Danger was in the air. It buzzed at the back of her ears like a wasp, unrelenting since that morning in the courtyard. She still remembered the flutter of her heartbeat as her son sobbed the words through his tears. She remembered how her fingers trembled as she trailed her husband, hoping to say something, anything, that may have swayed the thoughts in his mind.
A servant had come to tell her that their audience with Firelord Azulon had been rescinded. Ozai would be meeting him alone. When the news of Lu Ten's death arrived that evening, danger seemed to roar.
Night fell, and she found herself standing vigil at her son's door. There she waited, heart beating steely as if preparing for battle until, like a shark to bloodied waters, his footsteps echoed from the hall.
Despite the grim line of his mouth, Ozai seemed almost amused. "At his side already?"
Her voice is near a hiss, else he would hear the tremble. "Why are you here?"
Silence meets her words, and that is answer enough. His eyes glow too brightly in the dark, just like they had years before in that lightless room. She remembers the feeling of her newborn swathed against her pounding heart. Ursa feels like retching again.
The door is stiff at her back. She repeats. "Why are you here?"
"On orders, Ursa."
"Whose orders?"
"The Firelord's orders." His words are tired and flat, as if he were the sensible one trying to speak reason to poor, crazed Ursa. "You knew this day would come. You can't protect him from his own weakness. I will make it painless, Ursa. Try to understand."
"Understand what? This is lunacy."
"This is the perfect time to strike. Iroh's line had died out. I must show the Firelord that our's is superior."
"By striking against your own. He's your son as well."
A sound like a growl spills from his throat. Ursa knows too well that Ozai has never seen Zuko as his son; the mere thought is a stab through his pride.
His voice takes on a lower note, and Ozai steps closer. "The boy said it himself. He is nothing but an obstacle."
Memory rips her from reality. 11 years Zuko has tried, 11 years she's pleaded the heavens for a gift. She'd known long ago he was no firebender, but the act had to be held. The chance of ability was the only shield he had. The moment he gave up was the moment the canary stops singing, when the gas has reached the mine and the air is death itself.
Could you feel a heart break? If you asked Ursa after that moment, she will say yes. You can feel a heart break and after, you can feel the shards gather again and piece themselves into something stronger, wilder.
Ozai's voice sounds like an echo. "Do you think I find joy in this? If there were another way, I would take it. But a weed must be pulled from its roots."
An obstacle. A weed. Ursa starts to slide down the doorframe, the words he's your son, trying to rip themselves from her throat.
She doesn't understand it. She wants to take his hand and tell him how wonderful his son is, he wants him to know the hours he spends early morning and late at night trying to perfect katas, he wants him to see the stacks of books pilfered in his room, read and reread and memorized, he wants him to understand just how hard Zuko tries to make him proud. She wants him to know how heavy he walks when his efforts fall short, and he wants him to know that he tries again every day despite it.
She wants to tell him, but she knows that it will mean nothing to him. Ozai loves only what he can use and to him, a bird with even the most beautiful feathers is worthless if it can not fly.
She stares into his golden eyes. For all the power they held, they were nothing short of blind.
And just like that night a hundred moons ago, Ursa will fight. "Then I'd rather run with him now."
"You won't make it far." He seethed. "Step aside."
Hands grip at the doorway. A mania overcomes her, a kind that comes to a mother when she is the only thing between her child, and death.
"You won't touch him."
Memory flashes past her eyes. The chance of ability, that is what saved her son that night. That vine has withered and Ursa must hang something else before those blind, golden eyes. The only thing they can see. The chance of power.
"Listen to me Ozai: Azulon's will doesn't matter. You can be Firelord. I can make you Firelord. Just spare him. Banish me, throw me in the prison, make Azula your heir, it doesn't matter; just spare him."
A silent step forward, but his eyes flicker wild like a candle in the wind. "You're throwing glass across my path."
"You will not touch him, Ozai. You will have to step over my corpse to get through this doorway. They'll smell foul play for miles. Azulon won't give you the crown as long as he lives, you know that."
"Whether he does or not, disobeying the Firelord's will is treason." A hand hovers towards the door handle.
She makes her final bid. "You want the throne? I know a poison."
Yes, it is a mirror of that night before because here they are again, frozen still by her voice. And just as before, Ozai's gaze flicks away, he takes a step back, and Ursa's heartbeat grows hushed.
"Come. We'll speak more out of the open." Smoke retreats down the mine, the canaries keep singing.
He backs down the hall, and for a moment, she is alone. Danger hums behind her ears again. She must see her son once more. She must wake him and keep him in her arms and tell him that he has always been enough. She must tell him how bright he is, how his determination leaves her in tears with pride, how if she could she would crown him king for that is what he deserves. Light brushes into his room as she opens the door a sliver, just as it had that night as she store into those amber eyes. Sparkless, but beautiful and doubtlessly worth protecting. She must tell him that.
Then as if from the shadows themselves, Ozai's voice beckons. "Come, Ursa."
Ursa can do nothing else but follow. She allows the door to close. Her heart wails for every step she takes, for somehow she knows she will not have another chance. His last memory of her, forever a wraith.
She will not give to despair. She has always loved him and she has saved him, and that will mean enough.
Announcement
I've made a few decisions about this story you might want to hear about. This started out as a test of interest and since I've gotten so much great feedback, this story will definitely become another big project.
Now the big thing is update schedule. I'm going to stop the current strategy of writing out a chapter over a month or so, then immediately posting it. I've decided to take this story in 'arcs', which are groups of 3-5 chapters with an overarching theme. I'll be writing out a full arc, which will take a few months, and will start posting it only when I've completed the arc, updating one chapter every week. So practically, a long hiatus followed by a consistent few weeks of updates, then repeat. This helps keep me focused even when the full story isn't fleshed out, and especially helps me feel that I'm not chasing deadlines.
I still want this story to be reader driven though, so spew any ideas on where you want this story to go in a review or pop over to the forum (I've fixed the link on my profile). I've started laying out some groundwork but there's definitely a lot of in between I want to hear your say in, especially if you've got ideas on Azula and how she could potentially play into this. Ideas, people; I need them.
That said, thanks for the feedback, and thanks again to ML8991 for betaing this chapter. Arc one has ended and so the wait begins. Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time!
-Mano
