Disenchanted

Princess Nami didn't know what to do. She wanted to shout for help, but what good would that do. No one would hear her cries. She stood dumbfounded, staring at Queen Kureha. The old queen doctor only took a swig from her plum sake bottle and cackled softly at her.

"I'm getting married?" Princess Nami asked stupefied. It was the dumbest thing she had ever heard. "Why?"

"So you stop mooching off of me."

Princess Nami said nothing and gave a weak laugh. She had no excuse for that. Slowly she inched her way sideways toward the door, hoping to make a break for her room when a knife flew out and struck the space next to her head. She muffled a fearful squeak. The knife's handle vibrated from the impact and the blade was embedded entirely in the solid brick wall.

Still trying to kill her, Queen Kureha was such a riot. Princess Nami smiled sweetly and ignored the knife. "What a delightful idea. I would love to get married."

Queen Kureha gave her toothy grin and cackled. "Get packed. We're leaving in three days." Taking one last chug from her bottle, she sauntered off to find another bottle of sake.

Feeling depressed, Princess Nami wandered aimlessly back to her room. She thought they were bonding so well, Queen Kureha as the crazed, evil queen and she as the beautiful, innocent, but talented princess. Now Queen Kureha was marrying her off.

Princess Nami stuck her tongue out at the proposal. She was not in the marrying mood. She had things she wanted to do first. She had aspirations and goals. She wanted to travel to far off land and draw maps. It was what every princess dreamed of.

Now all of that would be gone in three days. Three days. She had only three days to figure a way out of this impending marriage to whoever Queen Kureha found. What should she do?

Think, think, think. She paced the whole length of her room, thinking.

Then the answer came to her so perfectly and so clearly, Princess Nami had to giggle to herself. Of course there was work to pull it off, but if done correctly she wouldn't have to worry about marrying anybody.

First thing first, she needed her biggest fluffiest dress. It should be hidden away somewhere in her closet. It was a hideous blue and yellow gown that she bought on a whim because it was on sale. Bad mistake. She swore never to buy anything from a catalog ever again. She aired it on her bed and found it acceptable. Next she needed a haircut.

When Princess Nami decided on the length of hair to keep, she snipped it off little by little. She felt an immediate difference. It was like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. She admired her new hairdo in the mirror and wondered why she didn't get a haircut ages ago.

Tying her cut hair with a silk ribbon, she saved it and stored it in safe place. She would need it later. After that she went to the kitchen to check if there was any caramel apple crumb pie left. If you've never tried Queen Kureha's pies, you've never lived. Luckily the queen doctor had baked a fresh pie.

Finally the hardest part of her plan. With a long piece of twine wrapped around the handle of a frying pan, she headed back to the tower window to find her key player of her plan.

Huntsman Zoro still roamed the white snow land and was still just as lost. He was further away from where she last saw him a couple of days ago. Princess Nami squinted her eyes to make sure she had right distance. It would be a big throw for her. Taking a few steps back, she ran up to the window and chucked the fry pan right out. It soared through the air, heading straight for her target.

It clunked Huntsman Zoro on the head and he went down for the count for the second time. She watched with great anticipation as he reemerged from the white snow and discovered the frying pan. Surely someone like him couldn't be as dense as he seemed. The twine that was tied around the frying pan, led back to the castle. All he had to do was follow the twine back and he would reach the castle. Very simple.

It seemed everything was going according to Princess Nami's plan when she gasped in horror. He was as dumb as he looked. Huntsman Zoro untied the twine and tossed it aside. The frying pan, he kept and he moved on, ignoring the twine.

Princess Nami was biting her knuckles. He took the frying pan? What was he going to do with a frying pan? Her hands covered face, wanting to cry at her stupid predicament. Did she have to go out there and drag him back herself?

But all was not lost. Suddenly Huntsman Zoro halted in his march and peered back at the twine, considering. He went back and picked it up. His eyes traced the twine back to the castle, wondering and scratching his head. Princess Nami held her breath. Her hands clenched into fists as if she was trying to will him to follow the twine. It seemed to have worked because he did.

