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Chapter 3-Joe

It had to be a dream, because it was the same nightmare over and over again. He missed Stoker's arm, and then watched his friend fall to his death. But dreams were cruel, and it wasn't just Stoker—it was Joe. He lost Joe too. The only problem was he was afraid to wake up because maybe the dream wasn't a dream and he had really lost Stoker.

"Cap, wake up." He knew that voice. He knew he should listen to it, but maybe it wasn't a dream. "Cap, wake up, we need you to wake up."

"Sto…ker," Stanley managed to say. His voice was raspy and his throat hurt. He turned his head toward the voice. Yes, there was someone there. It had to be real because a felt a hand on his shoulder.

"It's me, Cap," Stoker said, relieved.

"You…okay?" Stanley asked.

"Fine Cap. I'm fine."

Stanley grimaced as he tried to get more comfortable. "Thank…G…God."

"Yeah Cap. Everything's good. All the boys have been by watching over you."

Stanley looked confused a moment then looked Stoker straight in the eye. "Mike, how's Joseph?"

It was Stoker's turn to be confused. "I…I'm not sure what you mean Cap. Who's Joseph?"

Stanley closed his eye as he grimaced but did not answer. "You hurting Cap?" Stoker asked.

Stanley bit his lip before opening his eyes. "Some."

"I'll be back. " As he left, he heard Stanley say, "I couldn't save Joe."

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DeSoto and Gage found Stoker by the door, and Brackett and Early working with Stanley. "Did he wake up?" Gage asked.

"Yeah."

"How did he seem?"

"He seemed okay. Doc came in and they're giving him something more for the pain. They said he looked good though." DeSoto noticed that Stoker seemed slightly worried.

"What else Mike? You look a little worried," Roy asked quietly.

"Well, the Cap did recognize me, but…"

"But what?" Gage prompted.

"He asked about someone named Joseph, then as I was leaving, he said he couldn't save Joe."

"Well that is weird," Gage said looking at the Captain. "I wonder what he meant."

"I don't know," DeSoto answered, "But I know who will. I think the Chief might want to know that the Cap woke up."

Brackett and Early approached the firemen. "He's doing just fine, boys," Early said with a smile. "He's going to hurt a little for a while, or maybe more than a little, so we gave him more for the pain. The bad and good news is that he'll sleep more because of it, but we'll be moving him to a regular room down next to Mike."

"Thanks, Doc," DeSoto said with quiet relief.

"Still no word on his wife?"

"Not yet," Gage answered looking back

"Okay. We'll be by to check on him again. " Brackett said as he moved towards the door after Early.

DeSoto watched the Captain sleeping. There was more going on, but he wasn't sure what. He turned to Stoker. "Did you tell the docs anything about what he said?"

"Yeah, but they said it wouldn't be unusual for him to be disoriented." They were quiet a few minutes—lost in their own thoughts.

"I'm going to call the chief," DeSoto finally said turning to leave. His gut told him there was something more going on and he intended to find out.

Stoker wasn't sure if he wanted to know more. The Cap was fairly open about things, if he wanted you to know about them. He had never mentioned a Joseph so he figured the Cap didn't want anyone to know or did not think it relevant. But Stoker also realized that sometimes things were forgotten or shoved down so far that they were never meant to surface. Yet some things had to surface. The Cap himself recognized that it was important to talk about things, that shoving things down sometimes only left painful unhealed wounds. Had he learned that from his own experience? Maybe DeSoto was right and this was important. Understanding what drove the Cap, heck, just understanding who he was, was important. He was not sure how he felt about trying to figure out who Joseph was, but if DeSoto, who also valued privacy, thought it important, then Stoker was willing to see what happened with the chief.

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"Well, what did the chief say?" Gage asked expectantly.

"Not much. He said there was a Joseph Garcia who worked with the Cap and him in 8s."

"That's it?"

DeSoto nodded and looked around. "Hey where's Mike?"

Gage smiled. "It was time for his bath."

DeSoto shuddered. "Poor Mike."

"So what about this Joseph Garcia?"

"Oh. Yeah, that's all he said, but it was the way he said it."

"He didn't give you anything more?"

DeSoto shook his head. "No, but I looked it up."

Gage stood up and stood face to face with DeSoto. Usually it was Gage who was trying to find out everything he could about everybody, and DeSoto putting the brakes on it. Why was DeSoto so curious? "Before you tell me any more Roy, why are you suddenly becoming investigator?"

DeSoto looked around almost uncomfortably. "I just think there may be more to all of this—something about the Cap we don't know."

