I wanted to thank those who have reviewed and given this story a chance. I didn't know that people aren't really fans of stories that don't exactly go with the iCarly storyline. So I really appreciate those who have considered this story. It means a lot to me.
Also, keep in mind that I DO use SOME ideas from the actual show. Carly plays a big role in this story and Gibby and Wendy will also make a couple of appearances. I just really want to try something new and challenge myself with this story. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)
After my dad's funeral, I spent a week cooped up in my room doing nothing. I was not in the mood to deal with people's sympathy, not that they'd give me any because most of the school just likes to torture me. I just didn't want to walk into every single one of my classes knowing that my teachers would talk to me, give me advice, or ask me to go to a counselor to vent. I wanted to be alone.
Everyday, Carly would come visit me. We wouldn't talk much but she was sweet enough to bring me my homework everyday after school. It gave me more reason to like her but with every reason I found, I fell into a deeper level of sadness. Not only did I loose my dad, I knew that every single one of my desires to have Carly as my girlfriend would never be fulfilled.
I was happy with my life until I witnessed my dad get killed. With each passing day, I feel like the life I'm living is completely useless and that I'm not worth it enough to be alive. Things could be worse but my dad was my only source of happiness. I've always been content with me and Carly being just friends but after a while, being constantly rejected by her was heartbreaking. Now I don't have my dad to vent to or to talk to about these kind of things.
I wouldn't talk to my mom about my problems. Ever since the funeral she has become over protective to the point where it suffocates me. She said she's scared of loosing me that way we lost my dad. She wouldn't even let me go the store across the street in fear that I might get run over, kidnapped, raped, or any other possibility she could think of. I love my mom for caring but sometimes, a son just needs to some air to breath.
Occasionally, I would sneak out of my apartment and go to my fire escape. It was sort of MY place. The only place I had all to myself. I could just come up to the fire escape and just escape from all the problems in my life. I would think about all the kids at my school teasing me and some of the things they would call me. All the bullying didn't do much for my self esteem. Sometimes I would look at myself in the mirror in total disgust. I wasn't buff, I didn't dress in clothes that would normally drive a girl crazy, and I didn't have the face of what some girls would call "a total hottie." All these things made me feel ugly but despite what negative thoughts all these people put in my head, thinking about them in the fire escape, with the cool wind hitting my skin, I'd feel more relaxed and slightly content with myself.
I woke up at six in the morning, after a week of absence from school. That entire week, I'd go to bed past midnight and wake up almost at noon since I wasn't in the mood to do anything. It was extremely difficult to fall back into the routine of waking up early for school. But I couldn't ditch school for the rest of my life. I would be graduating in a couple of months and I didn't want my hard work to be thrown away so quickly.
My mom made me some plain oatmeal for breakfast. Since the funeral, she's been trying to keep me healthy so I wouldn't die so soon. She stopped buying potato chips, cookies, and more of my favorite snacks and started buying those one hundred calorie packs and low fat food. None of it tasted as good as what I was used to. I decided to skip breakfast. I gave my mom a simple and quick hug goodbye but she pulled me into a big, back breaking hug. I literally couldn't breathe.
I walked across the hall and knocked on Carly's door. She offered to walk to school with me so I wouldn't feel alone. I couldn't resist her offer. Any chance I had to spend time with Carly, I jumped at it. Spencer opened the door and motioned me to walk in. I made my way to the couch and sat down, not really saying anything. I still had a lot on my mind about my dad's death and the funeral.
"You okay kiddo?" asked a very concerned Spencer as he sat next to me on the couch. I sighed knowing he was going to ask me that. I just wanted to get my mind off all this negativity in my life for a while.
"I've been feeling better, thanks," I responded. We awkwardly stayed quiet for a few minutes. Spencer was like a big brother to me. We shared many common interests but we didn't have a whole lot to talk about since that tragic day. It was hard to talk about stuff other than my father.
"I know this is hard on you right now Freddie. If you ever need someone to talk to or just vent about anything, that's what I'm here for. You could also help me with some of my sculptures to get your mind off things. Just let me know. I'm only across the hall," he smiled at me, patted my shoulder a few times and stood up from the couch.
