A/N: New chapter.
Morning After. 'nuff said.
Thanks to Meg Albatou and Mereschino for their constant
support and constructive criticism. Luv you both. Also, thank you to
Lily_Lioness for reviewing! Ya reviews! And HA HA HA to Sarah, who is now, I think,
an official convert to Potterism. Told ya so!
I don't own 'em. 'cept Laelyn and
Gawaine. But then you knew that, didn'tcha?
Oh, and here's a quote from Meg Albatou on the
subject of Laelyn:
"This dirty slut changes colour in the sun."
I couldn't have put it better myself.
~Chapter 3~
Laelyn
woke up with her mind still in a daze. She stretched her arms and rolled onto
the side of the bed where Lupin had lain after they'd made love. Of course,
he wasn't there anymore. Laelyn wasn't the least bit shocked; after
all, it would be easier to digest what they'd just done if they
didn't have to see each other right away. She went to the large oak
armoire standing in the corner and rummaged through it, pulling out one of
Lupin's shirts, which fell to about mid-thigh on her. She buttoned the
shirt up and headed into the main part of the cottage.
The
clock on the kitchen wall told her that it was ten am. She still had plenty of
time before she had to head back to the Burrow. She noted with some amusement
that there was a fresh pot of coffee brewing, and she poured herself a cup
before sitting down at the kitchen table. It was a couple minutes before she
found the note.
It
was sitting right in front of her, so she should have seen it sooner, but
Laelyn was a bit distracted by her own thoughts, and didn't see it until
she'd accidentally spilled her coffee on it. Cursing under her breath,
she wiped it off carefully, laid it out flat on the table and started to read.
Laelyn,
Sorry
I couldn't be there when you woke up, but I had some things to take care
of, and I didn't want to disturb you. I should be back around ten thirty.
If you don't want to see me, it's okay. I want you to know that
I'll understand if you feel that you have to go right away. Help yourself to whatever's in
the fridge. I made coffee.
-R.L.
Laelyn
bit her lip and tapped her fingers against the coffee cup, thinking. Remus was
such a darling man, and so thoughtful… On the other hand, she was
married, and she did love her husband. Laelyn felt a little pang of guilt when
she thought of Bill. She knew he would be crushed if he ever found out, and yet
she didn't regret what she had done. She liked Remus and he liked her.
She knew now for certain that he wasn't totally gay. He had definitely
been attracted to her last night. A smile crossed her face as she imagined how
Sirius would react if he ever found out. Something told her that he
wouldn't be too pleased with her. But then again, this really was his
fault in the first place, she told herself. If he hadn't introduced them,
this never would have happened. Consciously she cursed Sirius for making such a
mistake, but what she really felt like doing was thanking him. Damn it. This
is no fucking good, she thought irritably
to herself. I get the distinct feeling that I'm going to pay
for this…
Her
thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a key grating in the door, and she
stepped out of the kitchen to see Lupin closing the door behind him.
"You're
back," She said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. He whipped his
head towards her, startled.
"Hey!
You're still here?"
She
gave him a bemused smile. "Why, you kicking me out?"
"No,
No!" He set down his keys and a copy of the Daily Prophet and walked
towards her. "It's just… I didn't expect you'd
want to see me, that's all."
"Remus,
just because I'm a nymph doesn't necessarily mean I'm a
heartless bitch, you know."
He
looked taken aback. "I could never think that." He looked into her
eyes and touched her cheek with one rough palm. "Never."
She
sighed heavily. "Remus… you know nothing can come from this, right?
I'm not going to lie to you, I know there's something between us,
but I love my husband and I love my son. That's not something that going
to change too easily, you know."
He
closed his eyes. "I know."
Laelyn
didn't feel any better. Damn it, I knew there was a catch… "I can't help but feel like I've
betrayed you somehow… I hope I haven't done anything to hurt
you…"
Lupin
smiled bitterly. "You've given me more than I could have hoped for,
Laelyn, and as for the rejection… I'm getting used to it."
She
felt her heart breaking for him. "Remus, I think we had something really
special. I don't want to lose that, and I don't think you do
either. It can't be the way it was last night… but if we can be
friends…"
He
shook his head. "Maybe you can be my friend, but I don't think I
can ever be yours, Laelyn." They stood in silence for a few moments,
neither knowing what to say. After awhile, Lupin looked at her attire and said,
"I see you found my shirts."
"I
hope you don't mind. I didn't really have anything else, except the
robe I came in."
"Not
at all." He sat down on the couch. After a few minutes, Laelyn crossed
the room and sat down beside him, curling her legs up beneath her and shifting
slightly to face him.
"I
didn't choose this, you know." She brought a cool hand up to his
face and traced his jaw-line with one finger. Lupin closed his eyes and
breathed deeply.
"Stop
it. Please, just stop." Laelyn let her hand linger in the air beside his
face before dropping it back in her lap.
"I'm
sorry," she whispered, "I don't want to hurt
you…" Her voice was trembling, and Lupin couldn't help but
look into her eyes. They were a bright, startling blue, and it might have been
his imagination, but Lupin thought he saw the faint glitter of tears in them.
"What
DO you want?" He asked quietly. Laelyn's eyes darted quickly away
from his own.
"It
doesn't matter what I want," She said, with a hint of bitter
finality, which Lupin didn't buy for a second. "It never
has."
"It
matters to me." He cupped her face and gently turned it towards himself.
She
tried to laugh back the tears. " Have you entirely forgotten that
you're gay?"
"No…
I thought about that. I think it's pretty obvious that I like girls
too."
She
buried her face in her hands and made a strangled noise that clearly indicated
frustration. "Dammit Remus!" she said softly, "What are you
doing to me?" He didn't answer her; just put his arms around her
and pulled her against his chest. The dam broke, and he could feel the sharp
rising and falling of her back as she sobbed silently into his shirt.
He
held her until the sobbing subsided and she was still again. He rubbed her back
soothingly and kissed the top of her head, whispering comforting words into her
hair.
"Shh…
you'll be all right…"
She
shook her head. "We haven't seen the end of this," she said,
her voice eerily prophetic. "Somehow, someday, this is going to come back
to haunt us."
"Let
it. I think I might be able to make room for one more skeleton in my
closet." Laelyn laughed in spite of herself, but quickly sobered again.
"Remus,
I wish…" she paused. "Never mind."
"What?
You can tell me. What do you wish?"
She
shook her head. "No, it's pointless. Someday I'll tell
you… but not now." She was still talking into his chest, and now
she looked up at him and met his gaze.
"You
have to go," he said finally after staring into those wide blue eyes for
what seemed like years. "You have a home and a family and people who love
you. People who need you." He stood up, pulling her with him.
She
gave him a pained look and headed mechanically for the bedroom, shutting the
door behind her. When she was out of sight, Lupin fell back onto the couch.
She's
right you know; you can't have what you want here. This fight is futile,
not to mention dangerous. It will never work… you'll just spend the
rest of your life balanced precariously on this unsteady ledge.
What
is it about thin ice that just makes you want to tread on it?
"I'm ready to go now." Her voice
shattered his reverie like a tiny hammer. He looked into her eyes, which were
threatening to spill over again, and took her hands in his.
If
you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then it's yours forever.
"Go
home, Laelyn," he said gently. "Just go."
"I…
Okay," she said quietly, averting her gaze. He backed away as she
disappeared, apparating out of his cottage.
Just
go.