Chapter 3
"You're late." Calleigh stated softly as she watched him place his keys on the table next to hers and drop his bag by the door. She met him halfway as he walked towards her, leaned down and placed a quick, light kiss on her lips. "Where have you been?"
"Sorry I'm late. I needed to clear my head so I went for a quick run, then went back to my place to take a shower and grab some clothes." He had answered as he followed her down the hall and back into the kitchen.
"Good to know." Calleigh responded as she opened the oven door and took out the plates she had warming in the oven. "And here I was thinking that you were probably just avoiding me."
Giving him a pointed look she headed into the dining room with their plates and he couldn't help but smile wryly not at all surprised that she knew exactly what he had been doing.
Turning quickly, he moved to the sink to wash and dry his hands before he reached into the cabinet above his head to grab glasses from the cabinet. He had just finished filling both glasses with ice when Calleigh walked back into the kitchen to open the refrigerator and took out the salad she had prepared to go with the meal. Eric took out the huge pitcher of iced tea she always had in there and followed her into the dining room. Setting the salad plates on the table, Calleigh took her seat at the small, but cozy table sitting directly in front of the large bay window in the room. He poured their tea and then took his seat across from her.
"This looks great." he complimented her as he prepared to dig into the juicy steak, baked potato and crispy garden salad she had fixed for their dinner.
"Thank you." She responded easily as she took a sip of her tea and studied him over the edge of her glass. He was studiously avoiding looking at her as he steadily ate his food.
"Did you ever hear from Ryan?" Calleigh asked, knowing he had called Ryan several times without getting an answer.
"No, but dispatch said he called in and told them he was out running a lead and he'd be back in later. I gave H the message. So apparently, he's fine."
"Good." Calleigh said as she picked up her fork and began to eat. Noting that Ryan wasn't a safe subject to talk about at the moment she decided to launch into a discussion about his court appearance on the last case he had closed. It was a safe, neutral topic that would keep them occupied during dinner. Normally, work conversation was restricted from their personal alone time together but she sensed he wasn't quite ready to discuss Terrance so she would let it go for now.
They talked quietly, cautiously, enjoying a short respite before the emotional maelstrom that was about to come. A steady calm settled over the room and the soft whisper of her voice blended with the deep timber of his while the steady click of silverware hitting the plates, and the slight chink of ice against glass added to the evening symphony. An hour later the meal was finished and the kitchen restored to order. Eric had just placed the last plate in the dishwasher and turned it on while Calleigh brought in the place mats from the table and carried them through to the laundry room so she could wash them later.
Retracing her steps she stopped in front of the kitchen door when she noticed Eric leaning on the cabinet, one head braced against the countertop and the other rubbing his temple. She realized that he had one of his headaches. That stance of his was a telltale sign she had noticed a few days after he had returned to work from being shot. It had been like pulling teeth but she had gotten him to tell her about them one day in the lab. He said the pain was like the lingering effects of a severe concussion. Having had a concussion she didn't need to imagine what he was talking about. As unemotional as she was she would have been howling like a baby if she had been in that much pain. He never complained about it, it was just one more thing to remind others of his injury and he hated that. She knew it was because he didn't want his colleagues to pity him or think that he was using his injury as some kind of crutch.
She wished he would at least take the painkillers he had been prescribed when his head was like this but she didn't suggest it because she knew he wouldn't. He still had a full two months prescription from his last refill and he hadn't touched them. He had told her that the last thing he needed was to add pain killer addiction to everything else he was dealing with so he chose to endure the headaches. Headaches brought on by stress and part of that problem was how much he internalized. A little fact he thought she didn't know and something she chose not to reveal that she knew just yet. He never used to refrain from letting people know exactly what he thought, especially when they had pissed him off. He wasn't usually belligerent but he was confrontational and he liked to cut to the chase, get the matter out on the table and be done with it. After he got shot, he was quieter, more thoughtful and there were only flashes of emotionalism from him. She could guess that the headache he had now had to do with the Russian mob threat and her. Calleigh knew she couldn't do anything about the Russian mob but she could at least do something about her part in the scenario.
