Final chapter - I hope this isn't too clunky. I rewrote the ending like three times.
Not for the first time, Merlin wished he had Gaius to turn to for advice.
Arthur wasn't in love with Gwen. In fact, he'd seemed pretty certain that while Gwen meant something to him, he wasn't interested in her that way.
But he had to be, that was how it went! Merlin was so used to that feeling of broken-heartedness that is was almost routine to him. Arthur would always love with Guinevere. End of.
Merlin tried (and failed) to stop the fantasies entering his brain. But it was hopeless: keeping Arthur from his mind was an impossibility.
All four Arthurs he'd met danced through his brain while he slept: mocking him, laughing at him, kissing him. Declaring undying love for him. Doing... other things.
The dreams, along with being being equal parts awesome and disturbing, made him realise something: This current Arthur was subtly different from what the others were like when he first met them. This Arthur seemed a little wiser, a little more selfless, a little less pig-headed. This Arthur was a lot more like the Arthur who had died in Merlin's arms at the lake of Avalon, not the spoiled, rude prince he had once been.
It was almost as if current Arthur had skipped the bit he was supposed to be a genuine jerk. And sure, that worked out fine for Merlin but it also worried him - partly because he'd always imagined it was he and Gwen's influence that had made Arthur grow up. And here he was, already mature and having weird moments of déjà vu. And, apparently, bisexual.
He wondered if Arthur had always been bi, in every reincarnation. Probably. This was the first time he'd reincarnated in a world is was completely safe to say so, after all. And why would he kick up a fuss if he was in love with Gwen, a woman, anyway? The thought made Merlin both sad and a little hopeful all at once - because this time Arthur wasn't going after Gwen.
It was enough to give Merlin a headache. He tried to brush off, acting natural around Arthur and denying that anything was wrong, but he could tell that neither none of his friends were buying it.
"I think you should talk to this guy you like." Gwen remarked over coffee. They'd met up in the town centre again, and headed to the Costa in the Spirella Centre on the off-chance that it was Gwaine's shift.
"Why?"
"Because you clearly miss him." said Gwen, swirling the straw around her frappichino and giving Merlin a knowing look. "I'm assuming he lives back wherever you're from..."
"London." Well, it was where he had lived last.
"So I'm assuming he either lives in London or has gone off to uni or college, so you don't see him very much. You should message him or something."
"It's not that simple, Gwen."
"I'm not saying it is! But you should think about it. You're really miserable at the moment."
"I am not!"
Gwen just gave him a look. "Talk to him."
It was quite good advice really. He wondered if there was any way he could bring up with Arthur that he was in love with him, without bringing up Camelot. Something told him that "Hey Arthur, I know I've only known you a few months but you're actually the guy I've been in love with forever" wouldn't go down well. "I'm just a tad in love with you, sorry about that." was no good either. He could phrase it like it was just a crush, pull him to the side and say he had something important to tell him...
"You have something important to tell me."
"Arthur! What are you doing here?" Arthur held up his takeaway coffee.
"Same as you." Gwen went to pull a chair over for him but he shook his head. "I need to talk to Merlin, but I can't say here, I've got to rush - got a date with the library."
Merlin downed the last dregs of his hot chocolate and gave what he hoped was an expression of polite, friendly interest. Gwen raised her eyebrows.
"We were just finishing off anyway and I've got some shopping to do." she said.
"Excellent." Said Arthur briskly. "Merlin, you can come with me."
"And what if I don't want to?"
"Of course you do."
Gwen grabbed her bags from under the table and gave them both a cheery goodbye. There was an awkward pause.
"Arthur-"
"Merlin, I need to apologise." Merlin gaped at him. "You've been acting weird around me since you walked me back to my room and it's probably because I freaked you out with that déjà-vu stuff."
Merlin pondered this for a moment. "A bit, yeah."
Arthur grabbed Merlin's coat, which he'd been about to leave behind, and flung it into his arms as they left. "If it's any consolation, you're hiding something from me so really we're even."
Merlin bit his lip. "I suppose."
Arthur's face was surprisingly serious. "I'm not going to ask you to tell me your secrets, but if you could tell me one thing: is it about me? The thing you're hiding?"
"Yeah." He sighed. There was no point making Arthur more suspicious now by trying to lie.
"Oh." There was another awkward pause but when Merlin looked at him, he realised Arthur was failing spectacularly at hiding a smile.
"If Arthur kissed you, how do you think you'd react?"
Merlin made an indignant squeak that made somebody shush him and the librarian shoot him a dirty look. He was studying in the library with Gwen - as it turned out being there for the opening of many of Shakespeare's plays and even meeting the bloke didn't excuse him from having to write an essay analysing the progression of political ideas in his plays and his use of humour to allude to them.
"Kiss back, I guess." whispered Merlin, ducking his head.
Gwen giggled. Merlin could kill her. "Things not going so well with the mystery man in London, then?"
"There is no mystery man anymore." hissed Merlin. He'd made the executive decision the night before to give up on the whole act - it wasn't worth the confusion of remembering what he'd said to everybody.
"Aw, why?"
"He got a girlfriend." Said Merlin, impressed at his own improvisation. He was getting better.
"Oh no, Merlin, you must be heartbroken." Gwen looked so genuinely sorry for him Merlin considered confiding in her that he'd made it all up, but then he'd have to explain why. He softened the blow instead.
"But it's ok. I've moved on, really. Met someone else." Dammit. Ok, maybe he wasn't getting any better at improvisation after all.
Gwen's eyes glistened mischievously. "Who? Arthur?"