"Thanks Spencer," I said before he walked towards his room.
A few minutes later, I heard footsteps and they became louder as the seconds passed. Carly stood in front of me with a heart warming smile on her face. That smile that gave me slight hope that everything would turn out okay in the end. I stood up and she opened her arms so she could give me comforting hug. I wanted to hold her forever but I knew I had to let go eventually.
We walked out of the Bushwell Plaza and made our way to school. I was nervous about going back to school. I wondered what all my tormentors would say to me or what my teachers would tell me. As we walked towards school, I noticed that Carly was looking away from me and specifically at someone across the street. It was the new guy in the building. His name is Griffin. He was every girl's fantasy because he rides a motorcycle and he wasn't afraid to stand up for himself. Not to mention, he was tall, buff, and had such a smooth personality, from what I've seen. I felt a little jealous because I've always wanted Carly to look at me like that. After eying him for a few seconds, Carly shifted her head towards my direction. I quickly shoved my hands in my pockets and lowered my head down, looking at the ground so Carly wouldn't know that I was looking at her while she checked out Griffin.
"So, how have you been Freddie?" she asked, making conversation. I had the feeling that I was going to get asked that question a lot on my first day back.
"I'm feeling much better but I'm still a little depressed about my dad," I mumbled, not taking my eyes off the ground.
"Well, you know that I'm here if you ever need a friend or a shoulder to lean on," she said sweetly and gave me a small hug from the side. I gave her a weak smile.
"Can I ask you something Carly?" I asked. She nodded. "If I looked and acted like Griffin, would you look at me as more than a friend?"
I saw her eyes widened at the sudden and random question. I really wanted to know if she would think differently of me if I was a different person. She opened her mouth but didn't say anything. She seemed to be struggling to give me the correct answer, which I already knew anyways. I knew that she would like me the way I like her if I wasn't such a technology whiz.
"Uh- I- Freddie...," she stammered. "I don't know how to answer that without sounding like a completely shallow and horrible person."
"It's okay Carly, you don't have to answer. I already know," I said, my voice dripping in disappointment. Why do the nice guys finish always finish last? Shouldn't we get some sort of recognition for not treating the opposite sex like a piece of meat? If Carly was my girlfriend, I'd romance her twenty four seven and tell her how much she meant to me.
"I'm sorry. You know I love you but only as a brother. I'm sure there is a girl that will love you for who you are. It just takes time," she assured me, trying to make me feel better about the situation of me being in deep like with her. She was not helping.
"Don't worry about it," I mumbled. The rest of the walk was a very awkward one. We didn't say much to each other. Once we reached school, she gave me a hug and we parted ways. I saw her walk over to her best friend, Wendy. She was also a very nice girl. We don't talk a lot but from what I've seen, she's really sweet, just like Carly. She is Ridgeway's unofficial blogger. She owns a very popular blog and always posts the latest "gossip" going on in some of the popular people's lives. I think she would make a great journalist after high school.
I walked to my locker to drop off some of my textbooks. So far, school wasn't so bad. I thought too soon.
"Hey it's Fredqueer," yelled one of the football players, Steven. He only hates me because I refused to let him use my homework so he could copy the answers back in middle school. Ever since then, he would bully me and he even had his friends join in on their fun. Steven walked up to me grabbed one of my books.
"Where have you been dork?" he asked, flipping through the pages of my Chemistry book. "You've been gone for a week. Did the little geek get scared?"
Before I could respond, he shoved my book onto the floor, and shoved me against the locker next to me, my spine colliding with the knob of the locker. I screamed in pain but that only made their laughter increase. I dropped to the ground and attempted to grab my book. Steven used his foot to kick my butt so that I could fall flat on my face. I heard a million laughs around me and I couldn't take the humiliation. Steven and his friends walked away. I got up, people were still laughing at me, and I closed my locker before running to the bathroom.
I opened the door to the bathroom and walked over to the sink. I lowered my head towards the sink and began to hyperventilate. I could never get used to being tortured that way. That's what I get for following the rules. I get teased and tortured like I was some kind of old wet mop. I thought to myself, why? Why does everything bad happen to me? Did I do something wrong? I felt like a complete failure at life.