"Eric?"
Hearing his name on her lips he turned around and realized she had been watching him. Abruptly he took his hand down from his temple and waited for her to continue with whatever it was she was about to say.
"Come on, let's get this over with." She said quietly. Calleigh turned away from him and headed into the living room. He was right behind her and took a seat on the couch while she remained standing directly in front of him with the coffee table between them.
"How about I start?" She said.
"Ok."
"What was that today?" She asked him quietly. "I mean when exactly did you stop trusting me?"
Whatever he was expecting, that question wasn't it. She had successfully caught him off guard and he knew it. Leave it to Calleigh to get right to the heart of the matter.
"Did you really think—"
"I was jealous, Calleigh." Recovering from the initial shock of her first question, he cut off what she was about to ask. "I never went that far."
"You had no reason to be jealous." She countered.
"Maybe not?" he snapped. "But ever since—"
"Ever since what, Eric?"
Eric suddenly stood up and began to pace the room. The conversation had galvanized him into action. 'God this was painful' he thought. It was one thing to talk to Calleigh as his best friend. Then he had no problem expressing himself. Talking to her as his girlfriend was a whole other issue, especially because he loved her so much. Revealing the depths of his feelings made him feel even more vulnerable and he couldn't take it if she felt sorry for him. He'd had enough of everyone's pity, including hers.
"Eric, talk to me." Calleigh said as she watched the internal struggle going on with him. "Ever since what?"
"Ever since, Jake." He finished softly. Deciding he might as well know now if they were actually going to make this work. He would put his cards right there out on the table and see how she dealt with it.
"Jake?" Calleigh asked stunned. "What does he have to do with anything?"
Staring at her as if she had grown two heads he had to take a beat before he could respond. She had just had a blonde moment and he really wanted to start screaming. He was really going to have to spell it out.
"He has everything to do with it, Calleigh." He snapped. "Look, I know that what we did before we got together is in the past and it's probably better left there, but you were with Terrance two weeks before you were with me. I mean every single time I think we're going somewhere there's some other guy in the picture I don't know about. First there was Jake. One minute you're telling me you don't know how you feel about him and the next minute you're locked together in the middle of reception. As angry as I was I knew I had to suck it up and deal with it or lose your friendship. That was hard enough to accept and I don't ever want to go through that again. Then we get a second chance and because I took a little bit of time trying to figure out exactly how to tell you how I felt you decide to hook up with your horse trainer friend. I feel like you're always looking for a reason to run from me. When I saw that picture I was angry, and it didn't help that Ryan was there with me and letting me know I had competition. I told him he didn't know what he was talking about, although I really wanted to tell him that if it was anyone else but you, I would take myself out of the running."
Calleigh was stunned to say the least. She had wanted an explanation and boy had she gotten one. She hadn't expected him to be quite that honest. Of course she shouldn't have been surprised. One thing about Eric was that when he made a commitment he never went back on it. For someone who had had girlfriends too numerous to count she could say that he had been committed to the one he was with when he was with them. There was no flirting, no eye-roaming, no cheating. When things got too serious or the attraction wore off he moved on to the next girl. Of course that had been the old Eric. The new Eric had re-evaluated his life and reorganized his priorities. He wanted a wife, a family, children. Things he had always wanted and had lost sight of because he had been having too much fun being a playboy, too busy being a cop, and too caught up in taking care of his sister before she had died to realize that his life was passing him by. One single bullet had changed all of that and here they were.
She had seen his struggle to regain some semblance of his former self. She had noticed his lack of interest in chasing woman. All he had been focused on was getting back into what was familiar at the job and regaining some semblance of normalcy in his life. It was then that their relationship had changed. Subtle though it was their eight year friendship had grown and changed into something more, something deeper, and something that Calleigh had shied away from because she had been pessimistic about the outcome. He had accused her of running from him and she couldn't deny that it was true. She had been so caught up in their growing attraction to one another that she hadn't stopped to think about the consequences until Jake had shown back up in her life. Then suddenly she was presented with a choice. She could admit now that she had been afraid, and as a result she had fallen back into old patterns and taken the easy way out, or taken herself out of the running as Eric had so bluntly put it.
