WHAT?! Another Aeon fic? I have aeons on the brain, daaa.
Ifrit: On brain? ::looks::
Kit: Not LITERALLY… ow! Get off my head!
Ifrit: Now have aeons on brain!
Disclaimer time (in song form)
Kit brings you all this aeon story,
It's fun and weird and not real gory!
Kit write it all but don't get pay.
Fiddley-ai diddly-ai….. yeah!
SO! I disclaim; Kit does not own FFX or the aeons. Squaresoft, being the ultimate Godliness they are, owns them. Ten owns herself (an me) and Mariko owns herself (but is also owned by Ten).
And like my other aeon fics, I've 'hidden' two more FFX characters in here. Guess who they are... it's really not that hard, daa! Bonus points can be exchanged for purple monkeys and Sinspawn. And now I promise, this IS the last fic… and I don't care if I 'missed' a character, I'm not writing anymore!
The Aeon Olympics
1/26/03
"She runs to the twenty! The fifteen! The ten! The five! Back to the ten to pick up the ball! The five! AND TOUCHDOWN!" A female voice bellowed in an attempted to pull off a man's voice. "And give the dog a bone! This lil girl made it home!" And thus began and impromptu 'goal' dance. Of course, dancing without using your arms is rather difficult. Then again, so is carrying a ball. That is why this girl carried it tucked under her chin and chest.
It was a normal day (if you are allowed to use that word) in the asylum. Two of the inmates were playing something that came fairly close to 'Calvin Ball'. No rules… and most of the time no ball, since they were in straitjackets.
"Double letter bonus! Score is now Xu to 56!" Another 'nutcase' shouted, ramming the smaller blond into the padded wall.
Climbing back to her feet after being body checked, the crazy blond whined. "Teee~n! Why are we still here? Aren't we 'cured' yet?" She made the little quotation signs with her toes, a neat trick when you have stubby feet.
"Kit, what did I tell you about whining?" Ten looked down, trying to seem imposing, but while tucked in the straightjacket she just looked rather silly.
A few moments passed while Kit was in thought. "Was that the thing about not teasing large dragon gods?"
"NO! That was don't attack/glomp them." The brunette shook her head.
"Oh, so then was it the thing about keeping my voice down and not going 'WEEEEEE' in a really high pitched tone?" Kit asked seriously, and of course, went 'weee' in a really high pitched tone.
Ten shook her head, sighing. "Never mind." She glared at Kit, who was grinning widely. "You wouldn't learn your lesson if it bit you in the ass." And surprisingly, Ten thanked Shiva that Bahamut didn't bite Kit in the ass… he probably would have caught the insanity or something.
Kit seemed to take offense, but any witty repartee was lost when the door swung open. The day guard for the asylum stepped in, looking the two nutcases over. The room was a mess, stuffing ripped from the walls, fragments of chalk powdered everything, and the remains of pieces of paper littered the floor. Rubbing her head, the guard began to escort them outside for their daily sunshine time.
"Hey! I burn easily!" Ten reminded the guard. "Do you have sunscreen, that red-headed driver guy --Wan-chan!-- and twenty cabana boys to put it on?"
"Kit likes Lionman! Lionman should take Kit outside." Kit shouted.
The female guard sighed, thinking she was not paid enough. "Mr. 'Lionman' and 'Wan-chan', along with every other male guard, wouldn't take you two outside for all the money in the world, not after the 'aeon' insanity you two have."
"AAAHHHHH!! AEONS!" Kit squealed, clinging to the door with her feet and refusing to let go. The guard mentally kicked herself (and then Ten kicked her) and tried to pry Kit off the door.
************************************************************
Meanwhile, in another plane, not too far away.
The aeons were resting up after a rather fierce battle. Yuna had called on many of them to help fight some Sinspawn, leaving them tired and bored. But the tiredness factor was mostly from the fact they desperately wanted something to do.
Valfor seemed to be plucking her feathers in boredom, and Shiva's hair had never been so brushed out before. Youjinbu taught his dog to play dead, fetch fiends, and file tax returns. Bahamut was slowly practicing cooking rotisserie style chocobo. And of course, the Ifrit…..
"WEEEEE!" A giant gout of flames burst forth from the area that the Ifrit claimed. To all the other aeons, 'there be pyro country'. The aeons all winced at the deafeningly loud, and high pitched, 'weee' than the Ifrit had just bellowed.