I splashed some cold water onto my face and grabbed some paper towels to dry myself off. As I was drying myself, my friend Gibby walked into the bathroom looking a little depressed. He looked at me with a surprised look on his face and walked towards me.
"Hey Freddie. It's good to see you back in school. I heard about your dad. I'm really sorry man," he said and patted my back.
"Yeah. It's been rough but I'll survive. Hey are you okay? You seem a little upset," I asked, throwing away the paper towels I used for my face.
"Yeah I'm good. I'm just bummed because on my way to school, some girl grabbed me by the shirt and slammed me against the wall. She threatened to hurt me if I didn't give her my lunch money."
"Oh wow Gibby again? Why are people so cruel?"
"I ask myself that question every day man," he said as he walked up to the mirror and took off his shirt. He reached into his backpack and took out a bottle of baby lotion which he used to rub all over my stomach. Gibby was no stranger to bullying either but he didn't really take it as badly as I did. He was always so confident in himself. He is a little on the large side but sometimes he proudly walked the hallways shirtless. I admired him for that, even is his ways were unusual and weird.
During lunch, I had an AV club meeting to attend. No one in the club knew why I was absent for so long. I needed to explain myself so they wouldn't freak out. After years of perfect attendance, everyone was pretty shocked to see that I was gone for five whole days. I walked up to the front desk to face them all.
"Attention everyone. The AV club meeting is now in session. Now before we begin, I feel like I must explain myself. I've been gone for a week and I deeply apologize for it. The truth is, almost a month ago, my father passed away. He got ran over by a drunk driver and after his funeral, I felt the need to stay at home for a few days. I hope you all understand," I announced. It was hard to explain this all to a classroom filled with students but as the captain of the AV club, I felt like I had to explain myself so I wouldn't get kicked out.
Surprisingly, they were all cool about it and very comforting. After a few minutes, our meeting officially began. Today's topic: Mac's VS. PC's. We debated on the pros and cons of each computer. It was a heated debate but Mac's won. The meeting really took my mind off of my dad.
The day was filled with teasing from the people that didn't like me and sympathy hugs from those that cared. It was a long day but I was glad it was over. I managed to keep myself busy and not think about the day of the accident. It felt great to be back in school and back into my normal schedule. Being at home for a week was great but I didn't realize how much I would miss school.
As I walked out of the school, I walked past the vending machine. My stomach growled in hunger. I completely forgot that I skipped breakfast and lunch. I was surprised I didn't pass out from the lack of food in my system. I turned back around and stood in front of the machine. I groaned at the lack of good snacks inside. All they had were Fat Cakes. They weren't my favorite snacks but I was hungry so I placed two dollar bills in the machine and grabbed two packs of Fat Cakes that the machine dispensed. Then I walked to the vending machine next to the previous one and payed for two Peppy Cola's. I couldn't settle for just one. My hunger grew and grew by the second.
I finally made my way out of Ridgeway. I began to think of how over protective my mother has become. I really wasn't looking forward to going home and have her smother me with her hugs or her worries so I decided to pay my dad a visit at the cemetery.
I walked nervously towards the cemetery. The fact that my dad wasn't around anymore was completely unreal. Everyday, I woke up thinking he was across the hall from my bedroom, fast asleep, but then reality would come smack me in the face to tell me that it wasn't true. That he was gone forever.
The cemetery was huge and hundreds of tombstones stuck out from the ground. There was a park right across from the cemetery with a small playground. It was probably there for the children to distract themselves while the grown ups came here to mourn their loved ones.
As I came closer to my dad's tombstone, I saw a girl sitting in front of the tombstone next to my dad's. Her back was facing me but something about her seemed so familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. She had long curly blond hair and she was wearing a stripped sweater, shorts that stopped at the knee and high top sneakers. Her style was very different from most of the girls at Ridgeway. I was a few feet away from her when I heard her mumble the words "I miss you" in a soft tone.
I finally reached my destination and I sat down in front of the tombstone. I was right next to the blond girl. I wanted to say a few words to my dad but with her around, it became hard to speak. I didn't want to look like some creep talking to a deceased person though she probably wouldn't think that because she was just talking to whoever passed away in her family.