Jake had been a nice diversion, something familiar that she could revisit and maybe change history. She had fooled herself into thinking that Eric's feelings were mainly gratitude and maybe infatuation. His confidence had been shot and it was taking him a long time to get it back. It was only natural that he feel something more for the person who looked out for him and tried to take care of him the best way she could. Besides that, what she had told him was true. They worked together all the time. How could they possibly make a relationship work? All of those things had been excuses. Excuses because she hadn't wanted to face the fact that for the first time in her life, she was feeling something she had never felt. She had grown to adore and love with all of her heart the man standing before her now. Instead of throwing caution to the winds and going for it she had become the practical Calleigh Duquesne and made a beeline for the wrong guy in the form of Jake Berkley once again.
Jake had been a nice physical diversion. As tacky and as tasteless as it sounded there it was. There was no denying they had a serious physical attraction to each other. They were alike in many ways, except no one could manipulate quite like Jake. Jake was fun and easygoing. He was the ultimate bad boy who liked to live on the edge. For awhile it had been fun to relive that with him but it hadn't taken long for reality to set in. Jake had proven to her once again that the bad boy part of him would always win over the part of him that wanted to be the hero. He would always make the choice to live a hair's breadth away from danger and excitement, even to the point of death because recklessness was part of his personality. Calleigh realized she couldn't live there with him. Even though he had made the last final sacrifice for her, a part of her knew it was out of guilt for disappearing without a word for months on end. He was good at undercover and Calleigh knew he loved it and would never change. Jake would live on the edge for as long as he could. If any good had come out of the relationship it was the fact that she knew that the two of them didn't have a future together. She wasn't going to twist herself up in knots wondering if he wasn't going to come home one night.
That realization had brought her back to Eric and made her realize that unlike Jake, Eric had already figured out that he couldn't live on the edge the rest of his life. It may have taken a near fatal bullet wound to make it happen, but Calleigh believed that Eric had been getting there on his own anyway. The loss of Speedle had sent him spiraling over the edge and the loss of Marisol had somehow strangely brought him back from it. The bullet had just completed a process that had already begun. Calleigh would never forget the aching emptiness she had kept hidden from everyone when she thought he was going to die. She would never forget the relief when she found out he would live, nor would she forget the profound sadness she had felt when she realized a part of who he used to be was gone forever.
Looking at him now she realized how much she had underestimated him and just how much she had hurt him in choosing Jake over him. She had been wrong in not addressing it sooner, especially when he probably felt like he was her second choice and that wasn't it at all. He loved her, loved her enough to walk away from her if that's what she wanted. She knew that but somehow the true understanding of that hadn't really sunk in for her until now. He wasn't the same man he was before. The man she had known before would have blown her off and never even considered giving her a second chance after choosing another man over him. He had pretty much just told her that just now. The fact that he loved her was why they were having this conversation. Otherwise he would have just said forget it and moved on. The man he was now had become more understanding, more patient and had simply decided to bide his time and see if he would be rewarded for his patience. Apparently, his patience had just been tested after seeing her with Terrance.
Even after her break up with Jake he had tried to keep his distance. He had loved her enough to make her aware of the fact that she wasn't just some casual diversion to run his game on while he regained his confidence. He wanted her no matter what had happened in the past. Eric was committed to this relationship, committed to them every step of the way. She bet if she checked his phone the only women she would find in the directory other than herself would be his mother, his sisters, and probably Natalia and Valera because he worked with them. While she had been hanging on to Terrance as a what? Just in case measure. Looking at it from his point of view she could understand his response to the picture and to Terrance's number in her phone. Falling in love for Eric Delko wasn't something he did every day and for a former player who was used to calling the shots she could imagine that this situation made him feel more vulnerable than he was probably willing to admit. It was definitely time to set the record straight.
