A/N: So, I have a new chapter of Judgement for you, after an absolute AGE... sadly, I'm still hopelessly blocked and having some problems (ie, depression is continuing in its sport of kicking my useless ass up and down the metaphorical street on a daily basis) so I can't promise you on when I'll have another update, but... thanks for all your support, everyone who has messaged me, because it means a lot. Judging by my dearth of reviews on the new chapter of Blame - which is normally a very popular story - my extended absence has cost me quite a lot of followers, but... hopefully this'll go some way towards making it up to all of you.
(And feel free to drop by and have a look at some of my other stories. They mostly haven't been updated in a while due to my general crapness, but they're still going, so give them a read and send me a quick review or two!)
Anyway... shameless self-promotion aside, I hope you like this new chapter, despite my problems writing it, and I really hope it reads OK. So... please, give it a read, and please send me a review to let me know what you think!
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'This DVD arrived in the mail this morning, along with another chunk of Liv's hair and one of her earrings.' Cragen held up a computer disc and cleared his throat. 'We're working on identifying where it was sent and who by, and TARU are working on the disc itself, but in the meantime I want you all to watch this and look at the details, the location, any signals Liv might be trying to give us, so that maybe we can figure out who this creep is and where the hell he might have taken her.' He pushed the disc into the machine and glanced at Elliot. 'Elliot, if you want to leave then-'
'No.' Elliot shook his head, staring at the screen. 'Play it.'
There was a whirring noise as the DVD player powered up, and then a grainy colour image of Olivia appeared on the screen, her matted hair lank and greasy and her face pale and drawn. She was sitting cross-legged on what looked like concrete, her ankles chained to a thick metal hook sunken into the floor. Her hair was hanging down over her face as she stared down at her knees, fidgeting with a ragged edge of her torn trousers, and then she glanced up for a few seconds and Elliot bit his lip, trying and failing not to look at the bruises on her face as smiled unsteadily at the camera, flinching as the man with the blurred-out features standing beside her laid his hand on her shoulder. Oh, Liv...
Olivia looked away, staring at a spot on the floor in front of her, and he sighed and nudged her impatiently. 'Come on, Liv. Say hello.'
OK, Olivia, you can do this. Olivia forced a weak smile, determined not to cry in front of them. Deep breaths, keep calm, it'll be over soon, just keep smiling. 'Hi, everyone.' She gave them a little wave, silently cursing herself as she heard her voice crack. 'Hi, El.' I miss you...
Elliot could see her lip trembling and he clenched his fists, uncomfortably aware of all the concerned glances he was getting. Do not cry, do not break, just don't, Elliot, DON'T...
'Good girl. I bet they're all very glad to hear your voice again.' He smiled and patted her on the shoulder. 'Why don't you tell them how you are, Liv?'
Oh God, do I have to? 'I... um...' Olivia trailed off, willing herself not to break down. 'I...'
'Come on, Liv.' He sighed, and then she felt his hand tighten painfully on her shoulder. 'Don't be rude.'
'I...' Don't worry them. Don't upset them. They don't need to hear about all your problems. You got yourself into this mess, now it's up to you to get yourself out of it. She took a deep breath and stared into the lens, forcing herself to smile brightly. 'I'm fine. He looks after me very well. A few days ago he gave me a bedroll and some blankets, so I don't get too cold, and... and he's being very nice to me.' She bit her lip, feeling her voice waver a little. 'Sometimes he brings me hot tea, and he said that if I'm good he'll bring me a space heater soon.' Keep smiling, Olivia, just keep smiling, you can cry later, not now. 'I'm fine, really. You don't need to worry about me.' She heard her voice crack. 'Really.'
Elliot silently shook his head, feeling a pang of sadness as he saw her wipe her eyes with her sleeve, her lower lip trembling. Oh, Liv...