Well, he was already in too deep. What could it hurt, really, having Gwen know? He sunk his head onto his arms so he was staring resolutely at the book in front of him and not at her. "Yes."
Gwen's resulting excited "I knew it!" was enough for both of them to get official warnings that if they made any more noise they would be removed from the library. They shut up, but it wasn't long until Gwen was murmuring "he likes you too, you know" and Merlin was trying to work out if she could possibly be telling the truth.
In attempt to do the sensible thing, the next time he saw Arthur he told him, outright, that he would quite like to snog him senseless.
Ok, so he may have been hideously drunk. And it may have been over the phone. And actually, overall, it may not have been the sensible thing to do.
But when Arthur barged into his room with takeaway coffee and demanded he explain, Merlin couldn't find it in himself to even be appropriately embarrassed.
"Merlin, you really shouldn't over do it on the alcohol, you know." he smirked.
"Oh shut up."
"No, I'm serious. When you drink, you're not in control of your actions."
"Who says I'm not?"
"Merlin, you drunk dialled me."
There was a long pause while Merlin sipped on his coffee and Arthur looked at him expectantly. This was it. It could go either way. Arthur could either accept or reject him but something told Merlin that either way, this reincarnation would be different. "Apparently..." His said, "Apparently I'm at my most truthful when I'm drunk."
Merlin's mouth was ridiculously dry, like he'd just swallowed sand. "Do you even remember what you said to me?" asked Arthur, stepping a little closer.
"Confessed what a giant prat you were?"
"No."
"Admitted my secret fear that Morgana will take over the world?"
Arthur's lips twitched up at the edges. "No."
"Well, it's a very legitimate fear." All too legitimate.
"Merlin-"
"Ok, ok. Did I tell you I wanted to kiss you?"
"I believe the actual wording was 'snog you senseless'." There was a wide smile spreading over Arthur's face.
Merlin grinned back, giddy. "And what do you think of that?"
Arthur stepped closer still, pulling Merlin's coffee cup from his hands and pushing it onto the the nearest surface (the edge of Merlin's very messy desk). "Oh. You know, Arthur, that's really not an answer."
Arthur rolled his eyes and pressed his lips to his. Merlin realised a little to late he had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to be doing with his hands. They hovered awkwardly by his sides for a moment before they decided to entwine them in Arthur's hair without so much as consulting Merlin.
It was a nice kiss, really. Kind of rough and a little wet and much, much better than he could even have imagined. Well, up until the point Arthur suddenly pulled back.
"Merlin?" His eyes were wide with shock.
"What is it?"
"I remember." Merlin had approximately 0.2 seconds to register what Arthur had just said before Arthur's eyes glazed over and he collapsed where he stood.
"Arthur? Arthur, please be ok." Merlin had laid Arthur on his own bed and was currently leaning over him, panicking just a bit.
Arthur's eyelids flickered open and Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. "Merlin." He thew his arms around Merlin's neck and pulled him close. Merlin, a little bewildered, hugged him back. It was one hell of an awkward position, but Merlin just didn't care.
Arthur pulled back, propping himself up on one arm and gave Merlin once over. "Can't believe I forgot. Merlin, how could you let me forget?"
"Forget what, Arthur?"
"Please tell me you remember, Merlin. Tell me you remember Camelot."
Merlin's hand flew to his mouth. "How?" he whispered. "How can you remember that?"
"How did I forget? I was- am - King Arthur, aren't I? And you're Merlin. The Merlin - my Merlin."
Merlin nodded, tears threatening to overwhelm him."My King, Arthur.'
"How are we I here? I died at Avalon, didn't I? Morgana, she-"
"Morgana got Mordred to kill you."
"I know. I forgive her. It all seems so real, yet not real at all."
Merlin nodded. "I suppose it must."
"When did you remember?"
"I'm-" how best to put this, Merlin wondered. "I'm the same Merlin. I have to wait for you to rise again each time."
Arthur pulled him close again, resting his head on his shoulder. A slight wetness on his neck alerted him that Arthur was crying, and he knew he was, too. He didn't know how long they stayed like that, crying silent tears, but it was Arthur who pulled away.
"I am so sorry."
Merlin wiped his eyes. "It's fine." He said in a thick voice. "I've been happy to wait for you."
Arthur put his hands on Merlins shoulders, his face serious. "I'm not in love with Guinevere."
'Neither am I." Said Merlin, mock-serious. Arthur chucked and the tense atmosphere was broken. "Shift over."
Arthur did so obediently and Merlin wiggled down next to him. "How much do you remember about Camelot?"
"Everything."
"I'm jealous." murmured Merlin. "It's been so long, I'm forgetting. How does it feel? Do you remember your other reincarnations?"
"Kind of... it's blurred. But you, Merlin, you let me marry Guinevere every time!" he poked him in the side, and Merlin writhed away, almost falling off the narrow bed. Arthur grabbed him before he could slide off entirely.
"Hey! I only wanted what was best for you. Up until now, history has always repeated itself."
There was a long silence in which Arthur apparently contemplated this and Merlin sat in silence, picking at a loose thread on his hoody.
"Do you think Gwen will be happy with Lancelot?" murmured Arthur.
"Yeah. They're good for each other."
"And Gwaine will be fine, too. Will they ever remember, do you think?"
"About Camelot? Who an say."
"And what do we do about Morgana?"
"Wait and see, I guess. Maybe it'll be different this time."
"Ok, final question." said Arthur, and Merlin made a big deal of looking put-upon.
"One more." He agreed.
"What do we do about this?" Arthur gestured between the two of them.
Merlin's only response was to kiss him again. And this time, they did fall off the bed.
