Look, it's chapter three…you all want to stop yelling at me now!? You guys get downright pissy when you have to wait, did you know that? Really…a couple of you nearly had me in the fetal position, sucking my thumb and bawling in the corner of my room.
Anyway, I was watching 'Time of Your Death' …in the end scene, does Greg remind anyone else of Clark Griswald from some National Lampoons movies? Anyboby? Somebody? Nobody? Crap, it was just me? Okay.
Oh, one last thing and I promise to shut it…watched a movie the other night and fell absolutely in freaking love with it. It's called Shopgirl. It's from '05 with Steve Martin and Claire Danes in it, and I demand, yes demand, that you rent, buy, borrow, download, steal, whatever, this movie because it screams Grissom and Sara to me. Why? Well, do what I just said and you shall find out.
"She's gonna beat Hodges' ass." Warrick laughed.
"I'll help put in for her bail. He totally called her out in front of Grissom. I'd beat his ass too," Catherine said.
"She's got to ask him. She said she would, we all agreed."
"Aces high man. Greg, you better hide those cards. I have a feeling she might want to burn them," Archie said.
Greg clutched the cards to his chest. "Not my babies!" he screamed.
"Your babies?" Bobby laughed.
"I so lied before. Judy totally gets freaked out by my Asian obsession. If Sara burns these, my last shot at foreign happiness, I'm done for." He thought for a minute. "I'll be really nice to her, she won't burn them then."
"If she does, I'll buy you some more," Archie volunteered.
"Now that is a good friend!" Greg said, giving Bobby the evil-eye.
"Greg, just because I wouldn't introduce you to my cousin, doesn't mean we aren't friends!" Bobby yelled.
"But she really is a porn star!"
"You have got to be kidding me." Catherine sighed, "Can we get back on track please?"
"Well, it's been twenty minutes and no police have gone busting ass by…so Hodges isn't dead," Warrick stated.
"Or he hasn't been found anyway."
"We all need to get back to work. Avoid Grissom's office for another ten minutes at least. Half an hour should be plenty of time for her to get in and out," Catherine reasoned.
"Maybe the end of shift would have been smarter."
"Probably."
"She needed to ask."
"Don't you boys think it was kind of mean?"
"Asking if he was gay?"
"Hell no, not that! I want to know that just as much as you all do. I meant sending Sara to ask him."
"You mean like rubbing salt in the wound kind of thing?" Nick asked.
"Yeah Nick. It's like… well, it's like giving you an ant farm. It's mean. She didn't need it."
"But she got it so let's go back to work and wait it out."
"Bobby's right. Let's go back to work. Fun, fun," Greg said.
"Don't forget to hide your babies, Greg!" someone yelled back as they all headed out of the break room and back to work.
--
After finally catching Hodges in the locker room and drawing an amount of blood from his nose that she deemed sufficient, Sara slowly began to make her way to Grissom's office. She couldn't, no matter how much she really, really wanted to, just back out now. She wasn't going to let the, now bleeding, jackass Hodges win a bet against her.
She walked slower now, almost not at all. She was biding her time. Don't rush her, you asshole! Wouldn't you take your time? If some chick doling out a kidney shot on a playing card just lead to you having to go ask your boss, someone you have been in love with for years, if they were gay, wouldn't you be taking you sweet and precious time as well?
She thought back to what Bobby had asked. How was she going to ask Grissom?
'So you're fifty, ever gonna get married? Are gay marriages even allowed in Vegas?'
'Never date me because there's no junk between my legs?'
Or should she just go with her original 'So, Grissom, you like guys?' Well, simplicity is nice.
She just laughed at herself. Goddamn Greg and his stupid porn stars. Why weren't aces low? Goddamn aces. Damn Greg and damn his ignorant cards. 'I'm going to burn those things.'
