MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE THE MAFIA
"Daddy!" Mikey called again excitedly, hanging
awkwardly from his mother's arms as he stretched forward, reaching for his
father. "You came!" He just knew his daddy wouldn't forget his birthday. "Momma
put me down. Daddy's here!"
Mikey squirmed to be free of Maria's arms so he could run to Michael so much
that Maria had no choice but to put him down or risk dropping him. "Hang on
Sweetie." She said absently, her voice sounding far away to her own ears. Still
feeling stunned and looking it, Maria slowly lowered Mikey to the ground,
feeling Michael's eyes searing her skin with their accusation the entire time.
She was unable to meet his gaze again so instead kept her eyes on her little boy
and not his destination, busying herself with straightening his t-shirt which
had ridden up on his tummy from his struggled slide down her body to the floor.
Michael had long ago mastered the art of a poker face, his work required it, but
it was his eyes that couldn't be shielded to his liking. They spoke loudest of
his true feelings and she'd learnt to read them better than anyone else. On her
first unavoidable glimpse his eyes had spoken to her in no uncertain terms. An
anger so deep forced itself to the forefront of any other feelings of pain and
betrayal she knew he must be feeling towards her right at that moment for daring
to take from him the one thing he treasured most in the world.
Deep down, she hadn't expected anything less but being prepared didn't stop the hurt it invoked. Her guilt, her love for him and her need to never have him look upon her in such a way despite what had happened prevented her from meeting his gaze again just yet. She let her eyes fall to her son instead and couldn't help but call out worriedly as she watched him charge full speed towards his father as fast as his little legs would carry him as soon as his feet hit the floor. "Don't run Mikey. You'll fall."
"I won't fall Momma!" Mikey called back, even in his
excitement thinking to reassure his worried mother with the fearlessness only a
five-year-old could possess.
Straightening slowly, as if in a trance Maria felt more than saw Tess move to
her side and squeeze her hand. It reminded her to breathe and she squeezed back,
momentarily stilling the trembling of both their hands. Everything felt so
surreal, like she was watching a movie play out before her, something beyond her
control and the helplessness was frightening, almost paralyzing. They were
powerless beyond watching and waiting for the outcome. It was the apprehension
that accompanied that wait that hollowed Maria's stomach and caused her to bite
her lip to keep from screaming.
Michael laughed, feeling his heart swell at his son's
obvious excitement to see him as he knelt down on his haunches, finally able to
tear his eyes from the woman he held responsible for keeping him in a state of
living hell for the past month as his little boy flung himself into his arms
with enough force to send them both toppling backwards. He was more than glad
for the distraction because he'd found himself fighting an inner battle within
both his mind and heart from the minute he'd walked in the door. He couldn't
decide whether he wanted to pull Maria into his arms and never let go, or shake
her senseless. He willingly left the thought behind the minute his son's body
hit his chest.
Steadying both himself and Mikey, Michael stood with his wild haired bundle of
energy held securely to his chest, unable to keep the smile from his face as
everything else but the boy in his arms was forgotten for the moment. Nothing
had ever felt better and he vowed then and there that he would never let anyone
deny him this again. "God, it's so good to see you Mikey. Happy birthday son."
Michael's voice shuddered with genuine emotion as he exhaled the words and a
sudden lump formed in his throat. He hugged Mikey close to his chest and buried
his face in his son's neck, both needing and taking the hidden opportunity to
compose himself and force away the tears of happiness and relief he could feel
threatening and so dangerously close to spilling. He was rarely a man who
allowed himself to be taken off guard in such a manner, but he never could have
known that the emotion would over take him so and he was unprepared to say the
least. It was literally taking all that was in him at that moment to control it.
As if sensing Michael's struggle, Pauly, Michael's right hand man and so much
more stepped forward and placed a hand on his surrogate son's shoulder, giving
him an understanding squeeze of support. Michael immediately straightened his
back and drew from it the extra strength he needed to be strong in front of his
son. He was taught never to cry, never to show weakness and he would not give
Maria the satisfaction of breaking him in front of his own son. She'd done
enough damage and he had every intention of putting an end to it that night.
Never in his wildest dreams would Michael have thought that the innocent girl he
fell in love with all those years ago could be capable of such betrayal. It
stung like nothing before, and the pain was only accentuated now that her weapon
of choice for that pain was back in his arms where he belonged.
