The house was quiet when Tara entered, which she was grateful for. She didn't want small talk with Tom to ruin the giddy mood Jax had her in.
She laid down on the bed wishing she hadn't cut their conversation short. She debated going back over there just to see him again but didn't want to come off as desperate. "Shit. Shit. Shit." She muttered covering her face with her pillow. She hadn't expected to like him given his reputation. She figured he would be a conceited asshole but he was actually really nice and funny, which made not liking him that much harder.
She peeked out her window hoping to catch a glimpse of him. "Stop being a stalker, Tara. Jeez." She scolded herself before closing her blinds and deciding to lay her dad's medicine out for him.
She opened the water bottle, placing it and his pills on the bedside table. She stared at him for a moment before realization hit. His chest wasn't rising. "Tom?" She shook him. "Dad?" She cried out shaking him harder. "No. No. Not yet. Please not yet." She cried out dialing 911.
He was gone. Her heart was heavy. She sat on the front porch step waiting for them to remove the body. She needed to call her mom but just didn't feel up to it.
"Miss?" She was greeted by one of the paramedics on the scene.
"Yes?" She answered.
"This was under his pillow." They held out a folded piece of paper.
She opened it slowly.
Tara,
If you're reading this my time on this Earth has ended. I wish I could say I did more with my life, but I failed horribly in all aspects of my life. My greatest failure being letting you down day after day. I know you hate me. I don't blame you for that. I never gave you a reason to love me. I want you to know how sorry I am for not being there for you when it mattered and I wanted to thank you for being here for me in my last days despite my failures. You have no idea how happy you made me being here, you didn't have to be here. You didn't owe me anything but yet you came and cared for me and that has made this so much easier. All I wanted before I passed was to see you one last time and tell you how much I loved you, so thank you for giving me that chance. I love you so much baby girl. I hope one day you will understand that this is true and hate me a little less. I'm so proud of the woman you have grown into. You will do great things in this life, I'm glad I got the chance to see your greatness if only for a little while.
Love you forever,
Tom Knowles "Dad"
The tears were streaming from her eyes.
"Hey." David walked up onto the porch beside her, she hadn't even heard him pull up. "Are you okay?"
She opened her mouth but no words came out, she nodded in response. She wiped her nose with the handkerchief David offered. He rubbed her back lightly. "It's okay to be upset."
"I'm fine." She whispered. She wasn't, she was anything but fine, but she knew this day was coming. She just didn't know it would be this soon.
"Okay." He continued rubbing her back.
She stared across the road as the dark haired girl she met earlier came toward her. "I just wanted to check on you…"
"She's fine." David answered before Tara could respond.
"Thank you for stopping by." Tara answered, her eyes darting back across the street hoping to see Jax approaching.
"I know I don't know you..." Donna paused giving Tara a sympathetic smile, "but if you need anything just let me know okay? I'm usually always over there or at the clubhouse. Here's my number." She pulled out a piece of scrap paper she had jotted the number down on before coming over and handed it to Tara.
"Thank you so much." Tara answered but her eyes were fixed on Jax's house.
"I'll get out of your way." Donna stated, walking back across the street to her car to head to the clubhouse. It was clear what Tara needed and it wasn't her and sure as hell wasn't David Hale.
"Jax." Donna pounded on the door of Jax's dorm room at the clubhouse. "Put your dick in your pants and open the door." She shouted after hearing the moans coming from the room.
"What the hell?" A croweater slung the door open angrily. "We're busy. What do you want?"
"Beat it slut." Donna growled. The croweater ducked out of the room before Donna rearranged her face. It was rare that anyone saw Donna this way and once she got to this point, it was best to steer clear of her.
"You better have a good reason for interrupting before I even get off." Jax hissed. "So let's hear it." He stated after he finished sliding up his jeans.
"Tara." Donna said simply and stared at him.
"What about her?" He squinted his eyes in frustration and confusion.
"Her dad is dead…David Hale is there as we speak comforting her. Just thought you'd want to know."
Jax threw his t-shirt and shoes on, "what does that have to do with me?" He asked the question but Donna could see his yearning to get to her. She didn't know if it was because he really cared for the girl or if it was because of his jealousy and hatred for David Hale but it was clear Tara had been looking for him and that was the only reason she's here right now against her better judgement.