Grinding his teeth, Youjinbu stared at Bahamut. "Isn't there anything we can do to shut him up?" He rubbed his head, dulling a forming migraine.
"Do YOU want to bring him to visit Anima or the Magus sisters again?" Bahamut snorted, glaring at the bodyguard from the corner of his eye. Youjinbu shuddered. Anima was truly nuts, and seemed to be as large of a masochist as the Ifrit and as insane as the human Kit (which was a really bad combination). But the Magus sisters…..Youjinbu shuttered again, this time with true fear. The last time he had met with them, they made off with his hat, jacket, and pants, and then commenced flirting until he felt physically ill. Which, to an aeon, was impossible since they lacked true physical bodies.
"What about mortals?" Shiva asked calmly, resting the brush in midair. "They did do a fairly average job of amusing us." She tossed her head and looked about like she owned everything. Correction: She did own everything, but she was looking about like she was trying to decide what to do with it.
"Crazy blond?" Ifrit rumbled, lumbering over to the group.
"Yes, whatever happened to that Kit-mortal? And her human counterpart, the number girl…Ten." Shiva asked.
Youjinbu tugged on the brim of his hat. "Her little mind was destroyed...just like my hat. And dammit, they're hard to replace."
"Mortal-minds?"
"No, my hat."
********************************************************************
The asylum guards were on their hour break, trying not to go insane themselves. It was a slow time, few people seemed to be going mad, and the inmates were actually getting better.
"I'M A WAFFLE!" Well… most of the inmates.
"SHADDUP MONKEY!" Another voice bellowed.
"I'M A MONKEY!" And the ironic part was the two feuding voices were in the same cell. If the door were to be opened, the opener would probably fall deaf. The guards all made their way to the opposite side of the building, trying to get as many stone walls between them and the shouting girls.
A dull red light began to illuminate the cell, and quickly distracted the yelling match. Kit and Ten watched with amazement as the red light formed into a void. Kit had chewed Ten free from her straitjacket and was nibbling on her own when the light formed. Even with her mouth full, her hands still tied, and nearly face first into the floor, Kit still identified the light's source.
"I'M AN AEON! AAAAEOOON!" She shrieked. Then jumping to her feet, she began to stomp around the room roaring like a mini-Bahamut. So when the real thing stepped into the room, he was greeted by a 'micro godzilla'. Her greeting consisted of something akin to a 'I'm-gonna-chew-yer-leg-off' hello.
"Ok, what's this, and why is she latched to my ankle?" The dragon god growled, trying to shake the vicious attack-Kit off his leg.
The Ifrit passed through the portal, and lowered down to stare at the small multicolored shape attached to Bahamut's leg. "CRAZY BLOND!" He bellowed. And since the guards were on the other end of the asylum, they passed it off as another wild yelling fit from the crazy duo.
"FIRE PUPPY!" Kit squealed, releasing Bahamut's leg to cling to Ifrit with her newly freed arms.
Ten looked from giant flaming elemental to small, psychotic human. "Birds of a freakin' feather, I suppose." And then with a grin, she turned to face Shiva. "Shiva! You've come to save us, or break us out of here … and stuff?"
Tossing her blue hair behind her in one fluid movement, the smallest hint of a smile spread over her lips. "We are bored. You humans are interesting. Therefore we declare you free."
"Does that mean we are sane?" Kit asked, climbing to Ifrit's shoulders to sit.
"Don't push it." Shiva responded. Wiping her hand out in front of her, the doors clicked open, allowing the two humans freedom. But before the girls could saunter out of it, an aeon picked them up (well, Kit was already on the Ifrit, but Shiva nabbed Ten by the loose fringe of the jacket). "That's just for image to let the guards think you left that way. We're taking the fast way out?"
"Boom?" Ifrit asked.
Speaking to him like a small, homicidal child, Shiva chided him. "No, dear. If we make a 'boom', that would make the guards come, and then lady Yuna would find out, and you know what that means."
