Chapter
Three
In Dreams
There are no words to describe how surreal this feels.
A small flock of birds flies off the pavement before us, and I feel as if they are trying to tell me this is an important moment. I can't disagree, though I'm not sure why. I pause to watch them drift away as they pass over the Seijuu Junior High School building and block the midday sun. My companion is twenty feet ahead of me, walking around wide-eyed, her short brown hair tossing about with every impulsive turn of her head, her big green eyes energetic and alive, combing the school grounds with a naïve love for nature. I've seen her before in Meiling's pictures, but they do her no justice. I don't know how, but this enthusiastic explorer... She brings me a feeling of warmth and comfort, but my past self keeps her distance from her... Wisely, I presume, for reasons I can't understand. This girl exudes such a powerful aura... It's like she is the meaning of life itself, a soul that brings happiness and an innocent love into a world that would be a lesser place without her... A much lesser place. Ahh! What am I saying? I don't know, I can't comprehend a darn thing... But I don't want to let go of this feeling. Not ever. Never.
"HOE! Look! I found one!"
Immediately I stop recording her on my digital video camera and walk briskly over to where my friend has beckoned me forward with a hushed wail of excitement. She points out a butterfly, nestling comfortably on a flower in the midst of a huge bed of similar plants. My mouth opens wide at the sight of the creature, a stunning black and orange with white dots staining the top of its small but shapely wings. It is quite a find. I must have recognized the specie, because before I know it I am staring at page 23 of the Guide to Japanese Regional Butterflies from my camera bag, where there are two pictures and a short description of the creature.
My, my... I was certainly a studious girl, I thought, especially after overhearing what must have been a fellow classmate. He was telling his exploring buddy how butterflies used to be giant creatures who flew amongst the dinosaurs but were forced by natural selection into downsizing because when it started raining their wings would get weighed down so much by the pounding water they would collapse and die. His companion evidently didn't find that very entertaining and proceeded to throttle him in the background, creating a powerful ruckus. I observe the amusing couple as I turn my head back for a second to acknowledge their presence.
"Yamazaki-kun! Chiharu-chan! Please don't scare away the butterfly!" My companion begged, tears seeming to form in her eyes.
Chiharu promptly smiled and nodded her head as she dropped the squinted-eyed boy on the pavement, leaving him to catch his breath. I smiled, first at them, then to the girl next to me as I read off of the page.
"It's a Tengucho... Scientific name Libythea celtis. It says... A butterfly that immigrated to Japan long ago. They are rare in most cities, but are very common in many flatland forests, especially in countrysides with many evergreen trees. The name Tengucho is a reference to the mythical Tengu monster..."
"Ahh! Tomoyo-chan... This butterfly is just like the ones I saw over near my great-grandfather's house last summer... They're SO beautiful..."
I am listening to her, but at the same time sketching down in a journal in the "notes" section of my guidebook listing the details of the butterfly encounter. A school project requirement, no doubt... But I continue sketching in a few hearts with my pencil... What's this? Could it be...? Nah. I'm only fourteen years old... How am I aware of my age, you ask? If I could tell you I would let you know.
"It's a shame they're so rare around Tomoeda, though," I observe with a tinge of melancholy in my voice.
"Well, Tomoyo, if you saw something that beautiful everyday, then it wouldn't seem as beautiful anymore, would it?"
I halt in my tracks to catch my breath. My friend turns around to see why I've stopped.
"No, that's not true. I see you everyday... And you're always beautiful, ---" suddenly and oddly, what sounds like high-pitched radio static blurs out the name I so lovingly address this girl by, and almost knocks me back into the realm of consciousness.
