Chapter 3: Foolish

It was 3 days before Dean roused himself yet again.

Painkillers had no noticeable effect anymore.

Cas was back at full charge and helping out all he could though it was still hard for Dean to walk anywhere and Castiel's mojo only lasted several short hours.

The boys (Sam) drove from motel to motel following dead end leads and torturing a long line of demons coming up with nothing but the same information they already had.

Sam looked exhausted as he sat looking goggle eyed at the screen of his computer and Dean said as much.

"I look a lot better than you do." Sam remarked.

"Well the way I look isn't a choice Sam. Please, get some rest I'm begging you, okay. Besides what good will it be if you do find something and then get killed because you're too stubborn to get a few hours shut eye."

Sam stared back at his brother and finally gave in, shutting his laptop down and practically collapsing onto his bed.

He was asleep in less than a minute.


The days rolled on this way for a while. Cas popped in and out relaying any tidbits of information he gleaned, which was next to nothing.

Then came Sunday.

Sam was at his usual station at the table, reading though some old note book. Dean was lying on his bed, more books scattered on his bed and side table.

Cas appeared with the complimentary gust of wind that accompanied him.

"I think I have something. I'll be in touch."

With that he was gone leaving a sufficiently confused Sam and an extremely vexed Dean to stare astounded at the empty spot where the angel had just been standing.

"I swear, if I ever get my strength back, the first thing I'm going to do is whack him over the head with a frying pan." Said Dean, slamming down the journal of some long lost Campbell.

"We don't own a frying pan." Sam retorted.

"Then the first thing I'll do is go buy one. The second thing will be hitting him with it."

"Vanishing and leaving us clueless aside, he said he might have something. This is good news Dean."

"I'll believe it when I've got confirmation from Mr. Whiplash, thanks."

Sam sighed. "Well, guess we'll just have to wait and see won't we. Think positive."

"Think positive." Dean muttered shaking his head. "I'm hungry, we got anything to eat?" He inquired.

"No. I was about to head out to the store anyway I'll pick something up." Said Sam getting to his feet.


Dean, bored of lying in bed stood and shuffled to the table bent double, and sat in the hard chair deep in thought.

To say he was confused would be a major understatement.

The whole thing with Cas was troubling him. What had started out as an impulsive experiment had quickly transformed into something more and Dean wasn't too sure how to feel about it.

On one hand he was panicking. Firstly, what was Sam going to say? It would surly be hard to swallow after all these years, and there'd be teasing he was sure. But he could take that, if Sam was teasing it meant that he was okay with it. Or maybe he'd just completely freak and be weirded out by the whole thing.

Secondly, Cas was a dude, and not just any dude, he was a freakin' socially inept angel dude. Dean liked women, all breasts and smooth skin and curves. Not flat chests and stubble.

On the other hand he couldn't deny that being close to Cas felt good, really good. Maybe it was his 'angelic presence' for lack of a better term. Or maybe it was the thrill of knowing just how powerful he was, that he could smite him in an instant and yet Dean could grab him by his tie and all too easily have his way with him. Power high or what? Geez this was fucked up.

Whatever it was, Dean was having a hard time processing, and if he was, how was Cas handling it? Probably one extreme or the other he supposed. Completely calm and would see no need in Dean's pointless and incessant agonising or he was in a worse state than he was, which wasn't all too hard to imagine considering Cas's trouble with comprehending human emotions and the fact that he'd never had any physical contact of that sort.

This wasn't complicated at all, and oh yeah, not to forget the whole dying thing.

Sam interrupted is musings just then, plastic bags in hand.

"Dude, what do you think you're doing?" Sam couldn't have looked more like a scolding mother if he'd pursed his lips, put one hand on his hip and shook his finger.

"What? You got anything edible in there?" Dean said nodding towards to bag.

"You're supposed to be resting Dean."

"Oh, 'cause sitting in a chair is so strenuous."

"You know what I mean, you should be in bed, not wondering about." Said Sam, depositing the shopping on the counter.

"Gimme a break Sam it's like 6 steps from the bed, take a freakin' chill pill. You didn't answer me."

Sam reached in the bag and threw a bag of crisps on the table inciting a childish grin from Dean.


It had been days since Cas up and left the brothers high and dry and Dean was really getting pissed.

As if some divine force had read his mind, there was small breeze as the air around them was displaced and Cas lay on the musky motel carpet, breathing heavily and bleeding.

"The hell..?" Dean painstakingly dragged himself into seated position, leaning limply on the headboard of his bed.