Princess Nami did a little happy dance and sprinted back to her room to get ready.

Regrettably, it still took Huntsman Zoro the whole three days to track the twine. By the time he reached the castle, Princess Nami was distressed beyond reason. He was really cutting it close for her.

"Get inside," Princess Nami called to him. She grabbed him, pulled him and slammed the door.

Huntsman Zoro was unconcerned and calmly dusting the snow off his shoulders. He looked around where he was and let out a small whistle. He was impressed, despite his flat emotionless expression. "Nice place."

"Thanks."

"You are Princess Nami?"

"Yes, and you are Huntsman Zoro."

He nodded. Then he drew his three swords and advanced towards her. "It's nothing personal. It's just work."

Princess Nami pretended to be afraid and backed away from him. "Oh what are you going to do me?"

"Kill you. Don't worry, I'll make it fast. Then I will cut out your heart, or your liver, or your spleen, or your..." Huntsman Zoro trailed. He was uncertain which one it was. "I know it's one of your internal organs. Maybe it's your lungs."

"Ah, yes," Princess Nami mumbled, shaking her head. "But before you kill me, maybe you would like some freshly baked caramel apple crumb pie." Not that the pie was freshly baked anymore, but she was sure he couldn't tell the difference.

"Pie?" He looked hungry.

"Trust me when I say this pie is to die for."

It didn't take that much coaxing from Princess Nami to convince Huntsman Zoro to have some pie. She led him to the kitchen, where she brought out the pie and sliced him a piece. He took one bite and collapsed on the floor, snoring like a bear. Princess Nami was surprised. Usually she had to eat the whole slice before she was overcome with food coma.

Princess Nami was about to leave the kitchen when she realized something. She missed a small detail to her plan. Huntsman Zoro needed to be in her room and there were five flights of stairs between the kitchen and her room in the tower. She groaned and smacked her forehead. No trouble for a genius princess like herself to solve, but still extra work for her. Had she had better foresight, she could have avoided it.

Utilizing a four-to-one pulley, a carabiner, and a harness, Princess Nami hauled him up and got him to her room. It was a bumpy trip for Huntsman Zoro, hitting all those steps, but he continued to snore away.

Once inside her room, Princess Nami got down to business.

At last the evening came and Queen Kureha arrived in a sleigh driven by Guardsman Dalton. She climbed out and seated her sunglasses on top of her head, looking up. "Princess Nami," she called. "Are you ready?"

"Almost done," Princess Nami shouted out the window. She gave the knot a good tug and then checked on the rest of bindings. Everything seemed secured. She stepped back to study her work. The makeshift wig, the puffy dress and the heavy veil were clumsily in appearance, but good enough.

"Queen Kureha, my feet hurt. Please send Guardsman Dalton to carry me down." Princess Nami waited in suspense until she saw Queen Kureha nod to Guardsman Dalton. He dashed into the castle. Wasting no time, she quickly stashed Huntsman Zoro's swords in the closet and then hid herself under the bed.

The door opened and a pair of boots appeared. They approached the bed and stopped. There was a rustling noise. The bed rose slightly and then the door closed.

Expecting at any moment they would uncover her ruse and come charging back into the room, Princess Nami stayed underneath the bed, not daring to move. She didn't know how long she waited until she heard the sleigh bells ring. Squirming from her hiding place, she ran over to the window to see the sleigh vanish into the night.

Princess Nami couldn't believe her eyes. They were really gone. She had fooled them.

Amazed at her own ingenuity, she might have jumped up and shout for joy, but she was in a hurry. There was no time for a celebration. Grabbing her clothes and anything of value, she bundled up her belongings. To the kitchen she went, pilfering the cupboard and pantry of anything good to eat. She made sure to pack an extra slice of Queen Kureha's apple pie.

Loaded up with everything that wasn't tied down, Princess Nami glanced back for one last look at the castle. The hard part was over. Now came the scary part. Tentatively, she took a step out, followed by a resolved step. Soon she was marching confidently into the unknown. There was a world to see and to map.