Suddenly, her face, her eyes, and her whole body blur out gradually before my eyes, like a blotch of ink. I can barely hear my friend speak as she, along with the school, the two kids behind us and even the landscape fades together into different shapes until I can no longer recognize anything. I close my eyes to try and hide, and when I open them I find myself back in the front yard of my mom's old house in suburban Minnesota, with nobody in sight. Running into the middle of the empty streets, I scream for help, for my mom, for someone... Anyone. And all of a sudden I don't know where I am, or why I am here. Even my clothes are different from the uniform I was just wearing. The digital video camera has been replaced by a CD player, the guidebook by a teen girls' magazine. These I drop in the street and back off suddenly. I can't even remember who I was just talking to. I don't know what I'm doing, but I can't stay here. I bolt off in a random direction and the world from under me spins around until I can no longer bear to open my eyes, and my feet feel no ground beneath me. And then... It stops.
Tuesday, 7:20 PM
It was a startling moment. All of a sudden, the sleeping Tomoyo Daidouji jumped up from her couch and hit her shin on the coffee table, stumbling over it and landing in a strange heap right in front of the television. The girl was snapped immediately out of her nightmare, and brought back to the one she'd been living in for three years.
Tomoyo went through a lot of emotions all at once; shock for having suddenly fallen out of her strange dream world, anger and frustration for having forgotten everything that happened in that world, and then, finally, immense pain for knocking her left shin against a large block of mahogany. However, the girl didn't have time to grieve for the wound; her ears soon became aware of the evil sound that woke her up. The banging on the door.
"Just a minute, please!"
The front door opened to a thoroughly exhausted Meiling Li. Struggling to kick off her shoes, the Chinese girl stumbled into the hallway, fell into the living room and plopped herself down on the couch.
"So how did it go?"
"Horrible. They asked me if I had ever performed in a movie..."
Tomoyo shifted her weight on her right leg, lifting her left to quell the pain consuming it.
"And?"
"I told her about the one you made back in high school, and she asked if she could see it." Meiling said with a vigorous shake of her head, "She said she'd call me back in a week. But there's NO WAY I'm going to let anyone see me in THAT!"
"I... I made a movie?"
"You sure did. We were all in it."
Tomoyo blushed and suppressed a laugh as she walked into the kitchen of her small house. The blue-eyed girl had just about given up trying to remember what her dream was about. It didn't seem to matter, now that she thought about it. In two days she would be in Japan. And there she could settle this once and for all.
"Coffee or tea?"
"Beer. Please."
"Um, I'm sorry Meiling-chan... I'm only twenty, and I can't buy any alcohol."
Meiling sighed as she adjusted herself as best she could on the couch, mumbling something about 'stupid underage laws'. Tomoyo felt a tinge of regret and helplessness.
"Let's just get out of this country, Daidouji-san."
"Agreed. So coffee or tea?"
"Coffee, please. Black."
"Okay."
"No, no. Actually, just make it tea."
Meiling finally willed herself to sit up (actually, it was because she was restless and couldn't contain her energy once she regained it) and walked around the house, admiring the many works of art that were hanging from Tomoyo's walls. Many of them evoked certain memories of her youth, and Meiling saw clear evidences of Sakura in them; soft watercolor paintings of girls (and guys, strangely) with green eyes and brown hair, stylized noir landscapes of buildings with huge circular chunks missing from them, and, most prominently, outlandish oil pantings that were reminiscent of the Clow Cards and their different forms.
"So everything's arranged... I called the airline and booked a couple tickets for tomorrow morning. We've got a quick stop-over in Los Angeles, but we should be in Tokyo by late Thursday evening. Well, Thursday evening over here. Due to the time difference it'll be around Friday morning. But that's if our flight doesn't get delayed."
"Cool."
The Chinese girl knew she should be listening to her friend's practical information, but she found herself hard-pressed to take her big, reddish eyes off this gallery of suppressed memories.
"So YOU made all of these?"
"Yeah. My doctor said painting would help me relieve stress..."
"This stuff is amazing, Daidouji-san. It makes one feel like... Like we're back in Tomoeda."
Quietly Tomoyo marched out of the kitchen, carrying a tray with tea and blueberry muffins for her friend.
"I worked on these in the middle of the night... Sometimes I'd wake up at 2 or 4 and couldn't get back to sleep until I'd finished a painting. And I didn't know why."