Mikey mimicked his father and snuggled his face into Michael's shoulder,
breathing in the unique scent he associated with his Daddy alone and grinned
happily. It made him feel safe, being held in his Daddy's strong arms, so high
from the ground where no one could touch him. He loved his Momma's hugs just as
much but they were different. Hers were soft and full of tickles, but his
Daddy's were strong and safe and big like a bear. He could hide in his Daddy's
arms if he wanted to. "Thanks Daddy." Mikey whispered into his father's ear
shyly. "Jessie said I was silly for hoping but I knew you wouldn't forget." He
added proudly, relating the earlier words of his younger cousin.
"Oh she did huh?" Michael pulled Mikey back slightly so that he could meet his
son's eyes. "Well we've both proven her wrong now haven't we?"
"Yep!" Mikey quipped. "Just wait till she sees you!" He boasted. He couldn't
wait to show his Daddy to Jessie tomorrow. Then she'd be sorry she told him that
his Daddy didn't love him enough to come to his birthday party. Girls were
always so silly.
Michael chuckled at his sons need to show him off, then quickly found himself
having to hold onto the bundle of beans in his arms tighter as Mikey discovered
his Uncle Pauly standing behind Michael and reached out to him, arms
outstretched over Michael's shoulder. "I think you've got a fan Pauly." Michael
said, sharing an amused smile with the recent object of Mikey's affectionate
attention.
"Uncle Pauly!" Mikey squealed.
Pauly chuckled jovially and stepped forward, letting Mikey wrap his arms around
his neck from over Michael's shoulder as he patted him on the back fondly. "Hey,
happy birthday kid." His voice, made gravely from too many years of smoking
cigars reverberated through Mikey who still held tight to his neck causing the
little boy to giggle softly. Pauly couldn't help but chuckle in response at the
sweet sound. "You sure this is your kid?" Pauly teased, looking at Michael from
over Mikey's shoulder and remembering the brooding and most times angry young
man Michael used to be and still could be at times. Maria had been the only one
with the power to change that and then when she had Mikey it had been like
looking at a new man. Maria was as much a daughter to Pauly as Michael was a son
and he could not imagine why or how she could have done such a thing as to take
the man's son, but he would find out. She would come to him, he knew. Whatever
the reason, Pauly had witnessed first hand the effects of this separation she
had forced upon them. Michael had started to slip back into his old ways, and
fast. Pauly just hoped that regression would end tonight because the man Michael
became without the two people in this room he loved and had come to take home,
was a danger to no one more so than himself.
Michael smiled knowingly and looked at Mikey with eyes full of pride only a
father could possess. "You know it." He said softly.
"Yeah, I know it." Pauly said just as softly in a secret exchange, smiling as
Mikey pulled back. He had missed the little tyke just as much as his father. The
house was never a home without Maria's warm presence and Mikey's laughter to
fill the large rooms where empty echo's now resided. He knew he wasn't the only
one who felt it, the coldness that filled the air and devoured the warmth of
life when they were gone. Michael spent as little time as he could there when
Maria and Mikey weren't around. He'd spent enough nights on Pauly's couch that
past month for him to know. Michael was a lost man in that place without them.
Thankfully, that would change tonight and the boy he'd watched grow into a man
and one which he considered a son would have his family back.
"So, how old is he again now Boss?" Pauly asked, winking at Michael.
Michael hid his smile. "You're bout thirty five now right Mike?" He asked,
looking at his son for confirmation.
Mikey giggled and shook his head. "Daddy I'm only five!" He corrected.
"No! I don't believe you. Twenty five then?" Mikey fell into a fit of giggles at
Michael's continued straight face despite the laughing twinkle in his eye.
"Five? Really?" Michael asked in mock disbelief, enjoying the sound of his son's
laughter more than he thought possible.
Mikey nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "Yep! That's how many candles Momma put
on the cake."
"Okay, well if you're sure." Michael said, dragging out his words as if only
half convinced and raising one eyebrow. "You've just grown so much since the
last time I saw you. I mean look at the muscles in this arm?" Michael took his
son's wrist gently in his hand and held his arm up on display. "Pauly will you
look at the muscles on this kid of mine." he said, turning to face him. "You
ever seen anything like that on a five year old before?"