Sam jumped up and dodged his way around a chair stooping to help Cas up and practically dragged his languid form to the aforementioned chair.

"Cas, what happened. Where've you been?" Asked Sam getting Cas into a more centralised position when he nearly fell sideways.

"Geesh Sam, let him catch his breath."

Sam looked at his brother incredulously clenching his jaw and tilting his head. Dean gave him a hard glare in return.

"Alright, alright," Sam stood and walked to the sink grabbing a cloth and handed it to Cas who lifted it to his face and wiped away most of the blood, continuing on to his hands.

He finished and just sat immobile, staring down at the bloodied material in his hands.

Sam glanced over to Dean and raised his eyebrows. Dean swept his hand out in a 'go ahead' gesture. The word 'whatever' clearly written on in his expression.

"Cas?"

Cas looked up, seemingly recovering quickly as he shifted in his seat. His hair was mussed and clothes more rumpled than usual. It reminded Dean of the time he and Sam had gone looking for Cas and instead found a crumpled Jimmy laying on pile of debris, disoriented and irate.

Simpler times he thought with a bitter smirk.

"I had a lead on a demon close to Asmodeus so I went to, as you would say, check it out." It always amused Dean when Cas tried to be colloquial, the way the words came out slowly, as if a comma was inbetween each word. It sounded like he should be air quoting.

"And.." Said Dean anxiously.

"And...I found his base of operations." He responded, a small triumph to his gravely voice.

"You. What? How? Where?" Said Sam his own voice notching up a few octaves as he stumbled over his words.

"Rosemont, Dakota. He has an entire hotel for his own personal use. Golden Brooke."

"Ha, Golden Brooke, what kind of pansy ass name is that?"

"Well, who'd think to look for a demon hideout in big fancy hotel. It's smart." Said Sam, sitting on the edge of his bed, shaking his head in silent laughter. "All this time..."

"So how'd you do it man?" Asked Dean curiously.

"I." Cas paused, searching for the right word. "Infiltrated their midst."

"You what?" Laughed Dean. "What, you mojoed yourself some black eyes and just strolled in the front door?"

"Not exactly." Cas replied peering down and the cloth again, unable to look Dean in the face.

"Cas?" Sam peered briefly over his shoulder brows tightly knitted.

"Cas, what did you do?" Said Dean firmly with a hint of uneasiness when he didn't respond. "CAS. Answer the god damn question!"

Cas looked up reproachfully and fixed Dean with an almost apologetic glare, mouth set in a tight line.

Dean took in the condition of Castiel's attire, the blood and rips. Dirty and covered in all sorts of grisly crap, the already fading cuts and bruises. He looked like someone had chucked him in a mud and blood filled blender. Which probably wasn't much of a stretch. He thought back to him crash landing on the floor unable to stand without Sam's interference. Dean bristled, comprehension hitting him about as softly as rock to the back of his head.

"Tell me you didn't."

Silence.

"Err, someone mind filling me in?" Said Sam, switching his eyes back and forth.

"Go on Cas. No? Okay then. Feather brains here got caught and tortured, on purpose, to try and get the jump on Ass-modeus! Do you have any idea how idiotic that was?!"

"I had to do something. We were getting nowhere and you are deteriorating..."

"Oh don't give me that crap! You should know better. What if you hadn't got out? We had no clue where you were, what you were up to!" Dean tried to stand, lost in the heat of the moment and winced as a hot spike of pain shot through him. "Fuck."

"Heyheyhey, take it easy." Sam urged.

"I'm not going to apologise for trying to save you." Cas barked.

"Trying to save me, don't you think you've done enough of that already? I've had enough people die because of me. Dad, Bobby, Jo." Dean croaked horsely.

"It's wasn't your fault Dean, none of it. You didn't kill them."

"Yeah, well I might as well have! Then you go do this, I can't. You could have died in there Cas. If you'd been killed, what would I have done..." Dean turned away, hiding a solitary tear running down his cheek.

Cas had known Dean would react badly to his news but this. This was raw emotion and it confused him. Not least because he could feel Dean's pain although he couldn't quite understand it.

"Well I didn't. I'm still here." Dean focused on Cas dejectedly. "It worked didn't it?"

"That's not the point Cas." Dean pointed out half heartedly.

Sam, who had been sitting awkwardly between the two of them during the whole exchange decided he needed some air, and maybe his brother needed some alone time, it's how Dean handled bad news.

"I'm gonna go get some supplies, we're low on bandages."

"Right." Dean replied uninterested.