Youjinbu, silent until now, twitched. "We get put in the same plane as the Magus Sisters to 'save space'." The aeons prepared to leave, and then vanished with a swirl of pyreflies. Or as Kit liked to call them, 'sparkle bugs'. The sudden silence caused by the distinct lack of nutcases caused the guards to come running, in fear they had finally killed themselves. When they found the door wide open, and both girls missing (with only the message 'So long suckers' and 'WE LUV LIONMAN!' scrawled on the floor in permanent marker) they realized perhaps it was a good time to start drinking…
The aeons fizzled back into reality not too far away, in a large stadium of the local high school. The first thing they did was commenced ripping large chunks of grass out of the football field to read 'Aeon Olympics' (which would piss the hell out of ground keeping in the morning). Once the field was set, the two humans began to think up events.
"Bowling!" Kit growled. "That's not an Olympic event, that's a Sophomore event! Anyone with arms can bowl! My little sister can hit strikes by pushing her ball down the lane!" Her rant was interrupted by a single smack upside the head.
"Ok, how about fencing?" Ten suggested, trying to ignore the insanely happy grin from Kit at the suggestion. "Aeons only." She clarified, watching as the blond sighed in disappointment.
"That's all fine and… olympic-y. But Youjinbu is the only one with a sword." Bahamut reminded her, tail lashing across the ground. "That, and I'd say he would charge us an arm, leg, and half a tail to borrow a sword from him."
"Spoil sport." Youjinbu pouted.
"JAVELIN!" Ifrit bellowed, the shockwave knocking Ten and Kit over.
After recovering their hearing, and donning fire resistant jackets, Ten turned to Kit. "When did he learn about actual olympic events?"
"Involves pointy things, daa. Homicidal version 'Master Card' basically." Kit noted. Ten nodded, eyes darting about for a proper javelin to use. Shiva helped Ten out and produced several icicles about five feet long. The humans fumbled under the freezing cold, pointy instruments as they tried to get an icicle to each aeon. Ifrit seemed to have the problem of continuously melting his.
Sitting on the newly renovated field with a clipboard in hand, Kit began the event. "Ok, you know what to do. Heave that sucker like a sophomore!" She encouraged. The aeons gave her a strange look and threw their icicle lances down the field where Ten was marking the distances on the grass.
The first javelin stuck into the ground a few feet from Ten. "Hey! Who threw that?" She demanded. The next two javelins jabbed to her left and behind , pinning her long coat to the ground. "….I'm gonna die." She shivered, looking up as the last javelin came hurtling her way. Ten squealed and covered her head with her hands, "Please, I'm not ready to die yet! I still haven't completed my collection of yaoi doujinshi, or seen Wan-chan in a Speedo, or thrown Kit down the stairs….wait…I did that last week." Ten's rambling cut short when she realized she wasn't a skewered-nut yet. Looking up, she saw Youjinbu's hound playing what looked like a very dangerous game of fetch, continuously catching and retrieving his lance.
"Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!" Youjinbu scolded, shaking one large finger at the dog. The large puppy dropped the javelin and laid on the grass whimpering. Looking in both directions, Youjinbu quickly knelt down and apologized quickly to the dog. The winner of the event was Bahamut though, his javelin was the one that pinned Ten to the grass by her coat. Shiva was a close second, probably using her icy abilities to heave the lance further. Valfor did surprisingly well for not having an opposable thumb, and Ifrit…well… pieces of his made it to the 30 foot mark. Bahamut was declared the winner and given sole gloating rights on 'flinging stuff'.
Of course, no Olympics have ever been known to be quiet. All the hooting, and air horns, and cheering, and exploding of stuff had alerted a nearby human. The small mortal walked into the stadium carrying a mag-light, a ball bat, and a pair of emergency pants. You never know just WHEN you'll need emergency pants (let that be a lesson to all of you). At the sight of five aeons, and a strange dog running around the field, the blond stranger paled, yipped, and took cover yelling about Armageddon.
Yet, credit to her hearing, anything and everything that has to do with the Armageddon attracts Kit's attention. Like paperclips to a magnet, or was it 'paperclips to a midget'… ah, it doesn't matter. Kit shot one hand out and pointed in the direction of the yell. Ten whipped her head around, suspecting they had been discovered. But what neither of them was counting on was the fact they knew the stranger.
"Maaaa~riko!" Kit squealed, waving spastically.
"Ma-chan!" Ten called, waving Mariko over. "Come over here! We need another judge!"
