Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Swearing in this chapter
Q: Where did I put the cookbooks?
A: You don't personally own cookbooks.
Q: Do I need an apron?
A: Do you know how to put an apron on?
Q: Will a chef's hat make me better at cooking?
A: Think of it this way: Will a baseball cap make you better at baseball?
Q: I found Obi-Wan's cookbook! Should I use it?
A: Put it down immediately. Before it starts spurting flames like the last book you picked up did.
Q: How do I read this?
A: You can read?
Q: I give up.
A: Well, the house is still standing.
Q: What kind of a pan is this? It looks like a plate with a handle on top.
A: So, a normal looking fry or sauce pan.
Q: What is a frying pan?
A: *facepalm*
Q: This bowl has tiny holes in it. How does it work?
A: That is a colander. You drain things in it.
Q: What is this grabby thing?
A: Perhaps I would tell you if you didn't have it so close to my face it's practically up my nose.
Q: Is this a can opener?
A: Nooooooo, it's a blanket!
Q: OWW!
A: Why would you scratch your nose with a can opener?
Q: Where can I buy magical cooking utensils?
A: From the same person you bought the unicorn from.
Q: Fine. Hahaha. What kind of romantic food would you recommend?
A: Flambe.
Q: WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS A FLAMBE!?
A: Answer hazy. Ask again later.
Q: Describe a flambe.
A: Answer foggy. Ask again later.
Q: How do I make a flambe?
A: Answer misty. Ask again later.
Q: *sigh* Can I buy a flambe?
A: Probably. Somewhere.
Q: I trust your answering skills less and less by the second.
A: You do have a brain! But remember, I told you not to cook in the first place.
Q: What kind of foods can I make on a grill?
A: Can you operate a grill?
Q: Yes, I can make food on a grill.
A: But can you turn on the grill without burning down the neighborhood?
Q: Don't grills use propane to work?
A: No. They don't.
Q: Is propane explosive?
A: Just slightly.
Q: I think there's some propane in the garage.
A: Good. Leave it there.
Q: There it is!
A: LEAVE IT THERE YOU PIGEON BRAINED MORON!
Q: Woops!
A: And there goes Mrs. Wierman's house.
Q: That's unfortunate.
A: I hope you have a large bank account.
Q: Where can I order pizza?
A: From the pizza place.
Q: Do you think Padme will know I didn't make it?
A: Judging from your cooking skills, no I don't think she'll be able to tell at all.
Q: Where can I buy Chinese food?
A: From a Chinese food place.
Q: Will it be THAT obvious I didn't make it?
A: Considering the fact that you refer to it as Chinese food, yes, yes it will.
Q: How about McDonald's?
A: They don't sell food.
Q: I won't even ask if it is obvious.
A: Again, they don't sell food.
Q: How about we never come back to this house ever again?
A: I think Padme might notice that her husband had disappeared.
Q: I KNOW! I will call surprise vacation! We can go to Vegas! I will pick them all up and bring them to the airport. They will never know!
A: Do you remember what happened last time you went to Vegas?
Q: How can I pack their stuff?
A: They locked you out of the house.
Q: I'll just stuff all of their clothes into suitcases. Good thing we live in Delaware. No one will question an abandoned house. Right?
A: YOU FUCKING CHOSE TO FUCKING BUY A FUCKING HOUSE IN GODDAMN DELAWARE? WHERE THE FLYING FUCK OF HELL DID YOU FUCKING GET THE FUCKING IDEA THAT THAT WAS A FUCKING SMART DECISION YOU LILY LIVERED PIGEON BRAINED BOAR PIG?! (No offense to anyone who lives in Delaware. The part we drove through was disturbing. I'm sure there is a nice neighborhood there . . . somewhere.)
Q: Good thing I have enough money to buy airport tickets!
A: I'm telling Padme what you did to Mrs. Wierman's house.
Q: Shut up!
A: Just apologize and pray for forgiveness.
Q: Good! 4 flights to Vegas. BRING ALL THE MONEYS!
A: What moneys? You spent all the moneys bribing Mrs. Wierman to say a comet came out of the sky instead of you blew up a propane tank in her backyard while trying to start the grill.
Q: SAYONARA! I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!
A: Oh yes you will.
Q: I promise I won't need any more advice from you.
A: That's what you think.
Q: Of course I can survive at the airport!
A: Again, that's what you think.