"You said you're "friends" she looked like she could use a friend." Donna answered and stepped out of his way as Jax brushed past her to his bike, the croweater long forgotten.
"Are you ready to continue?" Wendy cut off his path to the door.
"Nope. Got to go." Jax answered stepping around her.
Donna smirked at the scene. It was the first time she could say she saw Jax Teller turn down pussy to go to the aid of a female that wasn't family.
Jax pulled into his driveway and ran across the street seeing her fragile body sitting on the porch swing with that fucker's arm wrapped around her shoulders.
"I just heard. I'm so sorry." Jax spoke when he got into the yard. Tara's head snapped up. She had given up on looking for him so his voice startled her.
"I've got this Teller. Get back to your party." David groaned. He knew deep down he was no match for Jax. He hadn't missed the way she would look up over there at the sound of a bike or a voice coming outside.
Jax ignored the jab as much as it grated him. He wanted to jerk the fucker out of that swing and beat him within an inch of his life but that would have to be another day. Tara's wellbeing was more important. "Hey," he lifted her chin up gently and they just stared in each other's eyes, "is it okay if I give you a hug? You look like you could use a hug." She nodded and he helped her up out of the swing and pulled her into his chest. He held her there and he felt her sob.
"SHH," Jax whispered, "I've got you. It's okay. I'm here." He stroked her hair gently.
Jax noticed the range of emotions running across Hale's face. Hurt. Anger. Frustration. He was not happy that she was in Jax's arms now instead of his.
Donna and Opie stood by the car and watched the interaction between Jax and Tara. "I've never seen him act that way with no strings attached." Donna shook her head in amazement.
"Me either." Opie tilted his head to the side. Jax has always known how to talk to women, he could charm them out of their pants in a matter of minutes but this was new…genuine…not typical Jax Teller behavior.
David cleared his throat. "Well I guess I should be getting home," David paused, "unless you want me to stay?"
Tara could hear the hopefulness in his tone, she stepped away from Jax and turned to face David, "no that's okay. I'm fine. I'm going to go to bed soon. I really appreciate you being here for me. Thanks David." She gave him a small smile.
"Oh. Okay then. I'll come check on you tomorrow then." David leaned in and hugged her. Jax fought the urge to throw him from the porch. Instead he placed his hand on her lower back.
"That's not really necessary. I'm fine, really."
"I'll see you tomorrow." David smiled, don't she know he already can't wait to see her again?
"See ya." She answered.
She stepped into her house and Jax followed behind her. It felt strange being here without her dad. Her mind began to wonder if he called out to her for help before he took his final breath. Her heart hammered against her chest. She crumbled down to the floor and she could no longer control her emotions. It was usually a rule not to cry hysterically in front of hot guys but she couldn't help it.
"Shh. Shh. Shh." Jax pulled her up from the floor to the sofa and into his lap.
"I wasn't here." She choked out. "I might have been able to get him help."
"There was nothing you could do. This isn't your fault. Shh." He rocked her gently.
"I was such a bitch to him." She cried harder.
"Don't do this to yourself," he rubbed the wet hair back out of her face and made her look at him, "you came here to take care of him when you didn't have to. I admire you for that."
She nodded and took several breaths to regain her composure, "I'm sorry. I'm not usually a cry baby." She faked a smile hoping to lighten the mood.
"Babe, I hardly see this as being a cry baby. You just lost your dad. You have a right to be upset and cry. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just sorry I wasn't here sooner for you. I didn't know. I was at the clubhouse…" He decided to leave out what he was doing there, she definitely didn't need to know that.
"It's okay," she gazed into his eyes, "thank you for coming."
"I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else."
She looked around the room. There was no way she was going to be able to stay here alone. Not this soon. "Is there a hotel nearby?"
Jax stared at her in question.
"I don't think I'll be able to handle being here by myself…"
He nodded in understanding, "there's not one in Charming but if you don't want to be here, you can stay with us at the house or..." he paused, "I can stay here with you."
"Jax, that's really nice but I told you I'm not…"
"Stop," he held up his hand interrupting her, "I know you know of my reputation but that's not what this about. I'm just offering to give you a room and a shoulder or chest to sleep on…no sex required. I'm not that much of an asshole."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I mean…I just didn't know." She stammered. She sighed frustrated she was sounding like such an idiot unable to form complete sentences.