He nodded appreciatively. 'Good girl. That was very touching.' He finally released his grip on her shoulder and Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. 'And now we've got the usual pleasantries over with...' He smiled and reached into the bag again, and Olivia's stomach turned over.
Elliot felt his blood run cold. Oh my God.
'This here is a Smith and Wesson revolver, model 327PD. 4" barrel, double action, with an 8-shot cylinder.' He waved the gun in front of her face to show her, then tucked it back into his waistband and pulled out a box. 'Pick a bullet.'
Olivia's eyes widened. No. No, this isn't happening. Of course it isn't. 'Wh... what?' I have to have heard him wrong I have to he can't be about to-
He sighed loudly and held the box out, shaking it and rattling the .357 magnum cartridges impatiently. 'You heard me, Liv. Pick a bullet.'
Elliot stared at the screen, biting down hard on his lip. Just do it, Liv, do what he asks, don't give him a reason, please...
Oh God oh God oh God... Olivia swallowed awkwardly, a cold feeling of dread settling in her stomach. Don't worry, Olivia. You know what he's like, this is probably just a weird game or something. It has to be. 'But... but... but why-'
'It doesn't matter why, and if you really want that damn space heater then you'll do what you're told.' He shoved the box into her face. 'Now pick a fucking bullet.'
I do. Olivia bit her lip, glancing at the gun. I do want the space heater. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and reached into the box, her stomach lurching as she felt her fingertips brush against the smooth metal jacket of a bullet. It's OK, Olivia, calm down, calm down, this doesn't mean anything, it can't mean anything, it... it... She swallowed awkwardly, closed her fingers around the cartridge and pulled it out of the box, forcing herself to look in the eye and smile as she handed it to him. Play along, this is probably just a game, and in a minute he'll start laughing and then maybe he'll give you the heater if you do it right. 'This one.'
He smiled and took it from her. 'Good girl.' He expertly flipped open the metal cylinder of the gun and slid the bullet into one of the chambers. 'Now kneel.'
Elliot's eyes widened. No, oh no...
Olivia felt a cold chill run spread through her. Oh fuck, oh God, oh no, oh God, you're actually going to die because you wanted a fucking space heater you complete and utter idiot... She closed her eyes, forcing herself to take deep, calming breaths, and trying desperately not to throw up. Please, not here, not like this, please, don't make tbem watch, El can't see this, he can't... 'Please, you don't-'
'Shut up, Liv.' He span the cylinder and locked it back into place. 'I want you to give me one good reason not to kill you.' He pressed the barrel of the gun against her left temple, pulling her roughly into a kneeling position. 'Go.'
Oh God. This can't be happening. Elliot felt as if he was about to be sick. Beside him, he heard Fin mutter a muffled curse under his breath. It can't, it can't, it can't...
Olivia stared at him. He's not going to do this, he can't be about to do this, right? RIGHT? 'No, please, you can't-'
'Shut UP, Liv!' He cocked the gun and pressed the barrel more firmly against her head, a hard edge coming into his voice.
Oh God oh Jesus oh no- Olivia felt a surge of panic. 'Please, I'm sorry, you don't want to do this, really, I can tell you're a good person, and we're friends now, right? Right?' You're a twisted, deranged son of a bitch and I hope El breaks your fucking neck. She looked up at him and forced a smile. 'Right?'
That's good. That's really good. Elliot let out a long, slow breath. nodding a little. OK, Liv, that's great, build a rapport, make him trust you, form a bond...
'Hmm. Begging.' He smiled bitterly. 'You know, I've often wondered how much Meghan begged for her life.' He gave her a cold look. 'That crap's not going to work on me, Liv. Don't waste your time.'
Shit. Shit. 'No, I-' Olivia saw him pull the trigger and her breath caught in her throat, a burst of terror racing through her as she instinctively squeezed her eyes shut. Oh God oh please please don't don't don't-
She heard the hollow click of the hammer hitting an empty chamber and felt like she was about to faint with relief. Oh thank God, thank God...