Shit! Now she was at Grissom's door. How the hell did she get there? It was open and he was running a nervous hand through his hair while staring at his desk. Things like this were nearly her undoing at the office and now that she had heard everyone's points on him being gay, she felt like an idiot for feeling the way she did about him. 'Give a crap if he's gay, he's still hot.'
What if Greg and the boys were right? What if Grissom really did like guys? What does that say about her? Great, she's so damaged that she doesn't even have proper gaydar. What the hell is that about?!
--
To say that Grissom was freaking the hell out when he left the break room would have been a very proper term.
"I'll meet you there, I've got a couple of stops to make first…" –liar
The couple of things he had to do? Call Brass for advice and make it to his office without hyperventilating like a twelve year old geek that just got asked to the school dance by the hottest girl in school.
"Jim, it's Gil. Are you near the lab? Here? Why? Goats? Never mind. My office now. Hurry."
-Freaking the hell out-
When Brass got to Grissom's office, worried that someone had died or something, he was pissed to see him primping in the mirror.
"What the hell, Gil?"
"Shut the door, Jim. I only have a couple minutes until she gets here and I don't want to ruin anything."
"'Jim, here, hurry.' I repeat-what the hell, Gil? I thought someone died."
"I'm serious, Jim!" he said checking his hair.
"Easy, Casanova. Who is 'she' and why are you flipping out?"
"Sara."
"Ah, of course it's a Sara thing," he nodded. "And the worrisome bit?"
"I think she's going to ask me out again," he said fixing his hair again.
"What you've been waiting for. What are you basing this off of?"
"I went into the break room and everyone was sitting around talking. Sara said that she was just going to sit me down and ask me."
"And of course that means a date," Brass said sarcastically. "Anything else?"
"Oh, and that it was important and couldn't wait." He went to fix his hair again but Brass stopped him.
"Alright, Miss America, enough with the damn hair!"
"Sorry," Grissom said and relinquished the mirror to him.
"Gil, if she's on here way in here, then why the hell did you call me?"
"I don't know what to do!"
"Obviously the complete opposite of what your dumbass did the last time."
"Well, I know that. Say yes this time around. I mean…do I make the plans or do I let her do everything? I'm fifty years old, Jim, I really shouldn't be so bad at this," he groaned.
"But you are," Brass laughed.
"It's not funny, Jim!"
"It's a little funny, Gil. You're flipping out and you don't even know that it really is a date she's asking you about."
"It is. I know it is, Jim."
"My advice is to calm down and to let her talk when she gets here."
"Of course, thanks."
"And don't say no. Honesty after last time, Gil, I'm surprised no one thought you were gay." and he headed out the door, leaving Grissom to nervously run his fingers through his formerly perfected hair.
--
'I'm going to burn those cards and laugh as Greg cries.' She though again as she cleared her throat and knocked on the door frame.
Realizing he had messed up his hair, he smoothed it out as best as he could. "Hey, Sara."
"Hey."
"You're late," He joked and smiled nervously "Where'd you go?"
'Oh just busy bludgeoning a coworker' she thought. "I had someo-thing I had to…do…get from my locker."
"Oh, well, okay then. Shut the door and have a seat."
"Oh, don't worry about the door. This won't take too long." She felt like she was going to throw up and the nervous way he way looking at her sure as hell wasn't helping matters any. 'Open door equals quick escape.'
"Okay. What did you need…want to ask me then?"
"Well…I-"
"Are you alright?" Grissom asked her.
"Why?"
"You look like you're about to throw up."
"I'm fine. Really." She smiled. 'LIAR!'
"Okay then, ask away."
"Yeah…so, we're all sitting in the break room-"
"Hey, boss, I need you signature on these," Hodges said while walking into the office. He had his face buried in some papers so he failed to notice Sara right away.
"Uh, David, I'm a little busy."
"What?" he turned and saw Sara, who just waved at him "Oh! Sara! Hi!" He yelled nervously. "You…Hi! I'm fine! Not that you just asked me. You good? Of course you're good. Why wouldn't you be good?! You're Sara, you're great! HA!"
