross dresses? Certainly not the type of manly man I want in my club! I want you to get down on the ground and give me twenty push-ups right now as punishment." Jayce grumbled to himself about just throwing an idea out there, but positioned himself on the ground and began his punishment. "Now, I do like the idea of tapping her room."

"I concur," Pantheon spoke up. "We'd be able to tabs on your sister the entire time. We could camp out in my room and watch as she strips down and engages in a naked pillow fight with a few of the other girls. Mmmmmm." Pantheon licked his lips. Garen smacked Pantheon on the helemt again. "Ouch. Even though this helmet protects my head, those hits do still hurt."

"Pantheon, stop imagining my sister in such an ugly manner," Garen scolded. "Now, back to business. The good thing is Lux will be away from her room until the evening. That gives us enough time to bug Lux's room. The question is now how? We can't ask Heimerdinger. He hates us enough as it is. Jayce, would you be able to do this?"

Jayce got up from doing his push-ups and shook his head. "No, I wouldn't be able to."

"We will ask Heimerdinger," Pantheon interjected. "I have something that will convince him to install what we need in Lux's room. Not only that, I'll get myself a new tablet and a new member into our club. I'll be back." Pantheon stood still for two seconds and then leapt into the air.

Pantheon arrived in front of Heimerdinger's door with a grand entrance. He knocked on the door until the yordle inventor opened the door. "Hello Heimer, I know we didn't leave on the best of terms, but please hear me out," Pantheon said.

"Ok, make it quick," Heimerdinger let Pantheon into his lab. "I'm about to test my newest invention."

"Very well, Lux will be having a sleepover tonight with some of her friends. Garen and I need you to install some cameras and microphones in her room today to make sure nothing fishy happens to her."

"Really?" Heimerdinger raised his eyebrow. "Are you sure you don't want another excuse to spy on the ladies when they are vulnerable?" Pantheon quickly shook his head. "I don't know, I already have two strikes, I don't think I can risk a third." Heimerdinger suddenly pointed outside the window. "Hey look, Leona and Diana are making out!" Pantheon quickly turned to where the Donger was pointing, but there was nothing there. As Pantheon turned back around, Heimerdinger was looking at him smugly. "I knew it. You haven't changed."

"Oh yea? I got something that would change your mind." Pantheon reached behind his back and pulled out a magazine which he showed to Heimerdinger. "The latest edition of Yordle Babes Monthly, which can be yours if you just install what I want."

Heimerdinger began to laugh. "Yordle Babes Monthly? I don't need that junk." The yordle pulled out a tablet from his pocket and typed in some words. He then showed the tablet screen to Pantheon. "You see this? The Institute gives me a free subscription to YordleonYordle and HornyYordles . I don't need your dirty magazine. Later loser." Heimerdinger threw a grenade at Pantheon who was blown away by the explosion.

"Ok, that failed," Pantheon admitted as he landed back next to Garen and Jayce. "The dirty magazine didn't work."

"Don't worry," Garen replied. "I have another idea. We'll need to visit Prince Jarvan. He is quite the manly man. Hopefully, he'll help us."


There will be more manly men joining next chapter. Also, I hope none of the yordle things really exist. I'm not brave enough to check.