"Need anything?"

"No."

"'Kay." Sam cleared his throat and stepped past Cas to grab his jacket, shrugging it on and walking towards the door. "You good to go?" He asked Cas, nodding his head to the exit, coaxing.

"I, err.." He began to stand when Dean interjected.

"He's fine where he is."

"Yeah, I just thought..." Sam started.

"Si'down Cas." Said Dean pointedly, eyes on Sam.

Sam paused, hand on the knob, watching as Cas looked confusedly between them then sat back down on the wooden chair and gave him a slight nod.


They sat quietly for about 20 minutes once Sam had left until Dean finally broke the silence.

"Why'd you do it Cas?"

"We've been through this."

"Yeah, yeah I know. But who goes straight to voluntary torture, we still had a couple theories."

"Foolish theories." Said Cas, matter of factly.

"Can't argue with that." Dean grinned.

Cas half smiled back. "I couldn't let you die Dean, especially not when this was never your fight to begin with."

"Hey, half the fights I've ever had were nothing to do with me." Joked Dean.

"I'm serious Dean," Said Cas, shooting him a disapproving look. "I couldn't live with myself if you had died and I could have done something to prevent it." Said Cas, a searching gaze lingering on Dean's green eyes.

"Wow Cas, you're deep guy." Dean mocked, smiling.

Cas just blinked back, irritated. He should be used to Dean's avoidance of anything he deemed uncomfortable but it still vexed him to a degree. People were quick to point out Cas's flaws when it came to emotion but he thought Dean to be pretty much on a par with him sometimes.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I get it, believe me I get it. But you have to understand, the reason you did what you did. It's the same reason I'm pissed at you for doing it, you see? If you had died in there trying to help me, how would you have felt if it were the other way round?"

Cas thought about it for a moment and suddenly understood why Dean had 'flew off the handle' at first, and why he'd felt Dean's pain. It was because it was a mirror of his own pain at the prospect of living for eternity without Dean.

He got up and made his way over to sit on the edge of Dean's bed, thigh resting against Dean's.

"I am sorry. I understand now why you were angry."

"It's okay buddy. Don't think I'm not grateful cuz I am, just...don't do anything like this again or I'll do some torturing of my own." Jabbed Dean.

"I said I'm sorry. But I don't regret doing it and if I could go back I would choose the same path, even if it meant you never spoke to me again."

"Well, moot point." Said Dean dismissively "You found him. Now he's gonna die." His tone full of satisfaction.

"But what if..."

"Shushh."

"No Dean if..."

"Cas, it'll be fine. If not, well you'll be okay. Sam coped just fine without me, and you will too, heck, you'll probably be better off. Yeah it might suck for a while but you'll do okay. Ha, I bet you'll think back and wish you'd never met me, all the crap you've been through for us...for me."

Cas kept his eyes firmly trained on the hunter.

"I already do wish I'd never met you." He said deadpan.

Dean was taken aback for a long minute, gawking at the angel's blank expression before the shoe dropped.

"Oh, hardy ha. Real cute."

Cas's lips quirked in a sideways smile.

"It's not all bad. You told me that once, about all the good things the earth has to offer, remember?" Dean thought back to the night Zachariah had trapped him in that room and he'd had to convince Cas to help him.

He nodded.

"Well you were right. Yes I've had a lot of 'crap,' a lot, and more is probably on it's way, but that's just the way things are. You put up with the bad so you can appreciate the good."

"Huh. So you do listen to me. You hid that well."

Cas gazed at Dean for a moment then leaned over, a hand on Dean's chest propping him up, and planted a light kiss on the hunter's lips.

It was a soft kiss lasting only a few seconds but, paired with the intensity of the last half hour, it made Dean realise just how much he cared for this odd being.

Okay, this is no biggie, thought Dean as he scrutinized the angel taking in every inch of the pale skin and it's stark contrast to his dark hair. The sparkle in the too blue eyes and the way he was sitting, slightly hunched. He loved the way he tilted his head when he was confused and his constant misunderstanding of pop culture and slang language never ceased to amuse Dean.

So. He liked a guy. Holy hell.

Cas noticed the silent battle going in Dean's head.

"What's wrong, are you in a lot of pain?"

Dean shook himself mentally and gazed at Cas, a small smile on his lips.

"No, well no more than usual. Just...thinking."

"About?"

Dean reached up a hand and laid it on Castiel's jaw, running his thumb along his cheek bone.

Cas peered down at Dean and a knowing smile spread across his features.

"Oh." Was all he said.