"So my question is still the same."

"Maybe he's going to need our help through this. Not about almost losing Stoker, but about Joseph Garcia."

Gage said nothing as he let DeSoto's words sink in so DeSoto continued. "You heard how Mike described the Cap through all of this. Maybe we would have been the same, maybe not, but there was something, something we had never seen, that Mike saw. Then he wakes and mentions Joseph."

Gage looked back over his shoulder then back to DeSoto. "Okay, Roy. What happened to Joseph Garcia?" Gage knew the answer. It was obvious but he wanted to hear it.

"He died in the warehouse fire in '71."

Gage looked at DeSoto with realization. "Soon after that Cap came to us. I've asked Cap about that fire because I knew he was there, but he always changes the subject."

DeSoto nodded. "I think we need to meet up and go talk to the chief."

"What if he doesn't tell us anything?"

"I've looked up everything I could from the newspapers but I think if we are all there he'll talk."

"But how do we get him here?"

"I called the rest of the guys. They are on their way. Doc Brackett said chief was coming in to check on Stoker and the Cap. We'll just meet him in Stoker's room."

Gage whistled slightly under this breath. "Okay Roy. I just hope you know what you're doing."

DeSoto looked back at the Captain. Stanley was still sound asleep, and the heart monitor beeped steadily. Knowing what Gage was going to ask, he said, "Cap will be fine for a little while. He probably won't wake up for another hour or two, and the Chief is on his way."

Gage felt a knot in his stomach, although he said nothing as they headed toward Stoker's room. The men were chatting with Stoker, who was eating a couple of tamales Lopez had brought. "Hey guys," the engineer said excitedly. "Cap good?"

"Yeah, he's just fine. He was asleep," DeSoto answered peering into a brown bag on Stoker's nightstand. The paramedic turned to Lopez. "Hey how come I didn't get a dozen tamales when I was in the hospital?"

Lopez shrugged. "Johnny said he was taking care of you." Gage smiled sheepishly.

DeSoto looked at his partner then back to Lopez. "Well if there's a next time, I want tamales." They all laughed and joked for a while until Kelly got to the point.

"Hey, Roy? Why did you call us in here? We were worried something was wrong with the Cap or Mike here."

"No, it's just that I think the Chief needs to tell us something, and I thought it best for us all to be here."

Lopez frowned. "What do you mean he needs to tell us something?"

Before they got too excited, DeSoto filled them in on his suspicions and showed them the newspaper copy he had gotten from the library.

Lopez was going to say something when the chief walked in. "Hey, boys. You all having a party here or something? Glad to see you're taking care of Mike there. And it smells like your grandmother's tamales, Marco."

"Yes Chief. Maybe Mike will share one or two of them with you."

"No, no. I've got to watch my waistline. So you all doing okay? Ready to get back in the saddle in a day or two?"

DeSoto stepped forward and Gage felt his stomach tighten even more. Stoker took a deep breath and Lopez and Marco looked down at the floor. The chief was not as perceptive as Stanley was when it came to 51's A-shift and their behaviors, but it was not hard to notice the change in tone. McConnike looked at DeSoto and then noticed the paper in his hand.

"Chief, we're ready to get back to work. Glad the Cap and Mike here are okay, and we're all fine thanks to you and the time to take care of them. But we need some information, because we think there's more to what's going on with Cap and something that happened before that maybe we are going to need to help him with."

"Oh you do, do you," McConnike said with a frown and a small hint of anger in his eyes. "Maybe if Hank hasn't told you then you don't need to know."

"That might ordinarily be the case Chief," DeSoto continued unfazed by the sudden coldness, or maybe it was sadness, in the Chief's eyes, "But Cap, as goofy as he is sometimes, has always taken good care of us, watched out for us, and we try to do the same for him. As amazing as it is that he was able to hang on to save himself and Stoker, Mike noticed something different in Cap, and we saw something different too. We need to know, Chief, and although we know Joseph Garcia died in that big fire in '71, that is all we know. Why would Cap mention him now?"

McConnike looked at each of them. He had been outflanked, and to help them help Stanley with whatever demons might be left, he was going to have to face his own. He sat down in a chair against the wall, and the men sat in other chairs or on Stoker's bed. McConnike glanced toward the door and saw it was closed. "Looks like you outflanked me boys." He wrung his hands almost nervously. "I wish I had a beer or two," he joked. They smiled in sympathy for him, but nobody said anything.