Meiling took eyes off of a charcoal sketch of an angel that resembled Yue so she could look her host in the eye again. The girl politely took her cup of tea and looked at Tomoyo with a newfound sense of admiration, smiling like only she could.
"Well, I do. You were right all along, Tomoyo-chan. Your heart never left Japan."
Even if she didn't exactly know what her friend meant by this, the Japanese girl blushed at the mention of her first name, twiddling her thumbs together on her teacup.
"Not to mention you're still the best baker I've ever met," Meiling replied as she stuffed one of Tomoyo's blueberry muffins into her large mouth. "Dee-lish."
With her eyes closed, Tomoyo raised a finger to make a point. "Blueberry is the state muffin... So I had to learn to make them back in my last year of high school here."
"Still a know-it-all," Meiling observed with a smirk, placing a hand on Tomoyo's shoulder. "You didn't have to learn anything. Trust me, you already knew. You made THE best cakes. Why do you think I cried when you left?"
Tomoyo felt a little guilty at this comment, but Meiling quickly gave her a look like she wished she could have taken it back. Tomoyo decided she had to say something.
"Well, actually... Now that you mention cake..."
Wednesday, 8:20 AM
It was a hectic morning. And while it certainly wasn't the busiest section of Minnesota, it's fairly safe to say that Gate 42 was a busy place. So busy, in fact, that you wouldn't think it possible for two college-age girls to possibly fall asleep in its uncomfortable chairs, especially with the plethora of people hustling and bustling around it. But such was not the case for Tomoyo Daidouji and Meiling Li. Realizing that they weren't about to wake up on their own, a middle-aged airport official walked over to the girls and spoke into his megaphone.
"Um... We're boarding now. Ma'ams... Flight T-535 to LAX is currently boarding ALL SEATS."
Tomoyo nudged her friend awake, gazing upwards at the serious-looking official towering over them.
"Hey... Our flight..."
"Stomach... Hurts... Can't we delay it?"
"Nuh-uh. If we miss the flight to Los Angeles we miss the one to Japan."
Tomoyo lifted herself out of her seat, breathing deeply as she pulled Meiling up with her. The two struggled to bend down and pick up their carry-on baggage before joining the last of the passengers in line to board the aircraft.
"I don't think I've ever had so much cake in my whole life... I don't get it... With talent like that, how do you keep your figure so slim?"
"Well, actually... I don't eat my own cakes. Those were for Ross and his drinking buddies."
Meiling smiled as she gave her friend a soft punch in the shoulder.
"Why, you little devil..."
(Commercial with the spinning-card thing goes here)
Wednesday, 8:24 AM
Squeezing through the aisle, Meiling and Tomoyo navigated into their seats, and found that they were sitting in 12-A and 12-C respectively, and left as all passengers placed in such seats were to wonder who would be squeezing their way in between them for the long flight ahead.
"Just how did we manage to get up and check in on time, anyways?"
"I woke you up, Meiling-chan... At 5 o'clock I carried you into my car..."
"Oh... Oh yeah. Sorry 'bout that."
"No problem."
"I owe you for the ticket."
Tomoyo sweatdropped. "No, no, my treat."
"If you insist. But you DO know I have every intention of paying you back for my hotel bill, right?"
At this Tomoyo smiled and gave a little nod. She almost forgot.
"'Coz Meiling Li is no freeloader," the girl said, folding her arms about her chest.
Just then a humongous teenaged boy the size, mass and attractiveness of a small moon waddled into the aisle beside Tomoyo's seat. They looked up at him and tried not to quiver.
"Uhh... Is this 12-B?"
Wednesday, 2 hours after takeoff
Tomoyo struggled to see over the sleeping, snoring teen (who was involuntarily taking up 25 of her seat space) to her poor friend, who was pawing at the window as if she could escape her claustrophobic seat by looking at the gorgeous orange and pastel-colored clouds around the aircraft. Eventually she gave up and pulled the shutter down over them. Normally she loved clouds. But at this point in time they reminded her strangely of icing on a cake. And cake was the last thing she wanted on her mind at that moment. Luckily, her need to find a distraction vanished at the sound of a familiar voice.