Pauly pretended to study Mikey's arm and rubbing his stubbly chin as if in
contemplation he said, "No boss, I can't says I have."
"Course you ain't!" Michael said, unconsciously falling back into the slang he
used around the boys and hiding his smile when Mikey started to study his arm,
his little face a soft frown of consternation as he tried to see what his father
and Pauly were talking about. "Came near enough to choking me when you hugged me
just now. Here, go like this for me. I gotta check this out." Michael held his
own arm up in a weight lifter pose and Mikey did the same, completely immersed
in his father's attention and loving every minute of it. "Now go like this."
Michael said, flexing his bicep. Again Mikey did the same, scrunching his face
up with the effort of trying to get his muscle to bulge as big as his Daddy's
and Michael grew wide-eyed at the apparent results. "Oh well see that
proves it." He said without a doubt. "You've been working out on the monkey bars
haven't you?" He deduced seriously.
Mikey burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles in response and hugged his
father lovingly. His Daddy was so funny sometimes.
Michael reveled in his son's happiness and tugged
playfully on the curly ends of his chocolate brown hair as he hugged him. How
many moments like this had she made him miss with his son in the past month or
so, he wondered with a sigh.
Maria had never seen anything more beautiful, yet just as heartbreaking to her
at the same time. Her eyes pooled with tears, staining her lips with the taste
of their salt and she felt the need to catch the breath the scene before her
stole with each second that passed. Seeing them together again, the love and
pure happiness that was flooding Michael's face as he held his only son caused
the pain of her decision to take Mikey away to burrow a little deeper into her
heart and she instinctively clutched her chest as if to stop it. Mikey looked as
content as he had ever been in his father's arms, willing to stay there for as
long as Michael was willing to keep him there.
And Michael. She couldn't help but notice how good he looked. Black suit, dark
burgundy shirt and black tie cut an impressive figure of his large frame. Mikey
looked so small and fragile in his arms but safe. Despite that, she couldn't
ignore the tell tale signs of what her actions had done to him, the toll they'd
taken. His hair was wild, the soft waves and small curly licks she loved and
which Mikey had inherited free and framing his face when normally he wore it
smoothed back and out of his eyes. A three day growth of beard shadowed his
face, darkening and accentuating intense eyes that were tired and strained,
needing rest she'd stolen from him. He took her breath away and she felt an
overwhelming need to take care of him, to soothe and comfort him. She knew under
normal circumstances he would allow her to take him to her but now she had to
fear if he'd ever let her do it again. She never wanted to do this to him,
never, but after what she'd seen…how could she possibly have stayed and carried
on as normal?
Finally quieting, Mikey sighed tiredly against his father's neck, the busy and
excitement filled day he'd had catching up with his little body as he rested his
cheek against Michael's shoulder. "Me and Momma missed you Daddy." He whispered
softly.
The mention of Maria in such a context brought the rest of the room back into
focus for Michael and he rubbed Mikey's back, feeling his body relax against him
tiredly. "I missed you too Mikey. So much." He paused before adding softly and
truthfully, "Both of you." Michael looked at Maria then, watching her startled
intake of breath as he held her gaze. He saw the tear tracks lining her face and
fought the instinctual urge to want to wipe them away. He could only hope she
was feeling half the pain and anger he knew to be clouding his eyes because it
was something that had stared back at him from the bathroom mirror every morning
since they'd left. "I don't want you to worry though all right?" Michael pulled
Mikey back gently so he could look into his eyes, making sure he believed what
he was saying. "I promise we'll never be apart as long as this again, and first
thing tomorrow I'm taking you home."
"We're going home?" Mikey came alive again at his father's words, his sudden
sleepiness forgotten for the moment. Michael nodded, smiling broadly at his
son's enthusiasm. "Momma, did you hear that? Daddy's taking us home with him!"
He couldn't wait to get back to his own room and all his toys that he'd had to
leave behind. This was turning out to be the best birthday ever!
Maria looked from her son to Michael and back again, her voice momentarily
caught in her throat as she quickly wiped at her face with her hand lest Mikey
see she'd been crying. She felt completely put on the spot and she knew that
that was Michael's intention entirely. His eyes challenged her to go against him
and she had to fight to find her voice. "I heard honey. Michael, can we talk
about this please?" She couldn't keep the quite pleading from her voice.