"It's okay. Don't be sorry. Just let me help you and we'll call it even." He winked.
"Okay." She agreed without any more hesitation. "If you're sure you don't care; we can stay here. I would go over there but it looks like the party is still going on and I'm really tired." She also didn't want to face anyone else at the moment and if she was honest she didn't want to share him with anyone else right then either.
"If you're really wanting to go over there babe I'll tell everyone else to get lost." He answered.
"That's not necessary. Here is fine." She walked to her bed.
"Okay. Do you want to walk over there with me to get some sweat pants? Otherwise I'm going to be sleeping in my boxers. I can't stand sleeping in jeans."
"You can go over there; I'll be okay until you get back…or your boxers is fine. It doesn't matter." She answered.
"If you're sure." He replied kicking his shoes off, pulling his t-shirt over his head, and sliding out of his jeans.
Her heart hammered against her chest again this time for a completely different reason.
He stood there almost completely naked and she felt a tug deep down that she's never felt before. "Well…" she choked out, "I'm going to go get in my pajamas and get ready for bed too." She pulled out a sexy silky lingerie her best friend had gotten her for her birthday that she had refused to wear-until now. She refused to let him see her in her holey pair of sweat pant pajamas that she usually wore.
His breath hitched when she walked back into the room, that nightgown barely touched her knee. He slid under the sheet hoping to hide his forming erection from her. He didn't want to upset her or make him think he tricked her into bed or anything along those lines.
She climbed into bed beside him. She gave into her urge and scooted as close to him as she could get and rested her head on his chest. She felt him trying to keep his lower body away from her, it didn't take her long to figure out why. She turned and brushed her leg against his massive erection purposely. "Oops um…I'm so sorry." She muttered feigning innocence, her insides tingling.
He groaned at the contact, his erection throbbing, wanting more. "It's okay."
She was having an internal battle, "you're a 21-year-old virgin…what are you waiting for…take the plunge…he wants you just as much as you want him…do it." Her raging hormones won the battle, she pulled his mouth down on hers, slid her hand into his boxers gripping him into her hands.
"Ah fuck…shit…what are you doing babe?" He moaned out.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" She purred against his lips.
He hungrily pulled her into him, kissing her with an intensity he had never felt before. He slid his finger into her panties circling her clit. She bucked her hips up.
His better judgement took over and he pulled back stopping the interaction.
"What's wrong?" She panted.
"We can't do this." He answered, mentally kicking his ass for stopping. This has been what he's been waiting for since he saw her that day in Scoops.
"What? Why? I thought…"
"I do want this." He interrupted her. "Fuck I want you so bad…more than anything…you know that."
"Then what's the problem?" She questioned confused.
"You don't want this."
"Um…I think I do." She gestured down to her soaking wet panties.
He rubbed her cheek lightly, "I don't want you to wake up tomorrow regretting this…and thinking less of me for taking advantage of your fucked up situation. I want this to happen…just when you have a clear head."
She nodded, she laid back down against her pillow. He rejected sex. He rejected her, but instead of feeling upset or angry, she felt a new sense of respect for him. He wasn't what people…including him…described him as at all. There was obviously more to him than what most people saw and that fascinated her. She wanted to learn everything she could about Jackson Teller.
"Don't be upset, please. Believe me how hard it was for me to stop."
"I'm not," she placed her finger on his lips, "thank you." She raised up and kissed him softly. "You're right. As much as my body wants you…right here and now…this isn't how I want to remember my first time."
He placed his hands on each side of her cheeks, "I do want it to be with me though if you ever decide you want more than friendship." He stated.
"Goodnight." She whispered into the darkness.
"Night babe." She felt his lips on the back of her head.
She laid there staring into the darkness, she had never felt this way before. She assumed that's why the feelings were so strong. She knew what she wanted. She wanted him but she knew she couldn't handle being anything less than his exclusive girlfriend. She couldn't do casual hookups and see him with other girls…and she had a feeling he wasn't interested in anything more than that. She wasn't in love, she didn't even really know what being in love was, but she really liked him.
Another realization slapped her in the face. Her job here was completed. She was no longer needed here. Her mom would want her to come home. There would be hundreds of miles between them. Her heart hurt even more.