Mariko, wielding her mag-light like a club, carefully entered the center of the field. The aeons gave her a side glance at their discretion. Kit bounced about like Valfor on a windy day and Ten quickly linked her arm with Mariko's. The confused golden-blond newcomer looked about the field as if the end of the world was approaching. She could almost feel it, getting closer…and closer…
"'NOTHER CRAZY BLOND!" Ifrit boomed from behind the three humans, causing them to jump. "YOU'RE IT!" He raised one paw to smack Mariko; his version of the human ritual of shaking hands. Bahamut quickly shoved him aside, causing Ifrit to knock over a light pole. The dragon god looked down at the small human, giving her scrutiny, but also shielding them from any 'boom' the Ifrit may feel obligated to give them.
"Eh, Mr. … Bahamut, sir?" Mariko started, raising one finger. Bahamut knocked his head to the side slightly, peering down at her. "Your tail is on fire." Kit jumped up and quickly began putting his tail out… with her feet. The dragon yelped and jerked his tail out of her stomping range. Fortunately, the fire was put out and Kit's short …short… *you know, ADD* ah! Attention span… her short attention span kicked in.
"Hey! A shotput!" Kit pointed. Laying in the grass was a round, heavy looking object.
After a brief pause, Youjinbu pointed out the obvious. "Aren't shotputs suppose to be… black, and not brown? And…not fuzzy?" This caused all the aeons to flinch.
"It's a … muffin." Ten poked the object with an icicle lance. The muffin also was very, very stale. Ten crouched down and picked it up, declaring it fit for throwing. That is, until she dropped it on her foot and yelped in pain. The swearing was quiet spectacular, the aeons awarding her a perfect 10 in that section. Mariko jumped to Ten's defense, glaring at the muffin. This caused Valfor to quickly side up beside the long-haired blond and growl at the stale muffin. The muffing was not afraid.
So instead, Kit tried an insult. "Your momma was a bagel!"
The stale muffin did not react. Mariko kicked it with her heavy boots. The muffin flew through the air, but did not defend its self. Bahamut caught the rock hard bread product and attempted to crush it in one monstrous fist, but failed. Tossing the muffin from hand to hand, Bahamut came up with an idea. He turned to Ifrit, who was watching curiously.
"Here you go boy! Fetch!" Bahamut's laugh rumbled as he teased Ifrit with a shotput, then lobbed it through the stadium. And then to everyone's horror, the Ifrit ran after it like a large, deranged 'fire puppy'.
*SMACK!* ,
"There he goes catching things with his face again." Shiva sighed.
**********************************************************************
Recovering from the vicious attack muffin, the aeons assembled for their next event. Ifrit was being treated by Kit and Shiva. The small blond was teasing the powerful icy aeon, and the now ticked Shiva was attempting to cast blizzard upon the girl. After every attack, Kit would dodge, letting the Ifrit take the full brunt of the icy blast, acting as a kind of industrial ice pack.
Looking at her clipboard, Ten read over the events. The first one was the 100-meter dash. Raising her eyes up to the enormous aeons, Mariko told Ten to scratch that one off the list. A few of Bahamut's normal sized steps would cover 100 meters. Next on the list, high jump. Shrugging, Ten simply thought 'why not.'
Two seconds later she would learn why. When both Bahamut and Ifrit jumped, it created small quakes. Valfor just flew over the high jump bar, and Shiva gracefully arched over it in a fluid motion that Ten almost didn't see. Youjimbu flat out refused, claiming his hat would be crushed, and instead threw his dog over the bar and demanded they judge the hound.
Shiva had cleared the 25-foot jump with grace that seemed to demand bonus points, and Youjinbu threw his dog well past the 50-foot jump line. Bahamut's tail knocked down the beam after he cleared it and poor Ifrit had collided with the high jump bar as well…with his face. Deciding to eliminate Valfor, for flying over the bar instead of jumping, Kit and Ten proclaimed Shiva the winner, but gave Youjinbu honorable mention (which included a 'WEEE' and something related to 'hey, nice ass'.)
Mariko awarded the trophy, a large spray painted shoe. "Shiva, as judges for Aeon Olympics (patent pending), we award you your prize. You rock!" The blond gave a rather monotone sounding 'you rock' and passed the shoe over.