Michael's tone was cool and edged with finality when he answered. "It's not up
for discussion. I'm taking my son home where he belongs." Michael cut of any
further protest from Maria by turning his attention back to his son. He caught
Mikey's chin between his thumb and forefinger gently for a quick moment. "And
then we can spend the day together and have our own birthday party. Just you and
me kid. How does that sound?"
Mikey beamed at his father. "Cool!"
Michael chuckled and ruffled his son's hair.
Maria watched on helplessly, knowing that Michael had every right to suspect she
would protest against his decision. He didn't know that only hours earlier,
she'd made the same one. Now, she just needed to know what had happened, where
she stood with him after this and where they stood with each other. Would he let
them go back? Not in the physical sense for she was sure.....at least she used
to be, that he wasn't the type of person that would take Mikey away from her
just to spite her, but rather, would he let them go back in every other sense
that really mattered.
Mikey yawned and rubbed at his eye with a tiny balled
up fist before planting his head on his father's shoulder again. Michael watched
with a small frown of fatherly concern. "It's time for you to be in bed Mike."
He said softly, placing a kiss to his son's forehead.
"But I wanna stay with you." Mikey said through closed eyes, another yawn soon
to follow his pouted words. One small hand gripped his father's jacket lapel
while the other hung limp over Michael's shoulder.
"I'm not going anywhere Mikey." Michael reassured, nuzzling his nose against his
son's temple. "I'll be here when you wake up in the morning okay?"
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Okay, But will you read to me first Daddy?"
"That depends." Michael kidded playfully. "You got a good story for me?"
"Uh-huh. Auntie Tessa gave me a new story book for my
birthday."
"Okay then. You've got yourself a deal kid." Michael smiled to himself and
kissed the top of Mikey's head one last time before turning to the two men
behind him. "Pauly, Marco, go and check the place out. Don't come back until
you're sure it's safe."
Both men nodded and twenty seven year old Marco Vincent headed for the front
door, arm already reaching within his dark jacket for the weapon concealed there
while Pauly hung back to say goodnight to Mikey.
"Pauly." Michael called after the older man had been released from Mikey's
sleepy goodnight hug. "You make sure that kid does his job properly." Michael
said in a low voice, his face a mask of seriousness as he chucked his chin in
the direction Marco had just headed.
Pauly understood Michael's concerns and nodded. Marco had just been brought into the fold and was a hired gun like Pauly. Hired to replace the last gun who'd fucked up in the worst possible way when it came to the only thing that really mattered to Michael, his family and their protection. And he was paying the price for that now, sipping carrots through a straw from a hospital bed.
"You've no need to worry, Michael. " Pauly reassured him, using his first name only when in the company of family. "I've got my eye on him, and from what I've seen so far, this kids good, real good. You know I wouldn't say so otherwise."
Michael nodded. "You know I trust you." He needed loyalty, and he got that 100% with Pauly. He'd only agreed to take Marco on because his recommendation was taken on good faith from one of Pauly's cousin's who'd had enough death threats thrown his way to know about it. Trusted recommendation or not, Michael still remained weary. Marco was still fresh, eager, and in most cases Michael knew that meant stupid and more likely to fuck up in his eagerness to please and impress. He knew, he was once in the same position. Now that Mikey was back he couldn't afford to take any chances. Michael couldn't always be around, and relied heavily on Pauly to let him know if his family was in danger because some loud mouthed fuck was more interested in bragging about his count than doing the job he was paid more than enough to do.
Satisfied, Michael clapped Pauly on the shoulder in
dismissal but looked at the older man in surprise when he caught his hand under
his own against his arm for a moment.
"Michael, you go easy on Maria all right? You know I think what she did was
wrong but I'm sure she thought her reasons were right at the time. Just listen
to what she has to say before anything else, okay?"
Michael pulled his hand away. "Go Pauly."
"Just remember that she loves you Michael." He paused before finishing softly. "And you love her. That will always be stronger than whatever it is that's kept you apart." Pauly gave Michael one last look, knowing his words had had some effect before leaving to do his job.
