Author's Note: In this 3rd chapter of That Akatsuki Cray! The members of the Akatsuki get into some Facebook drama. Italics are statuses/posts/comments. )) Signifies a reply. Hopefully you're up to date on web or Facebook-lingo so you get this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of these hilarious Akatsuki Members. I don't own Facebook either.

That Akatsuki Cray!

Chapter Three: Facebook Drama

Deidara giggled as he logged into Facebook. He was so excited because he had recently agreed to using the new Timeline feature and had made his cover photo a montage of pictures of what he deemed to be his best work. He was certain that everyone was jealous of his cover photo. He quickly updated his status to say, Feeling sassy and explosive today! Can't wait to go to my Akatsuki meeting with the teammates so we can plot something dangerous. Today's gonna be a bang!

"20 notifications?" Deidara exclaimed. What a popular fellow he was. He grinned, somehow inwardly knowing that there was no way that Konan had that many notifications. She may not have known it, but Deidara had made her his Facebook rival. He was determined to strive for more "likes" on his statuses, pictures, links, and whatever else he wanted to post. Deidara pressed the notifications link to see just why he was so popular. He couldn't hide his amusement and thrill.

DEIDARA'S NOTIFICATIONS

Sakura Haruno has accepted your friend request. Write on Sakura's wall.

Sakura posted on your wall, "Do I know you?"

Tobi poked you.

Tobi likes your status.

Tobi commented on your status update, "Deidara, you're so funny! ^.^"

Tobi likes your photo.

Tobi commented on your photo, "So fierce! XD"

Tobi tagged you in a post.

Tobi said he was with you near The Akatsuki Secret Hideout.

Tobi likes your comment, "Ew wtf purple hair? Really?"

Tobi likes your comment, "DRAMATIC. SASSY. AND BOLD."

Tobi likes your comment, "My man Sasori, GET IT RIGHT. Art is a BANG!"

Tobi shared a link on your wall.

Tobi posted on your wall, "Hi, Deidara!"

Tobi has invited you to play Farmville.

Tobi has invited you to play Castleville.

Tobi has invited you to play Texas Hold'em.

Tobi has invited you to play War Comander.

Tobi has invited you to play 1 vs. 100.

Tobi has invited you to try MyCalendar – Birthdays.

Deidara screeched and shook his laptop. They were almost all notifications from Tobi, that stupid swirly masked retard. "Damn you, Tobi! Blowing up my facebook with your stupid gaming requests and all your freaking likes! Ridiculous!" Here he had thought that he was popular. Every single notification had been Tobi sending him a request in a worthless facebook app game. He was beginning to regret adding Tobi as a friend. He should have just ignored that friend request or even blocked him. He wondered if the other members were bombarded with as many gaming requests from Tobi. He'd get the little freak back later and blow up his Facebook by bombing him with a billion notifications.

He decided to look up Sasuke Uchiha's profile. Broody as ever. His profile picture was one of him scowling. It was clearly photoshopped with an instagram looking effect. Sasuke thought he was so cool. Deidara rolled his eyes looking to the upper right corner of the webpage. It still read Friend request sent. Sasuke still hadn't accepted his friend request. This really, really ticked Deidara off. He went onto Sasuke's wall , which was public, to see what he had been up to lately and that if perhaps he just hadn't received the request yet.

His last post was 30 minutes ago.

SASUKE'S STATUS UPDATE

Sasuke:Screw this bell test. I got stuck with stupid ass teammates— at Konohagakure Training Field

"Whatever." Deidara tried to laugh it off by giving his beautiful head of hair a little toss. He could feel his fabulosity percentage raise by at least 3 points. "I don't need his Facebook friendship!"

He decided to see how things were going in their secret Akatsuki Members group. The newest post in there was from Orochimaru. "Please," Deidara said as he rolled his eyes. Deidara's fingers began to fly all over the keyboard as he typed a heated reply to Orochimaru's post.

AKATSUKI MEMBERS GROUP PAGE

Orochimaru: I know I've said this before, but has anyone seen my scroll with forbidden jutsu? It seems I've misplaced it yet again. I'd hate to think that my fellow Akatsuki members stole it from me so I'm just going to ask if anyone's seen it. I don't want to point any fingers, but Zetsu, keep an eye out for it.

))Deidara: Oro, nobody cares if you lost your stupid scroll. Why would we steal it? I know we're S-Rank Criminals, but you're being offensive by posting this in Akatsuki group. Make it a regular status. Damn.

Deidara smirked to himself, loving his reply. He'd hoped that it would elicit some sort of facebook fight. Tickled, he waited eagerly for the notification to pop up in his menu.

))Orochimaru: You probably stole my scroll and that's why you're being all defensive on here. This group is for ALL the members. You don't make the rules. Go make out with your hands and screw off!

"I'll fix him," Deidara said to himself. Deidara opened up the group's Facebook chat. He didn't care if other members of the Akatsuki were online and could see the fight or even participated in it—the more the merrier.

AKATSUKI GROUP CHAT

Deidara: I'm not into weird fetishes like you are, Oro, so don't even talk about my hands. Anyway, I didn't take that stupid ass scroll of yours, but I wish I did so that I could run it through the shredder in front of you at the meeting that's in an hour.