McConnike sighed. "Hank was the best engineer I ever had. Honestly he was. He graduated top of his academy class, top two for engineer's test, top for Captain's test. Don't know if you boys knew that. I was kind of a bear sometimes. I worked them hard, but I hope I was fair. It was Hank that would tell me when I was out of line, and when I didn't listen once…well, he burned my hat. I deserved it-I'd gotten on my high horse and was really hard on the men. He didn't care if I was hard on him, just didn't like it when he thought I wasn't fair to others. I made the mistake one time of telling him if he ever thought I shouldn't be the cap then he should burn my hat." McConnike laughed. "Never thought he would, but like I said, I deserved it, though I acted like it bothered me.

"Anyway, he didn't really do it all by himself, although he took the blame. Hank's best friend, Joe Garcia, I learned later had a little something to do with it. Joe really helped Hank loosen up some. Spent a lot of time together as they went to the academy together and served at their first assignment together. Joe wasn't married so he spent some time with Hank's family. Joe had only been with us two months, but he was fitting right in, and I'm glad he joined us." He grew silent for a moment. They waited knowing he had to work into it, but the chief realized he couldn't procrastinate any longer.

"It was a big fire. You all know that. Guess you guys weren't on shift when it happened. It was one of the biggest in a long time. We responded first and quickly learned there were three men trapped. Hank ran the pumps as we started trying to knock it down. We soon had help and eventually we ended up inside, and it was worse than you could imagine. Sometimes you get feelings about fires, like they have personalities. Some of them play with you, and others hide. But this one, this one was angry and out for vengeance." They nodded in understanding. They had experienced those before. "Garcia found two of the victims trapped on the second floor and we were getting them out. It was hot, and despite all those engines this fire wouldn't go out without a fight."

"We walked the two victims out as Hank and Joe resumed looking for the other and then when we came back, Hank on his stomach leaning over a gaping hole. He was holding on to some railing with one hand and to Garcia with another." The Chief closed his eyes, and it seemed as if he was back there. "We ran as fast as we could to reach them. Hank kept shouting for us to hurry up because he had Garcia, but he was losing his grip. Things were falling all around us, and him. We finally got there and grabbed his legs. He was so close to falling over. Hank was shouting for Joe to hang on. We started trying to haul them up but it was hard. The edge was ragged and we didn't have any rope. I heard Hank tell Joe not to let go, even got angry at him, then suddenly we felt the weight gone. We pulled Hank back up. He told us that Garcia said that he could see an out and for Hank to let him go. He landed on some boxes and Hank told us that Garcia was headed toward the exit on the south end."

"We rushed out, with the warehouse falling all around us. We ran to the south end, but there wasn't an exit. Hank realized then, we all did, that Garcia had lied to get Hank to let him go or was just wrong. We were going to head back in when it exploded and started to collapse. Hank started to run back inside while everyone else was running out. The four of us tried to stop him, but despite being tall and skinny, he's strong—especially when…well with something like that, guess you know that Mike." Stoker nodded silently. "We had to tackle him down to the ground. Hank kept shouting Joe's name." The chief's voice broke. "…and we just held him down. I don't know how long he struggled. I remember being sore the next day from just keeping my weight on him. We were holding him down and we all were crying. Crying for Joe, crying for Hank for losing Joe." The chief looked down sadly. "He just kept calling for Joe." McConnike sat a moment lost in thought and then seemed to gather himself. He wiped a tear off his cheek then continued.

"Finally he stopped struggling, and he looked at me tears running down his cheeks, just like ours. 'I could've held on Cap… I shouldn't have let him go,' he told me." The chief looked at them all with watery eyes. "It wasn't his fault. We just couldn't pull him up and Joe told Hank to let him go. There was no exit in the direction he ran, and the other one had been blocked. We found him later next, to the south wall where he told Hank there was an exit. Hank had hurt his arm in the incident, and he was out for a while, but when he came back, he was different. More quiet, distant. It eased up after a while, and I saw flickers of the old Hank back, but we really didn't talk about it. Mostly my fault I guess. I tried to bring it up but, well, I don't know—it hurt us just as much to talk about it. In a way I felt like I let Hank down." McConnike sighed as he looked up at the men. "Well, that's it boys. Maybe it will help you help him. I don't know, but maybe yesterday reminded him of that."

Stoker rubbed the bruise on his sore wrist. The chief watched him for a second then stood up. "Hank would have held on to the end, back then if Joe had let him. If we hadn't gotten there, Hank would have fallen just the same."