"Err… I thank you." Shiva picked up the shoe daintily with two fingers and winced at it. It was spray painted an awfully nice color though. And at this she bowed to the girls, which caused quite an amount of cleavage to expose itself. Ten covered Mariko's eyes, Kit went stiff, Bahamut began to cough and Youjinbu turned a shade of red that put the Ifrit to shame. (Oh, the Ifrit wasn't paying attention. He was trying to eat the shoe trophy.)
Bahamut's coughing grew worse until it became obvious he was choking, hand pounding on his chest. Youjimbu walked calmly up, doubled his hands up and smacked the dragon lord in the center of the back. A fireball came free with a 'pop' and fried Ifrit. The smoking, fire elemental grinned before walking off.
"Thanks Youjinbu." Bahamut coughed.
"No problem. That will be 250,000 gil."
"WHAAAT!?" Another explosion followed, this one voluntary, and gil rained from the sky as Youjinbu's money pouch exploded (along with the swordy aeon).
Valfor was konked on the head with a silver dollar, knocking her senseless, while Mariko took cover under the air Aeon's wings. Kit, on the other hand, was pelted with the smaller gil repeatedly. This brought back bad flashes of her failed 'candy-gram' attempt. And in her moment of flashback, she began to sing 'Who let the Dogs out' while dodging the rest of the flying coins.
On the other side of the field, the 'Olympics' were continuing. Shiva was being judged uneven bars. Ten was the judge, wearing a paper hat made from newsprint on her head that read 'GUDGE' (spelling is not required for insane nutcases). "Ok! The contestant may begin! Points will be awarded on the creative landing." Ten smiled, forming a triangle with her fingers. Shiva gave an equally haughty smile and climbed onto the bars. Shiva's display was quite nice, besides for freezing the bars repeatedly. The ice aeon spiraled, looped over the top, and showed just how agile she was. And finally came the dismount.
Flipping her right hand over her head and off the bar, Shiva gained power and soared over the lower bar. Twisting about, her feet connected solidly with the ground and she raised her hands up in a 'victory' landing. Ten's jaw was hanging open and the newly bruised (and exploded) Youjinbu was gawking. Armed with a permanent marker and a chunk of cardboard, Ten quickly scribbled out on it.
"Yes…yes I did say I'd give you points for 'creativity'." Ten said, sounding rather dazed. Then she held up the cardboard score card with 10.1 written on it. Mariko looked at Bahamut in confusion and then at the '10.1', but couldn't make eye contact with the dragon god that loomed over her. Kit blinked… then blinked again, and finally began flapping her wrists about in panic as if she was a hummingbird.
"Um, Shiva-dear." Bahamut cleared his throat, covering the eyes of Valfor, Mariko and Kit with his wings. "You may with to check your… you have….err…. slippage." He gestured at his chest with his free hand. Shiva glanced downwards.
"Oh. So I do." Shiva said calmly, fixing the problem.
"Have you no shame, woman?!" Youjinbu stuttered, steam visible from under the brim of his oversized hat.
Shiva tossed her hair and gave him a level glance that simply said, 'I own the world, your dog, and everything else on it. What is this concept of shame?' The fact that Shiva could say all of that in once glance only proved her point. The icy summons went on to her next event, leaving Youjinbu a rather odd shade of red from embarrassment and anger. Youjinbu's dog, wearing a multicolored flag that proclaimed "Aeon Olympics", walked up to his master and nudged him to the next event.
After having done the javelin toss, high jump, uneven bars, and what appeared to be the shotput event using stale muffins, the Aeons were almost out of events. But, of course, the key word there is 'almost'. Kit, Mariko, and Ten formed a group huddle beneath Valfor's wings.
"Well, what kind of 'sporty' events are there left?" Mariko leaned forward, keeping her voice low.
"Battleship?" Kit tipped her head to the side, confused. Ten carefully reached up and smacked the blond on the back of the head. With a yip, Kit rubbed the offending lump on her head. "How about Calvin Ball?" A silence fell over the group.
"Ow! Owow!" Ifrit rubbed his head, starting at what had just hit him. "Bahamut! Silences are falling on Ifrit again!" Bahamut snorted a cloud of dense smoke. The aeons looked over at the group of humans, still holding a powwow under Valfor's wings. The air aeon's wings twitched sporadically, showing that whatever they were talking about it was interesting. After a brief, yet fierce discussion which involved WEEE used repeatedly, the girls broke from their group. Kit ran off squealing 'doom' while Ten and Mariko approached the Aeons.