There was a small yellow flower standing right next to me. I picked it and I gently placed it in front of the concrete that had my dad's name engraved on it. Being at the cemetery brought back all the feelings that I tried suppress since the crash. Tears were threatened to fall from my eyes but this time I didn't give in so easily. I closed my eyes, hoping that I could control then. And I did.
I looked at the girl next to me. Her eyes didn't leave the tombstone in front of her. I couldn't stop staring at her. Something about her seemed so mysterious. The look on her eyes was hard to read. I didn't know if she felt sad or angry, if she felt anything at all. Her eyes were a hypnotizing shade of blue. They looked so icy and cold. I sort of lost myself in them.
"What are you staring at?" I snapped from my hypnotized state when she asked me that in a very rude tone. She probably had the right to snap at me like that. Staring was rude.
"I- I'm sorry," was all I could muster up. I felt embarrassed as my face became warm. I turned my head so that I wasn't looking at her anymore but I quickly failed because I found myself looking at her again.
"What is your problem? Are you going to stare at me like that all day or what?" she snapped at me again in that rude tone of hers.
"I'm sorry. It's just, you look kind of familiar. Have I seen you before?" I asked.
"I don't think so. Were you here last week with a bunch of people? You look kind of familiar too," she responded flatly but not rudely.
"Wait. You're the girl that was standing by the tree. I remember now," I said as I brought the palm of my hand to my forehead. She was the the sad girl form the funeral. The one that walked away when I saw her looking at me.
"Yeah...," she said softly. I looked at her up and down then I noticed a little bit of blood coming through her sweater.
"Hey are you okay? You're bleeding," I pointed to her arm and when she took a look, she cursed a few words under her breath. She pulled up her sleeve a little to reveal a few cuts on her arm. They weren't severe but they were deep enough to give her an infection.
"Yeah, I was running and I fell. No biggie," she said casually.
"Well," I said and opened my backpack taking out a small first aid kit. "My mom made me take this to school today in case anything bad happened. I have some wipes, Neosporin and some band aids. Let me clean that for you."
"Uh... okay?" she said. I gently grabbed her arm and pulled it towards me. I could feel her tense up a little but she soon relaxed. I grabbed a moistened wipe that was soaked in alcohol and began to rub it on her cuts, cleaning away any sign of infection. "Shit!" she cursed. The alcohol must have stung a little. Then I dabbed some ointment on her cuts and used my finger to cover up all her cuts. I took out three band aids and gently placed them on her wounds, making sure I didn't apply too much pressure.
"There you go," I smiled at her. She looked very uncomfortable and she just nodded as a sign of thanks. My stomach began growling again and I took out my fat cakes and soda from my back pack. I began to open the pack of sugary pink treats and as I was about to take a bite, I noticed the blond looking at me.
"Is that a fat cake?" she asked. I looked at her closely. She looked at me and then at the snack on my hands. She kept looking back and forth. She was probably as hungry as I was.
"Yeah. Here," I said and I handed her the packet of unopened Fat Cakes. I also handed her a can of Peppy Cola. She took them and began to open the package very aggressively. I stared at her with my eyes widened. In less than a minute she was done with her Fat Cakes and Peppy Cola. She saw me staring at her and she began to look down. She probably felt embarrassed. She wiped away some of the pink colored sugar from her mouth.
"Um, thanks," she said very awkwardly. She didn't seem very comfortable giving me her thanks but I gladly took it.
"Anytime," I said with a smile on my face.
Her attention went back to the stone in front of her. I felt this tension between us. Since we were sitting pretty close to each other, it was very awkward to not say anything. I wanted to strike a conversation so the awkwardness could just disappear but I didn't know what to tell her. I didn't even know who she was. I've never seen her before in my life, besides the day of the funeral but that didn't count.
"So...," I said, trying to start a conversation. I looked at the name on the stone. It said Matthew Puckett. "Is Matthew your father?"
She didn't turn to look at me. She remained still before she nodded slowly, not taking her eyes off the curved piece of concrete in front of her.
"I'm sorry... I um, this is my dad too," I said. I heard her grunt. Probably form annoyance.
