So I know that this was supposed to be another GTH one-shot, but I just had to get this out! It's not very funny, but it's a one-shot so it's all good. =)

Take's place: After they see the Wizard (Wizard my awesome-filled ass) while they're on the way to Kiamo Ko to steal Elphie's broom but end up... Well, you've seen the musical, you know how the cookie crumbles as I eat it... Wait, what?

Thanks to Wicked-as-possible for telling me about Australian life... sorta.


If I Only Had a Brain…

"Psst, Tin Man," Fiyero whispered in the night as Dorothy and the Lion slept a few feet away.

"I have a name, ya know," was the grouchy response.

"Oh," Fiyero back-tracked, "well, what it?"

"Boq."

"SWEET OZ OF-" but he put a gloved hand over his mouth when Dorothy stirred.

"Boq? Seriously? Like 'I-hope-you'll-save-at-least-one-dance-for-me-Miss-Galinda,' Boq? Biq? Sherlock?" he whispered ramblingly. And Boq/Tin Man looked at him in shock.

"Who are you?" he interrupted.

"Oh, right, you don't recognize me, do ya? I supposed not. I mean, why would you?" he muttered, diving back into the blabbery that he did when he got nervous. "After all, without my charm and good looks, along with my brain and… Glinda on my arm, I didn't doubt no one would recognize me. But I guess it's for the best. I was a fugitive, on the run with Elphaba. Of course that only lasted one day but still I-"

"Fiyero?" Boq whispered, utterly surprised. "How? How did you become… this?" he asked, gesturing to the figure of straw that lounged before him.

"Oh, Fae did this to save me, I suppose. She'd been long gone by the time the guards-"

"Who's Fae?"

Fiyero was getting pretty annoyed now.

"Elphaba?" he suggested, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Boq gave him a dumbstruck look, though.

"Who?"

"Elphaba Thropp? Oh well, she's pretty hard to miss, what with the green skin."

"You mean the Witch?" Boq nearly yelled.

"Don't call her that!" Fiyero glared at him with his button eyes.

"Why not? She made me this? And you, a scarecrow!" he pointed out.

"To save me! I was going to die. She saved me," he emphasized.

"Well, what about me?" Boq questioned pointedly.

"Well… she told me that Nessa-"

"Oh, of course she would go and pin it on her sister!" Boq exclaimed.

"Can you stop interrupting me?" Fiyero whispered fiercely back. "I'm seriously about to douse you in water if you don't stop it."

Needless to say, he shut up.

"Anyway," Fiyero continued as if he were telling an action tale, "Fae told me that Nessa cast some spell wrong and your heart started to shrink and Fae ended up using some awesome spell to save you."

"Liar," he hissed. "Besides, what was she doing in Munchkinland to begin with? If she'd stayed put in hiding she wouldn't have gotten Nessa killed, I wouldn't be a Tin Man, you wouldn't a sack of straw, and that little brat with Nessa's shoes would still be in Koonsas or wherever she's from!"

"How was she supposed to know all that would happen?"

"I don't know!"

"Well neither do I!"

"Are you two alright?" a sleepy voice came from a few yards away.

Dorothy.

"Uh, yeah, we were just discussing…" Fiyero looking at Boq in panic.

"What it would be like if only the Scarecrow here had a brain!" he explained grandly, patting Fiyero on the shoulder, who stiffly pushed it off and away from him.

"Well," Dorothy chirped, quietly but hopefully, "I'm sure that once we get that wretched witch's broom-" Fiyero flinched angrily but made no move- "the Wizard will surely give you a brain!"

Mmmhmmm, thought Fiyero glumly, And maybe Morrible will get a date.

"So," Fiyero whispered, when Dorothy had long fallen asleep again, "I've got a question."

"Go ahead," Boq allowed hesitantly.

"So, you're like me, right? No internal organs at all?"

"…Yes…" he answered, still not sure where this was going.

"So, why didn't you ask for a brain too? Don't you need one of those too?"

Boq paused for a moment before sighing and answering:

"I didn't have the heart to ask for more than one thing from the Wizard."

Fiyero's chuckle was enough to nearly send the man of tin into a rage. (A/N: "THIS IS THE MADDEST HE'S EVER BEEN!" LOL, couldn't resist.)

"Well, why didn't you ask for a heart then?" he snapped.

"I already know where mine is. I've just gotta go and get it," Fiyero replied simply.

"Hopeless Romantic," Boq accused.

"Not completely hopeless," Fiyero compromised.

"Same thing."

"Is not," Fiyero chuckled.

"Shut up, Tiggular."


I HAD TO DO IT! (That's what she said, hehe.) Anyway, I always wanted to know why Biq didn't need a brain and why Fifi didn't need a heart, as you know if you follow me on Twitter.

Reviews are lovely!

P.S. I only got one review for the last chapter, so there was no shirtless Fifi. Hmm maybe next time...?

=)