Kakazu: Out of curiosity, how much would said scroll be worth if someone were to sell it on the black market? JW.

Orochimaru: Don't even think about selling my precious scroll if you find it! I'll beat you to a pulp!

Hidan: Kakazu, I can't believe you! Orochimaru is devastated because he lost his forbidden jutsu scroll and all you can think about is finding it and selling it on Ebay behind his back. That's SO like you. I'm so embarrassed to have you as a partner. You really need to grow up and realize it's not always about the money. You should try listening to that Jessie J song, "Price Tag". It suits you.

Orochimaru: Thank you for understanding, Hidan. :')3

Hidan: Np. :)

Kisame: Aw, how cute. Hidan and Orochimaru are being gay with each other. :D

Hidan: WTF? Fuck you, mermaid!

Kisame: Wouldn't you like that? Ur so gay.

Hidan: I'm out. I'm not gonna deal with this BS. Oro, hope you find your scroll. If the mermaid took it, let me know and I'll get his thieving fish hide with my triple-blade. ;)

Kisame: ^^GAAAAAYYYYY.

Pain: As leader of the Akatsuki and as admin of the Akatsuki fb group, I'd like to remind everyone of the Akatsuki-related topics only rule. Sorry, Orochimaru but your scroll should be a status update or even a note, not a post in the group. Just want to make sure we're not spammed in the group and keep everything Akatsuki-friendly.

Deidara: HAH! In YOU'RE face!

Zetsu: Mufufufufu. Lulz. Deidara can't spell!

Deidara: I meant **YOUR

Pain: Deidara, stop blowing up this facebook chat. It's for emergency uses only. Not gossiping or facebook drama. We don't want another incident, do we?

Deidara: No…

Deidara went offline/invisible from facebook chat but didn't log off just yet. "Duuuuuumb." What the hell was up with Pain? He could screw off along with Orochimaru, Konan and Hidan. He was annoyed with all of them now. He decided to make his own secret facebook group so that he could do whatever he wanted. He'd be the admin of it and be able to discuss anything he felt like in the group. He liked the thought of being in control. He titled it That Akatsuki Cray! He purposely wouldn't let Konan be a member of the group. He didn't want her arrogant origami flower wearing self to be in it. Too bad for her because his new Akatsuki group was going to be the SHIZ. If Sasuke finally got around to accepting his friend request, he'd probably add him in there too just for shits and giggles.

- CHECK-IN: The Akatsuki Secret Meeting with Pain and 9 others-

"Now that business is over, do we have any announcements?" Pain's eyes scanned the room to see his partner Konan's hand was raised. "Yes, Konan?"

"I'm really offended because apparently Deidara made a facebook group and the only Akatsuki member that isn't in it is me. Tobi's even in it." Konan put her finger to her cheek, pretending to wipe a tear away. She wasn't distressed. She just wanted to irk Deidara and get him in trouble. He could see right through the crocodile tears. "That's not all. Deidara's statuses are so rude and are always directed towards me. He's always saying how he wants to blow up some origami-loving shinobi."

"I object!" Deidara cried. "Konan, you're so self-centered. You are not the only origami-loving shinobi around. I know a lot of origami-loving ninja. So stop acting like that was about you. My Facebook does not revolve around you. Shit."

Konan ignored him and continued, "I also feel that Deidara posts inappropriate pictures on Facebook too. He posts a lot of bathroom pictures of himself flipping the camera off in his Akatsuki uniform. I just think it's disrespectful. I feel offended by it. What are others going to think of the Akatsuki when they see pictures posted like that on Facebook?"

Deidara crossed her arms. "Oh yeah? What about your Facebook pictures of you partying somewhere sketchy with a red cup in your hand while you're wearing your Akatsuki cloak? I'm offended. I think that we should have some standards on that issue. No party whoring it up in the Akatsuki uniform."

"Wow, really Deidara?" Orochimaru demanded.

"What?"

"You just posted on Facebook about this meeting and how if people are so offended by your Facebook pictures then they shouldn't look. You're so immature."

"Stop Facebook stalking me!"

"It comes up on my newsfeed," Orochimaru retorted, defensively as he shoved his phone in Deidara's face. His Facebook app flashed on the screen. He pointed to his newsfeed to prove to Deidara that he wasn't Facebook creeping on him.

"Ladies, please." Kisame intervened, placing his sword Samehada in between the two, before things got too out of hand. "It's just Facebook. I think everyone's taking it too seriously. This is why I rarely get on. We should all learn from Itachi. He hardly posts anything and minds his own business on Facebook."

"Speaking of Itachi," Deidara said, "I'm soooo sick of the You lack hatred posts. Like what is that even about? It's so stupid."

"You wouldn't understand." Itachi glared at Deidara, Sharingan flaring and ready to go. "Your statuses lack meaning."

"Your face lacks meaning. All I understand is that you make all your status updates public so Sasuke can see them and get even more fired up about stuff. It's really annoying."