Pauly's words ringing in his ears, Michael stared after
him, a thoughtful frown on his face, knowing the words were true but wanting to
shut them out at that moment. Closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep
breath to steel himself Michael finally turned back to the other two people in
the room, his eyes hard again. "Maria, come and say goodnight to your son."
Maria nodded and let go of Tess's hand, knowing she had to do this by herself.
She looked to her worried friend, feeling her fear filled blue gaze on her and
smiled softly to try and ease her mind. "I'll be okay Tess. Don't worry."
Tess looked over at Michael worriedly, who ignored her gaze, before turning back
to her best friend and sister in law. "Are you sure Maria? Because I can stay
if-"
"I'll be fine. Honest." Maria took Tess's hand in her own again and gave her a
reassuring squeeze before kissing her on the cheek. She could feel Michael
getting impatient and she didn't want to make him any angrier than he already
was.
"Okay…well me and Jess are just down the hall if you need us and Kyle will be
here later as well." Tess bit her lip, unable to stop her concern as she looked
at Maria, hoping she'd change her mind and ask her to stay. She'd seen Michael's
temper before, when crossed it could prove uncontrollable, and she didn't like
the idea of leaving her best friend alone with him. Not with the frame of mind
she knew he had to be in at that moment.
"I know. Night Tess."
"Night Maria." Tess gave Maria one last sympathetic smile before leaving the
kitchen, praying that Kyle came home sooner rather than later.
Taking a deep breath Maria tore her eyes away from Tess's retreating form,
immediately feeling a tense silence envelope the room in her absence as she met
Michael's gaze. He looked back at her for a moment before finally lowering his
eyes to his son as he swayed back and forth slowly, softly lulling his tired
little body to sleep soothingly.
It was a beautiful scene and as she made her way over to her son and the powerful man holding him protectively, she felt like a monster.
Being so close to Michael again, feeling the way her
breathe wanted to burst from her lungs, she knew. Her feelings towards him
hadn't changed. His very presence alone still took her breath away. She couldn't
help wonder if she still did the same to him. Or had she ruined that forever?
Focusing on the one thing that she could never ruin, Maria smiled softly as she
gazed upon the half asleep form of her son and traced the arm and hand he had
gripping Michael's jacket front softly with her finger tips, feeling the soft
down of the tiny hairs there. So beautiful, innocent and reliant on the
protection of those they loved and trusted in sleep. The thought that she had
made this perfect little boy with the man holding him now never failed to knock
her off her feet and steal the very breath from her lungs. It was completely
overwhelming in the best of ways.
Her eyes traveled to his small fisted hand and she
couldn't help but notice how tight his grip on Michael's jacket lapel was even
in his tired state. His little knuckles were practically white with the
pressure. It was as if he thought Michael would disappear should he let go even
for a second and she felt her heart ache deep inside because such a thought in
her child's mind was her fault. Not for the first time, a feeling of
terrible regret assailed her.
"He's practically dead in my arms Maria. What are you doing keeping him up so
late?" Michael frowned his disapproval at her, his voice hushed so as not to
disturb Mikey.
Maria didn't take her eyes from her son. "It's a
birthday treat Michael, that's all." She leaned in and placed a soft kiss to
Mikey's arm, unprepared for the familiar dark masculine scent of her husband as
it reached her delicate nose and she found herself having to steady herself
mentally. It made her ache to nuzzle her face against his chest, feeling the
cool soft material of his suit at her cheek and sometimes her body when he left
her for work, naked and lonely in the mornings. The way his laughter at her love
for the affection rumbled through his chest to tickle her face before he'd pull
her up to kiss her echoed through her mind.
Things were so different now she realized with a sad sigh of regret as she
closed her eyes and rubbed her lips lovingly against Mikey's arm a moment longer
before finally pulling back to the reality of what awaited her.
His mother's gentle caress roused Mikey from the surface of sleep and he opened
half lidded eyes, head still resting against Michael's shoulder as he spoke.
""Don't you wanna come and read to me with Daddy Momma?"
Maria didn't have to look at Michael to know the answer. She understood he
wouldn't want her there and she didn't feel the right to intrude. "Not tonight
sweetie. I think you and Daddy should spend some time alone together."
"Okay." Mikey murmured on a sigh as he lifted his head to receive his kiss
goodnight.