Keeping formal faces, they began to inform the aeons of their plan. "Ok, in order to decide which among you is the best, we've decided to put you to the ultimate challenge. A challenge so devious, you need an iron will just to succeed. A challenge so difficult, no adult human has ever done it. A challenge…aww.. hell, too much suspense. You are all gonna play Calvin Ball!" At this point, Kit returned carrying what can only be described as 'a shit load of balls'. She had volley balls, tennis balls, basket balls, croquet balls, badminton balls, ping pong balls, and even a football that looked like Valfor had been chewing on it. Tossing the balls to the ground in front of the aeons, she smiled happily and handed each of them a croquet mallet (making careful sure that Ifrit wasn't going to eat/set fire to his).
Rules were explained: there were no rules, but you couldn't do anything twice. The humans wisely refused to play the game with the aeons, choosing rather to be spectators or a cheering section. Ten held up a piece of cardboard that read, "Go Shiva!" while Kit had a pillowcase with the words "Ifrit is the bomb *BOOOM!*" scribbled on it. Mariko, confused as who she should cheer for, simply shouted out to them all.
And then chaos fell upon the land.
Bahamut seemed to think the point was to smash Youjinbu's hat with the mallet. Valfor, unable to hold her croquet stick, went back to chewing on the football and then moved onto the tennis balls. Shiva, in the mass confusion, cast Diamond Dust upon the ground to coat the entire field in a thick layer of ice. The field was more like a hockey rink now. And Ifrit…
"WEEEE!" The giant fire elemental was gliding over the icy surface, swatting at anything that came near him. He hit the croquet ball into low orbit, absolutely crushed the ping pong balls, swung at flying basketballs, and even took a lob at Bahamut.
And then the explosion hit.
*********************************************************************
The ride to the hospital, if nothing else, was eventful. The EMS squad managed to get the girls wrapped up in bandages, but could do nothing for the 'irreversible brain trauma' they had apparently suffered. Kit was uncharacteristically silent, her voice MIA, and snarling like Anima on a good day. Ten thought she was Mariko, and Mariko believed herself to be Valfor and spoke only in whistles.
They were quickly escorted into a room for treatment, but not before muzzling Kit and securing a straitjacket. It made her look more like Anima that one would have thought. A shaggy blond medical attendant entered the room, reading from his clipboard and looking over the trio from afar.
"Ok, so it seems you've suffered 'aeony injuries'. … Well, what seems to be the problem?" He asked, resting his knuckles on his hips.
"I'm her!" Ten pointed at Mariko, who was trying to fly.
Mariko gave a panicked whistle, and then fluttered her hands.
Kit simply leered. This caused the medical technician to take two steps back. He looked over the clipboard one more time, and then decided to call for help.
"Doctor! I could use your help in here!" His blue eyes blinked in confusion as Mariko began to roost on a chair in the corner. The doctor stepped into the room, her long, dark hair done up in many braids and fastened to her head in a bun. At the sight of her, Ten pointed and looked confused.
"You! You are who I used to be an alternate world version of before I became Mariko stuck in my body!" She sounded like she was on the verge of panic, and rambling on insanity's doorstep. Whatever possessed the girl to think she was her blond, shorter friend was far beyond the intern's comprehension, but the busty doctor came up and whispered something to the patient. There was a brief pause, and then a slow, lazy smirk spread over Ten's face. "I'm cured!" She cheered.
Next was Mariko. "Nurse Ti~" The doctor began, but was interrupted.
"I'm not a nurse! I'm an intern!" The young man pouted. The solemn faced woman raised one eyebrow and ignored his comment. Kit twitched for a moment before falling back into snarling again.
"Please lift the… aeon's arm above her head." Directed the doctor, brushing a stray lock hair off her chest. The 'nurse', hesitated, but then lifted Mariko's arm over her head. And low and behold, Mariko was returned to her normal state of mind!
"Hey! I'm me again, and I had the weirdest dream! You were there!" She pointed to the doctor and then to Ten, "and you looked like her.". Then she faced the young intern guy, "And you, except you were a girl like her!" Her finger now jabbed at Kit. The girl probably would have snapped had she not been in a muzzle. Kit was still mute, and probably thinking she was Anima… or the Armageddon.
