CHAPTER 2: THE CRAVING

Blood pounded in her temples as she as much as ran into the market square. Goldanna's words burned in her mind. Of course, she knew it. She resented it, as much as many things, as the fact that she couldn't be Queen with him, as the fact that she gave the power she wanted for herself to a doll-faced treacherous bitch, to keep him at her side. Possibly, resented more than those things. It felt as though Goldanna had slapped her across the face in front of everybody, only this was much more painful. Oh, she longed to go straight ahead to her house now and order Ghar, or Cassian as he had wanted, to rip her apart, to watch close by as the flesh was torn and the blood splattered on her face… She forced herself to stop and take a deep breath. She couldn't do it. No, she just couldn't. So many things she couldn't do… this made her feel powerless and helpless, and she loathed the feeling.

Ghar nudged her hand with his massive head, and she patted him absent-mindedly. Sometimes she wondered how much the mabari understood. He sure sensed the feelings and emotions of his master. Lilith turned her back on Goldanna's house and continued through the market at a quick pace. She had mastered her feelings, but that didn't make it any easier.

Liselle cried out from her stand with her thick Orlesian accent:

"Well, if it isn't the young mistress who saved Ferelden! Come in to my place, my beauty, you need to check your wedding-dress! It is so lovely the Maker himself would fall in love gazing at you!"

Lilith just waved her off. She wasn't in the mood to discuss anything, least of all her wedding-dress. She was sure Liselle had made a masterpiece out of it, but thinking of it made her throat feel dangerously raw. You will never be able to grant him a child, no matter how much you fuck.

Liselle's slanted eyes grew wide with astonishment at the Warden. Truly, these Fereldan girls are so strange. Who wouldn't be interested in her beautiful wedding-dress. Shouldn't a girl be thinking of nothing else but the celebration on the eve of her wedding, not darting off somewhere with a sullen face. No, this country had such strange customs.

Lilith was feeling this loathsome weakness again. Her head was swimming, and slight waves of nausea washed over her, as she escaped the Market District into the back alleys. She tried to brush off the fear that has always come with that recent weakness. She told her for the hundredth time that it must be the aftereffect of all this Archdemon business, and surely it would soon be over. After all, who knew that as long as it didn't kill her, it couldn't still temporarily weaken her?

But the cravings had come before that…

Above her head she saw the many broken battlements of the city. The sun was already setting, and bathed the ruined buildings as if in blood. The city was gravely wounded, and though in time it would recover, it was still in pain. She heard a woman sobbing and wailing somewhere. She had a sudden urge to enter that house, to comfort her, and then to… She walked on, quickening her pace. The evening air was chill, but she was sweating as if in a fever. The spinning sensation in her head grew worse, and altered to throbbing pain. She also felt a dull pain somewhere deep inside her. The last time was 3 days ago. It's growing more frequent. At the bridge across the Drakon River she had to stop, letting the cool wind from the sea caress her burning face. Ghar cocked his head at her, giving a little whine.

"I'm alright, boy," - she smiled. – "Don't you worry. I'll soon be alright."

She lifted her head and started off resolutely. She was entering the Elven Alienage.

The Alienage was a part of Denerim that didn't show considerable difference from itself after the darkspawn breaking in the city. It was the same dilapidated buildings, dirt and garbage, famine and poverty, as Lilith remembered it from the time when she was searching for proofs to discredit Loghain. It reeked of death and decay now. It had reeked of death and decay then. She pondered if the elves she agreed to be sent to slavery didn't find a better life as slaves than confined in these stinking walls. Ah, if it was back then and not now, she would seek out Caladrius. He could possibly know what ailed her, as a blood mage too and with more experience than Lilith, he could help her. For the right price, of course, as all Caladrius did. But he was long gone from these places, as a rat fleeing a ship. She was on her own. And though she didn't know the cause, she knew the cure well enough.

Lilith came up to the half-ruined building. How one managed to live in such a "house", remained a mystery. But the elves didn't have to choose.

Do I have to do it?

She suddenly doubled over with pain and nausea and retched. As she collected herself and straightened, the dizziness before her eyes grew worse.

Oh yes, I do.

"Stay here, Ghar. Guard," – she pointed to the nearby bushes. Ghar made a protest of growling, but when she repeated the command more sternly, he obeyed and tailed off.