Maria kissed Mikey on the lips then gave him a few small quick kisses on the
cheek that made him giggle and she smiled, smoothing his cheek with her
fingertips. "Night honey." She expected a simple good night in return but she
should have known her son was never so predictable.
"Momma, aren't you gonna give Daddy a goodnight kiss too?"
Maria bit her lip and chanced a nervous glance at
Michael. He didn't look happy. "Mikey, I-"
"Maria." Michael cut her excuse off, knowing it wasn't needed. "Come here." His
voice was soft, softer than he would have liked but she was his wife, that
wasn't going to change. More importantly he didn't want Mikey to think there
were any problems between them.
Maria looked at Michael, unable to hide her shock and he nodded that it was okay
though the frown marring his brow didn't make her feel any easier about it. He
was obviously doing this for Mikey's sake, she realized. Feeling Mikey waiting
expectantly she stood on the tips of her toes to save Michael from bending down
with Mikey in his arms. Her eyes closed to the long ago touch of his large warm
hand at her waist, pulling her to him as she tilted her chin up to meet his lips
and her hand traveled up to grip his bicep to steady herself. First she felt his
breath tickling her face with it's warmth, then his lips, slightly parted, wet
and warm they pressed against her own softly and she exhaled heavily against his
mouth, finding she had to hold back an unexpected whimper. It had been so long.
All too soon it was over and she blinked her eyes open.
"Go and wait for me in your room. I'll be there in a
minute." Michael was annoyed at the deep husk betraying him in his voice as he
momentarily let his irrepressible hunger for his wife supercede her own
betrayal. Truth be told he'd found it damn near impossible to resist burying his
face in the soft gold tresses of her hair that brushed his arm as she bent over
him to kiss Mikey goodnight but he couldn't let those feelings in yet. He was
too hurt, too angry and he chased them from his mind and heart before they
overtook of their own free will. He needed her away from him though, now. She
was too close. He could smell her, it made him want her when he didn't want to
want her. "Maria." He controlled his voice, low and deep, his eyes commanding.
Maria blushed under his dark gaze, sensing a need for control within him that
she wouldn't let herself think to deeply on. Finally, she nodded obediently,
lowering her eyes but then quickly looked back at Michael, her eyes searching
his when a horrible thought hit her. "Michael-"
"Don't worry Maria." Michael began, reading her mind through her eyes. "I'm not
taking him any further than his room tonight."
Maria expelled a breath of relief that she didn't know she'd been holding until
then. She looked at Michael gratefully, knowing it was more than he thought she
deserved at that point. "Thank-"
"Don't." He shook his head slightly, eyes almost pained before automatically
hardening again. "You know I'm not doing it for you. Just go wait Maria."
Maria nodded her understanding, though doing her best to hide her hurt at the
way Michael's tone seemed to discard her so coldly, even as her lip began to
tremble and tears welled at the corners of her eyes. She lowered her eyes for a
moment before mustering enough courage to look back up at Mikey and did her best
to smile at him one last time through tears she would not shed in front of her
son. "Sleep well baby. I love you."
"Night Momma. Love you too." Michael turned from her and started out of the
kitchen.
"I wish you could have been at my birthday party today Daddy. All my friends
from school came and Momma and Auntie Tessa had Uncle Kyle dress up as a clown.
He was so funny cause he kept tripping over his big red clown shoes and Auntie
Tessa had to follow him around to help him up. I don't think he liked that
though cause he kept grumbling every time Auntie Tessa would laugh at him. Momma
said he was just being a big sook." Mikey's voice took on a whisper that barely
reached Maria's ears. She could just picture him leaning into Michael, tiny hand
cupped to his father's ear as he told his secret. "And don't tell Auntie Tessa
cause she might get upset but Uncle Kyle isn't very good at making balloon
animals. I asked him to make me a lion but there were only green balloons left
and it looked more like a snake with a knot in it's belly than a lion......"
Maria let the tears she'd been holding back rain down on her face, her body
shaking with soft sobs as she listened to her son babble on happily to his
father about his big day. A yawn punctuated his sentences every now and then
followed by an interested word of encouragement or soft chuckle from Michael as
he carried him down the hall. She smiled through her tears, despite the ball of
apprehension that had begun knotting her stomach again. When she could hear them
no more she finally made her way to her own room, to wait for her husband and
the outcome of her life after that night.