Oh God, oh my God... Elliot was suddenly afraid that he was about to faint. Oh God, thank God, now let her go, please let her go, please...
'OK, Liv.' She heard him cock the gun again and opened her eyes. 'Time for round two.'
Fuck. Fuck. 'Uh, I, uh...' Olivia desperately tried to think of something good. What would appeal to him? What matters to him? 'I...' She felt a sudden flash of inspiration. 'I have a family!'
He chuckled to himself. 'No you don't. No one will miss you.'
Oh fuck. Olivia opened her mouth to say something, and then she saw his finger was tightening against the trigger again and froze. Oh God please please please please please-
Please... Elliot leaned forwards, his face practically pressed up against the screen and his heart pounding. Please, please, please...
She heard the hammer hit the empty chamber with the same hollow click as before and felt a fresh rush of relief. Oh thank you thank you God thank you-
'2 down, 6 to go.' He smiled bitterly and cocked the gun again. 'Try again, Liv.'
Crap. Fuck. 'Uh... uh...' Olivia shook her head, trying to clear it. 'I...'
You have to tell him, Olivia.
Olivia felt her stomach turn over.
No, no, I don't, I can make him see sense, no one has to know...
She swallowed awkwardly, frantically trying not to panic. 'I'm a cop, I'm a good person, I help people, I try to help people-'
'Bullshit.' He pulled the trigger again, watching her wince as the hammer struck another empty chamber. 'OK, Liv, round four.'
No, please, please, no more, I can't take any more... 'I... I...' Olivia bit her lip. 'I...'
Tell him, Olivia.
You have to tell him.
No, no, everyone will hear, El will hear, I can't do that to him...
He'll find out eventually, Olivia.
No, no, he doesn't have to-
Yes, Olivia, he does.
Yes, but... Olivia bit down hard on her lip, frantically shaking her head. But not like this, please not like this...
Would you rather he finds out like this or during your autopsy?
I... I...
Elliot bit his lip, silently pleading with her to say something. Just say something, Liv, anything, make something up, just stop this, please, I can't take this any more...
Olivia?
You have to do something.
No, no, I... I...
Suddenly she heard him sigh. 'Too slow, Liv.' He pulled the trigger and she jerked, and then he was rolling his eyes at the empty click before cocking the gun again. 'You're running out of chances here, Liv. I hope you have something better than that.'
'Uh...' Olivia took a deep breath, trying to force herself to calm down and think clearly. 'I...'
Tell him.
No, I can't, I...
TELL HIM.
Elliot stared at her picture on the screen, watching the confused panic flickering across her face and willing her to pull it together. Come ON, Olivia, tell him something, ANYTHING-
'Uh...' Olivia hesitated. 'I... I...'
TELL HIM!
TELL HIM TELL HIM TELL HIM TELL HIM- Olivia saw him start to pull the trigger and felt a sudden burst of desperation. 'NO, NO, I CAN'T!'
'Tough luck, Liv, you don't get a choice.' His finger jerked back on the trigger and Olivia cried out, and then she heard the hollow click again and a wave of terrified relief washed over her. 'Hmm. Look at that. Five down, three to go. Better think faster than that, Liv.'
'No, please...' Olivia could feel tears streaming down her face. 'Please, please don't do this...'
'Oh yeah?' He raised an eyebrow at her. 'Give me one reason why I shouldn't.'
'I...' Olivis swallowed nervously. 'Because... because...'
Oh God oh God I can't I can't-
Olivia come on, you have to tell him, you have to tell him you have to tell him before it's too late-
'Because... because...' Olivia took a deep breath and then suddenly it all came spilling out. 'Because I'm pregnant!'
She... did she... Elliot felt his stomach turn over. Oh my God...
'Nice try, Liv.' He rolled his eyes and pulled the trigger again, laughing a little as she whimpered quietly under her breath, her shoulders sagging in relief as she finally heard the empty click. 'One more for lying.'