"David, what's in your nose?" Grissom asked.
"K-Kleenex, sir."
"Why? What in the world happened to your face?"
"Yeah, Hodges. What happened to your face?" Sara asked sweetly, but with a glare in her eye that went unmissed by Hodges.
"The Kleenex stops the um, the blood, sir."
"What the hell did you do?" Grissom asked again.
"I-"
"Oh, my God, Hodges!" Greg yelled on his way into Grissom's office. "Kinda reminds me of a certain red nosed holiday creature."
'She's never going to get to ask me!' Grissom thought. "What, Greg?!"
"Huh? Oh, papers for you to sign. Ouch-kabibbles, Hodges!" Greg patted Sara on the back and gave he an approving smile.
"Well, Hodges, you going to tell Grissom how you did that?" she asked with the look in her eye again.
"Y-it…lab…was…aces high…Sa-…pain…door," he stuttered out.
"Door?" came from Grissom, Sara and Greg.
"Door. Yeah, a door."
"Really?"
"S.O.B. opened right out of nowhere. Walked right into it, silly me." He laughed nervously looking at Sara. "Damn…damn those doors."
"You should have Doc take a look at it," Grissom advised.
"Maybe Sara could escort you down there. Make sure you don't have any problems on the way," Greg laughingly volunteered.
"No!" came from both Grissom and Hodges, gaining them odd looks from the other.
"We were busy," Grissom explained.
"Yup, they were busy. I wouldn't want Sara to get in trouble," Hodges said.
"It would be a shame to see what an angry Sara could do. Right Hodges?" Greg asked.
"Door," was his too quick response.
"Give me your papers Greg," Grissom took them and began reading over them.
Greg bent down to Sara's ear. "You ask yet?"
"No, the bleeder interrupted me." She nodded at a queasy looking Hodges.
"You still going to ask?"
"Greg, I really don't know if I can do this!"
"End of shift tomorrow."
"What?" she asked.
"Try and do it now, but if you can't bring yourself to at least ask if the guy's door swings both ways…then do it by the end of shift tomorrow."
"Why the hell are you being so nice?"
"Because, Sara…are, are you gonna burn my babies?"
"Your what?!"
He took his cards out. "My babies. Are you going to burn them? I'm being nice so don't okay?"
She laughed, drawing Grissom's attention. "Nothing! Inside joke…had to be there." She waived him off and stole Greg's cards "Insurance, you little shit!"
"No, my babies!" Greg cried.
"Here, Greg," Grissom handed him his papers and sent him on his way.
"Good luck with that whole…face…thing, Hodges," Greg said laughing and left.
"Hodges, give me yours."Grissom took his papers and read them, but Hodges just stood stock still. He didn't have anything to say to Sara. Well, except maybe ask her where her gym was, but that was for later.
Hodges took the papers and started backing slowly out of the room. "Thanks, boss."
"What? No 'bye' for me, Hodges?" Sara asked innocently.
"Sara, did you have anything to do with his face?"
Sara looked from Hodges to Grissom and back to Hodges with a raised eyebrow.
"Now, Hodges, did I have anything to do with the assault on your pwetty wittle face?"
"Door," he said, his voice cracking and his head shaking hard. He left the room quickly.
"I'm innocent. You heard it yourself."
"I still doubt it," he laughed.
"Understandable."
"Back to what you came in here for."
"Okay, Grissom. So we-"
"Hey, Gil, I need- Oh, Sara."
"Jesus, Catherine, WHAT!?" Sara yelled.
"You're still in here," she sounded surprised.
"Uh, yeah. Good call," Sara snapped. 'I work with geniuses…yay me!'
"Um, well, Sara…Jim didn't call you?"
"I shut my phone off so that I could have a two second conversation with my boss. Those two seconds started over half an hour ago, so…"
"Well, I really think you should check your messages, Sara."
"Catherine, what did you need?" Grissom asked.