"Enooouuuuugh!" Pain roared. "No more Facebook drama. I've heard enough. Deidara quit being a little bitch online and take your inappropriate pictures down. No more photos flipping off the camera in your Akatsuki uniform. Konan, no more pics with red cups or alcohol either. It's downright tacky. Stop cyber-bullying one another and act like Akatsuki members. Our mission is to capture the tailed beasts, not to bitch on Facebook. Meeting adjourned." He slammed down his gavel decisively. He smiled fondly to it. He had found it at a yard sale a few months back and wrestled an old woman for it. He just knew it would come in handy one day.

All the Akatsuki members left, feeling quite moody. It was evident in their Facebook statuses they'd written that evening after the meeting. Some of them hadn't been very vocal during the meeting, but that didn't mean they weren't going to vent on Facebook. It seemed that Pain's rebuke hadn't gotten through to any of them. He frowned as he sifted through his newsfeed.

PAIN'S NEWSFEED

Deidara: Wow, that meeting was a waste of my time. Got yelled at and chewed out by a bunch of retarded-ass rogue ninjas. Stupid day! Sleepies now so I'm going to bed. LMS (like my status) if you agree that purple hair SUCKS!

Zetsu: Wish that I had used my Don't Ask Don't Tell excuse for the meeting tonight so I wouldn't have had to deal with everyone PMSing. Bee-tee-dubs, if anyone's looking for a green plant hook-up let me know. I'll be at the usual rendezvous point. Hmu (hit me up)!

Konan: I LOVE my naturally purple hair. People, LMS if you agree!

))Tobi: LOOOOVEEEEE your purple hair, Konan!

))Deidara:^^Tobi you are SUCH a fb troll. DISLIKE.

Hidan: Praise Jashin that damned meeting is over! Holy shit that was a long and pointless meeting! Anyone wanna fb chat and talk about self-torture? I'm feeling masochistic! ;D

Orochimaru: If anyone sees a forbidden jutsu scroll, please, please, PLEASE message me or text me because I really need to find it. It has some very important forbidden jutsu on there that I need to master ASAP because I've almost used up this body and rly need to take over a new one, hopefully one with a sweet ass kekkei genkai. Anyway, the scroll has my initials on it. Hmu if you know anything about it!

))Kabuto: ^^LOL!

Kakazu: I'm selling a forbidden scroll. Make me a deal and I'll bargain with you on the price. (And no, Orochimaru it isn't your missing one!)

))Orochimaru: You LIAR! I know it's my scroll you have!

))Kabuto: ^^HAHAHAHAHHA!

Sasori: Like art, what you post or say on Facebook is eternal. It's saved as a digital file forever so be careful what you post. ;) Btw, anyone know what time the marionette show is tomorrow? I'm supposed to make an appearance and don't know when I'm supposed to show up. I hate waiting so I'd hate to keep others waiting too. :/

Itachi: You lack hatred. You lack hatred. You lack hatred. (And Deidara, your status lacks meaning!)

))Sasuke: Fuck you! I'm gonna kill you one day, just you wait!

))Deidara: YOUR FACE LACKS MEANING YOU ASSHOLE. ^^Sasuke, I hope you do! Btw, I sent you a friend request so add me ;)

Kisame:"Yeah nigga I'm about my business. Killing all these rappers (ninjas) you would swear I had a hit list. Everyone who doubted me is asking for forgiveness. If you ain't been a part of it at least you got to witness. Bitches!" –Drake, muhh favorite rapper. ;D
Kay, so some1 called me a mermaid 2x today & I ain't gonna lie, it RLY pissed me off. Does anyone else think I'm a mermaid or think that's even funny? Bc I sure DON'T! If this guy keeps it up, we're gonna have a COMPLICATION.

))Suigetsu: That's rude. Just because we're a little on the fishy-looking side and are aquatic don't mean shit! We're not mermaids. We're MER-MEN! ;O

))Kisame: PREACH! Btw, how's your brother doing?

))Hidan: Get over it, MERMAID. ;D

))Sasori: Kisame, get off Facebook. You know that I hate waiting and I've been waiting for 15 minutes now. Are we going to go catch The Little Mermaid in 3D at the movies or what?

))Hidan: ^^HAH! Proves my point.

))Kisame: AT Hidan, STFU. You mad bc ur gay, bro? ;)
AT Sasori, Yeah, yeah stop bitching. I'm signing off right now. Be there soon.

Tobi: That awkward moment when you're going to pop in on an Akatsuki meeting to see if they'll induct you as a member then overhear them talking about Facebook drama and decide it's best to sit this one out. Just wish I hadn't made the trip. Anyway, TOBI IS GOOD BOY!1!1!1!1

Pain decided to post a Facebook status of his own. He just didn't care anymore. People could take it how they like because he was just going to say what was on his mind. Everyone else did.

Pain: Bitch. Bitch. Moan. Moan. STFU!

He rubbed at his temples and groaned. "I really hate Facebook."

Author's Note: That's the end of the chapter. Wrote it on an impulse because I was trolling Facebook and laugh at Facebook drama that people have. It inspired this chapter. Have you ever had Facebook drama? Haha. The Akatsuki sure have!