"Meiling-chan..."
"Yeah?"
The Japanese girl checked behind them, then pushed the button on the boy's upturned handlebar allowing his chair to lean back a little. The girls leaned forward and put their heads against the seats in front of them, talking with what little eye contact they could maintain with the space they had between their fellow passenger and the other economy-class seats before them.
"Do you think that I'll be able to go back to my normal life once all of this is through? I mean, once we go back to Japan and sort everything out?"
Meiling bit her cheek softly, chewing on it as if it would help her think. She wished more than anything to assure her friend that everything would be all right. But that wasn't the truth. And a part of her – heck, all of her – wanted Tomoyo to give up this whole Minnesota business and go back to Japan again. Go back to her, to Shaoran, and, for reasons that could be beneficial to them both... to Kinomoto-san.
"I don't know, Tomoyo-chan. I don't know what's going to happen."
Tomoyo managed a nod as her lips pursed a little in thought. Meiling continued.
"But... I'm sure that things will work out for the best. You'll see."
"Yeah, I'm just... I'm afraid of what I might discover."
"And don't forget, you can always come back here, you know, any time you want. You've still got the pills in your purse, right?"
Smiling, Tomoyo nodded and leaned back in her chair.
"Thank you, Meiling-chan."
The girl in seat 12-C smiled worriedly as the Chinese girl mumbled something about needing to go to the bathroom really, really badly. As if to answer her, Meteor Boy let out a horrific snore.
Wrapping herself up in the airline blanket and hugging the accompanying pillow to her chest, Tomoyo knew that she would fall asleep soon... And if she was lucky, she would find herself taken back into that world long gone, that world that only existed in her mind... The one place where she was sure she was herself...
She hoped against reason that she could go back there. But more than that, she hoped that this time, she would actually be able to finish the storyline, to remember it – all of it - upon waking. Whatever forces existed in her mind to stop her from experiencing these memories, she was determined to overpower them. Or maybe she didn't have to... Tomoyo fell asleep pondering whether her skipping her pills that morning would affect her dreaming.
(Another Spinning-Card Commercial-Thingy Goes Here)
A breeze gently brushes over my pale face as I lean over my balcony at the front yard of my ridiculously large house. My eyes are scanning the roads around it, a little nervous. In my hands I have a sketchpad, and a half-finished portrait of a familiar face. I take a look at the outdoor patio, where a tray with lemonade and pastries awaits my guest. I'm waiting for someone, but it is as if I expected her to be late. My fingers ache to pick up the pencil and continue my drawing, but judging from all the eraser marks on the dirty opposite page, I hesitate.
And then... I hear her.
My heart skips a beat as the unmistakable sound of my friend's voice calls out to me- she then presses the intercom button on the front gate to announce her arrival to one of my bodyguards. As soon as she walks in through the large gate, I call out to her. And this time her name rings out loud and clear.
"Sakura-chan!"
I smile as she looks around to hear the source of the voice. For a few seconds she spins her head around cluelessly, and I stop... To admire her, it seems. After all, she is so cute when she doesn't know what's going on. But something tells me that is akin to saying that she's always cute. I realize that this time I'm tapping deeper into my memories... I can almost see inside my head... inside my heart.
"Up here, Sakura-chan!"
Those emerald-green eyes turn up to meet mine, and she waves at me with all the arm-waving, cheerleading power she can muster.
"Tomoyo-chan!"
"I'll be down in a minute..."
The innards of my house seem to fly by like old memories as I make my way down the stairs, through the foyer and out to the porch where my friend is waiting ever so patiently.
Everything is a blur up to the point when we are seated at my outdoor guest table. As she plops her schoolbag down on the floor and yawns, a part of me wonders sadly if she really wants to be here... and not off somewhere else, with someone else. It is a feeling of insecurity that I realize is nothing new. How long have I lived like this? How long have I clung to this girl so? Still, the thought of her not wanting to be here quickly fades when she opens her mouth to speak.