What?! Olivia felt a fresh burst of terror. 'No, no, PLEASE, I'M NOT LYING, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME-'
He ignored her and pulled the trigger again, and Olivia felt her stomach lurch. Oh God oh God why hasn't it clicked yet oh God this must be the chamber with the bullet it must it must oh God-
It wasn't.
'Hmm, look at that.' He smiled and pulled back the hammer with a click. 'Last chance, Liv.'
It... he.. oh God... oh God oh God oh God oh God- Olivia felt a sudden surge of panic. 'No, no, please, I am, I am pregnant, you have to believe me, I only found out a few days before I came here but I am, I took like eight tests and they all said-' Olivia felt him press the barrel more tightly against her head and felt as if she was about to throw up. 'Please, please don't hurt me, I want to see my baby, please, please don't do this, please, please, I'm begging you, please please no no no please don't do this I NO!' She saw him squeeze the trigger and shied away, waiting for the bang-
There wasn't one.
She waited a few seconds and tentatively opened her eyes, watching open-mouthed as he flipped the gun's cylinder open again and showed it to her.
It was empty.
Oh, thank God... Elliot's legs gave way and he sat down hard on the floor, burying his face in his hands. Thank God, thank God...
'How... how...' Olivia licked her lips, trying to catch her breath. 'I... I saw...' Am I dead? Oh God, am I dead and I just don't know it? No, Olivia, you're alive, you're alive... She felt an overwhelming surge of relief and then suddenly she was sobbing, her whole body shaking. Oh God, I'm alive...
He reached behind her ear, his fingertips brushing lightly against the side of her neck, and then he was pulling his hand away and twirling the bullet between his fingers, smiling bitterly as she sobbed. 'Meghan loved magic, you know.'
You bastard... Elliot looked up at the screen, his face filled with rage as he climbed to his feet. I swear to God I'm going to fucking kill you myself when I get the chance...
Beside him, he heard Fin swear quietly, angrily shaking his head. 'That creep's ass is mine.'
I... I... Olivia just shook her head wordlessly, tears still streaming down her face. How... I... I can't...
'I guess you're lucky I was feeling so fucking generous today.' He smiled and patted her on the shoulder. 'What can I say, I've started to like having you around. For now.' His eyes narrowed. 'But try and lie to me again, Liv, and I swear you'll regret it.'
But... Olivia swallowed awkwardly. 'I... no, I...' Let it go, Olivia, it's over, no one has to know... She hesitated, biting her lip. No, El's watching, he has to know, he has to know the truth, I can't... I can't... She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look him in the eye. 'No, I'm not lying, I am, I am pregnant, it was... it was at a party, it was just a one-off and... and I was careless, we were careless, it was at the Christmas party and we drank too much and... and...
'Hang on.' Fin frowned. 'Is she talking about the party we had here?'
He snorted derisively. 'Come on, Liv. I was waiting outside the building the entire night. You arrived alone and you left alone, just like you always do.'
'No, I know, but we never left the precinct, I swear, everyone was out of the room and there's a big desk tucked away in the corner of the squadroom that you can't really see from the door and... and...'
Everyone silently turned and glanced at Munch's desk.
'And so... and so me and my partner, we... we... on the desk...'
Munch shot Elliot a dirty look, pulled out a bottle of hand sanitiser and sprayed it liberally on his palms.
Olivia shrugged. 'And now... and now I'm pregnant.' She looked up at the camera, tears still streaming down her cheeks. I'm sorry, El. I didn't want you to find out like this.
Elliot just stared at her face, biting his lip, swallowing an unexpected, overwhelming sense of grief as the screen finally went black.
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A/N: So, what did you think? Did it go some way towards making up for the massive wait for me to get it written and posted?
I hope I'll see you all again soon, and in the meantime please send me a review to let me know what you think!