"Well-" she started
He put his had up to stop her. "Let me guess, you have a whole tree for me to read and sign?"
She nodded and handed him the papers.
"Sara, check your messages," she said forcefully. "The ones from Brass."
"Pain in my ass, Cat…I swear…" Sara said, pulling out her phone.
--
After leaving the break room, Catherine had checked on some evidence in trace and headed to the locker room for her car keys.
In the locker room she found a bleeding Hodges who 'wasn't crying, dammit!' She helped him clean up and stuffed his puffy, rainbow colored nose with Kleenex strips to stop the bleeding while singing to him about a certain reindeer.
She then headed out to her car for something she couldn't really remember, but was still relatively certain it was important. On the way she had to stop and yell and Greg and Bobby for exchanging porn star phone numbers at work, also reminding Greg that he was still dating Judy. She then had to shout at Nick and Warrick. They had migrated back to the break room and had gotten into a pretty heavy game of Madden. It wasn't so much the game, but the language that got them into trouble. Andrew 'Dice' Clay would've put soap in their mouths.
Finally she made it to her car and remembered what she had been after. She had a meeting with Ecklie in about an hour to go over some budget issues. Sure the shirt she had on now showed off some of what God gave her, but the shirt she was after would let the world know what was (still) up. Outside she ran into Brass.
"Hey, Jim. What are you doing here?"
"I had some things to take care of before I leave."
"Where you headed off to?"
He mumbled something.
"I'm sorry. E-excuse me, Jim. Did you just say goats?"
"Yeah."
"Goats? Like 'bah' goats?"
"There's another kind?"
"Not that I know of. So…goats?"
"Yes, Catherine."
"I…don't know what question to ask first, Jim," she laughed
"My cousin is a goat farmer. I'm going to stay with him for a week."
"Where the hell do you farm goats in Vegas?"
"Not in Vegas. About five hours from here."
"Long drive, you should go."
"I'm a little behind because Gil was having a panic attack."
"Is he okay? Over what?" she asked, obviously concerned.
"He's fine, it was a Sara thing."
Panic! "Oh, a Sara thing. Really?"
"Yeah. A question she had for him."
"Question. What, uh… what question would that have been, Jim?"
"You were in the break room when she was planning it. You tell me, Cath."
With a sigh she said, "Okay, this is going to sound really stupid, Jim."
"I'm a cop in Vegas, try me."
So she did. She started with Sara's initial arrival in Vegas, the first dinner proposal, threw in Greg's whacked ass theory, some spilled coffee, tally sheets, porn stars, bleeding employees, goats and ended with them in the parking lot and his jaw on the pavement.
"Jesus, Jim, it wasn't that bad."
"No, Catherine, it is. Gil assumed she was going to ask him out again."
"Shit!"
"He's in there with nothing but the word 'yes' on his mind."
"Bigger shit!" she yelled reaching for her phone. "It's dead. Call Sara and tell her to shut up until tomorrow."
"Yeah, no problem. What about Gil?"
"Don't tell him she wasn't going to ask, Jim. He needs that like Ecklie needs another bottle of floor wax for his head."
Well, I thought it was funny. There you have it…the longest chapter I have ever written. Actually the longest anything I've written. I know the last section was out of place kinda but I didn't know where to stick it…Rosie I swear if you tell me where I can stick it-shakes a warning fist- So anyway, don't hate me for the ant line with Nick, I know it was low…but hey Eckile plus floor wax equals redemption? Get that movie by the way…I'll be checking on that in the next chapter!
Remember…reviews equal me not pulling a 'door' move on you.
thegreatbluespoon- Guess freaking what? Its depressing…No snow!! More rain and an ass load of wind at my house but no damn snow. Our weatherman has promised snow about four times since Christmas already and I have been let down every time. I ever meet Gus Gordon (that's his real name, no joke) I shall kick him in his lying teeth! I can still write fanfic from jail right?