Stoker looked at the chief. " I told the Cap to let me go. I knew his arm was broken, could feel it and see it in his face. He was bleeding, and I didn't think he could hold us both."

Everyone was staring at Stoker now. He hadn't mentioned this before. "I told him twice to let me go, and he told me to shut up. He also told me that if I let go, he would also let go." Stoker remembered the look in Stanley's eyes. "He looked at me like he was angry at me for even suggesting it."

There was more silence until McConnike stood up. The men surrounded him and shook his hand or patted him on the back. "Thanks Chief. I know that was hard, but we do care about the Cap," DeSoto said with a sympathetic smile, "We owe you a beer…or two.

"It's okay, boys. Hank is a better Captain than I ever was, and he will be a great Chief oneday. Take care of him. I'm glad I told the story. It has been too long. I'm going to go check on Hank then I'll see you later and take you up on that beer." He left them and headed down the hall to see Stanley.

DeSoto sighed as they all sat back down. They said nothing for several minutes until Gage spoke up. "I don't know how I feel about what we just heard. On the one hand, if Cap wanted us to know he would have told us like he does his other stories. On the other hand, I'm glad to know—feel proud somehow…I don't know… that he's my Cap." He felt embarrassed. "I guess that's kind of dumb, huh?"

"No, I don't think it's dumb," Kelly said quietly. "I know what you mean. We know more than we ever would have."

Stoker was quiet as they talked but it did not go unnoticed. "You okay, Mike?" Lopez asked. Stoker wasn't sure. He had been on the receiving end of Stanley's determination but knowing the heartache that the loss of a friend endured by his Captain made him feel unbelievably sad. It was something he dreaded but never thought of…watching a friend die helplessly. None of them probably thought of it that much, although it crossed their minds during particularly tough calls. It had crossed his mind for each of them at one point or another. "Yeah, just a little tired I guess."

DeSoto and Gage exchanged looks and nodded as they stood to leave.

"Me too," Lopez said, "and I have to admit that story left me a little down." Lopez was always open with his feelings. Kelly said nothing but pat a hand on Lopez's shoulder.

"Look, I am going to wait for the chief to leave, then it's my shift. Cap is going to be fine. We can help him if he needs it now that we know a little more." DeSoto said, getting up. They soon dispersed, and Stoker was glad he was alone.

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"I'm sorry Hank," McConnike said as he sat by Stanley. He put his hand on Stanley's shoulder. "It was hard telling them. I thought maybe I shouldn't but, but they needed to know and I hope you will forgive me. They care about you in a way I never knew when I was the captain. Oh, I know you and the boys respected me, but that's different. Hank, I'd let you burn a thousand of my hats if I could take back that day. Maybe if we had taken back rope, maybe if we had gotten there quicker. You were all alone holding on to Joe." McConnike closed his eyes, and he could not hold back the tears. "God Hank, my heart broke that night knowing yours was breaking. Sometimes I still dream of you calling out his name. I'll never be able to forget it, but I guess you haven't either, have you?" Stanley stirred slightly and moaned something imperceptible. "I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about the damn hat. I never should have teased you about it afterwards, made you nervous around me. That was stupid, just like I was stupid not ever talking to you about Joe." Stanley stirred some more.

"Hey there, Hank. You going to actually wake up for me?" He watched Stanley stir and heard the heart monitor beep quicker for a few seconds until settling again. He looked into Stanley's confused hazel eyes. "Hi Hank."

Stanley looked at him a moment then around the room. "Ch…Chief?"

McConnike smiled. "Yes Hank. You're at Rampart." Stanley suddenly looked panicked. "Where, where's my men?"

"They are all okay," McConnike reassured. "I just visited with them in Stoker's room. He's okay too, thanks to you."

Stanley sighed. God how he ached, but he didn't want any more pain medication. Not now, anyway. He didn't want to dream anymore…but he couldn't keep his eyes open. The pain in his leg and side was intensifying, but he was determined to go without anything for a while. He just didn't want to sleep. He felt McConnike's hand on his shoulder. "I'm really glad you are okay Hank. I couldn't, well, I …" McConnike couldn't get the words out. The timing wasn't right. What would he say? I couldn't bear to lose you like we lost Joe? No he couldn't say that. "Well, I am just glad you had the presence of mind and determination to hang on long enough until they rescued you and Mike."

Stanley smiled. It was never easy for the Chief to talk about his feelings, at least any negative ones. "Thanks Chief." He lost his battle to stay awake and the physical pain was relieved as he lost consciousness.

The Chief smiled sadly, then stood up to leave.