"Eric, come here." She gently commanded him. "Sit down."
She had been silent so long Eric wondered if he had said too much too soon. Her sudden voice in the long silence had surprised him a bit as he had been lost in his own agonizing thoughts. Turning to face her, he realized she had taken his seat on the couch and patted the seat next to her as an invitation to join her. Sighing in resignation he took the seat she offered and simply waited.
"You're right and I'm sorry." Calleigh began. "I did run. Jake seemed the least complicated and easiest of a difficult choice."
"What is that supposed to mean?" He asked her defensively.
"It means that what I had with Jake is nothing compared to what I have with you." Calleigh countered as she pinned him with her eyes and forced him to look at her as she spoke. "Maybe the best way to explain it is your relationship with Natalia."
"That wasn't a relationship." Eric said almost ashamed to admit the fact that what he and Natalia had shared had been nothing but a physical attraction. A serious physical attraction that could have turned into more, but a physical attraction nonetheless. It had sparked quickly, raged for a while, and then fizzled almost as quickly as it had started. One scare had done them in and they had both backed off although she had done so quicker than he had.
"Exactly." Calleigh agreed. "Jake was a diversion, someone easy going and uncomplicated."
"Ok. So I'm not easygoing and uncomplicated." Eric stated dryly. "Thanks."
"Eric, stop it." Calleigh snapped. "You know what I mean. I'm saying that we were just too much at the time. It was too intense and I was so afraid it would mess up our friendship. Jake just---"
"Let you know what he wanted." Eric finished for her, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice as he remembered that kiss in the middle of the lab. That's an image he wished to God he had never seen and would love to forget as well.
"Something like that." Calleigh agreed, as she tried to read his expression.
"Ok, so what about your horse trainer friend?" Eric asked. "Was he a diversion too?"
"No." Calleigh told him. "He was someone who showed me he was interested and didn't mind telling me so. You couldn't figure out how to tell me you wanted me and I was beginning to think what I had originally thought was right. "
"I told you once how I felt and you chose a diversion." Eric said quietly, "It wasn't as easy to find the words the second time."
"Eric, I never would have hurt you for anything in the world and you know that." Calleigh stressed softly. "Not then and not now. Terrance is a nice guy who offered to take me horse back riding. Something I used to do when I was at home and hadn't done in years. It was a nice afternoon with a nice guy, that's all. You and I are together now and you know I would never do anything to jeopardize that. You should trust me and if you do it won't matter if there are ten guys' numbers in my cell phone. "
"I do trust you." Eric said. "I never stopped. I just don't like—"
"Being vulnerable." Calleigh finished quietly. "Guess what I don't either. So we're even."
"Yeah, I guess so." Eric agreed. "I guess I should apologize."
"Only if you've done something you think you should apologize for."
"Well, in that case I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted." Reaching out her hand she grabbed his hand and began to softly trace his fingers with one of her own. "You scared me you know. For a minute I had flashbacks of John Hagen and I didn't like it."
"A bullet in my brain doesn't make me imbalanced, Calleigh." Eric muttered. "I was jealous not psychotic. There is a difference. I was jealous of Jake, but I didn't try to shoot the guy and neither did I have one thought of killing myself."
"That's good to know." Calleigh said. "I'll try to remember that in the future. I need you to try and remember something as well."
"What's that?"
"I love you and I would never hurt you."
"I would never hurt you either." Eric responded softly. "And I love you too."
"Good, because immigration threats or not I wouldn't have married you otherwise."
For the first time that evening she saw that infamous Eric Delko smirk as he let go of her hand in order to pull her across his lap. Looking in her eyes he let his hand rest lightly on her hip before he leaned in for a long, slow kiss.
"You sure about that?" He whispered softly as he trailed kisses from her mouth to her ear.
"Pretty sure." Calleigh whispered back as she slid off of his lap. "You may have to refresh my memory as there doesn't seem to be another reason that's coming to me right now."
Eric laughed as he stood up and followed her into the bedroom.
"Well, in that case let me see what I can do."
The End.
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