ACT TWO

INT. SG COMMAND-INFIRMARY

SAM
...so, anyway...in the time it took us to drag you away from Tollan, even though you asked us not to, and detain you here, even though you asked us not to, your 'Gate's been sealed under tons of volcanic debris and you're cut off from your world forever. Our official position on this is, "Oops." And the General owes me a plane.

OMOC
You said you had good news and bad news.

DANIEL
Oh. Uh...the bad news is, that bowl of fruit in the middle of the buffet table was just a centerpiece. It's actually all plastic. You might want to pass that along to your people.

INT. SG COMMAND-BRIEFING ROOM

JACK
Maybe we should try calling in some markers. I know some worlds that owe me big from that intragalactic game of Fizzbin last week.

DANIEL

Fizzbin? Isn't that where you just made up the rul-

JACK
Shut up, kid.

HAMMOND
Okay. Colonel, you follow up on that. Pay a...visit to some of our old friends and take a big guy like Teal'c with you, if you know what I mean.

Daniel frowns to himself but keeps his mouth shut.

HAMMOND
(continued)
Captain Carter, I want you and Dr. Jackson to get the multi-purpose room on 5-C ready as a refugee housing center. Take down the door decorations, clear the dealers' tables, relocate the art show-you know the drill.

INT. SG COMMAND-5-C.

The room has been partitioned into cubicles, offering a modicum of privacy. One idiot's alarm clock will still wake everybody else up, unfortunately.

HAMMOND
As an act of good faith, we're returning the devices you were wearing.

OMOC
The whatyercallits? They are not weapons.

DANIEL
Well, actually, we couldn't figure out exactly what they were.

HAMMOND
(under his breath)
...so we're even more suspicious and primitive than you already thought we were. Good going, boy.
(louder)
But I want you to understand, you're restricted to the immediate premises.

OMOC
Are we prisoners?

DANIEL
N-no! Yes! Pass!

INT. SG COMMAND-5-C, NARIM'S CUBICLE

SAM
Hey-how're you doing?

NARIM
Um...it may sound ridiculous, but I have no idea how this bed works, could you show me, nudge nudge wink wink?

SAM
Oh, that's just a pillowcase; I'll show you later. You might like to take a look at this first.

NARIM
Oh. Er, sure.

SAM opens the cat carrier to let out SCHROEDINGER.

NARIM
I never thought I'd see a living animal. So it's not all just stock footage, then?

SAM
(shrugging)
Cats are cheaper, I guess. His name's Schroedinger. You know, Heisenburg, Bohr, Charm and Strange?

NARIM
Ahh. Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff.

Omoc enters, annoyed because he has no lines in this scene.

SAM
Cheese it, the old man! Later.
(exits)

NARIM
I did not tell her anything.
(beat)
Hey! There is a profusion of orange hair all over this mattress.