"Is this your idea of small talk? Maybe I don't want to talk to you," she snapped at me and quickly stood up. She walked away, increasing speed in her pace. I watched her until she stopped by the tree nearby. She stood there, her back facing me, and she didn't do anything. It seemed as if she couldn't move. A few seconds later she fell to the ground and pulled her knees up so that her arms could rest on top of them.
Guilt suddenly flashed through me. I couldn't explain why I began to feel so guilty. Maybe because she lost her father and I felt for her. I sighed before I stood up so I could approach her. I stood next to her and she didn't budge. She just looked at the empty space in front of her. I took this as a sign that she didn't want me to leave so I sat next to her. I took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry again. I know what it's like to not want to talk to anyone. People have been bugging me with questions all day. I shouldn't have said anything," I said, looking straight ahead.
"Okay, I guess," she said softly. We sat there by the tree, not saying anything. The silence between us was no longer awkward. I understood if she didn't want to say anything. She probably lost her father as recently as I did and was probably just as saddened as I was. We sat there in pure silence for over twenty minutes. Yes, I counted because this was the first time I was actually near a girl, besides Carly, and she didn't make fun of me or walk away from me in disgust.
I didn't notice that I had spent over two hours at the cemetery. I had to go back home before my mom smothered me with even more worries and cries. I stood up and looked at the girl next to me. She shifted her head so that she was looking back at me. Something about the way she looked at me told me she didn't want me to leave. Like she had silently asked me why are you leaving? I grabbed my backpack and shook off whatever dirt that was on the back of my jeans. I looked at her again. I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. We DID spent the rest of the afternoon together, sort of.
"Hey, do you come here often around this time?" I asked. She nodded. "What is your name?"
She looked at me weirdly before she answered. "I barely know you dude."
"Fair enough. Well I'm going to be coming here more often now to get away from my mom after school. I noticed that on your father's tombstone it says Matthew Puckett. I'm guessing that's your last name. If I see you again, I'll just call you Puckett."
She raised an eyebrow at me. I probably creeped her out like I always do to girls. "So what you want me to call you Benson or something? I saw the name on your dad's stone too."
"I'm cool with that. Well, I better go. Maybe I'll see ya later, Puckett," I said and I walked away.
The cemetary wasn't far away from Bushwell. It took about twenty minutes to get there by foot, which didn't bother me at all so I walked home. Outside of the building, I saw Carly talking to Griffin. His back was against the wall and Carly stood in front of him. She looked a little shy but she wouldn't stop giggling at whatever joke he was telling her, if he said a joke at all. One thing I've learned about girls from Carly is that if a guy is cute, girls will laugh because they are cute and not because they are funny. That really didn't make sense to me.
Neither of them paid much attention when I walked past them. I don't think Carly noticed me. The jealousy that I felt early in the morning when we walked to school found it's way back. I've always wanted someone to look at me like that or even giggle at me the way she did with Griffin.
I walked inside of the building only to get yelled at by the annoying doorman. As I made my way up the stairs, I felt something hit the back of my neck. He threw a taco at me. I didn't bother to fight with him. I was exhausted and I just want some sleep.
When I finally walked into my apartment, my mother ran to the door and threw her arms around me. She was crying.
"Oh Freddie, thank God you're home. I was worried sick about you," she cried as I tried to get away from her.
"Calm down mom. I was visiting my dad after school."
"Well you should have called me," she said strongly before wiping away a few tears from her eyes.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm going to relax a little bit and do my homework. I want to be alone." I lied about wanting to be alone. I just didn't want to be with my mom.
I quickly walked into my room and threw myself onto my comfortable bed. My hands covered my face as I began to think about everything that happened today, especially what happened after school.
Something told me that I have made a new friend.
Sooo what did you guys think? In the next chapter, you'll pretty much get to see a day in the life of Sam, or Puckett according to Freddie. I think it would be odd if they just instantly became like best friends so I came up with the idea that the two of them should call themselves by their last name and as time progresses, they will get to know each other more and more. Also, if you're wondering, the story takes place early December. I don't know what the Seattle weather is like in December so I could be wrong whenever I write about the weather so just bare with me lol.
Anyways, iSaved Your Life will premiere VERY soon. I'm a little anxious for it but we'll see what happens :)