Lilith knocked on the door slightly.

A guarded voice questioned from inside:

"Who's there?"

Life in the Alienage didn't incline to ready hospitality.

"It is me, Soris. Lilith."

The door opened at once, and the red-haired elf stood before her with a grin.

"Wow, the saver of Ferelden. Didn't expect to see you here at my doorstep! But hey, you are a welcome guest."

"Soris, do you mind if I go in? The evening is quite chill," - Lilith's voice was somewhat tense.

"Sure, Lilith, I shouldn't keep you standing, the wind is blowing hard today indeed," - he motioned her in, closing the door behind her.

The inside of Soris' dwelling wasn't any more glamorous than the outside. A crude table with three chairs around it, a heap of dirty rags on the floor, a narrow passage leading to the corner where the bed was. Soris took the Warden's hand and led her to the chair.

"My, you are so cold, you must have really frozen in that wind. Here, I'll get you something to drink."

Frozen? I'm burning.

Soris reached into an old box and procured a bottle of what was the cheapest Denerim wine.

"Not the fanciest stuff, I know… betcha they drink something different in the Palace. I feel so… shamed, actually… I should offer a more suitable refreshment to the one who saved my home when no one else cared about it."

"I don't live in the Palace," - Lilith said in a low voice, ignoring the elf's last statement.

Soris leaned in to her by the light of the candle illuminating the rough surface of the table.

"Lilith… are you sure you are alright? You look so pale… and you are shivering. Shall I put more wood in the fire?"

"No need…" - she whispered, looking up at him. Soris felt uneasy somehow. She was so beautiful. Raven hair, dark brown eyes, luscious lips… People gossiped about her in the street, said maybe Ferelden should make her the Queen, though a mage and of common birth. Yet there was something… wrong in her. Something in how hard those eyes glistened in the dim light of the candle. Something in the stillness of her posture. She looked as if expecting battle any moment. Something about how she parted her lips slightly and licked them. Suddenly he wished he was far away from here, this Alienage, this house, with the human girl he loved. And at the same time he had to shamefully admit to himself that he desired this woman. Ever since she rescued him from Arl Howe's dungeons. And now, when she was sitting across from him at the table, staring at him with those dark eyes, with a pang of remorse to his bride he felt himself go hard.

"Soris…" - her voice was low, thick with some emotion he couldn't guess. She stood up from the chair. He could see her clothes hugging the full feminine curves of her body. His mouth went dry as she circled the table in two steps and was now standing next to him.

"I am so lonely, Soris…" - she whispered barely audibly. She beckoned him to stand up, too. He witnessed himself obeying as if it was someone else's body and not his own. He was slightly shorter than her, as she was a human and he was an elf. He felt her breath on his face.

Her eyes, they are swimming with shadows from the candlelight…

He couldn't resist her as she pulled him closer to her. Now he felt her body with his own. The stiffness between his legs became harder. His heart raced as she ran a hand through his hair, kissing his brow slightly. Oh, but how cold she is.

He wanted to have her, wanted to have her now, on this very table, doesn't matter that Shianni is about to come, doesn't matter he is getting married, doesn't matter that this woman is getting married tomorrow.

He put his arms round her body and kissed her.

She swiftly drew a little silver dagger from the sleeve of her robe and slit his throat in a second.

His blood gushed out on her face and her clothes. She greedily moved her mouth up to the gaping wound, swallowing the warm spurting blood in quick gulps, feeling it overflowing her, washing the pain and the sickness away, filling her body with warmth, giving an exhilarating sense of power…

His face froze in an expression of surprise. He didn't have the time to feel fright or pain.

She was nearing fulfillment of the need, when Ghar's low growl from outside warned her that somebody is coming. She cursed. That was not enough. Though the wonderful sensation was coursing in her veins now, she knew the craving would soon return again. But she couldn't afford risking being seen.

She let Soris tumble to the floor. He fell with a dull thumping sound. His blood quickly gathered in a pool around him. She looked at it with regret in her eyes, both for him and for the blood she wouldn't be able to drink. Then she stealthily slipped out of a back room window, making for the bushes where Ghar was. They hurried away further into the dark alley. Behind her, Lilith heard Shianni's voice calling for her cousin. Then she heard her scream. The Warden didn't stop, but continued down the alley to the riverside.