"It's good to get out of the house for a change... I mean, it's been a while since the two of us last had pastries at your house alone, Tomoyo-chan."
A warm feeling enraptures me, and it is brought to my consciousness why I hang on to everything this girl says- she is being completely honest. And she always is. Wearing her emotions on her sleeve. Describing in all truth how she feels right now so I know she isn't hiding anything. Unlike me. I feel that I have a lot to hide. A lot that she will never know.
"Me too. I'm glad you're here." I nod my head.
"Y-you don't mind if I pack some of these up for Kero, do you?"
"No! Not at all. I'm sure you promised him some sweets."
"Actually... Last week I forgot to bring him something from Shaoran's 15th birthday party. Just my way of saying I'm sorry."
Stars form in my eyes as the words "Sakura-chan is so thoughtful" flow from my lips.
The other girl is a little embarrassed, and stuffs one of my muffins into her own mouth.
"So Tomoyo-chan," she asks, "You wanted me to be your subject for the art class project?"
I nod, and give her a little smile.
"That is, if it's okay with you, of course. I've already finished most of the outline, so you don't have to worry about posing for a long time."
Just like I hoped, she makes a gesture of curiosity to see the sketch, and I show her my sketchpad. She exclaims wildly and her vivid eyes light up.
"You've really outdone yourself this time," she says with a smile. And for a moment I feel like I'm eight years old again, living memories from a life I don't remember. My companion picks up another muffin and takes a quick nibble.
"So I assume you're going to be making a portrait of Li-kun?"
Sakura blushes, and with a nod she diverts her gaze elsewhere.
"C-could you tell me if it's okay? I mean, if it looks like him?"
Without waiting for my answer she pulls out from her schoolbag a picture that she crafted after her beloved's liking. It is far from perfect from a technical point of view, but that is not my concern. I can feel the sheer love and effort she put into it. Those eyes... They ARE Shaoran's eyes (whoever Shaoran is, of course). In its own way, her work of art is as perfect as she is.
"It's really cute, Sakura-chan."
She doesn't look too satisfied.
"Do... Do you mean that?"
I sweatdrop, and will myself to be a little honest.
"Well, you forgot his ears."
"HOE!"
As Sakura draws them in, I suppress a giggle, taking a sip of my lemonade. After much careful deliberation, she finally puts her pencil down and takes another pastry.
"This is all Kero-chan's fault! I always used to draw people with big ears because of Kero-chan, just like that time with the bear... Until Eriol-kun helped me, of course. And since then I kept telling myself not to make Shaoran's ears big... So I guess I ended up forgetting to draw them in at all."
There is a little pause as I study her features, putting the finishing touches on my work of art. I can hear my pencil moving on the sketchpad as clearly as the birds chirping in the trees. The wind dances around my subject's short brown hair, making it even softer than it already is. She looks up at me.
"How do you do it, Tomoyo-chan? How do you draw so well?"
I don't take my eyes off of my drawing, trying not to blush.
"Well, it takes a little practice..."
I can tell she looks a little disappointed.
"...But I'm sure your picture will turn out well, because it's a drawing of one whom you really love, and even if other people might say it doesn't look perfect, what matters is that you capture the way that person makes you feel. That's the key to making a beautiful picture, Sakura-chan... You just need to be inspired."
She pauses to think. I smile.
"And how do you get... inspired?"
"Usually, when I sketch, I think of the most beautiful thing in the world, and that inspires me to do my best," I say, looking into her eyes. "But this time it's easy because my subject... She IS the most beautiful thing in the world."
Sakura sweatdrops. My starry eyes close and open again. Is it just me... or does she finally 'know'? I realize what is going on within my head, and that brings back home the fact that this is but a memory, a time long past, a world that I can do nothing to change. She is the last thing that fades away as I feel this reality slipping away from me like so many regrets. And with that feeling, my dream comes to an end.
(To Be Continued Sign goes here)