"I'm not her!" The male intern protested. "I'm a man!"
"He's my nurse." The doctor said, a smirk playing over her lips.
"I'm not a nurse!" He whined, raising one hand to his ruffled hair. For some reason, all the intern's whining and claiming not to be something began to cause Kit to twitch.
"I'm an intern! INTERN!" The medical technician tried demanding, not noticing the strange grin now spreading over Kit's face. Twitch. Twitchy twitch.
The girl's eyes brightened and her leer curled at the corners, turning into a full-blown 'homicidal grin'. "I'm an aeon! AEON!!" Kit howled, causing the intern to fall over. She began laughing like a sugar-high leprechaun.
The doctor quickly looked over the laughing nutcase, and then turned to Ten and Mariko. "I'm sorry, but I can't find what's wrong with her."
"Ah, that's ok. That's how Kit usually acts." Mariko dismissed. The doctor quickly flashed a concerned look to the insane girl, and then her intern, who was lying twitching on the floor.
Ten and Mariko linked arms with Kit and lifted her to her feet, still in the 'Hannibal' muzzle and straitjacket. "Well, thanks for the help! We'll be on our way now." Mariko tugged Kit towards the door. But they found the tall doctor was blocking their way.
"I'm sorry. After those injuries -- not to mean any offense -- it makes you all seem insane." The dark-haired doctor said apologetically. Kit went WEEEE. "Especially you." She pointed.
"Didja hear that, I'm an aeon!" Kit grinned.
"I … I didn't say that." The braided loops fell from the doctors head as she rubbed at a forming migraine. "You all know the routine… pack them up, and move them out, … Nurse." The blond grumbled.
**********************************************************
The doors of the asylum swung open and the white-haired guard nearly fell over from a hemorrhage as his eyes widened to impossible levels. For being dragged by the red-headed driver and a blond doctor were now three girls. Two of which he never wanted to see again in his whole, blue life.
"Lionman!" Kit squeaked, smiling happily. "Kit missed Lionman! Kit home!" She shouted, disturbing several of the other inmates into crying. A few of the luckier ones managed to knock themselves unconscious on their fluffy, padded walls. Months of long term therapy were quickly undone in a matter of seconds.
"Ah, yes. Our home away from homicidal home." Ten sighed, leaning against 'Wan-chan'. The driver looked distrustful, even if her hands were wrapped over her front in the jacket. Mariko looked out of place, hiding behind the male intern.
"Oh, insanity spread to 'nother?" The guard asked, looking at the blond newcomer.
"I'm NOT CRAZY!" She yelled, then fell into another fit of shivering. "And I'm not Valfor, and I'm not an english strudel." She began to murmur to herself, reciting a sutra in a soothing manner.
The guard sighed. "Regular room waiting, floor was repainted while you gone." He informed them. Ten grinned, teeth glittering in the light, and marched off to their room.
"Mah, you'll like it here, Mariko! At 10, we get to see Kit attack her own reflection and then be sedated." Ten encouraged. Inside their jackets, all three waltzed into their room and shut the door behind them. Then they even managed to lock the door, out of courtesy.
Silence reigned, broken only by the screams of, 'YER IT' and 'HIT ME!' The guard looked at the two men in the door. "We even tell Yuna this time? Yuna worry." The blue furred guard asked.
"No. Yevon no! Last time she tried to stop those aeons,… and the maniacs, she was forced to do the chicken dance around the Calm Lands by them, ya!" The driver protested.
"Yuna needs a break. Maybe she should be an accountant." The blond intern suggested. The looks he got in return quickly silenced him, in fear he'd end up in a straitjacket too. "Or not."
***********************************************
"Shiva?"
"….."
"You aren't still mad, are you?"
"…!!!…"
"I told you I was sorry. Even the Ifrit is sorry."
"…. Bahamut… if my hair doesn't grow back… you are going to be the first dragon to sing in a soprano."
"She's still mad! Cancel the cake and apology song!" Bahamut quickly scuttled off. Perhaps this would be the last time the aeons left their realm uncalled for and played human games… or perhaps not. (After all, the stupid author forgot to write Rikku in… but I digress).
THE END (WEEEE!)
